When Ravens Eat Men

Her Grandmother had always known. How had it taken her this long to put it all together?

It had been years since she dared open the locket, so afraid its weathered clasp would never close again. Afraid she would lose what was inside of it, along with all else she had lost. Her hands fumbled one too many times over the tarnished, golden heart and lost the will of the moment.

"I'll break it, and then it will belong with every other broken thing here," she muttered to the ravens perched in the trees above.

Hers was the only voice she had heard in so long, it felt near impossible to remember what another's sounded like. But the ravens spoke to each other often. She liked to think they were including her, yet they never did. One sat mere feet away on an overturned pine. Staring. Always staring lately, as if they knew that her end was closing in. They, and the other animals that made it through, stopped being afraid of people a long time ago. The weapons ran out quickly. Most were used on one another. Once the hunger set in and the exposure took it's toll, humans weren't all that scary anymore. They weren't built for this place. The animals were stronger and adapted with relative ease to this next phase of the world, the phase without human beings.

Humans had always been the damage. By the time they realized it, it was too far gone for fixing. They lived as infinite beings in a finite world, never much caring about what would happen to this place after they, personally, left it. Very few banded together and in time, even those few would turn on one another just to breathe one more day. Nobody was interested in living anymore. They did not know how. Surviving became the only goal, no matter the cost.

She had seen it many times before, ravens gathering like vultures over a dying man. She had always wanted to be the hero. To be a person worth writing about. Far too easily and to her surpise, she became like all the rest. Planning, reasoning, feeling, all turned instinctive moment by moment action simply to breathe this shallow air. It burned as it settled in the deepest part of her lungs but it had to be better than no air at all. Besides, there would be noone left to write about her now.

Skeletal, she lay in the only place she knew of that still had the color green. Where the pines met the ocean she imagined smelling salt instead of sulfur and saw the water still cold and blue. The children were running from waves instead of wild dogs. There was no screaming. The breeze was fresh and a comfort under a sun that was bright enough that it could not be stared at too long. The sky wasn't yet shades of brown. Voices were hard, but a blue sky and a clear sun were easy to recall. In her memory, the stars still shone, so far away that time hadn't caught up. People used to be able to look into the past and see it before them in those stars. Now, all that remained was a great construct in the mind. She often questioned if the world she remembered was even fully accurate. She wondered, would the light from this sun be seen by someone else once it died too? Could they see her past, as a twinkle in the vast blackness? Was that the only place she would exist, in anothers future millions of miles away?

Hand shaking from a hunger that was infinitely more painful than her many wounds, she gently held the locket once more.

"You have a heart of gold Murph, this belongs to you now."

Her Nana's voice was so clear she jumped as if it were right behind her, as if it was more than a memory. She had trouble with so many voices, yet that one never faded. It brought her somewhere else. To a room that was stark white and had the distinctive smell all hospitals had: bleach and lysol masking death. Monitors beeped continuously, steady, endless. She became hyperfocused on them, for even the slightest change of cadence would indicate catastrophe. It was cold here. So cold. She did not like it. She thought what a cruel joke it was that here, among the ravens and remnants of trees, she'd give anything to feel cold just once more. "Murph. Come a little closer."

She tried to move the chair quietly so as not to disturb anyone sleeping and of course it scraped so loudly the sound could likely be heard down the entire floor. She grimaced as it finished it's echos yet he monitors beeping still refused to go unheard.

"You have a heart of Gold, Murph. This belongs to you now."

Jolted back to the present, tears burned her skin, broken apart and blistered by the sun.

"If she could see me now, if she knew the things I had done just to be here with you all, I don't think I'd have ever been given this."

She shook the locket at the ravens and they stared back in a silence that was somehow comforting.

"You're right, you're always right. Survival of the fittest."

Still no response, just patience for her to stop moving, forever.

"No. Go back Murph, go back," she whispered and closed her eyes.

And there was Nana with the locket in her palm, smiling with a love in her eyes that said to her then, now and always: "It's ok."

She looked down.

"Nana, I can't take this. I've never seen you not wearing it."

"You can and you will. I don't have much use for it where I'm going."

"Nana don't say.."

"Murph, I'm only going to ask once. Would you rather take it now and have a happy memory of my smiling face, saying "I love you Murphy" or..."

Nana paused. She knew this meant that Italian, New York sass was coming.

"Or... would you rather get it in a box after I'm dead?"

Murph stifled a laugh as her Nana stared humorously with raised eyebrows.

"Um... the first way?"

"That's my girl. Now don't say another word about it because it's yours."

"I won't ever take it off, Nana.This means.."

She broke down in tears and saw the light in Nana's eyes as she laughed and threw out another line that only she could get away with.

"Kid, I'm the one dying and you don't see me crying. I don't want you to cry either. I'll be with your Papi."

Nana nodded and wiped away a remaining tear with the back of her hand like only a mother could, leaned forward for a hug and whispered in her ear, "When ravens eat men, just close your eyes and count to ten."

In the moment, it made no sense. She suddenly realized the time and knew she should go. Nana wouldn't be Nana too much longer this night.

In her car she opened the locket, expecting to see photographs, but only a tiny, folded paper fell out. It was a poem in Nana's handwriting. She felt a small amount of relief when she read that strange line about ravens in the poem, yet still knew it meant nothing when Nana had said it. Only now she could see how wrong had she been. Her Nana had always known things that defied explanation. About people, about the past, about things that had not happened, until they did. And here in the waning light, surrounded by ravens, she finally understood. Out of all the grandchildren, she had been given the locket for this moment. She would not see another sunrise. The effort to breathe was becoming excruciating. She looked into the eyes of her final audience and flipped the clasp open. The delicate paper fell softly down, like how a flower petal used to look in the breeze.

With trembling hands, she carefully started opening the now stiff, browned folds. Another tear fell, she looked at her audience once more and began to read:

"Close my eyes

There you're fine

Take me to the edge of time

Where all the roses have laid down

And I will wear the final crown

When the hourglass is firm

In learning all there is to learn.

Be with me

In this final stage

The actors have played all the plays

Where we are we are not

And fires burn and seas are hot

When ravens eat men

Just close your eyes and count to ten.

Close your eyes

And be with me

Close your eyes

See with me.." Her audience was still, but looked on in some quiet understanding she could not explain. She decided to speak to them one last time as she folded her Grandmother's poem back into its rightful place.

"A poet once wrote about you, you know? He couldn't seem to decide if the raven above his windowsill was a demon or his own soul. Eventually he settled on both. They were one in the same. The demons of mankind were our downfall. I wanted to be the one to save us. I wanted to be in the history books. But there will be no new stories told. Not for us. I hope you all make it. I'm sorry to leave you here, in this place. I'm so sorry for everything we've done. I hope you make it. I hope, someday, it gets better. I know what you're here for, and I don't blame you. If I was stronger, I'd eat you too. Thank you for waiting until.. until I'm not really here anymore. Thank you for listening. I think it's time for me to leave."

The raven nearest her spoke back this time. No longer alone, she closed her eyes, hand over her golden heart, smiled and started to count.