The Outside

Going outside was nothing to fear.

That’s what I told myself every time I had to leave the Citadel’s walls on work detail.

But it wasn’t true.

Which was why we were all essentially slaves down here in the bowels of the Citadel. It was all so that we could come inside and be safe.

The organizer was getting today’s unlucky team lined up and ready to go out for our turn to work in the fields. Because how else would the wealthy citizens of the Citadel get their bread?

These days most people stuck Outside would do anything to be safe in the Citadel — even work every waking moment till they were too exhausted to stand. I looked around me at the others who had drawn Outside work detail today and noticed how thin and emaciated they seemed, how worn down and wilted their spirits seemed.

I was different — a man not beaten down like the others.

For some reason, I was still strong. For some reason, my spirit was most definitely intact and pissed off at… well, almost everything it seemed.

That was when I saw her at the head of the line.

A petite woman with red hair and feisty green eyes.

When her gaze met mine, something ignited in me, something I didn’t understand. But I could tell that she was different too.

I felt pulled to her so strongly that I immediately resisted the attraction.

Because that was weird, right?

To see someone for the first time and want them intensely?

She blinked as if surprised by me too, then tore her eyes away and faced forward.

I tried to remember how to breathe.

“Let’s get going,” the organizer said and two of the many guards that stood at every entrance to the Citadel began unlocking the door of the airlock. They wore suits that would be decontaminated after we left and before they were allowed back in.

The workers didn’t wear suits.

We were expendable.

Plenty more desperate people on the Outside were willing to replace us if we didn’t value having a safe place to sleep every night and a delicious meal replacement shake twice a day.

Once the guards had spun the enormous valve open, we went out. The door shut behind us with a sound like thunder.

Now we were truly Outside.

I just hoped that I would make it back.

***

The dome that protected the Citadel couldn’t be seen but I felt when we stepped through it as a tingle in every cell.

I glanced around, stopping for a moment to breathe what seemed to be fresh air, so different from the Citadel’s recycled stuff. The vast prairie stretched away in all directions, broken only by the odd building left over from Before.

“Hey, get moving,” the organizer called back to me and I started walking. She had the authority to leave any of us Outside, so it didn’t do to get her upset.

My eyes wandered to where the redhead was marching along with purpose. How had I never seen her before? After a long time, we reached the field. It was one of the farthest from the Citadel. I took the section next to the redhead.

Today we were hoeing. It was hot, hard work and I wiped the sweat from my forehead, feeling like I was going to melt. I was acutely aware of the woman and sometimes when I looked at her she was looking back at me. When the organizer called a break, I dropped to the ground near where she was sitting.

“Hey,” I said, needing to talk to her.

“Hey,” she responded.

“Have we met?” I asked, not knowing what else to say. “I feel like maybe we’ve met before.”

She tilted her head, considering me, and I found the movement adorable. What was wrong with me? I had made no connections whatsoever since I came to the Citadel and all of a sudden some random woman was adorable?

“Mmmm.” She shook her head. “I don’t think so. If we had met before, I would have remembered you.”

“You would?” I frowned. “Why?”

She gave me a look that said the answer was obvious.

“No seriously.”

“Um, you’re ridiculously handsome and you don’t look like you’ve spent most of your life starving. You kind of stand out.”

I didn’t know what to say to that.

She thought I was ridiculously handsome?

I’m good looking. It wasn’t like I didn’t know that. But she thought so? Now that was interesting.

“I noticed you too,” I said, honestly. “Why do we look so much healthier than them?”

I gestured at the other workers.

“I don’t know. But I think…”

Just then the warning horn sounded.

“Crap.” I jumped to my feet. “The Diseased.”

That’s what we called the people who had basically been turned into monsters by a virus that destroyed the brain. No procedure existed for us to follow if one of the Diseased showed up. It was every person for themselves and good luck getting back to the Citadel.

They were only one of the many dangers of the Outside.

But they were definitely the most dangerous.

Because they were cannibals.

And insane in a mindless sort of way.

So, yeah. Scary.

A group of them was running toward us.

“The barn,” I yelled, pointing to the old building as I started to run. When I glanced back, she was tearing after me, one of the Diseased right on her heels.

***

We ran through the door and I slammed it shut and barred it. A second later the Diseased woman chasing us slammed into the door, making it shake.

“Up here,” the redhead said urgently, climbing a ladder that led up to a loft. I scrambled up after her and then we pulled the ladder up together. I had to bend over because the ceiling was so low but she only had to duck her head slightly.

“What kind of society doesn’t protect its citizens from that?” She demanded, going to the little doors at the end of the loft that swung open. We sat down, peering out warily. I couldn’t see any sign of our co-workers. A loud bang on the door sounded and I felt my pulse begin to pound. The Diseased were notoriously persistent when it came to their prey.

“Do you think any of them survived?” I asked her, feeling a little sick to my stomach at the thought of the fate that awaited anyone caught by the Diseased. Again came the sound of a body slamming against the door. She jumped, startled.

“We’re stronger,” she said with a tense shrug. The Diseased woman was rhythmically throwing herself at the door now. I tried to breathe slowly, to control the fear I felt.

In the sunlight streaming in, her long hair gleamed like bright copper. I wanted to reach out and touch it.

Then silence fell, more worrying than the banging.

The Diseased woman came around the corner, sniffing. I grimaced in revulsion and moved away to sit against the wall.

The most distinguishing characteristic of one of the Diseased is their hard, round bellies. I would have thought she was pregnant but the men had the weird, distended belly, too. And then there was the insane look in her purple, blood-shot eyes, which showed no white around the iris. Oh, and the open sores all over her skin were revolting as well.

The redhead shuddered at the sight of her and dropped down beside me.

Not only were the Diseased disgusting but they were also incredibly contagious. A touch from one of the Diseased would make you sick too. Within hours, the virus took over and you changed from a normal human being into one of them. It was horrific.

The Diseased were terrifying.

I was officially terrified.

“So, what do we do now?” She looked up at me, her green eyes solemn.

“We wait.”

***

The Diseased woman had caught our scent and was camped out beside the barn. She appeared to have endless patience and we couldn’t leave as long as she was there. Heck, I wasn’t even sure we could leave if she wasn’t there.

The Citadel was far away and not many regular people outran the Diseased for long. Hence no one wanting to go work in the fields. Especially these fields, so far from safety. This sort of thing didn’t happen much but it occurred often enough for the workers to be wary.

“The sun’s starting to set,” I said into the silence. “If we don’t leave now, we won’t make it back before dark.”

“I know.”

And we both knew what that meant.

We couldn’t leave, so we would be spending the night here.

With one of the Diseased waiting outside for us to make a wrong move.

The minutes passed slowly and quietly. Then without warning, her voice came out of the shadows.

“Do you remember anything from your time before you came to the Citadel?” She asked as the moon rose outside. We were sitting side by side against the wall.

“They scrub those memories,” I reminded her. “So we can…”

“Assimilate more readily into the workforce of the Citadel. I know, I know. I’ve memorized the propaganda, too.”

“Propaganda?”

“Think about it. There’s a wealthy, ruling class that needs to have all the work done by someone else. What’s the best way to do that? Convince the workers that they ought to be grateful for being allowed to be slaves.”

Similar thoughts had occurred to me.

But every time I tried to talk to someone about these ideas, they looked at me like I was crazy. I had learned to keep quiet, so I didn’t get scrubbed.

But here was someone who thought like me.

Incredible.

“When you said that you felt like we’d met before…” She trailed off.

“Yeah?”

“I…” She lifted her eyes to meet mine. “I felt it too.”

“That’s why you’re wondering if I remember anything?” I said, watching as she bit her lip. “Do you think that we knew each other?”

“Maybe,” she admitted

“Do you think we were… together?”

“Well, there’s certainly an… attraction,” she admitted, dropping her eyes. “On my side anyway.”

“Me too,” I said quickly and in an instant we had turned to face each other.

I dared to reach out and take her hand.

At the touch, something leapt between us and memories flashed through my head in rapid succession. The two of us as teenagers. The two of us as young adults wearing beige uniforms. Us holding hands with two other people in white — light radiating from our bodies. Us… kissing passionately, her soft lips beneath mine, her arms pulling me close.

The vision abruptly stopped as she broke the kiss, pushed me away, and skidded across the floor away from me.

“I think we were together,” I said unnecessarily, trying to calm my racing heart.

“I think we’re different.” She put her hand to her lips, which just made me want to kiss her again. “We don’t belong here.”

“Were those memories?” I asked, squeezing my hands into fists to keep them from reaching out for her again.

“It sure seemed like it.”

“Whose memories?”

“Ours, I think. But it was more than just memories…”

“Like our minds were connected…”

We stared at each other.

“Who are we? What are we?” She demanded.

“I don’t know but we need to find out.”

Especially if it involved kissing her again.

“Definitely,” she agreed.

“How?” I held my breath.

“I’m not sure there’s any other way to find out the truth except by working together.”

Together. I could do that.

She slid back over to sit beside me. Looking nervous, she took my hand again.

Nothing happened. It was just nice.

And for the first time since I had come to the Citadel, I felt something other than despair and rancour.

I think it might have been hope.