Survivor

I wake up cold these days. Things must be getting worse.

I wonder if the guy down the street is still alive. Who paints their house blue anyway?

I can’t think of his name.

I haven’t heard the birds in over a year. I would check the thermometer outside the kitchen window, but a few weeks ago it hit the bottom and that’s where it’s stayed since.

Things are definitely getting worse.

I toss some paper on the fire. Mostly fifty dollar bills. Money doesn’t burn well, but what else can I do with it? I wonder why he was carrying it. When I took his jacket and put it on, the pockets were filled with money. Twenty thousand dollars. I guess some things are difficult to let go of.

The flash of warmth helps, but I’ll need to find wood, which means I’ll need to go outside, which means today is not a good day.

Everyone was shocked when we elected Rita Campbell. The entire population wandering around dumbfounded that we all collectively picked her to lead us. I voted for her. She was hot. When she first revealed her plan we all thought she had lost the plot. Now we realize that she was the only one seeing straight.

I piss into a bucket. I haven’t washed in six months. Before all this I made millions just moving money around, a hedge fund manager. I didn’t make anything or provide any real value, I just played a game. I loved it. I was good at it. We were rich.

Rita first broke ground to build the huge indoor agricultural facilities. Skyscrapers dedicated to controlling every inch of food production. Then they started building massive underground cities powered by huge solar sails orbiting the earth. They launched hundreds of tiny satellites that unfolded to be many kilometers in diameter drawing power from the sun and sending it wirelessly to... somewhere underground. I took the girls to the very first satellite launch. It was fun.

I get to the front door. It’s been frozen shut for months. The ice has crept another few inches into the house. I use an upstairs window to get in and out. Grabbing my last can of beans I take it back to the smouldering embers of the fireplace. I’ll have to be really careful out there, two of my fingers are going black. I can smell them. I’m not sure if I should cut them off.

Nancy and the girls got into Hillside 8. The selection process was very transparent. She was a doctor and they were preferential to women. and to ‘individuals that demonstrated the capacity for discipline in their daily lives’. Because space was so limited, they did break up many families. We were one of those families. They took plumbers, painters, electricians… my gardener got in. He did have a gift. I used every resource I had to try and get in, but no amount of money was going to get a banker inside.

I start getting dressed. It’s slow. I need as many layers as I can find. The air is so cold that if it touches my skin the frostbite is instant. You have to be hyper aware of your skin. If you feel a sharp blade of air anywhere on your body, you need to get out of the wind immediately. Immediately.

I was able to go and visit Nancy and the girls after they moved underground. There were a couple times I actually spent the night. I slept really well. We lived this strange double life for more than a year. During that time you think nothing will change and this is just how things will be.

But then the first winter came. The new winter, which was cold and long and destroyed spring. The brief shallow warmth of summer meant that outdoor agriculture was done. It was instant. They shut the doors. I could still watch the girls through the big windows. We’d write notes and send them back and forth in a black notebook. They were healthy, smiling… living. Outside we started dying.

Now nothing moves. Just the wind over the ice. Everything is silent. I start saying my ABC’s. Just to remind myself that I can still speak. It’s good to hear something besides the wind and the inside of my mind. Losing your mind is a very real possibility. This helps.

For a while they gave out food at some of the gates, but eventually it became too cold. Too dangerous. I didn’t know that the last time I saw the girls through the windows would be the last time, but one day the snow was too deep, the ice was too thick.

I take the photo of Nancy and the girls, slide it into the notebook before pushing it into my jacket. If I don’t make it back, then I want them with me. I take my crossbow for the wall. I have two bolts left. I try to get them back after I use them, but sometimes it's impossible.

When I said goodbye to Nancy and the girls, I told him that I was tough, that I was a survivor and I am. I’m one of the toughest. If there is one person that's going to survive outside it's going to be me. I’m just not sure why any more.

Karl, that’s his name. They guy in the blue house. Who paints their house blue anyway?

A few nights ago, I thought I saw some light flickering, which means he has food. Maybe he will give me some. Maybe I’ll have to take it. Maybe he will be the food. He also has a gun. That would come in handy. I cock my crossbow and climb out the window.

Time to hunt. Time to survive.