Star Trek TOS: "Arena"

Some people may wonder what the point is of writing about Star Trek. After all, volumes have already been penned about the classic science fiction series—really, a little beyond the designation “classic,” into the stratosphere of a term like “iconic.” Star Trek went boldly where no television science fiction series had gone before and changed the face of an entire genre.

Well, despite the fact that my bucket list includes writing an entire book on all original 77 episodes, as well as "The Menagerie," the pilot starring Jeffrey Hunter and a clearly emoting Spock (Leonard Nimoy), I can’t resist dipping in. Hunter played the tragic Captain Christopher Pike, best remembered for riding around in a black, mentally controlled futuristic wheelchair with two blinking lights—one for yes, two for no. Hence, Pike is relegated in “The Cage” to being a kind of “Ouija on Wheels.” (In the future, despite the fact that they can teleport, travel at warp speed, and even jaunt through time, they can’t, seemingly, cure simple maladies such as Lt. Geordi LaForge’s blindness or Captain Pike’s mute tongue. Curious.)

“Arena,” written by Gene Coon and based on a 1944 short story by Frederic Brown, is a classic episode of TOS wherein a lizard-man—the evil, dragon-visaged Gorn—and James Tiberius Kirk (William Shatner) go mano a mano on a deserted alien world. Conveniently, the planet just happens to have enough sulfur and saltpeter (to quote Baudelaire) lying around for Kirk to manufacture his own makeshift cannon.

The Gorn, being super-strong, would quickly make mincemeat out of Kirk, and Kirk knows it. He uses convenient crystalline rock formations for his cannon. Meanwhile, the Enterprise, under the command of the most ever-so-logical Spock unit, faces its own subplot tension (which I’m not remembering clearly). What I do recall is that Kirk gets “stolen” right off the bridge in the blink of an eye and transported down to the rocky world of the Arena, where the Gorn hunts him as he tries to survive. (With the predictable result that a Starfleet regulation tunic gets ripped and exposes one well-developed bicep and pectoral combination. No wonder Kirk got all the space pussy.)

The Gorn kicked off this adventure, or at least this TOS adventure he finds himself in, by slaughtering the crew or colonists—whoever they were—on Cestus III, right after McCoy (DeForest Kelley) rhapsodizes about getting a really decent meal from some Federation ambassador or bigwig or some such. Spock accuses him of being a sensualist. McCoy replies, “You bet your pointed ears I am.” Damn, television was great in those bygone days, and I miss those two old space dogs.

Back to it: Kirk is beamed aboard an asteroid by the Metrons, a race of Supreme Alien Overlords who sort of sparkle, one of whose emissaries has a haircut and general look not unlike Malcolm McDowell in Caligula.

Star Trek - Kirk Vs. Gorn

With the Cestus colonists slaughtered, Kirk and the Away Team are fired upon by the Gorn. Only Kirk prevents them all from being killed by using a Cestus III–style RPG or some such (I was probably daydreaming about green animal women who look like Yvonne Craig and somewhat missed this). My memory is often fuzzy, but then, I’m on a number of meds.

The Metrons, fey outer-space pretty boys that they are, object to Kirk and Gorn belligerence, and send them to duke it out one-on-one. Not an even match, as Gorn genetics allow for much superior strength, if not superior cunning. Kirk, ripped shirt and all, takes the cake as he quickly fashions a homemade cannon and shoots crystals at the predator. The version of TOS I have on DVD features computer-generated special effects that render the eyes of the Gorn able to blink—a proposition that wasn’t happening in 1966.

The show has a rather muddled morality to ponder. On the one hand, the Gorn has only slaughtered the pesky Cestus colonists for encroaching on Gorn turf—a “valid” reason to commit mass murder, I suppose (/sarc). On the other hand, Trek’s pacifistic roots are balanced with the blunt fact of survival: sometimes conflict is inevitable.

In light of current events in the Middle East, I’ll leave it at that.

File under: “Not the Worst Episode Ever.”

Star Trek TOS Arena Trailer

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