Someone To Love

“You may take a seat,” the relevant chair was indicated by the pencil tip of the administrator. “I trust you have been stripped of your devices; there are none present in this room. As you can see from these quaint historical artefacts.” She raised the pencil. “Our conversation is for us and us alone.”

“Can I ask whether…”

“You may not. The questions asked in this room come from the administrator and, on this occasion, that is the role I play in these proceedings. In short, I decide the order of play.” For the first time, the administrator looked up to confirm I had understood, a move she completed with a face of impatience and fatigue. “You will be pleased to hear that you have passed all the academic tests with acceptable, and in some cases above average, grades. Your emotional and intelligence quotients have been triple checked and indicate that you are ready for what happens next. As of this day you have had the requisite number of ovulations as meets our criteria and crucially you will pleased to hear you are able to bear children.” The administrator cricked her neck at the use of her last. “In this sense, you are deemed ‘valid’. Your genetic history has been traced to the required number of prior generations and you have been hence declared ‘Viable and Valid’. It is at this point that it is customary to allow a response from the applicant.”

“I suppose this is all good…”

“Yes, ‘good news’, that is the correct and standard response. Moving on. Taking into account measurements of your temperament, genetic, intellectual and emotional compatibility, your companion in life has been determined. Your progeny will be viable and valid members of society, survive and thrive to the required age and crucially make the most of the gifts that are given.”

“I don’t understand, today is the day I choose, isn’t it?”

“Choose?”

“My companion in life.”

“No, today is not that day and there is no such day or process.”

“But we were told…”

“You were told what you needed to hear at the time.” When she saw my confusion she conceded, “it is our extensive experience that tells us that if an applicant is shown all that life will ask of them they would decline the gift. We know best what is best to hear and when is should be heard.”

“But I thought after all of the work I have done that I would be allowed to choose,” the administrator was unchanged in her stance, “that I am qualified to choose,” I tried to add.

“It is us that is qualified and if it may be of use, I will highlight the fact that I sat where you sit just three years ago and I was greeted with the news of my validity but non viability. As such I now sit on this side of the desk and you, you have the privilege to remain on that side. A position I might add, you will keep until you die, or until you become unworthy. Am I to take it that you do not want this gift, this gift that I give out multiple times a day but will never receive myself?”

“Of course I want this gift, it’s just…”

“Just? This is neither just a gift nor a just gift. As you have forced me, I will remind you what is at stake. I will now look at you.” The administrator raised her eyes to me but not her head and without blinking began, “In your life time you will nontrivially impact the lives of approximately 10,000 people. You will give birth to two children while you are between the ages of 22 and 26, for this is optimal. Within five generations covering a span of 150 years you and your entire dynasty will have changed the life’s of at least one million people. Your impact stretches out beyond you and what we do here today does have an infinite number of consequences. Do you feel the weight of all those lives on you? And do you know that on your 65th birthday we will celebrate your final gift, you will perform your final act, ‘the generosity’ where your entire body will be donated to viable others and you will change the lives of 52 people that day.” Pause. “And I will not be one of them because I am only valid and not viable.

In summary, why we would leave something so important to you, to chance?”

As I couldn’t control the dismay over my face, the administrator’s face couldn’t control displaying increasing anger during the litany of statistics. I didn’t know where to begin so I simply began, “What if I don’t love him?…I’m not sure I want children…What if I miscarry?…What if I want to miscarry?…”

The administrator smiled, “My dear child. Do your parents love you?”

“Yes”

“Do you love your parents?”

“Yes”

“Do your parents love each other?”

“Yes”

“Look at your face in the mirror, go on, stand over there and look.” My hands unfolded, I rose and I obeyed. “Look at your hands, look at your face. It…is…flawless, it is symmetry, it cannot be improved. Your home, your life, your very being - flawless. And we did that, we made it all happen. And so will you, for your husband and for your children, for their children. And through it all you will give what was given you. You are no accident. You have been crafted by multiple careful decisions and today you will make that decision that befits the legacy and history that you were given.” The administrator appeared in the reflection of the mirror. “I am here to help you take the steps you need to take. These are steps I am not allowed to take. It is through you that I can see them fulfilled. I need to know you will do what is expected.” She moved to whisper in my ear. “And for your other questions, they seem to all be concerned with what you want.”

The administrator helped me resume my seat, this time closer to the desk. On returning to her seat, she leant forward for the first time, “These other concerns, these ‘wants’. What you want. What an interesting phrase. The was a time when our wants were all there were, self obsession and delusion. People lost all sense of how irrelevant they were. Now is not important time. There is a multitude of people that have brought you to this very point and there is an infinite number of people relying on you to do what is right. Think on the duty to them, gone and to come. Duty, that was the word we had lost entirely.

Come now, in light of all of this, tell me your objections. My duty, of course is to listen.”

My mouth closed and opened around wordless noises.

“I see. Well, if your objections were important you would have been able to articulate them, would you not? But you can’t and so they aren’t.

Excellent, let me return to where we left off. Your companion in life has been determined. Your marriage will begin once he completes the proceedings you have completed on this day. As a token and souvenir to today’s discussion I am obliged to give you this.” I unsealed the bag that was nudged across the table. “We find that a physical token helps the applicant focus the mind on the task to come. It contains a recent resemblance. You may now open it.” Amidst the sterile room I found myself opening a heart shaped locket and peering at an expressionless man with no distinguishable features.

“This, this is someone to love. This is someone you will love and in time there will be children whom you will also love. And if you don’t, there will be people who will provide a gentle reminder of our conversation today.

Today is a wedding day. To some extent this pertains to your wedding to him, but more broadly, and more importantly, your wedding to us and everyone; past, future and present. Sign where indicated, remember to take your token and please send the next applicant in.”