Open your eyes, Jess

Some choose to live life hard and fast. Eyes open, seeing everything. Taking it all in. Unfortunately, most of these people die in their mid-twenties.

He'd heard stories of people quitting their jobs and travelling the world with eyes wide open, as if the Great Disaster had never happened all those years ago. Sometimes he envied them. The recklessness. The great, carefree adventure. But Rodger wasn't exactly a risk taker. He wasn't not a risk taker, but he certainly thought of himself as level-headed. Moderate. Reasonable.

On the other end of the spectrum were people who lived in constant fear, seeking to avoid all risks and control their life expectancy in as many ways as possible. Rodger humored himself thinking how the worry would cause them ulcers that would end them long before the effects of the Great Disaster. These people chose to wear eye masks at all times to protect them from the potential of accidentally reverse blinking or absorbing light through their eyelids. Most, including Rodger, chose to enjoy the small vices, like the glimmer of reds and purples visible through closed eyelids during sunrise and sunset. His personal favorite was sitting under the walnut tree in the park, closed-eye staring up towards the sun, watching the yellow light flicker between the shade of the branches as the radiation breeze kept the leaves in constant motion.

Sometimes under that big tree, Rodger would think about what life must have been like before the Great Disaster. He was born post-disaster, but his parents told him stories about how the ozone layer surrounding the earth had thinned beyond repair, allowing a previously undiscovered, radioactive light ray from the sun get through the atmospheric filter. Light was now toxic. The key gateway into the body was through the eyes, directly damaging the brain. Eventually, the brain would become so toxic that it would spontaneously quit sending signals. Each person was different, you never knew how much you would get to see until the clock ran out. It was rumored that the last thing most people did before suddenly passing on was involuntarily open their eyes and smile, though this was pure speculation as no one was ever there to see it.

Today, under that great walnut tree, Rodger was trying to think positively. In some ways, he convinced himself, it is a benefit to not rely on vision. He had learned in school that people in the olden days didn't know how to smell or touch with such intentionality and finesse. Evolutionary instinct had kicked in by magnifying the other senses after the one became impossible. He smelled the pungent black walnuts that must be laying on the ground all around him. He remembered holding the hand of his girlfriend, Jess. Recognizing the familiar threads of wrinkles and texture, he could identify her by each of her fingerprints. He remembered the scar on her hand from when she tried to climb a tree last year. She could be a free spirit when she wanted to be. After she crashed down to earth alongside snapped and warped tree limbs, he had opened his eyes to help her pull the shards of a split tree branch out of her palm so that she wouldn't have to open hers. That act took all of fifteen seconds, but undoubtedly shaved a year or two off of his life expectancy. His parents condemned him for not having his priorities straight. "What you choose to see is extremely important!" his mother had pleaded. "Don't waste your eye time on this girlfriend of yours. There will be plenty more, but not if you get yourself killed first!"

But he was proud of his decision to help her. He had only seen Jess in quick involuntary eye flutters and accidental reverse blinks, not enough connected instances to build a clear memory of what she looked like. But this was an opportunity to use what they learned in school: protect your eyes, protect each other. When he was sure the snapped branch hadn't punctured any of her major arteries, he stole a glance up at her face. In that moment he knew she was the one, and he was sure she would feel the same way if she could manage to steal a glance at him.

But Jess was far more frugal with what she chose to see. A few months ago, she let Rodger in on the secret that she hadn't opened her eyes in over a year. "I don't want you to think I'm a prude," Jess said, "but I only want to look into the eyes of the one person I will be with for the rest of my life."

This thought brought Rodger out of his daydream. Here he was, on a perfect day, with the sun soon to set, knowing that Jess would be joining him shortly. "Why not make it today?" he whispered to himself, always unsure if anyone else was within earshot. This was, after all, the tree under which they had done so much talking about the future together. Jess had some wild ideas of traveling to hear the wind whipping through the Grand Canyon, or to smell the air in Switzerland, but Rodger had always tried his best to keep up. Maybe someday, he would say.

In his own sudden excitement, he was caught by surprise when he heard the sound of leaves crinkling under the two feet approaching him. "Hey Rodge," Jess called playfully, making sure he was there. "Hey Jess - come sit down!" Rodger called back as he opened his arms so she could find him. Once they hugged and they were both sitting facing each other, Rodger took a deep breath and started talking.

"I have something I want to say."

"Oh boy, that's always a good conversation starter," Jess quipped.

"Really though. Hear me out. The sun is about to set in a minute, and I've heard from the audio news out West that it's going to be a beautiful one: pink and purple, deep shades of blue. One of a kind."

"We've been down this road before, Rodge. I told you it would need to be an incredible occasion - a once-in-a-decade opportunity, for me to want to see."

"I know, I know. But what if it wasn't just a sunset you were going to look at? What if there was more?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I think that tonight is the perfect night to open our eyes, during a beautiful sunset, at the same time, and look into each other's eyes."

Rodger had taken Jess's hands into his own, and noticed they seemed a bit cold. But he was waiting on a reply. As he sat waiting, a shade of bright pink hit his eyelids.

"Now's the time, Jess. Trust me, it's going to be great."

Still, no reply. He searched for meaning in the weight of her hands but found only stillness. Surely she was thinking about it. She had asked him once to be more adventurous, maybe this time he could prove it to her.

"I'm going to do it, Jess. I'm going to open my eyes."

"Wait, I don't know."

Rodger paused, took a deep breath, regained his confidence, and decided it was time. Doctors said there were no immediate effects of exposing your eyes to the light, but regardless, he opened his eyes slowly. Jess sat still in front of him, an expression on her face that Rodger didn't know how to translate.

"I see you, Jess."

"Rodger! Be careful!"

"I'm waiting for you. The sky looks beautiful!"

"I don't think I can do it. You're asking for too much."

"It's not something to be afraid of, you can do it!"

In his mind, though, Rodger knew it was absolutely something to be afraid of. As the seconds ticked by, he thought he felt a slight burning in his skull but assumed he was probably just overreacting. Still, she needed to open her eyes soon. Every second of waiting cost him more.

He waited and stared, watching for the flicker of an eyelid from the person across from him. Was he wrong? Was Jess not the one for him? Was he moving their relationship too quickly? Was he willing to give more than she was willing to give back?

The bright pink of the sky was marvelous, but it was now transforming into a deepening shade of purple. Rodger had never seen this color with open eyes. Still, it wasn't the sunset he was after. If she didn't open her eyes soon, he would have sacrificed an enormous amount of eye time on someone who didn't share his devotion. His mother would be right. This couldn't be happening. Surely, the woman he was looking at now would be with him forever. As he scanned her figure, he knew this was more than enough time to create a lasting visual memory in his mind. The only other people he could mentally picture were his mother and father. He didn't even know what he himself looked like.

And yet, her eyes were still pressed shut. Somewhere in his past he recalled a poem: Eyes that commit. That is what I am looking for. Heart beating fast, the burning sensation in his head deepened, as if to make sure he knew it was real. It was now or never.

"Open your eyes, Jess."

As she repositioned herself and took a deep breath, Rodger smiled.