One Line Jokes

1. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me ads for beaches.

2. Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

3. I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia—she whispered, "They're right behind you."

4. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

5. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity—it's impossible to put down.

6. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger… then it hit me.

7. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

8. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

9. My math teacher called me average—how mean!

10. I bought some camouflage pants but I can’t find them.

11. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

12. Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.

13. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.

14. I told my suitcase we’re not going on vacation. Now it’s dealing with emotional baggage.

15. I’m not lazy—I’m on energy-saving mode.

16. I tried to write a joke about time travel, but you guys didn’t like it.

17. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

18. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.

19. I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.

20. I asked the dog, “What’s two minus two?” He said nothing.

21. I'm terrified of elevators, so I'm taking steps to avoid them.

22. I gave up on being a banker—I lost interest.

23. Velcro—what a rip-off!

24. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

25. I have a split personality,” said Tom, being Frank.

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26–50: Silly & Random

26. I once tried to catch some fog. I mist.

27. I'm on a whiskey diet—I’ve lost three days already.

28. My wallet is like an onion—opening it makes me cry.

29. I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.

30. I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

31. I started a band called 999MB. We haven’t gotten a gig yet.

32. If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?

33. I burned 2,000 calories today. I left my pizza in the oven.

34. I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.

35. Whoever invented knock-knock jokes should get a no-bell prize.

36. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes—she hugged me.

37. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

38. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

39. I know they say that money talks, but mine just says goodbye.

40. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.

41. My job is secure—no one else wants it.

42. I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.

43. I'm reading a horror story in Braille—something bad is going to happen, I can feel it.

44. I named my dog "Five Miles" so I can say I walk Five Miles every day.

45. I'm terrified of negative numbers. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

46. I'm emotionally constipated—I haven't given a crap in days.

47. I'm not arguing. I'm just explaining why I’m right.

48. Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.

49. I opened a bakery, but business is crumbling.

50. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

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51–75: Tech & Geeky

51. I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it, the computer says, "Your password is incorrect."

52. I tried to catch a code bug… but it escaped through a loop.

53. My Wi-Fi is like a relationship—strong at first, then it drops you.

54. I would tell you a joke about Java… but it’s still loading.

55. I told Alexa a joke. She laughed, then ordered 50 more.

56. I downloaded a puzzle app… it just pieces me off.

57. My keyboard must be broken—I keep hitting escape, but I’m still at work.

58. I got a job as a human statue—it’s not very moving.

59. 404: Joke not found.

60. I used to think debugging was easy—then I tried it.

61. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.

62. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.

63. I told my computer a joke. It crashed.

64. Siri doesn’t understand me—she’s clearly not from my area.

65. My phone battery lasts longer than my relationships.

66. I accidentally deleted my memory—it’s all coming back to me now.

67. I bought a drone. Now it follows me… emotionally.

68. I upgraded to Windows 11, and now I miss my typewriter.

69. I put my laptop in the freezer to get more RAM.

70. I tried to text my crush but autocorrect turned “Hi” into “I love you.”

71. I opened a tech support center called "Have You Tried Turning It Off and On Again?"

72. The cloud is just someone else's computer.

73. I taught my dog to code—he now fetches bugs.

74. I asked ChatGPT for a joke. Now I’m here.

75. My favorite key? Esc.

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76–100: Work Life

76. I love my job—it’s the work I hate.

77. I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.

78. My boss said dress for the job you want, so I came in as Batman.

79. Monday is proof that weekends are too short.

80. I work out… just kidding, I nap hard.

81. I quit my job at the helium factory—I refused to be spoken to in that tone.

82. My resume is just a list of things I hope no one asks me to do again.

83. I dream of a better world where I can nap in meetings.

84. I work well under pressure… and by pressure, I mean deadlines.

85. My work emails are just adult homework.

86. I was told to follow my dreams, so I went back to bed.

87. Teamwork means never taking the blame alone.

88. I used to work at a calendar factory but I got fired for taking a few days off.

89. I do five days’ worth of work in the last 15 minutes before a deadline.

90. I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.

91. I gave up stress for Lent. I’m stressed about it.

92. They said dress smart, so I wore a thinking cap.

93. I’m not behind on my work. I’m just early for tomorrow.

94. My work motivation is powered by snacks.

95. Meetings: where minutes are kept and hours are lost.

96. I work harder pretending to work than actually working.

97. I wrote a book on reverse psychology. Don’t buy it.

98. I'm fluent in office sarcasm.

99. I'm overqualified for my current mood.

100. Job hunting: like dating, but with fewer flowers and more rejection.