On the Cusp

November 5th, 9:29 pm. Miami, Florida.

Given this challenge's nature, it's easy to assume this information relates to my birthday, but that is not the case. This is the moment my life changed forever. This is the date and time of my young father's unexpected death.

My remarkable father passed away less than four months ago, leaving me drowning in questions, desperate for answers. His abrupt and shocking absence has led me on a journey of healing and self-discovery ever since that fateful night. I have turned to family, friends, faith, food, meditation, and therapists. However, I found peace and insight into my soul in the most unconventional of places. A Mexican astrologist named Maria illuminated my path and my life all via Zoom.

Three weeks ago, I grabbed my laptop and got comfortable. I wasn't sure what to expect from Maria and our Zoom meeting. I was nervous, anxious, and excited. I am a proud Cuban, fluent in Spanish but still get nervous when speaking with native speakers, just another added layer of stress to this call. I took a breath, calming my nerves, reminding myself that she came highly recommended by my best friend, Katarina. I was open to astrology, a self-proclaimed Sagittarius; I always indulged in analyzing my horoscope in every magazine I read.

I had no idea how complicated an astrology reading could be; it was definitely more intense than a Cosmo quiz! When Maria logged on and introduced herself, she wasted no time diving into my life. Armed with my natal information, she was equipped to reveal truths of my life that I had yet to be acquainted with. A large wheel with various numbers, planets, colors, and lines appeared on my screen. She had dissected every aspect of my chart and prepared to explain it all, past, present, and future. Like a child at the carnival waiting for their tarot cards to be revealed, I felt uneasy, praying for the best card of the deck.

Maria explained, "Your chart is very unusual. Complex but good." I wasn't sure what that meant but was eager to unearth more. She continued, "You are on the cusp of Sagittarius and Scorpio, but you are technically a Scorpio. That is your sun sign." I laughed. It only took me 29 years to figure out my sign; maybe that's why some of those magazine horoscopes had been so wrong! I worked to get my head around being a Scorpio, an idea I wasn't too keen on; they don't have the best reputation after all. Before falling deeper into my rabbit hole, she revealed, "You are actually four signs." I admit, at this point, I was quizzical and doubting my friend's referral.

Maria noted my expression and helped to clarify, "You are on the cusp. Yes, you are technically a Scorpio; however, you are only one degree away from Sagittarius. The other two revolve around your rising sign." I remembered my friend mentioning a rising sign, an indication of your past life, but I thought it was only one sign, not two. "Your rising sign is also on the cusp. You are right between Aquarius and Pisces. You are a mix of all four of these signs. Perhaps you connect with some of the four more than others, but these are the signs that define you."

I was intrigued, ready to unwrap her findings like an eager toddler on Christmas morning peeling at the corners of their wrapped present. I offered little information about myself, querying if Maria would reveal truths only known to those who knew me best. She did not disappoint. The astrologist rattled off various lists of houses and planets that crossed the sky the night I was born and focused on my personality. We had never met or spoken before. Maria was unacquainted with my profession, hobbies, or traumas. I had not revealed that I was a second-grade English teacher who loves to volunteer, travel, spoil loved ones, cook, and write. She was unfamiliar with my passion for animals, my Master's in Special Needs Education, or my past or current relationships. Maria had no knowledge of my illness nor the strength, optimism, courage, and determination I've needed to live and enjoy my life despite this battle. Apparently, she didn't need to meet me to know me. The stars told it all.

"You, Bryanna, were lucky. It appears you got the best of Scorpio and Sagittarius. You do not seem to have the more difficult aspects of these signs." Well, that was definitely exciting to hear. "You, correct me if I am wrong, are strong, resilient, honest, and a true friend." I would like to believe that I am all of those things; who wouldn't?" As for Sagittarius, it seems even though this is not your official sign, you are more related to this house. You always find the light even in the darkest of times." I thought about my father's death and was proud that I had tried to laugh and smile each day since always looking for golden rays like a sunflower despite my heartache. "You live for adventure, travel, and your friendships. You prioritize everyone before yourself. You sometimes give till there is nothing left. But you must be careful, for this is a trait that others take advantage of. In fact, I see that many people already have."

I processed her words. She was right on every count. I went down the list in my head; I had severe wanderlust, travel always made me feel alive. Regardless of the destination, from Alaska to Russia, I lived to explore, feel like a native wherever I went, and consistently seek to immerse myself in the culture. I moved on to her last point; I recalled the countless hours helping my students, preparing magical moments for them to experience regardless of how brief they may have been; I cherished each smile. I remembered working tirelessly, transforming my classroom overnight into a Winter Wonderland with my own limited budget. The beauty and exhaustion it brought forth were both unparalleled. I recalled the times I had helped friends over the years and never heard from them again, from cat sitting over long weekends to loaning money. I always offered my time however I could. Most times, it was appreciated, but other moments ended in tears, loss, and heartache. I was impressed. Maria clearly knew what she was doing and knew me, or at least the stars did.

"I see that you have a problem letting go. It is hard for you when you have an annoyance to let it go. You must work on this." I chuckled; my fiancé could definitely agree with that statement! I guess I'm not always right after all.

"Let's see what your rising signs tell me." So far, I felt like Hermione Granger in one of her Hogwarts divinization classes, trying to soak up every word, noting how each held meaning and was astutely accurate. "As an Aquarius, you are very studious and analytical. You take your time to make decisions." She must have seen me take fifteen minutes at the Cheesecake Factory choosing my dinner. She continued, "You are witty, which can sometimes get you into trouble if people don't understand your sarcasm. You also love to give back and help others. You are creative and have an immense dislike for fake people."

I was in complete awe. Maria must have gotten insight from Katarina. My sarcasm can sometimes be misconstrued as the truth by those who don't know me, and as for frauds, well, I love them as much as a fat kid loves cake. Forgive me. My sarcasm got the best of me again.

Maria narrowed in my second rising sign, "Finally, you are a Pisces. I see that you are an empath who is sensitive, loving, and artistic. You also like to believe. Believe in the best, magic, others, and more importantly yourself. Now, I am sure I missed many traits, but these are the main ones I receive from your chart." I was more than impressed by her evident skills, but she wasn't done. Who knew that my date, time, and location of birth would uncover so many accurate layers of my personality, aspirations, and ultimately my soul.

"Bryanna, given your signs, you would be an excellent teacher, lawyer, or writer. Does this make sense to you?" I revealed to her my profession, as well as my dream to write a book. Maria glanced back at my chart. "It is in the stars for you to write this year. I see that you will be successful." I am keeping my fingers crossed on this one!

Towards the end of our session, Maria asked if I had any questions. I had more than one. I inquired into my future, my relationship, and other items. Luckily, all of these returned positive results. The most meaningful question I addressed last. I told her of my dad's heart attack on November 5th. She paused a moment, plugging the information into her astrological software.

I felt the air escape my lungs, my pace quicked, my shirt stuck to my skin, the only barrier a thin layer of sweat resulting from my nerves. My heart raced, waiting. Waiting to know if I could have saved my dad, my hero, my everything. Waiting to discover if I could have done more. Waiting for answers to questions I had repeated in my mind for months. She gave a small smile through the camera; even miles away through Zoom, I could feel her heart and compassion. It was as if I could feel her embrace through the screen. The words she spoke to me have given me the comfort and peace of cuddling during a rainy day under a warm cashmere blanket.

"I am looking at the day he died. I see here in your chart that you knew he was going to pass." I had to let her words sink in, granting them time to enter my mind. I still did not understand. "It was decided before you came to this earth, to this body. There was a form of contract that you agreed to. You knew he would only be here with you a short time on this plain. Regardless of your or anyone else's efforts, it was his time to go home. That was his day."

Love and gratitude flooded my body as I unwrapped her statement. I allowed it to enter my heart as cathartic tears streamed down my cheek. I thanked Maria for her time as I ended the call.

It may seem crazy and curious to believe this logic bestowed upon me by an astrologist, but the calm it offers is unworldly. Looking back at her notes and knowing my signs and myself better, I see how my optimism, faith, and belief in magic and hope allow me to accept this as a truth. I believe that I chose to have the best father for a short time instead of an absent one for a lifetime. I was blessed to be his daughter, then and every day since he's left this physical world. I must accept this as fact. Maria has yet to be proven wrong in her other observations, but I guess this is one question I may never have a concrete answer to. I just have to trust my heart. It may be my multiple signs coming through, but I know my heart can't be wrong.