Ocean away

Sweet nothing, at least that is what he would say, In a merrily manner. This is not bitter, this is needed. There may be nothing but building that into something is sweet. Imagine, not if, but when our work pays off.

He always says little, not much was ever needed, we always understood. My soul could internalise one word but hear an entire novel, he is the only thing that could help me understand this world and make light of our situation, somehow, we would always resonate, always being in the right place, right time.

He would sound like a god but was nothing more then just his simple self, although I understand the not so simple spiderwebs behind his eyes, as he understands myself and way of thinking, maybe thinking a little too much, at times.

Okay a lot.

Most of the time.

Its not that I’m negative, im actually very optimistic, I would say I am uniquely realistic, I just see multiple sides to the story.

I blame no one, but everyone…

I also don’t care, but I try the hardest to make our inventions work, even when hes not here. I love the deepest without anyone seeing, I don’t do any of this for acknowledgment. See it is a lot , a lot but not much is always going on, how could I not think of all the possibilities. We would not have peace today otherwise.

What will they do throw their only empress into the black icey waters? And no, im not an actual empress by the way, at least not by any law, I just like to think of myself more then just the same, im no guru. And I would never tell anyone these thoughts, I just do, and stay quiet. My actions speak for me, at least I think they do. Maybe they speak too loudly, I know they think im crazy. If there were laws though I would defiantly be the queen, or is that asking for world destruction part two? I mean was this world ever not fucked up? I think it would be okay if I was queen, but there could be no one else after me. Wed have to go back to killing each other when we disagree. All these gurus we used to praise were just normal people anyway, nothing special about them but their confidence in their beliefs and sharing their voice, I bet they used to eat nachos and drank wine on a porch on a nice sunny day. I miss the sun. I suppose they were unique, compared to everybody else, they tried the whole peaceful spiritual thing, but sometimes we need something that’s a little less quiet and something more demanding, less preachy preachy, more stab stab. Okay well we definitely need more harmony, maybe I do, at least im aware, but the world works in different ways now, were all messed up, I could admit that, I understand that, and im okay with that, because I get shit done. I don’t sit in the palm of someone else’s miserable fire. I understand it is my responsibility to take control of happiness. Its all within and blablabla…

But right now, it is beyond freezing, I feel nothing but this cold. My heart frozen like a mans body in this dark water. I want some chocolate, now he is a dream, but I miss chocolate. How sweet and soothing it is for my insides, okay he is soothing too. We took it all for granted, im happy things worked out like this, now we can see. I know a lot of my family disagree and they are in pain because they have lost everything, I believe we have only gained. I am numb to their complaints just as my fingers are numb in this bloody weather. He would tell me this cold is what reminds you that you feel, that you’re alive. And he would remind me it is better to feel and observe then to be a heart frozen in a dead men’s chest. He is simply poetic; he could make the most gruesome thing seem wonderful. Where as I have no problem admitting, this shit, is fucked. Somehow, I find it comedic that were floating in a pool of death. I would like to see something other then a faint orb setting in a black sky. He would tell me my anger is passion and it is what keeps me alive.

“Charlie, if my anger is the only thing keeping me alive id rather be the ice water!”

“My dear opal, well you are pretty cold sometimes.”

Charlie and opal chuckled.

“That was terrible, but really, I’m tired.”

“Like he says, you are the heart shaped locket to this family.”

“What does that even mean though?”

“Ha, well you can be amongst death, somehow still making everything seem beautiful, like a necklace on a dead man’s body. You inspire love in us all, you are beauty that could make a pile of bone and ash seem like a mystical fairy-tale. You are unbreakable like the strongest metal. At least you make it seem as so. We keep you on our hearts like we are wearing a piece of jewellery. And you keep your thoughts locked away as if you were this heart shaped locket. A hardened heart, locked away for only those who hold a key, we see you clearly, like a shinning piece of silver jewellery. You know who holds the key my dear.”

“woah, woah, woah, Charles this isn’t the world’s greatest poetry slam, I just miss him, I’m scared to be doing this alone.”

“You will never be alone my dear, not with all those voices in your head. Give yourself a break. Share the load, we all miss him. Remember he’s out there with my blood daughter, they are both special, I know they’re thinking of us wherever they are. And those, my dear, were his words. I am not so together.” Charlie put a plate Infront of Opal, with a big stinky cooked fish. “look at this, they’re actually starting to look edible, I hope to see you at the gathering later.”

Charlie walked away as Opal looked down at the plate. She whispered to herself “shit, it actually does look edible” She decided to take a risk and took a huge bite. Opal stood up like lighting and ran to one of the farms and checked the water. “MAX! opal screamed with enthusiasm. “Wow lovin the energy today O, what’s going on?” “I ate one of the fish! The water passed the testing, its clear max, we can all eat, the filters are working! There are so many family’s around our home, I can’t believe this, I wish I could tell him” “Opal I love your enthusiasm but HE IS NOT HERE okay and you could have killed yourself eating those fish!” Opal was shocked by maxes reaction and lack of enthusiasm, she ran away and took one of the family boats, she went as far away from her family as she could.

The last groups stopped referring to themselves as this and now call any living healthy groups, family. There are not very many groups left. Some surviving because they prepared like Charles and his blood daughter. They built their home in the middle of the ocean. Where their group now lives. Others, fighting for supplies, seeds, soil, water anything! Killing because they were grieving, confused and angry. Charlie and his daughter are one of the only blood related family’s left, everyone is now brother and sister. Others died in the toxic waters, anything from the ground polluted the waters, the conditions of their new world were barely liveable the first few years. Someone said once only the strong would survive, this definitely was not the case, these groups were damn lucky.

“Max, how is she doing?”

“Today was the first day I’ve seen her excited in a long time, your farms are working and the fish are edible. I fucked up and yelled at her though, you know I’m not good at keeping things from her, im scared she might cut out my eyes and make soup, she doesn’t know I’ve been planning this with you. She doesn’t even know your home, for all she knows you could be dead. What if she doesn’t-“

“its okay and shell come back, don’t worry, she always will. It will take more then you Maxy to break her power, I know you think she can be scary, and she thinks she has so much anger. But it is just love. She is love. Im glad to hear the farms are working, we didn’t have much success up the cost.”

“Just love! Sometimes I think shed rather throw us into the dark water to drown-”

“Enough. If you thought that you wouldn’t need her to come back, we all do. She is just like a scared sensitive mother doing anything to protect her children, we are family. She has adapted, she is conscious of things you could not understand. She has fought wars so you haven’t needed to. You think she can be crazy, but she is the sanest person I know. She is the heart shaped locket.”

“I’m sorry, its been hard without you. You guys are like yin and yang, the glue and foundation. We wouldn’t have our family if it weren’t for you guys making the new world clear to us. You can just feel a little more peaceful and patient, you would never leave brothers and sisters behind.”

“Max, you can not save everybody, all of the time. Sometimes shit just happens, and for some reason it is supposed to. And for the record, she is much more patient then i.”

“Im sorry man, I don’t know what happened out there but-“

“ Don’t worry max, apologise less, say less. Ill see you later okay”

Opal was further out then she thought and started hearing things in the distance.

“Hello? Is someone out there..?”

O whispered to herself “Right well its about time I started loosing it” Opal broke down and started crying and screaming, it was quite dramatic really. “WHERE ARE YOU, I NEED YOU, please come back” she yelled in disappear with spit falling from her mouth. She heard something again yelling back “FUCK OFF!”, but it got louder, so O got up and lit a torch on fire so she could see better. “is that a” Opal grabbed a rope and chucked it into the water where a young girl was stranded on a buoy. She pulled her up onto the boat and smothered her with warm blankets.

“You look familiar!”

“Im Charlies daughter” the girl spoke through her shattering teeth.

“that’s right, I couldn’t tell you’re so blue you looked like a blueberry, are you okay what happened out here? aren’t you supposed to be with your crew putting out more farms and filters?”

“we were, but an ash storm hit us, we lost everyone”

“well no you couldn’t loose everyone, how are you still alive? you were in the dark water”

“Our captain thought everyone died, most of them froze, they had nothing to hold onto, the farms are working so we can swim again, im sorry O”

“okay, well this isn’t titanic”

Opal took a deep breath and dove into the dark cold water, checking all the bodys for signs of life, but mostly, looking for him. She felt somewhat free in the water again, despite swimming amongst dead body’s. Opal started laughing hysterically that there invention actually worked, thinking that he had probably drowned. She thought, of course.

Not knowing he was back home, waiting for her at the gathering. She accepted this fate, then stole a necklace off a dead body before getting back onto the boat and heading back to the family. She looked at the necklace smiling, as this was a heart shaped locket.