My Star Nova

"In the situation of a car accident do not flee the scene. Fleeing the scene makes you subject to arrest, and implicate criminal charges."

These words consumed me as I remained frozen in the drivers seat. The white noise hadn't fade out, the horns of neighboring vehicles continued to grow. My eyes resembled the windows of many at this sight, open yet shaded- shaded by the outcome of today's events and in disbelief of the consequences.

"Donovan." A peculiar voice sang my name with exhaust.

My eyes had fluttered before I continued to open them, making contact with the bright lit screen that belonged to my MacBook. I turned my head and faced the presence of my boss, Russo that happened to be standing less than three feet away from me.

"What's going on, Russo?" My eyes shifted back to my screen as I quickly erased my search bar.

"What's going on? Well Dontae-.."

I held in a long sigh before correcting my boss of six months. "You were correct the first time, Russo."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's Donovan.. you said Dontae."

"Donovan, How are you feeling today?"

"What is it that you needed Russo?"

"Well, I wanted to discuss what happened last night, you were the last one to leave the office and it seems like you always forget to lock our gates and back doors.."

"Russo, I can assure-"

"No, listen.. the back doors to this complex are always unlocked, why?"

"I'm usually in a rush to get back home, honest mistake Russo."

"Okay, another question I got for you is about your tardiness?"

"Tardiness?"

"You came into work this morning very late."

My eyes twitched slightly. Had I really been that late?

"Donovan? What's going on?"

"Russo, my car had some trouble this morning, it's minor.. I can continue working tonight if needed."

"Donovan listen, I think you're an amazing asset here to the company- but I need you to do better, these doors need to remain locked..if not it is detrimental to the company."

"I understand Russo, it won't happen again." I navigated my screen again to check the time. The clock icon read, "11:30AM." My worries began to rise again, Nova would soon need to be picked up from school and an early lunch wasn't an option because of the morning's residue. I adjusted my button down and made a dash towards the bathroom.

As I walked in I rest my back against the counter and pulled out my phone, making a call to Veronica. A few rings went by and she finally answered.

"Hello?"

"Veronica.. Hi- I need your assistance with something."

"Nova needs to get picked up?"

"-Yes..but look-"

"Donovan, if this was going to be such a problem, perhaps she should just come back home with me. I have a life too and I can't keep leaving work for things like this, you know this."

"You can't leave work for our child?"

"I didn't mean it like that- what I'm saying is that you're inconveniencing my day every time you make these random calls. You know you don't even ask how I am doing.. or if I even have the gas money to travel across the damn city like that Donovan.." She sighed before trailing off. "I'll pick her up, but you need to get her from my house tonight.. I have an important dinner with my colleagues from work."

"Okay, no problem what time do you need me there?"

"Seven. Seven flat Donovan please, I need you to do better."

"I'll be there- I appreciate it...oh and Veron-." I was cut off shortly by the end call noise that had rang in my ear drums.

I sighed before turning around to look at the mirror. My eyes were heavy and my spirit felt unhitched. I shut them just for a moment before entering reality again. The door opened as I breezed into the room making my way back to the cubicle I've spent the past six months drowning in.

I stared blankly at the wall before beginning the rest of the paperwork, that needed to be done before I left the office. My thoughts began to wonder.

I know she needs me, and I'm here for her. I just wish she'd see that. I am trying to do better. I'm wanting to better.

I got this job, and it's paying me fine, I'm sustaining.. there's stability here.

There's reasoning why I stay, it's not a matter of indifference.

My thoughts were broken once I heard tapping on the window near my desk. My gaze trailed over and there was nothing but a flimsy branch making music. I sighed deeply. As I slowly turned away from the sight I saw a figure counter in my peripheral vision.

"I really need to stop drinking coffee." I said silently as I shook my head.

Time continued to rotate slowly, I felt an immense amount of pressure around my temporals. It felt like I couldn't catch a break with these ongoing migraines.

What are you doing here Donovan?

Is the money worth it? Will it change anything?

"What are you doing here Donovan?"

I repeatedly questioned my state of well being. As I focused in on these thoughts once more, I stopped before diving into another spiral. I allowed my legs to waver a bit before standing up from my chair to give my watch a glance. Noticing that it was late enough to take my lunch I grabbed my phone as well as my car keys.

The route to Veronica’s house was never complicated but memory lane always had potholes.

I found myself immediately disheartened about the position my family was in, my seven year old torn between two worlds. I had always hoped that we’d be complete again but time would only tell me so much, and my luck could only get me so far.

The roads began to feel a lot more narrower and the evening sky embraced me. A few trails of liquid sorrow consumed me.

“I still love you V.” I said out loud. I hoped that would take the edge off, openly admitting it.

I parked on the right side of the street and quickly mellowed out my expression, I don’t want her to worry about me tonight. I closed my eyes and deeply inhaled, “Just Nova and I.”

As I made my way to the pavement and further along to her front door. I heard foot steps behind me in unison, I didn’t bother to look I had hoped it was just a delivery man perhaps Redlands Express? I thought to myself, that’s the only time I’ve known postal services running this late.

The steps grew closer and closer until I finally turned around and saw a man. He had a tall frame likewise, and a slant face of expression.

He stood beside me.

I coughed. “Hey man, you can just leave whatever it is you’re delivering right here.” I pointed at the side table that was below the doorbell.

He laughed. “Oh no I’m not he-.” Before he could finish his sentence the front door had cracked open and my eyes met with Veronica’s soft smile, that was until she fully recognized me.

“Hey V-.” I said as calmly as possible.

“Nova is getting her backpack she’ll be right out.” Veronica said assertively, her eyes scolded me then shifted easily to the stranger.

“Wait I can’t come inside?” I asked puzzled, now starting to grow suspicious of the presence of the man who stood beside me.

“Donovan.. please.” Veronica said quietly and grabbed what seemed to be a bouquet of flowers from the man. I hadn’t even noticed.

My mind began to wonder and my heart denied any other possibility.

“You’re not going out to dinner, are you Veronica?” I said defeatedly.

She said nothing but a word. I looked over to see the man, now standing awkwardly in between us.

I shook my head and grabbed the back of my neck fighting back the tears of witnessing V, in the process of moving on from our home. It was never broken, just renovated.

I began walking back to my car, but almost forgot that Nova would be home with me tonight.

I waited for her by the curb. I watched every second transition from Nova giving her mother a kiss and a hug to the stranger, to Veronica looking at me once more, grabbing her significant other's hand, and shutting the door.

“Daddy?” Nova’s bright face washed my tears away. I smiled.

“How was your day baby? How’s my nova star?” I said while picking her up and walking back to my car.

She began talking about the logistics of second grade.

The car ride wasn’t long but it definitely couldn’t have lasted for more than a millennia as I gathered the memories Veronica, Nova, and I shared before in that home.

Chapter Two

“Come on Nova, we have to go you’ll be late again!” I said affirmatively while packing her lunch quickly.

“Daddy we’re two hours ahead of schedule.” She folded her arms and tilted her head with a little bit of her mother’s attitude.

I chuckled. “Well yes, but I can’t be late again to work today.. so I need to get you to school earlier okay?”

She pouted and walked around my small apartment kitchen. “Can I atleast have breakfast?”

“Do you not want the school's breakfast?”

She blankly stared at me. “No.” I burst out into laughter and she continued to pout.

I nodded. “Okay if we get out in the next five minutes I’ll take you somewhere to get food..deal?”

She nodded quickly. “Deal! No take backs!”

I gave her backpack to her and her lunch as well. I then grabbed my suitcase and made my way towards the door.

“Wait daddy!” She pleaded.

I placed my keys on my cherry wood coffee table, while turning my head and lifting an eyebrow. “Yes Nova?”

“Can I have that magic book you have?”

I laughed. “Nova you can tell me the joke in the car baby we have to go.”

“No daddy listen, you do have a book..it’s magic too I promise it’s magic!”

I saw the time transition from 7:56AM to 8:01AM, I sighed deeply. “Nova please no more games, we have to leave.”

She ran off into my bedroom, I shortly chased after her. “Nova!” I yelled.

Before I could reach the door frame there she was holding my black Moleskine notebook.

My face frowned. “Nova that’s just my scrapbook.” I reached my hand out wanting to grab it back.

“No daddy, can I please have it?”

I sighed and gave it to her out of frustration. “Come on we have to go.”

As I drove, I continued to glance at Nova’s fascination with my Moleskine notebook through the rear view mirror.

I hadn’t picked up that scrapbook in ages. She’s probably witnessing the sun and the moon as she flips through those pages.

“Daddy?” Nova questioned.

“Yes baby?” I said while focusing on the road.

“Mommy says that you have a mental disorder, that’s why you don’t come around anymore.”

My eyes widen and I inhaled my anger. Why does Veronica must always mention the past to a child that knows nothing of the present.

“Daddy?”

“She’s right Nova, daddy does have a disorder it’s called Maladaptive Day Dreaming Disorder, but that’s not why daddy doesn’t come around. I work a lot Nova, I want to make lots, and lots, and lots, of money to make sure you and your mama are okay.”

“Daddy what’s day dreaming? Is that like night dreaming, just at day?”

“Kind of baby, instead I am wake.. and not asleep.” I said matching her curiosity.

“Is that how you’re able to create so much magic with your magic book?” Her bright smile lit up my rearview mirror again.

“My nova, the reason why I am able to create magic is because I wished on a bright star like you.” I said while pulling into the drive way of "Jumbo's," a mom and pop restaurant close by Nova's school.

After grabbing her a quick breakfast I rushed down to the office where I would soon have to meet Russo. Fortunately when I arrived he wasn't there. In fact he seemed to be everywhere but here in regards to my subconscious. I shook my head before I could begin to immediately submerge myself into the thoughts that raced my mind.

I wasn't used to the office being this quiet. It gave me too much leeway to begin hallucinating. I never liked those episodes of severity. I began to deeply inhale and exhale before allowing my mental state to get worked up about my lonesomeness. If I wanted to experience this again I would've just stayed home. I sighed deeply before returning to my daily task.

A familiar noise began to charm through my ears. I began to ignore it, realizing that it had to have been the tree branch from the previous day.

Moments when by and the tapping turned into knocking. I looked up to see a man outside of our glass doors. I could hardly make out his appearance. From my desk he seemed to look well kept, I thought to myself. "Maybe he just needs assistance."

I removed myself from my desk and walked towards the door that seemed further and further away as I reached for the handles. "Hey man, what can I help you with?" I said assertively. I had thought I said such words but I couldn't hear myself.

I coughed quietly and proceeded to repeat the initiator of the conversation. "Hey man, what can I help you with?" I opened the door and he walked through silently.

I placed my hands in my pockets. "Look I'm currently-."

"I see that you're working, no need to tell me." The stranger said.

"Okay, well what is it that you need?"

"I've been searching all day for this.."

"I'm sorry?"

"How's your wife Donovan?"

"My wife?"

"You know Veronica?"

"How do you know Veronica?"

"I married her once too."

I began feeling uncomfortable. Something about this man didn't seem right.

"Look, I don't know what it is that you're expecting from me?"

"Do you know what it is that you're expecting from yourself Donovan?"

I squinted. Nothing this man said made any sense and he started to creep me out even more. Before I could say anything, the stranger broke out into a frenzy. He began pushing shelves and bookcases onto the main floor. File cabinets full of papers and lost dreams scattered onto the floors. My eyes widen, "Dammit! Stop! What are you doing?" I rushed to try to grab the stranger but he continued to run around the perimeter like a mad man.

We fought and he hadn't gave up. I found myself on the floor trying to remove myself from the lock he had my head in. He began screaming and chanting, "Donovan embrace uncertainty!"

"Embrace it!"

"Embrace it!"

I felt fear shiver down my spine as he let up. Standing over my shadow. His emotions changed so frequently I couldn't adjust to the environment that I knew so well. I threw punches and he caught them every time. It was almost as if he knew me better than I knew myself. I shook my head trying to focus on the stranger.

"Get the hell out of here!" I yelled.

"Donovan!" Pierced through the walls and traveled into my canal of hearing. I stared at the figure that walked closer to me. I still couldn't see his face and it frightened me.

"Donovan!" I heard the voice yell again. This time I felt my head beginning to ache. I blinked.

The stranger threw my Moleskine notebook on the floor in front of me. He whispered before vanishing. "Chase your dreams."

"What on God's green earth happened in here Donovan!?" Russo screamed violently.

I blinked twice hoping that this was just a nightmare, but in fact it wasn't. I stuttered. "Sir-"

"No way."

"You can check the cameras there was a psycho in here! He kept fighting me- he wouldn't leave!"

"Donovan, get out!"

"Russo! Come on man, I need this job! You know I need this job!"

"You should’ve thought about this job and it's neediness before you started wrecking haywire!"

"Russo-"

"Mr. Renata."

I stormed away grabbing my keys and shaking my head in frustration.

I couldn't believe what had just occurred. I rushed out of the office, running towards my car with my notebook in my hand. "Nova."

I said repeatedly.

I began calling Veronica but she didn't answer.

I called Nova's school next, but nothing changed.

What was once daylight became nightfall as hues of blue and purple painted the sky. Pink stars dressed the sky. I was in deep fascination of the illustrations I saw.

I continued driving, finding my way around the new landscape. Everything looked so new. As I saw the traffic lights exchange their words from red to blue and yellow to orange I had understood that this episode wasn't over.

I was meant to continue this dream until I found my star.

Every street changed the moment my wheels grazed the rubble. Memories began surfing through my brain, and memory lane was just as damaging.

I looked in my rearview mirror noticing the stranger from just moments before. I grabbed the wheel tighter out of frustration. "What are you doing here?"

He came forward and my eyes met with a man that who was nothing more than a mirror.

"Donovan we can fix this." He said pointing at the vehicle. I shook my head. "No we can't it's too late."

"Yes we can Donovan." My doppelgänger rested his hand on my shoulder and the memories began to vividly recall the night of the accident.

"In the situation of a car accident do not flee the scene. Fleeing the scene makes you subject to arrest, and implicate criminal charges."

These words consumed me as I remained frozen in the drivers seat. The white noise hadn't fade out, the horns of neighboring vehicles continued to grow. My eyes resembled the windows of many at this sight, open yet shaded- shaded by the outcome of today's events and in disbelief of the consequences.

Veronica shook my shoulders frantically. "Donovan?!"

My eyes fluttered, realizing my doppelgänger had sent me to the past.

"V, it's alright, we're alright." I looked around understanding that my wife and daughter were okay. The car that had collided into our car had ran. The police declared it as a hit and run.

Veronica was hysterical in tears and groaning in pain, my young nova was blankly staring at the both of us. I looked down at Nova, only to see that she wasn't her five year old self. Instead she was her current age, seven. I saw her hands that embraced my scrapbook.

I couldn't understand what was going on. "Nova?"

"Daddy I told you, I told you it was magic."

My eyes wandered outside to see the scene of the car accident. Everything was in place as before.

"Nova, I-." I shifted my eyes to see us now at the hospital. We were no longer in the car and facing our beloved Veronica who laid on the emergency bed.

"V, everything is going to be alright okay?" I kissed my wife’s hand. Nova held mine in comfort. I looked down at her. "How is this possible?"

I sat in the waiting room revisiting the chain of events that occurred this night. I gasped realizing that certain mistakes couldn't be unmade.

A nurse walked closer to me and sat down. "Mr. Renata, we saw that there isn't any insurance on file-."

Following the nurse, the police officer form the scene presented me with a notepad indicating the expenses.

I sighed, recollecting the debt my family fell into this night of the accident. "I know, can we discus-"

A woman and a man approached me as I tried to finish my sentence. "We both have three thousand dollars."

My eyes widen at the gestures that were being made. Soon after four more people appeared with each pair offering six thousand dollars as well.

I whispered to myself. "Eighteen thousand?"

My heart began to race, surely this moment felt unreal. I couldn't dictate what was and what wasn't anyways. This wasn't the reality I had expected. This was the value of uncertainty I couldn't comprehend.

My doppelgänger approached me with reassurance. "I have an additional two thousand, what's that make?"

My head began to pound again. I was exhausted in disbelief, that twenty-thousand dollars had presented itself. This money that I so desperately needed in real time. If time at all exists.