Mourning My Past Life

I'm stuck as an interlife mom to a daughter that knows me as a friend in this life. I'm stuck as nothing but a ghost to my husband from my previous life who doesn't know I've brought myself back.

I remember Central Park during the wedding. I remember the gazebo he proposed in. I remember the walkway hung with flowers. I remember the bridge we crossed. I remember Aldi. I remember Trader Joe's. I remember "Leather and Lace (Nicks and Henley)." I remember "Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini (Rachmaninov)." I remember calling him High Fidelity. I remember calling him Pillow. I remember calling him Cinnamon Coffee.

I remember being pregnant when they injected my spine with that stuff. The next time I awoke, I was killing my enemy. The next time I regained consciousness, I was a baby in a tube. Somewhere in between, I was floating in the Void, then I was in some markets looking for my daughter. Then, I was floating in front of my husband as a cherub (myself) and I could hear "Honey (Goldsboro)" and my husband crying.

I remember that salad I made for his mother's dinner when I was introduced to her (romaine lettuce, tomatoes, onion, goat cheese, oregano, basil, apple cider vinegar, olive oil). I remember I used to make him six pieces of bacon for breakfast.

I remember his eyes turning forest green as we got married. They then returned to their usual melancholy grayish cerulean blue.

I never knew he'd cut her out of me. I never knew they'd done the same to her that they'd done to me. I never knew he'd signed a contract, then forged my name to it, that bound me to him in a way I never wanted.

I recognized the man who headed up my spinal injections as the one who'd injected me with truth serum in my right thigh the day of my wedding in my last life. He was also the one who shot me in the right lower back of the head on the deck of a seafaring airstrip the life before that. In those two lives I was Tori and Simone, respectively. As Tori, my full name was Victoria Florence Giuseppi Guimond. As Simone, my full name was Simone Gibbs. In the life before that, my name was Ariel Simone Gadon.

Our daughter's name was going to be Katherine Emma Guimond. I never knew she was adopted. I never knew he'd tried to kill himself.

I don't even talk to them now, my daughter and my then husband.

I know he can change. I know it because of a pair of earrings he had in a box in his office desk drawer as Tom, as the husband; then in his bedroom drawer as Wilber, the changed boyfriend. I came back for Tom and Emma (I wanted to name her that), not Wilber or Alejandro or Julio or Orlando or Ivan or Vie or Iven (those were his other forms). I have the gift of the crow and I wasted it on someone who's not even with me and on a daughter who's not even my friend anymore.

It's not the first time he's done it to me either, that contract. I was Persephone and he was Hades and to appease Zeus and Demeter he would demean me in front of Zeus when he visited Tartarus.

You want to know the connection about the forbidden infecting fruit? Persephone to Eve. Don't eat the fruit of Tartarus, or you can never leave. Don't eat the fruit of the forbidden tree, or you can never return to Eden, or the Elysian Fields.

All the saints are faint echoings of the gods they were meant to replace in Christianity. The conquerors wanted to make it more appealing to the conquered Pagans they wanted to convert. They made Jesus' birthday Saturnalia, even though it was really in the middle of summer. They based Santa on Greatfather Winter, another Pagan figure. This was after they'd tortured many other Pagans into converting to Christianity. Some were successful; others weren't.

I have a theory: the martyrs and their tortures weren't really Christians who wouldn't convert to Paganism, but were really Pagans who wouldn't convert to Christianity. When were these martyrdoms? During the time of the Crusades and the Inquisitions. They were not during Judaea, when Christianity was seen as a cult of heretics by the Romans who'd only conquered it because of the contractual marriage between Cleopatra and Antonius.

I have more proof I was Tom's wife: he'd never leave his keys in the proper spot. I'd always have to find them and put them in the dish on the cupboard next to the front door. We moved from Manhattan to Virginia. The Virginia house was the one I was kidnapped from. Tom mode is Hades mode, which was why the dissonants made him sign, then forge my name to, the contract.

He's had other contracts regarding me. They've always been with me coming back with no recollection of any of my past lives. A rather famous one was when I was Ileana (not Illona) Jusztina Szilagyi Tepes to Sascha (Slayer).

My other famous lives have been Eve, Psyche, Alcmene, Deianira, Cassandra, Polyxena, Echo, Atalanta, Andromeda, Nefertiti, Creirwy, Rihanon and Morgause.

My goddess forms are numerous. Greek: Ananke, Styx, Asteria, Athena, Themis, Nemesis, Eris, Eos, Selene, Mike, Mnemosyne, one of the three graces, all of the nine muses, Galatea. Egyptian: Mut, Ma'at, Nephthys, Neith and Tefnut. Babylonian: Ashtart, Tiamat, Inanna and Lilitu. Celtic: The Morrigan (Badb, Anand, Macha). Judeo-Christian: Lilith, Even, Mary Magdalene, Ariel and Agatha. African: female aspect. Mayan: Ixchel.

Yes, I'm a multi-goddess. I'm a rarity, even for Paganism, though since that's what includes me the most, that's what I believe in.

I'm an elf, originally, though my first other form was a dragon.

In my true form, I am 6'4", tan, black-eyed and red-haired.

Because of the injections I received in the spine, I cannot yet change myself, but it is normally one of my powers.

Yes, I have a romance with Samael. Yes, that is Tom's spirit name. In fact, Tom mode is just a shorter Sam mode. As you can see, our daughter is not a Nephilim.

The Nephilim were punished to mortal human form through Eden. The venom in the apple made everyone move along into a new life.

The Tower of Babel was not a punishment, but a test to see everyone's openmindedness to learn new languages.

Sodom and Gomorrah were not cautionary tales about homosexuality but about not creating babies and spreading STDs during a time when there were no condoms and only heterosexual sex made babies.