It's O.K.

“It’s o.k.”

I mumbled the words eyes fixed on the letters I had scratched into the bark less tree in front of me with brittle broken nails. The rasped breathing of some maddened monstrous beast disappeared into the curl of mutilated plant life. My eyes turn in its direction waiting for the dark shape to fade, my deteriorating mind repeating in circles the same thing over and over, “It’s o.k.” the letters manifesting before me even in mangled shapes from leaf and branch.

The scratching and clawing of the beast grew faint as it entered the grey-hazed horizon where nothing existed, not anymore. I could scarcely recall now what once stood there, or what had not.

Starving time had nearly erased all humanity in anyone that still breathed. All that lingered now of what once was, was the bright color of blue, followed by a faint smell of cinnamon and then the memory would end with a burst of yellow. Not the diseased yellow like that which followed illness and contamination, but sunflower yellow.

Yes, I could still recall sunflowers, but only because the shape was etched into the backside of a heart-shape locket that I had pulled from melted remains in the haze. A locket sealed shut by rust and other substances better not known. If not for the locket, I would have never remembered anything other than dust.

A shrill alarm grabbed my attention with a start sending the order of the memory away in a scatter, the alarm was nothing more than the watch on my wrist, the numbers 15:11 flash up at me before I silence it. 15 measly minutes was all the time I could spend beyond the bunker, not enough time, not enough time.

At this rate I would die, we all would. Not enough nutrients in the rations, the sun hidden by the haze, clean water tasted always of metal. Being able to be counted as a survivor was the unluckiest thing that had happened to me, not that I could remember much about myself anymore. Those who still lived spent their days drifting briefly through the world like restless spirits. Seeking death, seeking rest but unable to find it.

I returned to the bunker and waited in the darkness of the decontamination chamber until a grey light flickered before me indicating it was “O.K.” to proceed, I mutter the letters as I pass through the metal corridor towards my assigned room, bunker zero, room Kilo.

The room was small with a small hole in the ceiling covered in multiple layers of glass to pass as a window that let in pitifully pale light. I sit on the small cot with a sewing in needle in one hand, locket in the other and begin the mindless task of chipping at the seal. It was all that kept me from going mad, from droning on in witless mutterings. Many of the other tenants were not so lucky to have as little thought left as I did, at night there was no sleep, only wailing and in the morning, many would shutter from the lights afraid of what the simple electricity would do to them.

The needle in hand successfully pushed free a large bit of debris, but in doing so the sharp point jabbed painfully in my finger, the sudden and intense feeling forced me to drop everything. I had believed the nerves in my hands to have failed long ago, neither heat nor cold had affected them since the world became nothing.

It took a long time for a dark red droplet to form on the surface, just another sign that my body was slowly shutting down. Ignoring it I reached for the locket intending to return to my task only to find it lying open, face down on the blanket and couldn’t help but hesitate.

What exactly would be in it? A photo perhaps? Was I ready to fail to recognize what a human looked like? Would anything even be in it? Possibly more forgotten flowers and colors? With curiosity to fuel me, I continued movement and picked it up, closing it quickly out of sudden irrational fear and ran my finger over the cold metal until it warmed under my skin whispering over and over, “It’s O.K, It’s O.K, It’s O.K.”

With a small pop from the latch, I reopen the locket, peel the sides apart, and stare in horror at what was before me. No flowers, no colors, no photos. The inside was soot black and, in the blackness, etched in ridged clear letters laid the words, “It’s O.K.”

The nerves in my fingertips caught fire where they touched the locket, with a hiss I threw it across the room and coil away from it, my mouth filling with the taste of metal as I bite harder and harder on my tongue to hold back the building scream.

Why were those words in there? How did it know that which haunted me? What was O.K???

My vision began to spiral as my mind accelerated into chaos and now, I notice everything in the room is marked with these letters, my shoes, my jacket, the cutlery, the initials on my canteen, and the glowing room plate above my door, “0-K”

A thump from above draws my attention as a black bird had thrown itself down in a dive onto the window, its body twitching at odd angles as its blood slipped away to form a circle, the blackened shapes form a grotesque “O” and “K”.

I burst from the room in madness lunging towards the exit, running to escape my mind! Alarms begin to sound as I charge from the outer chamber into the open air. With a burning wheeze the toxic air rips fire through my lungs! My vision begins to darken as heavy hands push and pull.

“End transmission- bring them back.” I heard a disembodied voice call.

After the voice, the burning cooled, the madness left like the tide going back out to sea, and the darkness began to lift. Noise filled my ears and eyes, bright screens with maps, dotted lines and numbers lined a far wall, a handful of people in headsets sat at computers just beyond glass windows. They looked- human. No flaking, peeling, spoiling skin, no yellow eyes and missing teeth, no tumors, or bare heads. My ears picked up music coming from a speaker near the chair which I sat in,

“Have a nice nap?” asked a woman sitting beside me in a white coat and smile, she removed a device from over my head and disconnected wires from my arm, another human stepped into my vision his expression stern, “Were you able to retrieve the key, agent?”

Without voicing my complete confusion, he sees it and then points to a computer screen I had overlooked. On the screen were two boxes glaring back, cursor flashing.

“The key to the nuclear codes- did you find it?” he asked again.

Two spaces, two slots, for two letters.

My blood ran cold as once again those letters began to creep back from their dark places and I dug my nails in my palms remembering all that had been forgotten.

Nothing was O.K.