Humor Through Sarcasm and Disparagement

What is disparagement humor?

It is when you use humor to hide your deeply help prejudices against others. Disparagement humor is how some experts refer to the amusement generated through hurting a specific group of people through humor. Often the purveyors take pride in their “wit” and sarcasm. Often used by bullies and/or narcissists who like to counter after being called out with “What? Can’t you take a joke?” Sarcasm, often seen as “sharp or cutting wit” is a form of disparagement humor.

This concept is related to the phenomenon where a person attempts to make a joke by humiliating and moking a specific social group based on some characteristics, such as gender, sexual orientation, appearance, beliefs, faith, nationality, or other common backgrounds. Disparagement humor is the attempt to amuse and illicit laughs through the denigration of theses social group or their representatives. You may recognize it as sexist, religious or racist jokes – but it is anything that makes a punchline out of a another group whether marginalized or not. It serves only to boost the joke teller’s sense of importance and self. It is not funny. It’s hurtful in much deeper ways than you may realize.

What do these jokes and mockery really say about our attitudes and prejudices?

As with most bullies, there is tremendous pushback against the wit and cleverness they think they are exhibiting.

A fascinating study by Annie Kochersberger, published by the International Journal of Humor Research, might answer this question. She asked more than 100 men and women to rate the funniness of several sexist jokes, as well as somewhat more neutral examples .

Subjects also answered questions intended to uncover any potentially hostile sexist views. For example, they were asked if they agreed with the statement, "Women seek to gain power by getting control over men." Lastly, subjects were asked how well they psychologically identified with women.

Her results showed that liking sexist humor has nothing to do with gender, at least once views toward women are taken into consideration. Women are just as likely to enjoy sexist jokes as men, particularly when they hold sexist views themselves.

This is interesting because it suggests that anyone can be sexist or racist and that liking disparaging humor may say something unfortunate about our deeper values.

There's a long history of research pertaining to disparate humor, though one of the most interesting findings belongs to Thomas Ford, who was also one of Kochersberger's co-authors in the recent study. His earlier study, "More Than Just a Joke," asked subjects to read sexist jokes immediately before deciding how much money to donate to a fictional women's organization. Subjects didn't even have to give actual money; they only had to imagine themselves doing so.

Subjects in that study who rated high on measures of hostile sexism contributed almost nothing to the women's organizations after reading sexist jokes, a drop of about 80 percent compared to the "donations" made following neutral jokes. But those who didn't rate high on sexism didn't show the effect: Instead, they donated more after reading the sexist jokes, about twice as much compared to the "donations" following after priming with neutral jokes.

So, if we're not discriminatory or prejudiced to begin with, these jokes don't have much of an impact on us. They don't make us more prejudiced. For others, it is just the opposite.

Yes, you read that right. These seemingly harmless jokes and mockery actually make many more prejudiced and divisive.

That said, disparagement humor is paradoxical: It simultaneously communicates two conflicting messages. One is an explicit hostile or prejudiced message. But delivered alongside is a second implicit message that “it doesn’t count as hostility or prejudice because I didn’t mean it — it’s just a joke.” One of the hallmarks of bullying behavior is the go-to response of, “it’s just a joke, lighten up. Get a sense of humor” often accusing the person objecting of having no sense of humor.

By disguising expressions of prejudice in a cloak of fun and frivolity, disparagement humor appears harmless and trivial. However, a large and growing body of psychology research suggests just the opposite – that disparagement humor can foster discrimination against targeted groups.

Laughing together at others’ expense? Never cool. Never funny. Never okay.

Most of the time prejudiced people conceal their true beliefs and attitudes because they fear others’ criticism. They express prejudice only when the norms in a given context clearly communicate approval to do so. They need something in the immediate environment to signal that it is safe to freely express their prejudice.

Disparagement humor appears to do just that by affecting people’s understanding of the social norms – implicit rules of acceptable conduct – in the immediate context.

For instance, in studies, men rate higher in hostile sexism – antagonism against women and reported greater tolerance of gender harassment in the workplace upon exposure to sexist versus neutral (nonsexist) jokes. Men higher in hostile sexism also recommended greater funding cuts to a women’s organizations after watching sexist versus neutral comedy skits. Even more disturbing, other researchers found that men higher in hostile sexism expressed greater willingness to rape a woman upon exposure to sexist versus nonsexist humor.

“Sexist humor can expand the bounds of what’s an acceptable way to treat women.”

Thomas E. Ford, CC BY-ND

In another study, it was demonstrated that the prejudice-releasing effect of disparagement humor varies depending on the position in society occupied by the butt of the joke. Social groups are vulnerable to different degrees depending on their overall status.

Some groups occupy a unique social position of what social psychologists call “shifting acceptability.” For these groups, the overall culture is changing from considering prejudice and discrimination against them completely justified to considering them completely unjustified. But even as society as a whole becomes increasingly accepting of them, many individuals still harbor mixed feelings.

For instance, over the past 60 years or so, the United States has seen a dramatic decline in overt and institutional racism. Public opinion polls over the same period have shown whites holding progressively less prejudiced views of minorities, particularly blacks. Don’t misread that. The prejudice against people of color is still at unacceptable levels and would require a much more in-depth analysis than this article purports to explore. At the same time, however, many whites still covertly have negative associations with and feelings toward blacks – feelings they largely don’t acknowledge because they conflict with their ideas about themselves being egalitarian.

Disparagement humor fosters discrimination against social groups – like black Americans – that occupy this kind of shifting ground. In this study, they found that off-color jokes promoted discrimination against Muslims and gay men – which were measured through greater recommended budget cuts to a gay student organization, for instance.

On the basis of these findings, one might conclude that disparagement humor targeting oppressed or disadvantaged groups is inherently destructive and thus should be censured.

However, the real problem might not be with the humor itself but rather with an audience’s dismissive viewpoint that “a joke is just a joke,” even if disparaging. One study found that such a “cavalier humor belief” might indeed be responsible for some of the negative effects of disparagement humor. For prejudiced people, the belief that “a disparaging joke is just a joke” trivializes the mistreatment of historically oppressed social groups – including women, gay people, racial minorities and religious minorities – which further contributes to their prejudiced attitude.

Can you be ‘in on the joke’? Does the prejudice the joke exposes ring as “truth” to you, giving credence to your deeply submerged beliefs? If one initiates disparament humor with the positive intention of exposing the absurdity of stereotypes and prejudice, the humor ironically might have the potential to subvert or undermine prejudice.

Studies have shown that people higher in prejudice are particularly prone to misinterpret subversive humor as positive reinforcement for their own intolerance. Researchers in the 1970s studied the television show “All in the Family,” which focused on the bigoted character Archie Bunker. They found that low-prejudiced people perceived “All in the Family” as a satire on bigotry and that Archie Bunker was the target of the humor. They “got” the true subversive intent of the show. Others aligned themselves with him, seeing him as a role model and received positive reinforcement for their own bigotry.

For example, highly-prejudiced people enjoyed the show for satirizing the targets of Archie’s prejudice. Thus, for highly-prejudiced people, the subversive disparagement humor of the show backfired. Rather than calling attention to the absurdity of prejudice, for them the show communicated an implicit prejudiced norm, conveying a tolerance of discrimination. Basically, it promoted a belief that it was okay to be prejudiced.

Psychology research suggests that disparagement humor is far more than “just a joke.” Regardless of its intent, when prejudiced people interpret disparagement humor as “just a joke” intended to make fun of its target and not prejudice itself, it can have serious social consequences as a releaser of prejudice.

Or maybe the problem isn't the jokes themselves, but the attitude that "a joke is just a joke." Jokes have power—great power. When our intent is to malign, a joke becomes more than an offhand remark; it becomes a weapon. I am sure some will use this article to “mock” and call me humorless. Far from it, I just choose not to base my humor on the denigration of others. I implore you to do so also and push back when you see it, hear it or read it. Ignoring it makes us complicit in the behavior.

MOCKERY

Your mockery does not tarnish me

Your intolerance does not diminish me

Your anger does not frighten me

Your ignorance does not smother me

Because I can turn my face to the sun

And let Divine light fill up my soul

I can dance through the ocean waves

And let the saltwater cleanse my spirit

I can stand in the dirt

And let my roots sink deep into

The earth tethering me and

Making me strong as the forest

Your mockery cannot tarnish me

Your intolerance cannot diminish me

Your anger cannot frighten me

Your ignorance cannot smother me

I am confident in my oneness with God

And the greatness of the living waters that fill my being

I am strong and profound in my faith

And am grateful for the calming peace it brings me

I am trusting of God’s love

And the steadfast strength it gives me

So your mockery will not tarnish me

Your intolerance will not diminish me

Your anger will not frighten me

Your ignorance will not smother me

Because I am strong, and I am loved

I am blessed

Your mockery will never tarnish me

Julie O’Hara 2023

What does the spiritual world say about mocking or disparaging others? If you are not spiritual or religious or believe in a higher power, stop reading now and focus on the information above. I am going to give a cursory overview of how Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus and Muslims view hurting others and mocking them. This is a very simplistic view, and I am certainly not a religious scholar.

Christian Teachings

The Bible teaches that mocking others is rooted in pride and arrogance. Those who mock others will face God’s judgment. As Christians, we are called to speak words that build others up, showing gentleness, patience, and kindness. When we suffer mockery from others, we should endure it patiently and leave any vengeance to God. The Bible also provides verses that warn against mocking others and guidance on speaking with kindness and respect.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 7

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

1 John 4:20 6

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.

1 John 3:10 5

By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.

2 Timothy 2:23-24 5

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil,

Romans 12:10 5

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Matthew 12:36 5

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak,

Isaiah 5:20 5

Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!

Proverbs 29:11 5

A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

1 Peter 3:9 4

Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

James 3:9-10 4

With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.

Ephesians 4:31 4

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

1 Corinthians 14:40 4

But all things should be done decently and in order.

Proverbs 28:13 4

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

Proverbs 20:3 4

It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.

1 John 2:15 3

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

1 Peter 3:10 3

For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;

Hebrews 12:11 3

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

1 Thessalonians 5:15 3

See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.

Philippians 4:6-7 3

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 2:3-4 3

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Ephesians 4:2 3

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

John 3:16 3

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Matthew 5:44 3

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

Proverbs 27:2 3

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.

Proverbs 21:23 3

Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Proverbs 16:18 3

Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 15:18 3

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

Proverbs 15:1 3

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 12:16 3

The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.

Proverbs 10:12 3

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Psalm 37:8 3

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.

Psalm 1:1 3

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

Revelation 12:10 2

And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.

Revelation 7:1 2

After this I saw four angels standing at the four corners of the earth, holding back the four winds of the earth, that no wind might blow on earth or sea or against any tree.

Jude 1:3 2

Beloved, although I was very eager to write to you about our common salvation, I found it necessary to write appealing to you to contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints.

1 John 4:16 2

So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

1 John 2:11 2

But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.

1 Peter 4:16 2

Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.

1 Peter 3:7 2

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 Peter 3:6 2

As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

1 Peter 2:17 2

Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.

James 1:5 2 Helpful Not Helpful

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

Hebrews 13:16 2

Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

Hebrews 4:13 2

Judaic Teachings

Lashon hara , translated literally as “evil speech,” refers to various types of language prohibited by Jewish law. Colloquially, the term is used to refer to all manner of prohibited speech, whether true or not, and is sometimes translated as “malicious gossip.” But technically lashon hara refers only to true speech that is damaging to the subject.

Different kinds of forbidden speech: Are they all lashon hara?

There are three primary categories of problematic speech in Judaism. The most general is rechilut, or gossip. Rechilut isn’t necessarily negative. Maimonides describes gossip as simply going around telling people what other people have said or done.

Negative speech that is false is called in Hebrew motzi shem ra — literally “gives a bad name,” or more commonly slander or defamation.

Finally, there is lashon hara, which technically refers to speech that causes harm, like saying someone is a bad driver or broke the law. The statement might be true, but speaking it will hurt the person about whom it is said. Maimonides describes it as any statement that, if spread from one person to another, would damage someone’s body or their property, or even annoy or frighten them (Mishneh Torah, Human Dispositions 7:5).

ADVERTISING

Although lashon hara technically refers only to true speech that is harmful, and not malicious lies (that’s motzi shem ra) or harmless gossip (rechilut),in practice it has colloquially come to encompass all three.

What is the source for the commandment not to engage in lashon hara?

The term lashon hara never appears in the Bible. The closest approximation is a verse in Psalms 34:13-14: “Who is the man who is eager for life, who desires years of good fortune? Guard your tongue from evil [lashon’cha me’rah], your lips from deceitful speech.” The Hebrew phrase translated as “eager for life,” chafetz chayim, would become the title of the most important volume detailing the laws of lashon hara, published in 1873 by Yisrael Meir Kagan, a Polish rabbi who became known as the Chafetz Chaim.

The laws of lashon hara are often said to derive from two principal sources in the Torah. One is a verse in Leviticus 19:16, which prohibits talebearing, and the other is Exodus 23:1, which prohibits bearing false rumors. The verse from Leviticus refers to rechilut, or simple gossip — merely repeating information about other people, even if it’s true and even if it’s not negative. The same verse also bars standing idly by the blood of your neighbor — essentially, failing to save someone from death. That these two prohibitions are contained in the same verse is understood to signify the seriousness with which Jewish tradition regards lashon hara.

How bad is lashon hara?

Jewish law considers the broad category of lashon hara to be a significant sin, as it harms social cohesion and is difficult to atone for. Once such speech has been let loose in the world, it is virtually impossible to undo its damage. Jewish law also regards both the speaker and the hearer of lashon hara as liable.

There are various other commandments that one might be guilty of violating in the course of speaking lashon hara. These include the prohibition known as lifnei iver — literally, placing a stumbling block before the blind, more commonly understood as causing others to sin. Someone who speaks lashon hara and causes the listener to transgress may also be guilty of lifnei iver. Some authorities also consider lashon hara to violate the Torah’s commandment to “remember what God did to Miriam” (Deuteronomy 24:9). This commandment is understood as referring to God striking Miriam with leprosy for having spoken ill of her brother Moses. Speaking ill of others may be a violation of this commandment as well. The Chafetz Chaim lists several other Torah verses that speakers of lashon hara violate.

The ancient rabbis had a lot to say on the dangers of lashon hara, some of which is rather extreme, perhaps because of the verse from Exodus associated with lashon hara that warns against standing idly by the blood of one’s neighbor, and perhaps because the rabbis were famously sensitive to the destructive power of harmful social interactions. The Talmud in Pesachim (118a) states that anyone who speaks lashon hara, and anyone that accepts it as true, should be thrown to the dogs. In Arakhin 15b, the Talmud records a number of sayings about the seriousness of lashon hara, equating it with denying the existence of God and to the three cardinal sins of murder, idolatry and sexual immorality.

The rabbis also prohibit something they call avak lashon hara — literally “dust of lashon hara.” This is understood to refer to language that merely implies lashon hara or might cause others to speak it, such as speaking positively about someone in the presence of their enemies.

Buddhism (five precepts)

Ethical North Star: The Five Buddhist Precepts for Modern Times

In this complex and interconnected world, living ethically has never been more challenging—or more important. Jan Willis, Rebecca Li, Trudy Goodman, Thanissaro Bhikku, and Sister True Dedication share the five Buddhist precepts for modern times.

1. Don’t Kill

Jan Willis on the first precept.

I’ve long considered verse 183 of the Dhammapada to be one of the best and most succinct summations of the buddhadharma. That verse says:

Do no harm,

Practice virtue,

Discipline the mind.

These are the teachings of all the buddhas.

These three—not causing harm (to oneself or others), practicing what is good and wholesome (for oneself and others), and disciplining one’s mind in order to accomplish the first two activities—are Buddhism in a nutshell. Compassion, nonviolence, and nonharm are the heart of Buddhist practice.

It seems fitting, then, that an enumeration of the general ethical guidelines for Buddhist lay followers—the “five precepts,” or “five trainings”—begins with an injunction to refrain from causing harm, killing, or taking life.

It might seem that undertaking a vow not to kill would be easy for most of us, but this is not the case. In many ways, it is the hardest of all the precepts.

In Buddhism, actions (karma) are of three sorts: they’re committed by our body, speech, or mind. In order to think and act virtuously, our mind is key. Our motivations and our physical actions begin in the mind, and the mind’s actions are much faster than the body’s.

Say we get angry with someone. We might become so furious that we want to harm them. Now if we were to pick up a knife or gun, find that person, and aim the gun, or figure out a way to get close enough to use our knife to stab them, well, that would take some time. But in a flash, in our mind, we may have “killed” the person a hundred times over! Owing to our motivation, having thought violence is as much a violation of the precept against killing as having done it physically.

The incredible speed of the mind is why it’s so important to discipline our mind. If we can restrain our mind, we can cause less harm and perform more actions that are beneficial for all concerned. Shantideva warns in The Way of the Bodhisattva (Bodhicaryavatara) that without disciplined mental restraint, without patience, our anger can destroy in an instant all the virtuous activity we have performed in a thousand eons.

Why? Because anger—unlike righteous indignation or simple frustration—wishes only to cause harm to another. It’s solely a destructive force. Therefore, to undertake the practice of the first precept is to step upon the Buddhist path in earnest.

2. Don’t Steal

Rebecca Li on the second precept.

Precepts are often viewed as restrictions on our freedom. In reality, they are our best friends in the practice of cultivating wisdom and compassion.

The second Buddhist precept is to not steal. As we live in a world that celebrates wealth and fame, it is easy to be tempted by shortcuts to success, acceptance, or recognition. Sometimes these shortcuts involve taking what is not given—stealing. Blinded by our greed for acknowledgment and achievement and all that comes with it, we convince ourselves that these shortcuts are okay.

The precepts act as a friend who asks us, “Are you sure you want to do that? What about the precept of not stealing?” This gentle reminder provides an opportunity to cultivate clear awareness of our craving and greed, to stop the mental agitation arising from convincing ourselves

that we’re not harming anyone or that the end justifies the means, and to end the suffering caused by erroneous views. We can choose not to suffer ourselves by letting go of craving, and that choice reflects wisdom. Likewise, we choose to refrain from harming others by not stealing, and that choice reflects compassion.

Contemporary life provides numerous opportunities to practice upholding the second precept. When we take money and material things, we can readily recognize this is a form of stealing. But what about presenting someone else’s work, knowledge, or idea as if it were your own in order to appear more intelligent and productive? This can be a tempting shortcut to gain influence and achieve success.

We try to convince ourselves that no one is getting hurt when we take undue credit. But is that really true? It can help someone’s career when they are recognized for their intelligence or contributions. By taking credit for another’s work, we are stealing that from them. We may convince ourselves the person doesn’t mind because they are not complaining. Yet our actions put them in an untenable position. By complaining, they risk being seen as petty, especially if they are members of a less powerful group—women or minorities—or

in a subordinate position, such as student or employee. As a result, they are hurt twice—first by losing the recognition due to them, and second by being silenced or misunderstood if they stand up for themselves.

Not stealing is in accordance with wisdom and compassion. Properly acknowledging other people’s work is compassionate behavior because it makes them feel appreciated and seen. Recognizing that our accomplishments are the coming together of many causes and conditions, including work done by others, is wisdom. In this subtle way, upholding the precept of not stealing frees us all from suffering.

3. Don’t Stereotype, Exploit, or Harm Others Sexually

Trudy Goodman on the third precept.

Many years ago, during a three-month meditation retreat, a visiting Burmese meditation master was asked a question about sex. As a monk, he responded, “Sex is gross, base, and disgusting.”

The Buddha was clear that while sexuality is an enjoyment for married householders, the rules are different for monastics who take a vow of celibacy. During “Dharma Follies,” the funny skits performed at the end of the retreat, the monk’s answer was humorously adapted for laypeople: “Sex is engrossing, basic, and worth discussing.”

Yes! Sex can be a delightful way to get to know yourself and others. Knowing and being known, loving and being loved—most people long for this.

The third precept extends the overarching principle of integrity and non-harming to the powerful energies of sex. The precept for laypeople is a vow not to engage in sexual misconduct. But unlike the precepts against killing or stealing, it’s not so clear exactly what constitutes sexual misconduct.

I know that when I’m in my integrity, my wholeness, there’s respect for my body and yours, even in the forcefield of sexual desire. If I view people as sex objects or through gender stereotypes, I’ve fallen into disrespectful dualism that dims the light of awareness. Objectifying or “othering” each other opens a door to exploitative behavior and abuse. Exploiting anyone’s vulnerability in sex for my own pleasure takes me far away from my true nature. For whenever I harm another, knowingly or unknowingly, I’m harming myself.

Without mindful awareness, it’s easy to rationalize and indulge in sexual behaviors I know to be harmful by pretending they aren’t really so bad, or by deciding “It’s okay this one time.” When we start going down this path, it’s time to take a moment to check in, breathe deeply, and call in some loving awareness. Pause and ask yourself, “Is it wise to take the next step?”

Sex is a big deal. How much time do you spend wanting, wondering, fantasizing, even obsessing about it? It takes willingness and courage to move past fear of the unknown, fear of being known, painful or traumatic sexual experiences, and cultural sexual inhibitions to explore this territory. It takes practice to handle the heat of erotic fire skillfully. For me, learning to navigate sexual relationships wisely has been the work of a lifetime, full of joys and sorrows.

When I enjoy the pleasure and happiness of my sexual partner as well as my own, that joy aligns me with my buddhanature—and it’s sexy. All the factors of awakening—joy, energy, interest, mindfulness, relaxation, concentration, spaciousness—come into play in the intense space of sexual connection. Shifting from “having sex” to being inside the sexual experience, either by myself or with another, is powerful intimacy. In Zen, it’s said that true love is when the division between self and other disappears. We find that passionate, heart-opening presence when the third precept is kept with love and care.

4.Tell the Truth

Thanissaro Bhikku on the fourth precept.

The very first dharma lesson the Buddha gave to his son was never to tell a deliberate lie, even in jest. In another context, he added that if a person feels no shame telling a deliberate lie, there’s no evil that person will not do. Obviously, the Buddha saw the precept against lying as crucial to goodness of any sort.

He defined telling a lie as deliberately misrepresenting the truth. You did x, but you say that you didn’t. You didn’t see y, but you say that you did. Many people, when they learn of this definition, immediately look for two possible exceptions: What about jokes where you exaggerate the truth, but without intending to deceive your listener? What about lies told with compassionate motives, such as wanting to protect people from truths they’re not ready to hear or to protect people from danger?

The Buddha’s first lesson to his son explicitly rules out the first exception. The teaching he gave after that lesson helps explain why.

The practice of training the mind is a matter of becoming increasingly sensitive to your actions in thought, word, and deed, to the intentions motivating them, and to the results they yield. If you see anything unskillful in your actions, you do your best to abandon it.

This practice requires not only sensitivity, but also rigorous honesty. If you’re careless in how you frame your words to others, it’s easy to be careless in how you view your intentions and the results of what you’ve done. You keep turning a blind eye to currents in the mind you’d rather not see. To counteract this tendency, you have to be rigorously true in everything you say, even when looking for ways to express your sense of humor. Try to find it in the truth. There’s plenty of it there.

A similar line of reasoning applies to the second exception. It’s all too easy to justify breaking a precept by citing compassionate motives. But your self-professed compassion may be hiding other motives that are more self-serving. The mind is notorious for lying to itself about what its genuine motives are.

There are also social consequences to white lies. When people find out that you’ve told them a lie, no matter how compassionate you thought it was, they’ll never really trust your words again. When trust is broken, the relationship is wounded. And when little lies become acceptable, bigger ones become more widely acceptable too, and society, as a whole, breaks down.

When you want to avoid sensitive topics, learn how to be quick-witted in getting around them without misrepresenting the facts. It’s a better exercise of your discernment to stick with the precepts in a harmless way than to justify breaking them.

5. Don’t Consume Toxins

Sister True Dedication on the fifth precept.

The five mindfulness trainings are Thich Nhat Hanh’s unique, modern take on the five traditional Buddhist precepts. They are a journey of training in right action—the kind of action that responds to the suffering of our times.

Thay, as he’s known to his students, has expanded the fifth precept, which is traditionally understood as refraining from drinking alcohol and taking drugs, into a deep training in “mindful consuming.” The fifth mindfulness training zeros in on the hundreds of choices we make every day about what to eat, drink, watch, or listen to. It also includes the kind of environment we choose to immerse ourselves in and the kind of dreams and intentions we nurture to draw us forward through life. All of these can be considered as “nutriments” for body and mind. They can be healthy or they can be toxic. The fifth mindfulness training is about actively seeking out those things that are healthy for our body and mind and consciously avoiding what is toxic.

In Buddhism, there is such a thing as free will. Mindfulness sets us free to choose, in any given moment, what we eat and drink, what we see on our screens, and what kind of life, ultimately, we want to lead. We get to choose what to do with our minutes, hours, and days; we get to choose how to handle what’s arising in our body and mind.

Mindfulness also leads us to a deeper, radical honesty about the effects of every kind of input on our body, mind, and spirit, and on the planet. Does what we are watching, reading, listening to, and consuming help all of us be healthy, happy, and whole?

Mindfulness allows us to ask why we’re reaching out so much to consume—to open the fridge, switch on a streaming channel, or pick up our phone. It’s only human to cover up painful feelings of loneliness, fear, and despair with a bit of distraction and stimulation. But as practitioners, we know that covering up our suffering with consumption may only make the situation worse. When we do that, we lose the chance to take care of the feelings that are there, and we may introduce even more negativity into our lives.

Consuming mindfully is an art, not a strict regimen. It’s up to each one of us to discern what’s healthy and what’s not, guided by our own insight of interbeing and compassion. For each person it’s different: there are no hard-and-fast rules for mindful consuming. It’s up to us to identify, with the energy of mindfulness, whether what we’re consuming feeds our compassion, hope, and action, or whether it waters seeds of fear and despair. Each of us has to come up with our own strategy to take our consuming in a better direction.

Thich Nhat Hanh emphasizes insight into what he calls “interbeing”—the profound interconnection of all that is. In this light, you cannot separate the glass of liquor in your hand from the grains that could have fed a hungry migrant, or the communities and families that are destroyed by addiction. We cannot separate the violence on our screens, which waters seeds of fear and violence in our body and minds, from the violence that plays out on the streets.

Our body is also the body of the earth, the body of society, and we want to take care of it with love and respect, just like we want to take care of our planet and fellow citizens with love and respect. This empowering insight transforms our simple everyday choices into a dynamic realm of meaningful action.

Hinduism and mockery

13 Basic ethics of Hinduism

The mark of Dharma is Achara or good conduct. Achara is the mark of the good. From Achara is Dharma born. Dharma enhances life. Man attains prosperity and fame, here and hereafter, through the practice of Dharma. Good conduct is the highest Dharma. It is the root of all Tapas or austerities. Righteousness, truth and good works, power and prosperity—all originate from conduct.

CONDUCT AND CHARACTER

Man wills to obtain his objects of desires. Willing results in action. This is called conduct. Conduct is behaviour. The will that is expressed becomes conduct. Man has various sorts of desires. Sometimes, there is conflict of desires. That desire which obtains victory is termed ‘will’. The inner disposition which makes the will possible is called character. Character is the aggregate of peculiar qualities which constitute personal individuality. External behaviour is not always a sure guide in judging the character of a man.

ETHICS OR THE SCIENCE OF CONDUCT

Morality or ethics is the science of conduct. Ethics is the study of what is right or good in conduct. Ethical science shows the way in which human beings should behave towards one another, as well as towards other creatures. It contains systematised principles on which a man should act.

Ethics is right conduct or Sadachara. We have human morality, family morality, social morality, national morality, professional morality, etc. A doctor has his professional ethics. He should not divulge to others the secrets of his patients. It is his duty to take all precautionary hygienic measures to stop the spread of an epidemic disease and direct his earnest attention towards public health and hygiene. Ethics is a relative science. What is good for one man may not be good for another man. What is good at one time and at one place may not be good at another time and at another place.

Ethics is relative to the man himself and to his surroundings.

ETHICS, SPIRITUALITY AND RELIGION

Without ethics, you cannot have progress in the spiritual path. Ethics is the foundation of Yoga. Ethics is the corner-stone of Vedanta. Ethics is the strong pillar on which the edifice of Bhakti Yoga rests. Ethics is the gateway to God-realisation. Without ethical perfection, no spiritual progress or realisation is possible. A Yogic student or aspirant must be strictly ethical. He must be truthful and pure in thought, word and deed. He must possess excellent conduct. He must not injure any living being in thought, word and deed. He must practise rigidly right thought, right speech and right action. Every religion has its ethics. The Sermon on the Mount of Jesus and the Ten Commandments contain ethical teachings for the uplift of man. The Noble Eightfold Path of the Buddha is the essence of ethics. The Yamas and Niyamas of Patanjali Maharshi constitute the highest ethics. Manu Smriti, Yajnavalkya Smriti and Parasara Smriti contain the code of conduct for man. The three kinds of austerity of the Gita are nothing but ethics in an intensified form.

BENEFITS OF THE PRACTICE OF ETHICS

Morality is the gateway to religion. He who leads a moral or virtuous life attains freedom, perfection or Moksha. Practice of ethics will help you to live in harmony with your neighbours, friends, your own family members, fellow-beings and other people. It will confer on you lasting happiness and

Moksha. It will purify your heart. It will keep your conscience ever clean.Amoral man who follows strictly the principles of ethics will not deviate even a fraction of an inch from the path of Dharma or righteousness. Yudhishthira had earned an undying reputation for his practice of ethics. He was an embodiment of Dharma. Hence he still lives in our hearts. Good conduct is the root of material and spiritual prosperity. Conduct increases fame. It is good conduct which prolongs life and destroys all calamities and evils and brings eternal happiness. It is good conduct that begets virtue. Therefore develop good conduct.

ETHICAL CODES IN HINDUISM

Hindu ethics is superb. Hinduism lays great emphasis on ethical discipline. Yama (self-restraint) and Niyama (religious observances or canons) are the foundations of Yoga and Vedanta. Undeveloped persons cannot think for themselves. Hence rules of conduct have been laid down by great sages or seers like Manu and Sage Yajnavalkya. Lord Krishna says in the Gita: “Let the scriptures be thy authority in determining what ought to be done or what ought not to be done. Knowing what hath been declared by the ordinances of the scriptures, thou oughtest to work in this world” (Ch. XVI-24). The Smritis written by Yajnavalkya, Manu and other sages distinctly prescribe the rules of conduct. As you have not got the power nor the time to think of the moral principles and rules given in the scriptures, you can get them from the sages and saints and follow them to the very letter.

THE FOUNDATIONAL PRINCIPLES OF HINDU ETHICS

The ethics of the Hindus is subtle, sublime and profound. All religions have taught ethical precepts such as: “Do not kill, do not injure others, love your neighbour as your self,” but they have not given the reason. The basis of Hindu ethics is this: “There is one all-pervading Atman. It is the innermost soul of all beings. This is the common, pure consciousness. If you injure your neighbour, you really injure yourself. If you injure any other creature, you really injure yourself, because the whole world is nothing but your own Self.” This is Hindu ethics. This is the basic metaphysical

truth that underlies all Hindu ethical codes. The Atman or Self is one. One life vibrates in all beings. Life is common in animals, birds and human beings. Existence is common. This is the emphatic declaration of the Upanishads or Srutis. This primary truth of religion is the foundation of ethics or morality or science of right conduct. Morality has Vedanta as its basis. The first thing you learn from religion is the unity of all selves. The Upanishads says: “The neighbour is, in truth, the very Self and what separates you from him is mere illusion.” One Atman or Self abides in all beings. Universal love is the expression of the unity. Universal brotherhood has its basis in the unity of Self. All human relations exist because of this unity. Yajnavalkya said to his wife Maitreyi: “Behold, my dear, not indeed for the love of the husband is the husband dear, for the love of the Self is the husband dear.” And so with wife, sons, property, friends, worlds and even the Devas themselves. All are dear, because the one Self is in all. If you injure another man, you injure yourself. If you help another person, you help yourself. There is one life, one common consciousness in all beings. This is the foundation of right conduct. This is the foundation of ethics.

SERVICE AS WORSHIP

A philanthropist donates big sums to social institutions. He regards this as some kind of social service only. That is all. He has not got the Bhava or mental attitude, that the whole world is a manifestation of the Lord and that he is serving the Lord. He has not got the Bhava that the Lord is

working through his instruments or senses, that every act is an offering unto the Lord, and that every deed is a Yogic activity. In India, dinner is prepared for five hundred persons even when two hundred persons are invited. Feeding is worship of Narayana or the Lord, for a Hindu. It is Atithi-Yajna or sacred sacrifice. A Hindu regards every creature as the Lord. The Hindus are very generous, noble, large-hearted, charitable, God-fearing, sympathetic, merciful and hospitable. If they see a hungry man in the street, they will take him to their house, treat him as Atithi-Narayana (God in the form of guest), feed him first and then take their food. Nowhere in the world you will hear of such a treatment. You cannot get even a morsel of food free in other countries. A Hindu believes that if he feeds a single sage or aMahatma, he is feeding the whole world, because he has realised that a realised sage is identical with the whole Virat or Brahman and is one with all beings of the entire universe. Hindu ethics is based on the sublime philosophy of Vedanta which propounds the doctrine of oneness of life and unity of consciousness. Ethics or morality and doing good to others, is the manifestation of this oneness. A Hindu distributes food to the crows, dogs, cows and fish first before he takes his food. He tries to recognise the one Atman that is hidden in all these forms. He endeavours to become one with the Universal Being. He knows that in loving others he loves himself and in injuring others he injures himself. Through the practice of cosmic love he feels that all bodies are his, all hands are his, all feet are his and that the whole world is his home(Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam). Gradually he becomes one with the soul of the universe and one with the Oversoul also. Hindu ethics leads eventually to Self-realisation. Ethics is ameans to Yoga.

ETHICAL CULTURE OR THE PROCESS OF PURIFICATION

The very root and core of all moral discipline is mental purification through refraining from all evil action and the active practice of virtue. Do good at all times. Ahimsa, Satya and Brahmacharya symbolise the three processes of avoiding sin, sticking to virtue and Self-purification.

All harm arises out of man’s egoism. The ego manifests itself as ambition, desire and lust. Under their influence man indulges in hatred, love, flattery, pride, unscrupulousness, hypocrisy and delusion. To eradicate egoism arising out of Deha-Abhimana (body-idea), think constantly on the

foulness and perishability of the body and the pains arising out of the senses. Reject them as evil and mentally rise above them. Dwell upon that which is desirable, elevating and divine. Improper action—thoughtless action without discrimination—gives rise to all misery. To get freedom from misery, the noble path of virtue—Sadachara—is to be followed. Rigidly observe truth and purity in your thoughts, speech, actions, inner motive and general conduct. Be loving, tolerant and charitable in your opinion of men and things and in your dealings with others. In every sphere, the individual should strive to adhere to these qualities and to manifest them. Thus, this ideal is to be practised between parents and children, elders and youngsters, teacher and pupil, friend and friend, Guru and disciple, leader and follower, subject and ruler, and nation and nation.

You must proceed along the path of virtue. Be determined never to swerve even an inchfrom Dharma. The mind has to be carefully trained and the will should be developed and strengthened. Therefore much importance has been laid by the ancients upon Yama, Niyama and Shat-Sampat (six treasures of virtue). The mind and will must be exercised and disciplined through deliberate acts of self-denial and self-sacrifice in everyday life. Ethical culture, therefore, demands moral vigilance and right exertion. The development of a sensitive conscience and positive admiration for goodness and nobility plays a great part in ethical culture.

PHILOSOPHY OF RIGHT AND WRONG

Everybody speaks: “This is right, that is wrong; you are right, he is wrong;” but he cannot tell you exactly what he means by ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. What is the criterion by which we judge an action to be right or wrong, and good or bad? “Right and wrong” and “good and bad” are relative terms. Right and wrong refer to the moral standard, as law. Good and bad refer to it, as end. You will have to adjust your conduct according to this moral standard. That which is in accordance with a rule is right. That which is worthy of achievement is good. Religion gives us the ultimate data upon which ethical science may be built.

RELATIVE NATURE OF RIGHT AND WRONG

Right and wrong—Dharma and Adharma—are relative terms. It is very difficult to define these terms precisely. Even sages are bewildered sometimes in finding out what is right and what is wrong in some special circumstances. That is the reason why Lord Krishna says in the Gita: “What is action? What is inaction? Even the wise are herein perplexed. Therefore I will declare to thee the action by knowing which thou shalt be liberated from evil. It is needful to discriminate action, to discriminate unlawful action, and to discriminate inaction; mysterious is the path of action. He who

seeth inaction in action and action in inaction, he is wise among men; he is harmonious, even while performing all actions” (Ch. IV-16, 17, 18).

ILLUSTRATIONS OF RIGHT AND WRONG

Right and wrong are always relative to the surrounding circumstances. What is right in one situation is not right in another. Right and wrong vary according to time, special circumstances, Varna (status or class in society) and Asrama (order or stage of life). Morality is a changing and relative term. That passionate man who molests his legally married wife frequently to gratify his passion is more immoral than aman who visits the house of his sister of ill-fame once in six months. That manwho dwells constantly on immoral thoughts is the most immoral man. Do you clearly note the subtle difference now? To kill an enemy is right for a Kshatriya king. A Brahmin or Sannyasin should not kill anybody even for protecting himself during times of danger. They should practice strict forbearance and forgiveness. To speak an untruth to save the life of a Mahatma or one’s Guru,

who has been unjustly charged by the unjust officer of a state, is right. Untruth has become a truth in this particular case. To speak a truth which brings harm to many is untruth only. To kill a dacoit who murders the wayfarers daily is Ahimsa only. Himsa becomes Ahimsa under certain circumstances. Forgiveness or Kshama befits an ascetic or Sannyasin who leads the life of Nivritti Marga or renunciation. It cannot befit a ruler. The ruler may forgive one who has injured him, but he cannot forgive one who has done the greatest harm to the public.

There are special Dharmas during critical, dangerous circumstances. They are called Apad-Dharma. Rishi Visvamitra took forbidden meat from a Chandala or outcaste when there was a severe famine, and offered this in his sacrifice to the Devas. Ushasti, a learned sage, took the polluted beans from the hands of an elephant-driver when the former was suffering from acute hunger and when he was not able to get food from anyone else.

INDICATORS OF RIGHT AND WRONG

Rishi Kanada, author of the Vaiseshika system of philosophy, says in the opening Sutra: “That which elevates you and brings you nearer to God, is right. That which brings you down and takes you away from God, is wrong. That which is done in strict accordance with the injunctions of

the scriptures is right and that which is done against their injunctions is wrong.” This is one way of defining the terms ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. To work in accordance With the Divine Will is right and to work in opposition to the Divine Will is wrong. It is very difficult for the man in the street to find out what exactly the Divine Will is, in certain actions. That is the reason why wise sages declare that people should resort to Sastras, learned Pundits and realised persons, for consultation. A pure man who has done Nishkama Karma-Yoga for several years and who is doing worship of Isvara for a long time, can readily find out the Divine Will when he wants to do certain actions. He can hear the inner, shrill, silent voice. Ordinarily people should not attempt to hear this Divine Voice, the Voice of the Silence. They may mistake the voice of the impure mind for the Voice of God. The lower instinctive mind will delude them. Selfishness clouds understanding. Therefore, if aman has got even a tinge of selfishness, he cannot detect what is right and wrong. A very pure, subtle and sharp intellect is needed for this purpose. The Bhagavad-Gita describes the nature of Sattvic reason, Rajasic reason and Tamasic reason as follows:

“That which knoweth energy and abstinence, what ought to be done and what ought not to be done, fear and fearlessness, bondage and liberation, that reason is pure, O Partha. That by which one wrongly understandeth right and wrong, and also what ought to be done and what ought not to be done, that reason, O Partha, is passionate. That which is enwrapped in darkness, thinketh wrong to be right and seeth all things subverted, that reason, O Partha, is of darkness” (Ch. XVIII-30, 31, 32). Various other definitions are given by wise men to help the students in the path of righteousness. In the Bible it is said: “Do unto others as you would be done by.” This is a very good maxim. The whole gist of Sadachara or right conduct is here. If one practises this very carefully, he will not commit any wrong act. Do not do to another what is not good for yourself. Do not do any act which does not bring good to another or which injures another and makes you feel ashamed for it. Do that act which brings good to others and which is praiseworthy. Do as you would be done by. Do unto others as you wish others should do unto you. This is the secret of Dharma. This is the secret essence of Karma Yoga. This is a brief description of what right conduct is. This will lead you to the attainment of eternal bliss. “Ahimsa Paramo Dharmah—non-injuring in thought, word and deed is the highest of all virtues.”

If one is well established in Ahimsa in thought, word and deed, he can never do any wrong action. That is the reason why Patanjali Maharshi has given Ahimsa great prominence in his Raja Yoga philosophy. Ahimsa comes first in the practice of Yama or self-restraint. To give happiness to others is right; to spread misery and pain to others is wrong. One can follow this in his daily conduct towards others and can evolve in his spiritual path. Do not perform any act that brings to you shame and fear. You will be quite safe if you follow this rule. Stick to any rule that appeals to your reason and conscience and follow it with faith and attention. You will evolve and reach the abode of eternal happiness. That work which gives elevation, joy and peace to the mind is right and that which brings depression, pain and restlessness to the mind is wrong. This is an easy way to find out right and wrong. That which helps you in your spiritual evolution is right and that which obstructs and hinders your spiritual evolution is wrong. That which leads to unity of self is right and that which leads to separation is wrong. That which is in accordance with the injunctions of the holy scriptures is right and that which is not in accordance with the sacred lore is wrong.

To work in accordance with the Divine Will is right and to work in disharmony with the Divine Will is wrong. To do good to others, to serve and help others, to give joy to others, is right and to give pain to others, to injure others is wrong. All that which is free from any motive of injury to any being is surely morality. Moral precepts have been made to free creatures from all injuries. Why is charity right? Because it is in conformity with the law: “Do charity.” Why is stealing wrong? Because it is against the law: “Thou shalt not steal.” Why is it good to help a man when he is in trouble and difficulties? Because it will refine and ennoble your character. It will instil mercy in your heart. The cultivation of virtues will help you to realise the Supreme Self. Why is it bad to kill any being? The end is unworthy. It will corrupt your character. It will reduce you to the level of a brute.

YOGIC GARDENING

By doing wrong actions, you taint your character. By doing virtuous actions, you develop a noble character. Without character, man falls down to the level of a brute. A man of character is honoured, trusted and adored everywhere. Therefore, develop a good character when you are young. Learn how to eradicate vices and how to cultivate virtues in the garden of your heart. Vices and evil habits are the weeds. Virtues are priceless fruits and flowers. Learn the Yogic method of Pratipaksha Bhavana or cultivation of the opposites. Purity or celibacy, forgiveness, generosity, humility and selflessness are the opposites of lust, anger, greed, pride and selfishness. Become a skilful Yogic gardener. Plant good flowers in the garden of your heart and enthrone the Lord in the centre of the heart-garden and meditate on Him. You will enjoy eternal bliss and immortality.

CONCLUSION

You must obey the laws or rules of conduct. The rules are given for you by the law-givers for your own betterment and spiritual uplift. The law-givers are great sages who had direct God-realisation.

To stick to Sadachara is difficult, no doubt. Mockery, misunderstanding and persecution will have to be faced. Therefore, the cultivation of forbearance, meekness of spirit, calm endurance and spirit of forgiveness are of great importance. Uphold virtue at any cost. For its sake, bear any calumny. Return good for evil. Do not leave the path of morality even if your life is in danger. Do not leave righteousness for the sake of some material gain. Consult the Sastras and Mahatmas whenever you are in doubt. Build up your character. Grow. Evolve. Keep up your ideal always before your mind. Stick to Sadachara or right conduct. Practise it. You will soon attain eternal bliss and immortality.

~ Swami Sivananda

Islam and Mockery

Allah The Almighty forbids us from mocking people as He Says (what means): {O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them}[Quran 49:11] Adh-Dhahhaak said,

This verse was revealed when members of the Banu Tameem delegation were mocking the poor Companions like ‘Ammaar, Khabbaab, Bilaal, Suhayb, Salmaan, and Saalim the slave of Abu Huthayfah, may Allah be pleased with all of them, because of their shabby clothes. But there are other opinions as well. It was said that this verse was revealed when ‘Ikrimah ibn Abu Jahl, may Allah be pleased with him, came to Madeenah as a Muslim and the people there would call him the ‘Son of the pharaoh of this Ummah’ whenever they saw him. So, he complained to the Prophet and this verse was revealed. It was also said that this verse was revealed when Thaabit, may Allah be pleased with him, ridiculed a man because of his mother in Jaahiliyyah [pre-Islamic ignorance] and the man was disgraced.

Commenting on this verse, Al-Qurtubi said, “Allah says here that those who believe in Him and in His Messenger should not ridicule other believers as they may be better than them. Also, women should not ridicule each other for the same reason.”

He also said, “Allah is referring here to all sorts of mockery in this prohibition for the believers. Hence, it is impermissible for any believer to mock another believer: either for being poor, or for a sin that he has committed, or for any other reason.”

Al-Qurtubi added,

In general, no one should dare to ridicule another person even if that person was shabby, handicapped or inarticulate, for that person may be more sincere or may have a purer heart than the one who is not shabby or handicapped or inarticulate. In this case, ridiculing such a person would be despising someone whom Allah has honored. The righteous predecessors were keen on avoiding this to the extent that ‘Amr ibn Shurahbeel said, “If I saw a man suckling a goat and laughed at him, I would fear that I might end up doing the same thing.” It was reported that ‘Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood, may Allah be pleased with him, said that affliction depends on what a person says. Hence, he said that if he mocked a dog, he would fear that he would be turned into a dog.

In his commentary on the verse (which means): {But you took them in mockery to the point that they made you forget My remembrance, and you used to laugh at them}[Quran 23:110], Al-Qurtubi said that this verse is a warning against mocking, despising or ridiculing the weak and the needy to the point that it would make us forget remembering Allah and would thus keep us far from Him. In a Hadeeth on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, she said, “I said to the Prophet ‘It is enough for you that Safiyyah is such-and-such [meaning that she was short].’ The Prophet replied:‘You have said a word that could adulterate the water of the sea if it were mixed with it.’”She also said, “I once imitated a man before him [ridiculing him] and He said:‘I would never like to imitate anyone, even if I were to get such- and-such [a reward for it].’” [Abu Daawood and At-Tirmithi]

Another example is when Abu Tharr, may Allah be pleased with him, abused a man by calling his mother bad names, the Prophet, , said to him:“O Abu Tharr! Did you abuse him by calling his mother bad names? You still have some characteristics of Jaahiliyyah in you.”[Al-Bukhari]

In a Hadeeth on the authority of Umm Haani’, may Allah be pleased with her, the Prophet, , said about the verse (which means): {and commit in your meetings [every] evil} [Quran 29:29] that they used to despise and mock people. [Ahmad and At-Tirmithi]

The polytheists of Makkah like Abu Jahl, Al-Waleed ibn Al-Mugheerah and their likes would mock ‘Ammaar, Suhayb, Bilaal and other poor believers; hence, Allah The Almighty revealed the verse (which means): {Indeed, those who committed crimes used to laugh at those who believed.} [Quran 83:29]

It was said that ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, was once walking with a number of Muslims and some hypocrites mocked them and they exchanged derisory glances. When they returned to their people, they said, “We have seen the bald one [i.e., ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him] today.” Hence, the abovementioned verse was revealed before ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, reached the Prophet, to inform him of what had happened .

Sarcasm and Derision are Forms of Mockery

Sarcasm and derision are forms of mockery. An example of this is when one derides another for being poor, handicapped or for committing a sin. Moreover, calling people by offensive nicknames is another example of mockery. Al-Qurtubi said that calling people by offensive nicknames means calling them by names or attributes that they hate. Allah The Almighty generalized this rule and did not specify certain nicknames. It is impermissible for any Muslim to call his fellow brother by any nickname or any attribute that he hates. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them.} [Quran 49:11]

There are several stories as to the revelation of this verse. Anas and Ibn Zayd, may Allah be pleased with them, said that the abovementioned verse was revealed when some of the wives of the Prophet, , ridiculed Safiyyah, may Allah be pleased with her, for being short. It was also said that this verse was revealed when ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, indicated by her hand to the Prophet, , that Safiyyah, may Allah be pleased with her, was short. Moreover, ‘Ikrimah and Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with them, said that this verse was revealed when Safiyyah bint Huyayy, may Allah be pleased with her, said: “O Messenger of Allah! The women ridicule me and say to me, ‘O Jew...’”All these examples show that calling people by offensive nicknames is a form of mockery. They were mentioned in the verse as a way of mentioning the specific cases after the general rule in order to emphasize its importance. The scorner is the person who harms people by his tongue, while the mocker is the one who winks with his eyes. Ibn Kaysaan said that the scorner is the one who hurts others with bad words, while the mocker is the one who points to others with his eyes, his head and his eyebrows.

The Difference Between Mocking and Ridiculing

There are two differences between them. The first is that ridiculing can be done by deeds or words, whereas, mocking is done only by deeds. The second is that ridiculing is usually preceded by an act that causes its doer to be an object of ridicule, while mocking is not preceded by such an act. Mocking is usually accompanied by words that are uttered with a bad intention. It occurs when the person seems to be serious while he conceals joking. As-Saffaareeni said, “Mocking people and ridiculing them are prohibited because Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them} [Quran 49:11] Moreover, the Prophet prohibited this in many Hadeeths.”

Ridicule and the Germs of Arrogance and Pride

Only those whose souls are impure because of arrogance and pride ridicule others. They endeavor to hurt others because of the feeling of superiority that runs in their diseased veins. Satan ridiculed Aadam (Adam), may Allah exalt his mention, and said, “I am better than him” and so he became a loser. Had he thought carefully of the characteristics of Aadam, may Allah exalt his mention, he would have realized that Aadam, may Allah exalt his mention, was superior to him. Mockery is one of the diseases of Jaahiliyyah that should be avoided, especially at times of conflict and disputes. It is one of the characteristics of the disbelievers and the hypocrites that leads to the disunity of the society. In fact, it is an overt violation of the Commands of Allah The Almighty, and it keeps one away from the pleasure of Allah. Moreover, it makes one forget to remember Allah and causes him to be inflicted with His punishment.

Or maybe the problem isn't the jokes themselves, but the attitude that "a joke is just a joke." Jokes have power—great power. When our intent is to malign, a joke becomes more than an offhand remark; it becomes a weapon.

Julie O'Hara 2023