Fohlmer and the Magick Pig Poop

Ikhan Trodor, a Wizard of great wisdom and power, farmed a small plot of land at the edge of the village of Archia with his wife Chyna. Ikhan raised chickens and pigs, sheep and goats. The fruits and vegetables Ikhan grew were prized the village over. The villagers all thought the couple to be a bit strange. Ikhan conducted odd rituals and painted strange figures on the corner posts of his property. The honey Chyna's bees produced was said to open the eyes and heal the soul. Most of the other villagers simply ignored the couple, but they were well aware that the boxes of food and necessities that showed up when they were in the greatest need were complements of Ikhan and Chyna. This generosity helped soothe the unease the villagers felt at having such a wise and powerful Wizard in their midst.

The bustling little village could be found between the cruel desert lands of Yantaroo and just east of the mountains of Cerone, in the area now known as Bunbalda. Rumors abounded of great veins of gold in the peaks of the Cerone, as occasionally a nugget or some flakes were panned from the streams flowing from the Western face, but the rough mountain terrain and punishing sands made visitors to the village a rare treat.

Fohlmer Olin was at the town well when they rode in. Tigon and his small band of warriors were the only "regular" guests the village entertained. They roamed the whole of Bunbalda, dispensing justice and righting wrongs...as they saw fit. Villagers soon learned that meant that justice generally sided with the highest bidder. His troop were all battle scarred veterans of the last great war, and their cruelty was well known.

The very sight of Tigon, made Fohlmer shiver. He shrank into the shadow of the wellhouse, seeking to avoid the warrior's sight. Just as Fohlmer was drawing his ample backside into the shadow, the red of his tunic caught Tigon's eye. The cruel bark spun Fohlmer around in his tracks.

"Where is Ikhan, little man?", Tigon growled.

"He is where he is. He is not where he is not", the man trembled.

Tigon put his hand upon the scabbard of his sword and slowly began to draw it out of its sheath, "I will cut out your insolent tongue".

Suddenly Ikhan appeared behind them. "Leave him alone. I am the one you seek", his voice rang.

Tigon wheeled his horse about, continuing to draw his sword. Ikhan raised his right hand and made several strange motions. These were the hand sigis he had been working on. He was anxious to see their effect.

"Aieeee", Tigon screamed as the hilt of his blade became white hot. Only the calloused and scarred condition of his skin kept him from being severely burned. As his sword clattered to the ground, Tigon raised his eyes to look into the face of his hated adversary. Ikhan Trodor was the only man in this (or any other village) who dared to stand against Tigon.

As Tigon's men began to circle the wizard remained calm. "Wait", barked Tigon, "We have other business here".

His men turned back to their leader, more than one or two thankful they did not have to tangle with Ikhan. Tigon wheeled his own mount around and started at a rapid trot away from the village.

"Good day to you, Mr. Wizard", Tigon growled as he started off at a rapid trot.

"I wonder what he wanted", Ikhan said.

"He did not say", Fohlmer mumbled.

But he knew. Just a fortnight before, Fohlmer had been drinking in the tavern, and had a few too many Palm Roar ales. "...yeah, she said Ikhan was pulling nuggets out of there by the cart full", he said to the innkeeper. He was a little too loud, he realized when he saw Cybil across the bar look up from his drink. He tossed a handful of coins on the bar and exited quickly.

"Are you sure?", Ikhan asked. He looked upon Folhmer with a warm, but steadily fixed eye.

"Cybil was at the Soddy Boar last fortnight...and I may have...I mean he may have misconstrued something I said...uh...", Fohlmer stammered.

"What is is Fohlmer?", the wizard asked with increasing warmth.

"Chyna was in the market a couple of months ago, and I overheard her telling the store keeper that you had a field of gold...and that you were pulling nuggets out by the cart load". Fohlmer admitted.

"She was talking about PIG POOP, Fohlmer", Ikhan groaned.

"I know", the poor man bellowed, "Cybil left before I got to that part. I now fear that Tigon has come in search of gold. I regret the trouble I have brought upon you, Ikhan".

"You meant no harm", came the gentle response. "Let us set about undoing what has been done."

"Anything, Ikhan. I will do anything", Fohlmer sobbed.

"Let Tigon find you", he began. Fohlmer's eyes widened in fear. "I will do a protection ritual for you. Tigon will not be able to do you harm."

"When he finds you, let him know that my 'gold field' is in the west paddock, just beyond the far gate", Ikhan continued.

"But that's..."Fohlmer slowly smiled. "That's where your pigs are grazing...."

"Exactly. If it's 'gold' they want, then 'gold' they shall have", the wizard roared.

Three days later, Fohlmer found a stern looking Ikhan staring at his open paddock gate. Sensing Fohlmer's approach, he smiled. "It looks like Tigon took the bait. But he took my prized sow as well."

"Oh no", Fohlmer groaned, "what trouble have I caused now?"

"There is no time for fretting. The tavern should be opening soon, and Cybil will be in his usual spot at the bar", Ikhan began, "let it 'slip' that my pig was protected by magick manure..."

"What?" yelped Fohlmer.

"Yes", Ikhan replied as maneuvered his hands into three or four positions. "Tell him that the pig's poop has been imbued with magickal powers, and anyone who steps in her poop without being invited into the paddock will succumb to a wide range of horrors. Tell him that the first symptom will be a dry mouth, followed by itching behind the ears, then a slow and painful rotting away of the flesh", Ikhan continued.

"Give me a beer", Tigon rasped as he burst through the tavern door.

"Is your mouth a little dry?, Fohlmer chuckled.

Tigon eyes burned with rage as he turned towards Fohlmer. "I will destroy you for your lies", he roared.

Fohlmer stood tall and looked the bandit in the eye. "Ikhan has cast a spell of protection upon me, and you cannot touch me." Tigon took one step closer, as he reached to scratch behind his left ear. "That's the second phase. You know what comes next."

The color drained from Tigon's face as he reached to scratch the increasing and incessant itch that had spread to the other ear. "Is there any hope of a reversal of this terrible fate?", he sobbed.

"Yes", Fohlmer smiled. "You must return the pig. And...you must never set foot in the village of Archia again, lest this pestilence finish its dreaded work."

Tigon drained his beer, turned and mumbled instructions to one of his companions, and turned back to Fohlmer. "Your wizard will have his pig back within the hour. And as for this village, I cannot shake the dust off my cloak fast enough. There has nothing but evil beset me and my men since we first rode in. Now, will you rid me of this infernal itching?"

"When the pig is in its paddock, and your horse's hooves reach the rocky paths leading into the Cerones, your affliction will be lifted.", Fohlmer's calm surprised him, "Now go".

Fohlmer sat next to Ikhan as they watched the band of raiders gallop toward the base of the Cerones, Tigon with reins held in his teeth as both hands violently scratch behind his ears. His hands drop as he reaches the path. Turning, he shouts an inaudible curse upon Archia and its wizardry.

As the two turned back towards Ikhan's home, Fohlmer asked, "You didn't mind me adding that last part about not coming back?"

"Not at all, it was your spell.", the wizard smiled. As Folhmer's mouth opened in disbelief, he continued, "You spoke the words that carried intent."

"But...but...but" Folhmer stuttered, "I don't know if I really believed the poop was 'magick'."

"Ahhh. You have learned your first lesson. Tigon believed. The only thing necessary for magick to manifest is belief. It doesn't matter where that belief arises".