Bitcoin Truth Revealed

People around the globe are jumping on the Bitcoin bandwagon, few realizing the twisted sinister plot that was the catalyst for its creation, and what this means for humanity.

In 2005, 9 extremely wealthy energy tycoons attended an annual ski summit that would forever alter the course of history. These powerful elites had attended the ski summit every year for the past 4 years, but something dark and mysterious was afoot at the 2005 summit. While the men headed to the slopes, they noticed it was unusually quiet, and they were the only people around. This was strange, since the slopes were usually packed during the summit. One of the men, Charles Smithstone, was about to speak when the entire group suddenly found itself aboard a spaceship. The men had heard stories about others being abducted by aliens, but they had always dismissed the possibility that they could ever be abducted. Alien abduction, back in 2005, was something thought to only happen to low-income people and cattle.

Within minutes, ten green humanoid aliens appeared in front of the men, exclaiming phrases like “Bloppadoppa” while they quickly started preparing to hook the men up to some giant electrical device. The men screamed in horror as their clothes were ripped and electrical clasps clamped their armpits. The men were certain the aliens were going to kill them, and all except for one of them started to cry.

However, unknown to the other men, Charles Smithstone spoke the native language of the aliens fluently. Charles was able to intercept that the electrical device was going to be used to convert fleshy biological humans into pixelated digital humans, though it was not revealed why. The other men, certain of their doom, started to cry louder. Charles, on the other hand, smirked.

Charles Smithstone was always prepared for anything, including defending his life, even if it meant taking out ten aliens. He started to choke the aliens with his bare hands, starting first with the alien focused on hooking him up to the machine and working his way clockwise. After killing three aliens with his bare hands, Charles Smithstone pulled a knife out of his sock and started stabbing aliens to death. “You guys could help,” said Charles, now covered in alien blood. The other men, frozen from a combination of fear and now shock, watched as Charles faced the final alien. Charles reached for the gun in his pants. “Bloppadoppa,” he said as he shot the last alien.

Charles Smithstone dashed to the control room of the spaceship. Fortunately for the group of men, Charles was an alumni of the Space Acadamy, and well trained with piloting alien spacecraft. Using warp speed engines, he was able to get the group home just in time for supper.

No one spoke for the first 15 minutes of supper, most of the group in a ponderous state of surreal disbelief. Charles Smithstone broke the silence. “I have an idea I’d like to share with you, gentlemen,” he said. The other men looked at Charles attentively. “I want to create a digital currency that needs to be mined from a computer. I want the mining to be an excessive waste of resources, something that would require electrical use off the charts. So, something that takes a crazy amount of processing power. Something that will make people burn through coal, natural gas, oil, solar, all of it. Something that will take my energy financial interests to whole new levels where I own everything and everyone.”

The other men nodded with interest.

“I was going to ask all of you to partner with me," said Charles. "However, after killing 10 aliens today while the rest of you just cried and screamed, I think I can probably go it alone.”

Four years later, Charles Smithstone launched Bitcoin under the pseudonym Satoshi Nakamoto.