Being with a Human

EMERGENCY AIR SUPPLY: 70%

"Y'know, I knew this was going to happen. There were all kinds of omens shouting at me, trying to warn me. But I didn't think anything of it. I just chalked it up to some bad luck—a weird morning... My alarm didn't go off almost making me late, my order being switched at my regular breakfast place...Silly stuff... We've been floating in dead space for what? 30 days? "

"30 days, 6 hours, and 33 seconds," ANDI replied.

The circle on ANDI's chest lit her features a stark neon blue. Other than the dim, red, emergency lights, she was the only light source in the shuttle. The deep black of space had swallowed everything else. I could see the feminine outline of ANDI's body, but the skin was too smooth and glossy in texture to be convincing. ANDI's face was symmetrical and perfect like a barbie doll. Enough human features to feel like a person but generic enough to see anyone in that face. They'd chosen to make her blonde, but in the darkness with only red and blue light, you couldn't tell.

"6 hours, huh? Means I'm up at 6:00 A.M. Ha! That's never happened before. At least not by choice."

"Setting an alarm for 6:00 A.M."

"What? No, don't set an alarm. Cancel. CANCEL! You did that on purpose. How can you be such an advanced A.I., and yet I still have arguments with you like that old Siri program?" I teased my companion.

"Siri, an early age voice assistant, designated for Apple products. Siri was introduced in 2010 and ran until 2030 when the product was sold and relabeled as-"

"For the love of god ANDI. Cancel! CANCEL!"

"Inquiry canceled."

I smiled to myself as silence filled the room again. ANDI must have been getting low on power or something. She was usually able to discern inquiries from general conversations or white noise. But I suppose 30 days without charging will do that to you. As I sat, resting my back on the cool seating of the crew cabin, I began to doze in and out of sleep.

At some point, I looked back at ANDI and swore I saw my high school sweetheart Liz. God, I hadn't thought about her in years. Your life really does start coming back to you in your last moments.

Liz was such a sweet girl. A blonde with just the right amount of freckles and a cute, small voice. "She was the kind of girl who was on the cheerleading squad and the debate team and had never met a stranger in her life. I don't know why exactly she thought we'd make a good pair, but my freshmen year, she'd decided we were going to be an item, and I couldn't possibly say no. Hell, It's not like I wanted to say no. I was floored at the idea of being with someone like her. We started awkwardly dating in the fall, and it took till the end of spring for me to feel comfortable. Like it wasn't a dream, I was bound to wake up from eventually. I met her parents. She shared her life goals of going to college for nursing, then moving on to work at a private practice. I didn't have any real aspirations to share back. She wanted a simple life with a few kids and a lot of laughs. I was the idiot who thought that was too good to be true. So I sabotaged my chance at happiness and missed out on a perfectly good life.'

I don't know at what point in the story I started talking aloud to ANDI, but I did. After that, every thought I had I shared with her. It was like talking to myself only this time I was talking to someone or at least something. The drone of my voice kept me company, and if I spoke softly, I could avoid triggering her inquiry programming like before. But sometimes I'd forget, and she'd interrupt me, which only made the conversation feel even more real.

I told her about the other aspects of my high school career. How I was on the lacrosse team, which surprisingly drummed up a lot of support from the other students, but I chalk that up to Liz's influence. How I'd gotten good grades and kept my nose clean because more than anything, I thought space was cool and wanted to live out a sci-fi movie one day. That being said, I was far from a "good" kid. Many in our small town would have considered me a hellion. But in a quiet place like Ednyville, that didn't take much. It was nice to reminisce about the old days, even the rough parts. For instance, how I'd purposefully gotten drunk at a party and made out with a girl so Liz would have a reason to break up with me. To go be with some guy who wasn't so damaged.

"What damage had you sustained?"

My eyes flung open. There was nothing in the shuttle, but ANDI and I. The rest of the crew sadly hadn't made it, and per the waiver, we all signed before take off, I'd immediately cryofroze their bodies, so if we made it back home, their families could bury them. I figured I must have heard my voice speaking to myself. I was losing oxygen at a faster rate, the more I spoke. Maybe it was time to give the life story a rest.

"Goodnight, ANDI."

"Entering sleep mode. Goodnight, Lt. Briggs."

There wasn't a lot of warmth in her automated voice, but having someone to say goodnight to was nice. Very nice.

EMERGENCY OXYGEN CAPACITY: 50%

It had been 48 days since the Voyager malfunctioned. I had asked ANDI to alert me at every 24-hour passing. Having a structure like time made the void seem less infinite and gave me a sense of control. But without being able to see the sun's rotation, the days still bled together. I had decided that I would talk to ANDI again. I'd use up more air, but at this point, my hopes of being rescued or finding a way out were utterly gone. Now the main goal was to spend the rest of the time we had productively.

"ANDI, set to record," I said.

"Now recording," She replied.

"To whoever finds this. If anyone does, my name is Lt. Andrew Briggs, and I'm the Command Pilot for the S.S. Voyager on route to the Andromeda Galaxy. Upon reaching the end of the Milky Way, we encountered higher waves of solar radiation than expected from the new galaxy's sun. The radiation caused equipment malfunction and... Well, basically, it fucked us, and now we are floating in the middle of space completely fucked, with no way of powering a descent to another planet and certainly no way of getting back to Earth. We're the only survivors...Even if we did have enough power to land the Voyager on another planet, it's not likely there would be anything we could use to help us get back home. So Its die on an unknown planet or floating here in space, and for some reason going down with the ship seems more dignified. So yeah, I guess that's it. That's the full report. We are just trying our best to pass the days and distract ourselves from our imminent death."

I stopped and let out a labored sigh. What was I doing? This wasn't a message in a bottle. I didn't have anything of real value to report. If the Universal Space Foundation ever found the ship, they'd have either theorized they needed better protection from the crepuscular rays or not. If not, they'd be in the exact situation we are now. This was just a futile attempt to cheat death by having my voice outlive me in a recording that would most likely never be found.

"ANDI stop the recording."

"Recording stopped."

I got up and shuffled over to one of the side windows in the shuttle. I looked out to see the beautiful mirage of cosmic gases and the twinkling of infinite stars. It was a beautiful sight. One that had mesmerized me since I was a little kid.

"ANDI, delete recording."

"Are you sure you want to delete this recording?"

It took me a long time to answer. To decide whether or not to hold onto that last strand of hope.

"Yeah. Just delete it."

"Recording deleted."

I turned away from the window and slumped against it. As I slide down the wall, my face retreated into my knees to hide my tears. A few short minutes later, I felt cold but gentle arms wrap around me. Taken aback, I lifted my head to see ANDI holding me.

"What? ANDI...what're you doing?"

"As Assistant of Navigations, Diagnostics, and Interpersonal relations, I can observe and reflect human interaction and emotions to assist the excavation."

"I see. Well-" my voice broke. "can't argue with that." I sat there as ANDI cradled me all night while I wept. I eventually fell asleep in her arms. Metallic as they were.

EMERGENCY OXYGEN CAPACITY: 30%

It had two short weeks since our last oxygen update. I'd started telling ANDI my story with reckless abandon. I spewed the details of my life to her, one story after the other, taking up more and more air. At the moment, I was regaling her with tales of my college escapades. I told her about the various women I had seen, and men, I had never found a romantic male partner but enjoyed both sexually.

"Then, I met Kylie. Kylie was a complete 180 from Liz. She was pretty but made no attempts to show it. Hardly ever wore makeup, found dresses to be an act of suppression by the patriarchy, and chose to stream a movie at home with pizza for date night every time. I don't remember us ever going to a restaurant, even on Valentine's day or our anniversary.

Her voice was meant to be heard, and even if it were a casual conversation, she would debate something to the grave. I loved that girl quite a lot. Again, she felt out of my league, but I've come to realize that's just my type."

"Inquiry; Meaning behind the use of the word type?"

"Oh, um. Types are like preferences you have in people you want to have relationships with."

"Confirming understanding: the preferences of specific traits in a mate or partner."

"Exactly. They can be physical or personality-based."

"Acknowledged. Word type updated."

"Great."

I smiled and continued my story. Thankful for another little interruption to break up my monologuing.

"So, yeah, she was the real love of my life. We went through all of college together except for one break we took in the middle, but that only confirmed it for us that we were meant to be. We got married right after graduation, honeymooned in Singapore, actually. Easily the best two weeks of my life. After that, we settled down in D.C. to start a family. It took me by surprise when we got married how quickly Kylie started talking about kids. She had this dream of being a mother that, in our 4 to 5 years of dating, I'd totally missed. So we started trying, of course, and...it didn't go well. We had lost three before I finally had to sit down with her and say that I didn't think trying again was a good idea. She hated me for that. We got into a huge fight over it, but I'd seen what each miscarriage had done to her. It was like watching someone rip out their insides and then stuff it all back in just to go another round. Each time we got pregnant, her hope and optimism sprung right back. I'm not that strong."

"Inquiry: What does it feel like?" ANDI chimed in.

"What? Being pregnant?" I said quizzically.

"Being pregnant."

"ANDI, are you asking what being pregnant means?" I still wasn't sure what she meant. Was she really trying to identify the word pregnant? That wouldn't make any sense; I'm sure she'd have a common word like pregnant in her database. But maybe not. Wasn't like pregnancy was something we were expecting to deal with, out here.

"Negative. Adjusting inquiry; what does it feel like to be pregnant?"

That's when I realized. ANDI wasn't asking me about what being pregnant meant. She was asking me about what it felt like to be pregnant and trying to get me to describe it to her so she could take it in. So she could understand the experience.

"Oh boy, well, uh, haha. See, that's hard for me to say since I never experienced it firsthand. I know Kylie always talked about how it made her have crazy mood swings and terrible cravings for the most bizarre things. But that didn't deter her. She'd spend all day puking up a four-course meal of nothing but mashed potatoes. She'd have cramps, and the little one would kick her in the ribs constantly. But after it was all said and done, we laid down to go to bed. She'd lay there, rubbing her stomach and humming a tune. Happier than I'd ever seen a person. It was that way every time."

"Sensors indicate the emotional response of joy and sorrow. Clarification required." ANDI's body leaned forward at the hip. The rest of her torso staying perfectly still. It was a very human portrayal of eagerness.

"It is a celebration. For most, it's that way the whole time. Then when the baby's born, it's an even bigger celebration. But we never got to that part. For us, the story ended in a puddle of blood on the bathroom floor and a trip to the emergency room. Followed by hours of waiting and rocking her while she cried so hard her whole body shook. That was awful, but that I could handle, that I could be strong for. It was the weeks after that—the weeks where I had to watch her 24/7. To make sure I didn't lose her. I just couldn't do it anymore. I hope she found happiness somewhere with someone."

"Pregnancy is a time of joy. Loss is a time of sorrow." ANDI's words were devoid of any feeling. Same as they always were. Except, the lack of humanity in these words kicked me, hard, through the chest.

"Yeah, no shit. What the fuck was that. Of course, one was a time to be happy, and one, clearly, wasn't. Damn it ANDI for a supercomputer; you're a real fucking dumbass sometimes."

"Hostility detected," ANDI replied, sitting back.

"You're damn right hostility detected. I'm fucking pissed. Who says obvious shit like that. I just shared one of the hardest times of my life with you, and you say, yeah, that's how that is? What the fuck?"

"Hostility increasing. Would you like to listen to relaxing music or ambient sounds?"

So she was just a computer, after all. I'd fooled myself into believing I wasn't truly alone on this ship because it made it easier, but in reality, I was talking to a computer who couldn't understand what I was trying to say. Not really.

"No. I'm fine. Thanks."

"Auditory stimulants can improve the release of serotonin in the brain as well as GABA acids."

I picked up one of the comm pieces that had snapped off during the initial system failure and chucked it at her. The comm clanged into her and bounced off. No reaction, of course. I threw my head back against the wall of the ship. I groaned in frustration. I was in a one-way argument with someone who would never yell back—God, what I wouldn't give to have someone yell at me right now. Say I was wrong and an absolute idiot. Just to prove they'd heard me.

I sat there for a long time, just fuming. But I couldn't move. If I did, I'd have to feel the loneliness that I'd been escaping with ANDI's company. Even if she reminded me at times of how alone I was. She also was my only way to deceive otherwise. If only for a little while.

"I'm sorry. I said with my back to ANDI. I then turned and sat back down but beside her this time and rested my head on her shoulder. "Ambient sounds would be nice. Whatever you got, it doesn't matter." I kept my tone even and began to settle my breathing.

"Ambient sounds initiated."

ANDI's stomach opened in three-paneled sections to reveal several mini speakers. From the speakers came the sounds of a party. Not one you were in but one that you could hear from the house over—the distance muffling the music and drunk conversation into a film of white noise.

"A party?" I said.

"Memory indicates the sound of people gathering, and hight tempo music supports your sleep patterns."

"Yeah, it does. I spent my college years in a highrise apartment with nightly parties on the floor above me, so I...just got used to it, I guess. How did you know that?"

"Memory recorded on March 17, 2055."

2055? That would have been when we first started our training missions, a few months after adding ANDI to the team.

"Why did you record that?" I asked.

"I record all conversations between the team to gather helpful information for Interpersonal relation assistance."

She'd brought up something from the first time we'd met. I mean, she was a highly sophisticated A.I., so of course, she could record and maintain that kind of information. But to hear that and then save that sound byte for later was very kind; very human.

"Thanks, ANDI."

"Your welcome, Lt. Briggs."

I went to lay down on one of the cushioned couches in the small living quarters. Scientists had recently figured out how to affect gravity on spacecraft, and yet seven people the living space on these things remained dreadfully cramped. We'd probably only have the gravity engine for another few days with the way we were losing power. I laid down and couldn't help but smile as the sounds ANDI played lulled me to sleep.

TO BE CONTINUED. LEAVE A COMMENT OR TIP IF YOU'D LIKE TO READ MORE!