Twas the Fight Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

Stockings were high and her booty was bare,

Maria does hope St. Nicholas will soon be there;

In a little red and transparent dress,

She reveals all, including her chest;

When out on the lawn there arose such clatter,

Her kids didn’t get up to see what was the matter.

Maria sprang from the chair and went to the couch,

She prepares for old St. Nick to enter her pouch.

The crackling of the fire promptly faded away,

Maria can no longer keep her excitement at bay.

From the ashes and soot out he appeared,

It was old St. Nick with his big flowing beard.

With a smile, a wink, and a pull of his sash,

He revealed his abs and his marvelous stash.

The two locked lips and began to strip,

St. Nick knew Maria was getting much more than the tip.

As the fire began to roar and so did he,

She hummed and she moaned with oh so much glee.

Away with our attention for we are no longer needed,

Because somewhere out there, someone is about to be greeted.

In the dark candle room all covered in leather,

Strapped down to a table is a lady called Heather;

Gag in mouth and Christmas joy in her eyes,

What Heather doesn’t know is she is in for a real big surprise;

Out on the roof, there arose another clatter,

It was the strange sounds of a monstrous pitter-patter;

Her eyes lit up and she smiled as much as she could,

Excited for St. Nick to take a peek under the hood.

All of the lights begin to flicker and smoke fills the room,

And at the bottom of the chimney arrives Heather’s doom.

Out of the ashes steps an imposing beast,

Staring down at what will be the monster’s next feast.

Thrashing around and screaming with all her might,

The terrifying beast has put an end to her night.

St Nick rears his head up from in between Maria’s legs,

He knows the beast has awakened from within the dregs.

After the latex stocking was filled and Maria was elated,

The old elf rushed out to a duel that was fated.

The beast rose, beard dripping with blood,

Tossing the remains of Heather, landing with a dull thud.

It collects its chains and leaves its mark on the campus,

The world will soon know once again, to fear Krampus.

With a blood churning roar, the monster scurried away,

It has many more victims to meet this day.

Krampus rises to the rooftops through billowing smoke,

It stops in his tracks once it sees the red cloak.

The jolly old elf stands strong with chest held out,

He removes his cloak, more than ready for this bout.

The beast shrieks and launches at St. Nick with all its might,

If he was anyone weaker, Santa might have had a fright.

He steps to the side and dodges the attack,

Before delivering a roundhouse kick to the monster’s back.

It stumbles and falls, letting out a squeal of pain,

Not before lashing back with a rusty chain.

Kris Kringle’s blood now covers his frame,

Revealing an open mussel with a complicated name.

The two trade blows, some punches and some kicks,

One throws more chains, the other, some bricks.

One of the blows shatters the monster’s jaw,

If you listen closely, you may hear it say “No more!”

The demon collapses at the foot of Father Christmas,

That same foot then puts an end to this funny business.

Santa removes his brain covered boot from the open cavity,

This has finally put an end to all this depravity.

He shambles to his sleigh and gives his team a whistle,

And away they fly with the speed of a missile.

As he drives away he lights a cigarette,

Hopefully, this night has put an end to that evil threat.