The Male Chastity Question

Chastity as a fetish and kink largely applies to male rather than female chastity. As for the often linked 'forced' feminisation kink, chastity gives the male a release from the social pressures of masculinity by handing control to somebody else; usually but not always the male's partner.

For the male, breaking societal norms by handing full control to his partner can be both liberating and intensely sexually exciting. The male experiences an incredible thrill from being denied and by handing ownership and control of his most intimate body part to his partner.

For certain females, such as me, subverting the patriarchal norms is also a powerful aphrodisiac. The concept of controlling someone physically and mentally is exciting sexually too but also more than that. There's a feeling of power which has been agreed and handed over consensually. Your partner has given themselves up to you.

Chastity as a lifestyle

As a female-led relationship author and blogger, I have many discussions through my blog and through email responses from both the blog and via my novels. It's clear there is a wide range of chastity types.

This can range from the male penis being locked in a chastity device and the partner controlling sex through to the full denial of penetrative sex and male orgasm and ejaculation.

But is chastity what we're talking about here or is it like the term forced feminisation where pretending to be forced is part of the play?

The definition of chastity according to the Cambridge English Dictionary is:

"The state of not having sexual relationships or never having sex."

I contend that the chastity we talk about in a female-led relationship where the male partner is 'put into chastity', we're actually talking about temporary chastity or controlled sex. Even if the male's penis is locked away, in many cases sex is taking place albeit it's the female receiving the orgasm and the sexual focus.

And in many cases, penetrative sex may still take place following a period where the male's penis is locked away. The so-called chastity kink is therefore more like penis and orgasm control in the same way forced feminisation should perhaps be renamed encouraged or consensual feminisation.

Chastity at home

In my female-led relationship, I use a chastity device on my husband's penis as an element of our lifestyle. I release him when we're together but lock him when I'm not there. I control his penis and our sex which has a powerful effect on our relationship for both of us.

In terms of sex, this control ensures a very different focus and a more intense experience for both of us. It's no longer just about penetration and male orgasm, for him anyway. We have changed, expanded and explored many new areas of sex and it has become longer, more often and more intense now we have removed the male orgasm from the equation.

We are more relaxed now that male orgasm is not part of or is dominating sex; this has improved our relationship immeasurably.

And whilst we follow what is called forced feminisation and chastity, his full feminisation or his nudity at home (depending on my whims) is also consensual control under my instructions. Chastity then means my control of his orgasm and ejaculations, not the denial of sex.

I usually do not permit him to ejaculate or orgasm even though penetration and oral sex is a full and regular part of our sex life. This has given us significant benefits including keeping him submissive and controlled but also, considering he's middle-aged, the ability to perform more often. There is no longer a need for him to have a recovery period after sex. He's able to perform again minutes after I have paused events to let him calm down and his orgasm stirrings to subside. Paused his stimulation, that is, not mine.

This is why I put him in a chastity device when I'm not with him as although he does not wish to disobey my rule that he's not permitted to touch himself, he is human and after several weeks of orgasm denial, the temptation may be too great.

Some considerations

Internet research indicates that long-term chastity and denial of male ejaculation have no detrimental effects on a male; the fluids are merely absorbed into the body or expelled through urination. Indeed, my husband says that he quickly calms down and the urge to ejaculate dissipates fter a while as if he had ejaculated. He finds my denial of his orgasm and control over his penis hugely exciting and says it's added a new dimension.

Internet research also indicates that semen retention may even have benefits as many of the minerals excreted through ejaculation may be retained by the body. Once again, we've found my husband feels fine as a minimum and maybe a little better but I am aware that may be a placebo effect of having read the articles. Who knows? I am not a medical person.

However, other research suggests that ejaculation may provide some reduction in prostate cancer rates. Since I want to take no risks, I added occasional 'milking' sessions where I oversee his ejaculation outside of a sex session.

I generally use a female electronic vibrator on his penis head to take him to the almost-orgasm state then stop so that he has a failed orgasm but still gets a release.

This 'humiliating' milking session has become another element of our domme/submissive lifestyle, including my wearing latex gloves and plastic apron to avoid the mess on my hands or clothes.

Final thoughts

Chastity a.k.a. male orgasm control is an exciting component of a relationship and adds considerable sexual spice to a relationship, especially one with a domme/submissive kink.

Combined with femdom, BDSM and forced feminisation, so-called male chastity is a rewarding part of a kinky relationship.

And it transfers power to the woman – what's not to like?