Secret Confession #7

I have always been excellent in academics and since I have been a topper since my school days (as girls generally are in India), I think I have always made my parents proud that way. I completed my post-graduation in computer science from a premier college in 2015 and got placed with a handsome package in a product-based company located in Gurgaon. Since I am the elder sibling to my 2 years younger sister and 6 years younger brother, everyone in the family was happy and proud.

Photo by Volkan Olmez on Unsplash

Since I was done studying and was working the next step for a girl is to get married according to Indian society standards. My father being liberal enough asked me if I wished to get married to someone I knew. How should I have answered this? Since childhood, I have been taught that having a boyfriend would bring shame to my family and I shouldn’t do so. I accepted this and focused only on my studies and did what any girl would do, which was work hard to be independent.

I am a smart-looking Delhi university girl. Now when I was 24, I was being asked if I had a boyfriend to get married to. I told my father that I didn’t have a boyfriend and I would think of marriage after a year. But who would listen to me? My relatives and all the known circle kept on calling my parents to tell them how disrespectful it is for a family to make a marriageable age daughter sit at home. My father would get frustrated and shout at me and force me to get married to any of the prospective grooms whose bio-data he had. This was the story of every Saturday and Sunday for 2 years.

Then when I turned 25, my father emotionally pursued me and I agreed to meet this guy. His family lived in a village in Haryana and he was working on a clerical government job in Chandigarh. When we met, I didn’t like his looks that much but I thought maybe I had set too high standards. We asked each other a few questions and to summarise, he wanted me to travel to my job from his village (80kms one way) because he wouldn’t shift to Delhi even if he got transferred to Delhi and would travel daily to his office and his mother wanted me to leave the job.

After they left, we(my family and me) discussed and I refused because I didn’t wanna leave my job and didn’t wanna travel 160kms every day.

But those(the boy’s family) didn’t accept our NO and kept on calling and convincing my father that the boy would shift to Delhi after his transfer. This continued for a year but I was firm on my NO. In the meanwhile, I prepared for a government exam and cleared it. Now when my cousin, 6 months younger got married, my father became restless and again started the emotional pursuit plus forced me to again meet the same boy and say yes.

My mother tried to explain that since he belongs to a different environment (village in Haryana and uneducated family background), there would be differences in thinking. But my father got very angry and also a little violent which scared me a little, so to end this daily unpleasant discussion which was hampering the studies of my siblings as well as the peace of our lives, I said yes to meet him again.

When we met, he asked if I was a virgin and if I had any boyfriends in the past. Although I found these questions very offensive I just let go. Finally, I said yes without realizing that it was my biggest mistake in life. They were in so much hurry for the marriage that they wanted it to happen within 10 days. Before I could realize anything, we got engaged in a week.

A day before engagement, the boy called me and told me that he had a variant (blessing) from the almighty and that whoever stood next to him would lose his charm(noor). Also, he advised me to look down during the function and not interact with him as doing so would be against the culture and would show disrespect to elders. Initially, I thought he was joking but to my surprise, he wasn’t.

On the day of the function, I was wearing a beautiful flared sleeveless gown and everyone complimented me. Boy’s father forced my father to fix a marriage date of 10 days later but my father refused as it was too soon. In the evening, the boy called me to tell me that he disliked my dress since it was sleeveless. Also, he said, “What kind of liar your father is? Initially, he agreed to marriage in the next 20 days and now he refused.

Also Since you are going to enter my house, you will have to follow our rules. You should call my parents to maa and papa whereas I would call your parents uncle and aunty only. Also, you call me ‘aap’ whereas I will address you with ‘tu’ because that’s what husbands are supposed to do. You are allowed to wear only salwar kameez, no plazo suits, no pants, no sleeveless, no talking to males, no going out of the house without permission, and no meeting with friends.” I was shocked and devastated by what I had done.

I felt helpless and trapped as I was engaged to this 29-year-old man with thinking so low. I asked him what else does he expect. He said, “ We said yes to you not because of your job so it would be better if you leave it. Also, we have been searching for a prospective bride for 2 years and rejected hundreds of them. Now that we have got you, you should get married within 10 days else it would be against the almighty’s wish. I am very frustrated and want to get married as soon as possible.” I asked if I could study after marriage.

He said, “We don’t have a problem with you studying but having kids is more important to us.” I said, “Having kids is something we should discuss after marriage. Plus we don’t even know each other that well and we try to be comfortable with each other first”. To this, he replied, “You will get comfortable as you will have kids and that is the priority, and also to check if you are a virgin”. I was very sure after this conversation that I did not want to move further in this relationship but I stayed silent just thinking of the honor of the family.

I kept on thinking for a few days and he kept on calling names to my father because he didn’t agree to their marriage dates his questions and advice kept on increasing as I should never put a lock on my phone, I should share all my fb, insta ids and passwords with him, etc.

Finally, I said No saying that I wanted to study and needed one year. I told everything to my mother and sister. They support me in my decision. My brother accused me of bringing shame to the honor of the family and hit me. Also, he said he would kill me to which my father cooled him down. Now, I am depressed and think of running away from here since now and then I just think of how wrong I have done. I should have been firm on my initial NO despite all the pressure. My living now has become very difficult in my own house where I have spent 26 years of my life. I am very independent and earn a good handsome government salary. But I feel jailed.