Our Fifth Child

One Saturday, Montana's cub scout troop toured the paper mill. Alexei kept Nevada and the twins so I could go along as a chaperone. I met up with Renee and her son Gabriel at the mill.

"Nice to see you again!" she greeted me. "How are your other kids?"

"They're all fine. I'm expecting another one in August. How's Hannah?"

"She's doing well. She has an enormous crush on one of the boys in her class."

"Sounds like she's growing up! Nevada will be going through the same thing in a few years!" We both laughed.

The group entered the plant, where the manager met us and described the process of stripping the bark off the wood, grinding it down, smoking it, and digesting it. He showed us all the machines as well. The boys were fascinated and spent several hours asking him questions.

After the tour was over, we took the boys to the park for a picnic. I chatted with Renee and the den leader while they played on the swings and slides. When Montana got tired, I drove him back home.

"Hey, Daddy! Today I learned how to make paper!" he told Alexei when we got home.

"Great!" Alexei smiled and looked at me. "Did everything go all right?"

"Everything was fine," I replied. "Renee was there, too."

"Who's mother is she?"

"Gabriel's. She also has a daughter named Hannah who's several years older than the boys."

I saw that Nevada was busy at work. "I'm drawing baby birds, Mommy," she told me. "See? Here's a blue one, here's a red one, and here's a green one!"

"Very good!" I praised her.

For dinner, I made taco salad for me and Alexei and the two older kids and ravioli for the twins. Later, Alexei took all of us out for ice cream, and when we got home, he put a Sesame Street video into the video player for the twins. Montana and Nevada sat in the living room and watched it too, even though both of them, especially Montana, had outgrown Sesame Street somewhat.

I was sitting on the sofa with Alexei's arm around me when I felt the child inside my womb move for the first time. I smiled as I took Alexei's hand and placed it on my abdomen, and a moment later, it happened again. He grinned as he hugged me and kissed my cheek.

"This one will be a football player," he said. "Or a ballerina."

"A football player, hopefully," I replied.

"You know it doesn't matter to me, as long as it's healthy," he told me, but I knew that, deep inside, he loved the idea of having a son of his very own. When the video ended, I gave the twins a bath, then Nevada, then waited for Montana to take his. Then I read them all a bedtime story and tucked them into their beds.

On Easter, we invited Xenia over to hunt eggs with our children. Things went all right until an argument erupted between Nevada and Xenia. "It's my egg!" Nevada declared. "I saw it first!"

"No, you didn't! I saw it first!" Xenia shouted. Nevada held the egg high in the air, and as Xenia was shorter than Nevada, she couldn't reach it.

Xenia ran crying to Kristina. "Mama! Nevada took my egg!"

"That's all right, sweetie. You have plenty of nice eggs," Kristina said in an attempt to soothe her.

"But that one's nicer! I want it!" Xenia whined. "Make Nevada give it back to me!"

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but I can't do that. There's still more eggs to be found. Why don't you go see if you can find them before Nevada does?"

That did the trick. Xenia rejoined the egg hunt, and when she thought Nevada wasn't looking, I saw her snatch the egg out of Nevada's basket and put it into her own. "Hey, that's mine! Give it back!" Right away Nevada snatched Xenia's basket away from her, and Xenia grabbed Nevada's and dumped all the eggs out of it. In return, Nevada pulled Xenia's hair, and the next thing I knew, the two girls were having a physical fight.

"Stop that at once!" I ordered them. Kristina pulled Xenia away from Nevada, and I pulled Nevada back.

"Apologize to Nevada right away!" Kristina ordered her daughter.

"But she started it!" Xenia protested.

"I don't care," Kristina snapped. "You were both in the wrong, and if you don't apologize right away, you're going to lose all your eggs and all your candy, too."

"Sorry," Xenia muttered, glaring at Nevada.

"You too, Nevada," I demanded.

"Sorry." Nevada glared back at Xenia.

"I'm taking you home right away," Kristina told her daughter. "And when we get there, you're going right into time out."

"You're going into time out, too, starting right now," I told Nevada. "Pick up all your eggs and put them back into your basket."

She picked the eggs up one by one and slung them into the basket, not caring at all if they cracked. Montana and the twins, who'd witnessed the entire incident, followed us inside without saying a word.

When we got into the house, I sent Nevada right to the time-out corner and let Montana and the twins come to the table to look at their treasures. All three of them had a lot of fun eating their candy and playing with their new toys, and when Nevada's time out was over, I allowed her to join them, but she was unusually quiet for the rest of the day.

After dinner that evening, Alexei was sitting in one of the recliners when Nevada climbed into his lap and held onto him, burying her face into his chest. He held her tight, and they stayed like that for a long time, neither of them saying a word.

Before I knew it, school had ended for the year and Montana and Nevada were home for the summer. I was off work the day they came home on the school bus so was able to pick them up. The twins, strapped into their car seats, picked up on their older brother and sister's enthusiasm and began to squirm and giggle.

"I'm gonna be in first grade next year, Jade!" Nevada told her younger sister.

"First grade!" Nevada echoed.

When we got home, I made no-bake oatmeal cookies while the children watched Cartoon network. Montana played with his Buzz Light Year figurine while the girls played with Nevada's Power Puff girls. Nevada was Buttercup and tried to get Jade to be Blossom and Juniper to be Bubbles. She ended up getting very frustrated when she tried to lead the play and the twins, having much shorter attention spans, quickly became bored and began throwing the dolls at one another.

Alexei arrived home with presents for both kids as a reward for their good grades: miniature race cars for Montana, a Polly Pocket play set for Nevada, and board books for the twins.

"You're such a sweetheart!" I said, giving him a hug from behind. I wasn't able to hug him very tightly because my big belly got in the way. I felt our child move as I embraced him.

One night in June, an intense pain in my side awakened me. Gently I shook Alexei's shoulder. "Alexei? I think I have appendicitis."

He groaned, and then his eyes flew wide open. "My God! But what about the kids? Who can we call at two in the morning?"

"I don't know, but I have to get to the hospital right now!"

He ended up calling Mom and scaring her to death. He apologized for frightening her and told her it was an emergency, and she drove right over. As soon as she was there, he rushed me to the hospital, where they took one look at me and rushed me into one of the ER cubicles right away.

They asked me a bunch of questions, and I was still so groggy and in so much pain I could hardly answer them. Fortunately, Alexei was there, holding my hand and helping as much as he could. After an ultrasound had been performed and it had been determined that it wasn't my appendix, I was told that I'd be catheterized because a sterile urine sample was needed.

Fortunately, the nurse responsible for my care was Donna. "Please, can Alexei stay with me?" I begged.

"Of course!" she replied. I shut my eyes tight, and Alexei squeezed my hand as the catheter was inserted.

"There now, it's all over with," he told me afterwards, and I felt the softness of his hand smoothing my hair back from my forehead.

They gave me pain medication through an IV, and soon I was comfortable enough to doze off again. When I awakened again, I saw that Alexei was sitting at my side. "You have a kidney infection," he told me. "They're going to have to admit you for a few days."

"But what about the kids?" I could hear how weak my voice was.

He smiled. "Between my Mom and yours, I'm sure we're covered."

After awhile, Donna returned. "Ready to go to your room?" she asked me with a smile.

"I guess so," I mumbled. I felt pleasantly woozy as a couple of orderlies pushed me down the hall to a room and transferred me to a much more comfortable bed.

I was aware enough to see my new room was softly lit with cream-colored walls and beside my bed was a dresser and a chair beneath a large window.

"I need to get back to the kids," Alexei apologized. "Do you need anything from home?"

"Something to read would be nice."

"Would you like the TV on?"

I shrugged. "Sure."

He handed me the remote control as he kissed me good-bye. As the hospital only had a limited number of channels, I had a choice between news, game shows, and cartoons.

When they brought my breakfast, I was so hungry I ate every bite. After that, I found an interesting movie on one channel. I fell asleep toward the end of it, and when I awakened, it was lunch time. I was about halfway through eating when Alexei returned.

"How are the kids?" I asked him.

"They're fine. Worried about you, of course. I told them you'd have to be in the hospital for a couple of days but you'd be fine after that."

He'd brought several of my romances for me to read, and after he'd visited for about half an hour or so, I opened one of them and began to read. About ten minutes later, the telephone rang.

"Mommy! How are you?" asked Montana after I'd picked up the receiver.

"I'm doing just fine, sweetie," I told him. "How are you?"

"I'm doing good. Granny was here when we woke up this morning. She played games with us and sang to us, and Juniper had a really big poopy pants, and Jade tried to use Nevada's lip gloss as a crayon."

I chuckled. "Sounds like an interesting morning." Briefly it flitted through my mind that, although it was awful to get sick and be in pain, one nice outcome was that it gave me a couple of days of peace and quiet to just lie here and take care of myself. I felt terribly guilty and pushed the thought out of my mind right away.

After a couple of days with nothing to do but eat, sleep, read, and watch television, I got terribly bored and was actually thrilled to go back to my family.

"I think we should do something special to celebrate Mommy coming home from the hospital," Alexei announced. "What do you think?"

"Yeah!" all four kids shouted.

Alexei took us to the historical museum to look around. Montana was fascinated by the mummified cat and wanted to go back and look at it again, but Alexei and I wanted to spend more time looking at the old fashioned Coke bottles exhibit. All four kids had a lot of fun playing in the miniature nineteenth century village on the top floor.

After the museum, we went to the pizza buffet for dinner. I was grateful I didn't have to cook that evening.

Nevada turned six in mid-July. By then, I was eight months pregnant and could hardly get around at all; nevertheless, I was determined to give her as nice a party as she'd ever had. I planned to have it at Bob's Fun City, where the employees would take care of serving the food and cleaning up after the party was over and there would be plenty of games and rides for the kids.

I invited the same guests I did every year. Kennedy showed up with just Morgan and Jordan. "Taylor said she didn't want to be around a bunch of little kids," she explained.

Morgan grimaced. "She's a teenager now."

I laughed. "Well, then, I suppose that's to be expected."

Lauren was all smiles when she and Aidan arrived. "We're gonna have our first baby in March," she told me.

"Congratulations!" I exclaimed. "I can't wait to be an aunt again!" Although Pavel and Xenia were my nephew and niece, of course, Aidan and Lauren's child would be my first biological.

We all had pizza to eat first, and then I brought out the cake. It was white with pink, yellow, and blue icing and had Power Puff girl figurines arranged around a numeral six candle on top.

"Blow out the candle and make a wish, Nevada," I told her. She did, and everyone sang 'Happy Birthday' to her.

Everything went smoothly until Nevada looked up at the Ferris wheel and suddenly lost her nerve.

"Aw, c'mon, Nevada! It'll be fun!" Jordan urged her.

Nevada dug her heels in, staring with big eyes up at the top of the ride, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"How about if I hold your hand?" Jordan offered.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

The next time an empty seat came to the bottom, the two children climbed into it together. As the ride began to move again, Nevada looked just a little frightened, but not for long. After a couple of times, I saw that she was having the time of her life.

"That was fun!" she exclaimed when the ride was over. "I want to go again!"

She and Jordan rode the Ferris wheel together several times, and he never let go of her hand.

One day at the hospital, I was eating lunch with Madison when her face turned green. She jumped up and raced for the restroom, returning several minutes later looking only a little bit better.

"Are you all right?" I asked her.

"Not really. I'm having a much rougher time of it this time around."

"You mean you're pregnant again?"

She nodded. "We just found out. Ilya's thrilled. He's hoping for a girl this time."

"But Joel's not even two yet!"

"He will be when this one is born. We wanted them to be close together so they'd be better playmates."

When I got home that evening, I told Alexei. "That's really something, isn't it? Lauren and Madison are pregnant at the same time!"

He smiled. "Maybe their children will grow up to be good friends."

My contractions started in the middle of the night. The first one was so strong it woke me up, and my water broke with the second one, which flooded the bed. The warmth jolted Alexei awake. "What the fuck?" he cried.

"Get me to the hospital!" I cried. "The baby's coming!"

In a flash he was out of bed, calling Mom to come over to watch the kids, throwing his clothes on. As soon as she got there, we took off. He'd called ahead, so a wheelchair was already waiting for me when I got there. They took me right up to labor and delivery, and Alexei joined me as soon as he'd parked the car.

"Alexei," I moaned, reaching for him as soon as I saw him. "I'm so glad you get to stay with me this time."

"There, there," he soothed, holding me and rubbing my back. "It's all right. Everything's going to be all right."

I labored all night long and into the early morning hours, trying to doze as much as I could in between contractions. Alexei was right there beside me the whole time, massaging my back during the killer contractions and helping me with my breathing.

It was about ten in the morning when at last Donna told me it was time to push. By now the pain was so severe I could barely stand it, and I pushed as hard as I could, hoping it would only take a couple of pushes before the baby was born. No such luck.

I pushed and pushed, and on about the fifth or six time, Reed Sorrel slide out of my body and into his father's hands.

"I have a son!" Alexei cried tears of joy as he gazed down at the wailing newborn.

Donna cleaned and weighed him. "Seven pounds and one ounce," she announced.

"Only two ounces smaller than Montana was when he was born," I observed.

Donna wrapped Reed tightly in a blanket and handed him to me. Right away I held him to my breast, and he latched on.

Reed and I both dozed for most of that morning. He awoke a couple of times to nurse but fell back to sleep right away both times. Alexei was on cloud nine, grinning ear to ear for that entire day. As soon as my new son and I were settled, he went to call my Mom with the news.

"She says everyone's happy Reed's finally here, and Montana is especially thrilled to finally have a baby brother," he reported back to me.

"I know you must be glad about it too, that now your name can be passed down to another generation."

"I am," he admitted. "But another daughter would have been fine, too."

I gazed down into Reed's smoky blue eyes and thought about how much he resembled his father.

"I love you, Reed," I whispered to him.

"I can't believe he's finally here," Alexei said as his hand caressed Reed's soft, downy scalp. "I'm so glad it's over, babe. I was so worried about you."

"You were worried about me?"

"Well, yes. You've given birth to five children in less than ten years, Addison. That's bound to have caused some wear and tear on your body."

"But I feel fine!"

"Even so, I want you to spend the next few weeks doing nothing but resting and feeding Reed. I'll take care of everything else."

"But I can't neglect the older kids!"

"Of course not, but you can give them plenty of love and attention without over exerting yourself. If we have to, we'll hire someone to help out, like we did after the twins were born."

"I'd feel guilty about asking Lauren again. She's pregnant this time, and I doubt she'd feel up to it."

"There are plenty of other people we could ask. My sisters are here now, remember? Veronika could help out on the days she doesn't have classes, and Kristina and Sonya could help out on their days off."

I'd recently helped Sonya get a job at the hospital pharmacy, and since she only worked part time and at night, I imagined she'd have plenty of time off to help with the older kids.

Two days after Reed was born, the hospital discharged us both. I didn't even realize how much I'd missed the older kids until I saw them again. To me, they all looked so much bigger and older, even the twins.

"This is your new baby brother," I told them. "His name is Reed."

"Baby!" Jade exclaimed, pointing to the newborn. Juniper just sucked her thumb as she looked on with a worried expression.

"Can I hold him?" asked Nevada.

"Of course!" I showed her how to support his head so that it didn't fall back. Nevada held him for a little while, and then it was Montana's turn.

The two older kids went back to school on the Monday morning following Reed's birth. Montana was in fourth grade this year, and Nevada was in first. Luckily, both twins were still asleep when Alexei left the house to take them to the bus stop. When they returned home that afternoon, I was sitting up in bed, nursing Reed.

"Don't make too much noise," I heard him caution them as they dashed into the house and to my bedroom.

The twins scrambled into bed to cuddle up next to me right away, and Juniper laid her head in my lap, which was a bit difficult with Reed in my arms.

"So how did your first day of school go?" I asked Montana and Nevada.

"Mrs. Lane is really nice!" Nevada exclaimed. "She has a little boy named Emerson, and he's in kindergarten, just like Xenia." Since their fight over the Easter egg, the two little girls had gotten along great.

"I had her for first grade, too," Montana remarked.

Alexei was able to stay home with me for two weeks, and then he was out of leave time and had to go back to work. Sonya came over to help me on the first day he was gone.

"Guess who I met last night!" she enthused.

"Who?"

"This guy who came into the pharmacy last night to get a prescription filled. His name's Rolan, and he's a dream! And you know what? He asked me out for Saturday night!"

"Cool!" I replied. Reed had dribbled a little bit of spit up, and I used a burping cloth to wipe the corner of his mouth.

"He's so tiny!" Sonya exclaimed. "I don't think I've ever seen a baby that young before! How much did he weigh when he was born?"

"Seven pounds, one ounce."

"That's five ounces bigger than I was. Mama said I weighed six pounds, twelve ounces when I was born."

Kristina came the following day. "So how are your kids doing?" I asked her.

"They're doing great! Pavel's taking geometry this year, and Xenia's enjoying kindergarten. She loves to sing and color and play with the other kids. How are yours?"

"Fine, mostly. Montana in still in cub scouts. Nevada's having a little trouble getting used to having home work in first grade. She'd much rather play or watch television. Jade loves being a big sister, but Juniper seems insecure. Every time I hold River, she tries to climb up into my lap with him."

Kristina laughed. "Sounds like she's just a little bit jealous. Don't worry, she'll get over it."

The next time Sonya came over, she was all smiles. "I went out with Rolan for the first time Saturday night, and we had a blast! First he took me to dinner, and then we went dancing, and then we went back to his place!"

I raised one eyebrow. "You spent the night with him on the first date?"

"Yeah, so?"

"You'd better be careful," I warned her. "He might be after just one thing."

"Oh, no, not Rolan! He's a very loving, caring guy, and he always treats me with the utmost respect. I'm sure he'd never do anything to hurt me."

"You can't know that for sure. You just met him!"

"That doesn't matter. I can tell."

"I hope for your sake you're right."

When Reed was six weeks old, I went back to Dr. Brown for a check-up. "Everything's healed up just fine," he told me. "You can resume all your normal activities." He winked at me, and I grinned.

I prepared Alexei's favorite meal that evening, and we spent the entire night making love.

Reed's six-week appointment was a couple of days later. "Everything checks out just fine," Dr. Tanner told me. On the way home, I stopped at the supermarket to pick up something to make for dinner that night. Aidan still worked as the assistant manager there and greeted me as I walked in. "Hey there!" he said, smiling at Reed, who smiled back.

"You're such a little cutie! Want to come see Uncle Aidan?" He lifted Reed and rested him on his shoulder.

I selected the items I needed and headed for the check-out. I noticed that I was standing right behind a woman with a baby girl of about six months or so. It was almost her turn when I heard a loud clap of thunder. The baby girl started crying, but Reed continued to doze, oblivious to the noise.

By the time I got back home, it was pouring rain. I dashed into the house as quickly as I could but still ended up getting drenched.

"Here, let me help you!" Kristina, who was my sitter for the day, met me at the door. Right away, she took River from me and took him into the bedroom to change his clothes while I changed mine in the bathroom. We'd recently moved the twins into bunk beds in Nevada's room so Reed could sleep in a crib in our bedroom.

Kristina left a few minutes after I got home, and about thirty minutes later, the twins awakened from their naps. A little while after that, it was time to pick Montana and Nevada up from the bus stop. The rain had dwindled to a drizzle by now.

I made hot dogs and baked beans for dinner that night. I was just setting the beans on the table when Alexei came home from work.

"I sure hope you managed to avoid this mess," he remarked.

"Not quite," I told him. "It started in between the store and home."

He went into the bedroom and came out carrying Reed. "I can't believe what a good baby he is," he commented. "I found him just lying in his crib wide awake, not letting out a peep."

"He was great at the doctor's office today," I agreed.

"So what did the doctor have to say about him?"

"He's doing very well so far. Reached all the milestones."

"So were you good for Mama today, my little Tsarevich?" Alexei cooed to his son.

"I'm sure he has no idea what a Tsarevich is," I remarked.

"That's all right. You'll learn one day, won't you?" Alexei said to Reed. "It's such a shame you're still too young to partake of this lovely banquet your Mama has prepared for us."

"You know I had a busy day today," I snapped.

"I know! I was only kidding!" He hugged and kissed me. "Please don't be mad."

"Well...all right," I fake pouted.

The next few weeks passed quickly, and almost before I knew it, it was the weekend before the twins' third birthday.

"I've been so busy I haven't even thought about what to do for their party!" I groaned to Alexei.

"How about a circus theme," he suggested. "Ilya works part time as a clown for kids' birthday parties. I could have him come over and do some tricks for the kids. We could rent a bouncy house, too."

"That's a great idea!" I exclaimed. "What on earth would I ever do without you?"

We found circus-themed party invitations at the dollar store. The weather was nice the day of the party, so we had it outside. Alexei hung red, yellow, and blue balloons and streamers from nearby trees. Ilya arrived wearing a one-piece red outfit with huge white polka dots and a matching hat, much-too-large blue shoes, and a wig with rainbow-colored hair. Madison came with him, looking very tired and pale.

"I don't know why, but it's so different this time around," she told me. "I'm much sicker than I was with Joel."

"Are you sure it's not twins?" I asked her.

"The doctor saw only one baby on the ultrasound."

She'd brought twenty-one-month-old Joel with her, and everybody made a big fuss over him. We put a rope on the ground so the kids could walk along it, pretending it was a tight rope. Alexei had cut a lion's head from cardboard and then cut a hole out for its mouth. He gave each of the children a bean bag to toss into the lion's mouth, pretending to feed it.

They were in the middle of that game when a fire truck whizzed past, sirens blaring. Joel screamed and cried, and the older children all covered their ears. Reed was oblivious to all the noise. Alexei and I exchanged puzzled looks.

"Well, little one, it seems that nothing at all perturbs you." I could tell Alexei was trying his best to sound light, but I sensed the undercurrent of worry beneath his words.

After the game was over, Mom painted the kids' faces to look like clowns. The older kids did fine, but both twins became impatient and began to squirm before their grandmother was finished.

We gave the kids paper bags to hold their party favors, and markers and stickers to decorate them with, and after awhile, the party broke up and all the guests began to leave.

By now, Reed had awakened and begun to fuss, so I settled him at my breast while Alexei and the older kids cleaned up from the party. Juniper came up to me and laid her head in my lap. "Mama."

I ruffled her hair. "What is it, sweetie?"

"Will you cuddle me please?"

"Sure. Just let me finish feeding your brother."

"You're always feeding him," she pouted.

"He has to eat a lot so he can grow," I explained.

Suddenly Jade ran up to her. "Look what I found, Junie! A roly-poly!"

"Roly-poly!" Juniper exclaimed, her jealousy of her baby brother forgotten, at least for now.

Since Reed was still so tiny, Alexei offered to take the kids trick-or-treating on Halloween. Montana went as Anakin Skywalker, Nevada as Queen Amidala, and the twins as salt and pepper shakers. While they were gone, Lara came by with Dylan, who was dressed as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, and Tuesday, who was dressed as a Cabbage Patch Kid. I was sitting in the recliner watching television and Reed was swinging in his baby swing when they arrived.

"You got any Milky Way bars?" Dylan asked, digging into the bucket of Halloween candy.

"He loves chocolate," Lara explained.

Tuesday toddled up to Reed and pointed at him. "Baby!"

"That's right," said Lara. "You used to be that little, too."

Later, Riley brought Camryn and Colton by, and Alexei and the twins came home soon after that.

One weekend, we invited Ilya and Madison over for dinner. The night before they were supposed to come, Madison called me, crying hard. "I'm sorry, but I can't make it tomorrow night," she told me.

"What's wrong?" I could tell by the tone of her voice it must be terrible.

"I just g-got very bad news about the baby," she sobbed. "I had a blood test and an amniocentesis, and they t-told me he doesn't have a brain."

"Oh my gosh, that's horrible!" My own concern about Reed seemed so minor by comparison to this tragedy. "I'm so sorry! So will you just have an abortion, then?"

"Ilya is opposed to abortion for religious reasons, so that's out. Oh, Addison, I just don't know what to do!"

I didn't know what to say. During my years as a nurse, I'd witnessed the births of several anencephalic babies. Two had been stillborn, and one had lived for a few hours. I shuddered as I remembered what they'd looked like.

Still, I felt the urge to at least attempt to comfort her. "Well, just remember that you have friends who care about you. I'm here any time you need a shoulder to cry on."

"Thanks, Addison."

I went into the living room to tell Alexei the news. "Madison isn't coming over tomorrow night. She just found out she's gonna lose the baby."

Alexei gasped. "Oh, no! What happened?"

"She had an amniocentesis, and they told her it doesn't have a brain."

"I've never heard of a baby being born without a brain!"

"It's very rare, but it happens sometimes. I've even seen a few of them. That's a sight you'll never forget once you've seen it."

"I'll bet!" He came to me and took my hands into his own. "That's terrible, Addison. I feel so sorry for them."

"So do I. She can't get an abortion because of Ilya's religious beliefs."

"I know." He sighed. "So I guess they're not coming over for dinner tomorrow night, then."

"Madison only said she isn't coming. She didn't say anything about Ilya."

"I wouldn't count on it happening, though."

That night I found him standing beside Reed's crib, just looking down at our sleeping son without saying a word. He saw me and reached for me, and I went to him. He embraced me.

"I can't believe how much we have to be grateful for." He sounded as if he might cry.

"I know. I feel the same way sometimes," I told him.

We were surprised when Ilya and Madison showed up for dinner the following evening. "Ilya talked me into coming," Madison explained. "He thought it would help take my mind off things."

They'd brought Joel along, and all four of us laughed as we watched him play with the twins. After awhile, Madison sighed. "I wanted so much for him to have a little brother or sister to play with."

Ilya took her hand. "This is God's will, darling, and although I know we can't understand it now, I'm sure something good will come of it."

Thanksgiving that year turned out to be a dismal affair, as both Aidan and Lauren wore long faces when we arrived at my parents' home and saw them. "We just found out our baby has a serious heart defect," Lauren told us. "If she doesn't get a heart transplant very soon after birth, she'll die. My doctor has put her on the list, but it's an awfully long list."

"My God!" I exclaimed. "First Madison, and now you too!"

"Madison?"

"A friend of mine from the hospital," I told her. "She's pregnant too, and she just found out her baby doesn't have a brain."

"That's even worse!" Lauren gasped. "Poor thing! Well, give her my sympathies."

"I will."

That weekend, we went to the mall to start on our Christmas shopping. Although we got there about ten, there was already a long line of children waiting to sit on Santa's knee. "Oh, can I go see Santa? Please, please, please?" Nevada begged.

Alexei laughed. "Of course! You don't have to beg!"

"And Jade and Junie are big enough to sit on his knee too this year!"

"So they are."

About twenty minutes later, we were at the front of the line. Nevada generously agreed to let the twins go first. Jade ran to Santa and eagerly climbed up into his lap.

"Hi there, little girl! What's your name?" he asked.

"I'm Jade, and my sister is Junie," she told him. "She's ten minutes younger than me. That's her over there." She pointed.

"So I see."

"Mommy always dresses us in different colors so people can tell us apart."

"Well, what do you want for Christmas this year, Miss Jade?"

"I want an Etch a Sketch, a Sit and Spin, a doctor kit, and a ride on ball." She counted the items off on her fingers.

Santa chuckled. "Well, I'll certainly see what I can do!"

As Jade skipped happily back to us, we urged a hesitant Juniper to take her place on Santa's knee. "It's OK," I encouraged her. "He just wants to ask you what you want for Christmas."

"It's fun, Junie!" Jade sucked on the candy cane she'd received from Santa.

After much coaxing, Juniper ambled up to Santa, who whisked her into his lap. "So what do you want for Christmas this year, Junie?" he asked her.

"Um..." She stuck her finger in her mouth. "A baby doll." Her voice was almost a whisper.

"Well, now, I'm sure that can be arranged." He set her down on her feet, and she ran to me as fast as her legs would carry her and hid her face in the front of my shirt.

Alexei laughed. "I can't believe how different you and your sister are!" he told his daughter.

"As different as night and day," I agreed.