Murder on the Titanic

Joe Smith raced through the alleyways of Southampton trying to stick to the shadows and hidden entrances. Behind them was a large brute that weighed in at 300 pounds of pure muscle. Like a squirrel going up a tree, Joe made tracks up a fire escape, crossed over and made it to the other side. What they didn’t consider the fact that a second brute who anticipated the little detour was already on the other side waiting for them, and while he was waiting, began sucking on a lit cigar. The cigar when sucked on, caused the end to light up nice and bright.

“Hey!” The Brute said with a gruff voice. “There’s the fink now!”

“Listen,” Joe began talking with a squeaky pitch, “I didn’t mean to go to the police about Mr. Cardellini’s man offing that guy. It was the furthest thing from my mind.”

The brute with the cigar decided to play along for a moment. “So, how is it you told them.”

“You know how they are, they…they tricked me into it.”

“Sure,” the brute that followed Joe up the ladder responded, then all too politely pushed their glasses into place and even fixed the three-piece tweed suit so it didn’t look so ruffled, “and they even tricked you into telling where we had him hiding out.”

“Yes--.”

The brute with the cigar spun Joe around began to tap the cigar at Joe’s forehead. “You expect us to buy that load of carp?”

“So, he wants you two to rough me up?” Joe tried to look around for a way to escape, a little way down the street a haycart was being lazily pulled down the street by a single horse.

The brute with the cigar smiled, “We won’t rough you up.”

“Oh, that’s good.” Joe sounded relieved and watched the haycart get closer to their position.

“He wants us to bring your head back on a silver platter,”

“Oh, that’s not good,”

“It’s what Mr. Cardellini wants us to do to you!”

“Listen,” Joe pleaded, “I’m leaving town tomorrow for New York. Already booked a second-class ticket for a ship called the Titanic. Me and my girl will be onboard when it pulls out at noon. You will never see or hear from me again.”

“You know Bubba,” the brute relit his cigar, “I think he really believes, that carp’s going to happen.”

“He doesn’t realize he’s not even going to get off this fire escape alive!”

The haycart was directly underneath, and Joe took a swan-dive onto the pile of dry hay and landed on the middle with a gentle thud.

“Can you beat that?”

“Yep!!” The brute with the cigar flicked the cigar at the pile of hay.

Joe could see the cigar coming as it spun through the air. All it took was a small leap off the far side of the cart just as the cigar landed on the dry hay. The hay caught fire, and the lazy old horse was… let’s just say, no longer lazy and let out a scream as a fire was literally lit under his ass. He began to run from the flames, not realizing that it was his own running that fed the flames.

In the confusion, Joe vanished as the nearby church clock struck midnight, which gave them an idea; take sanctuary at the old church until morning, then at 9:30 be one of the first to board the Titanic, which would most assuredly carry them to safety.

“He’s gone,” Brute-1 said.

“For the moment, yeah,” Brute-2 responded, “but I have an idea, but we need to run it by Mr. Cardellini and his daughter.”

9am came rather slowly, especially with Joe taking sanctuary inside the church, at least on an unofficial basis. Joe managed to get word to Maria, a girl Joe met just a few days before and fell madly in love with to meet them at the Titanic, which she did. Finally, when people began to board, they were one of hundreds who were showing their boarding passes, and they were in their stateroom, which was small, but comfortable with glossy white walls and linoleum floors. Joe looked at the numbering on the door, E91 as the two of them entered the room.

“I think we’re safe,” Maria said.

“We’re not going to be safe until we clear past Queenstown, which I believe is the final European stop before we make the 2,800 some odd mile trip to a new life in New York.”

“Are you saying you think those brutes that were after you could still board?” Maria’s hand touched at Joe’s face. The slight beard was rough and strange feeling, like it wasn’t… real.”

“Sweetheart, it’s a couple of hours here before the ship leaves port,” Joe pulled their face away from Maria’s hand, “and even then, it would be nothing for them to take a train from Southampton to Queenstown!”

“Oh!”

“But by 8:30 tonight, we’ll know one way or another if Cardellini had sent anyone after me or not.”

“Listen, I don’t thing even Cardellini will be so arrogant as to send someone after us, we're safe!”

“You’re right, Maria,” Joe looked at the woman that stood before them and frowned, “you know I’ve been so enraptured about taking you away from all of this, that I’ve neglected to find out your full name!! Isn’t that silly of me?!”

“It’s Maria Car--, err, Cerves.”

A little after 8:30, Queenstown was nothing more than a memory, and while people embarked and even disembarked, none of them seemed to be a threat in any way shape or form. Sure, a few ruffians that were headed to third-class and the like, but nothing near the brutes that tried to corner Joe on the fire escape a little over 20 hours before.

“Listen,” Maria said with a finality, “I don’t think Cardellini sent any men after you, otherwise we would be dealing with them by now.”

“You’re right,”

“So,” for the first time in over 24 hours, Joe Smith began to relax and touched at Maria’s face, “where do we go from here?”

“Let’s go back to the stateroom and do a little tension release.”

“A little what?” Joe’s eyes began to bug out, the large frame glasses on Joe’s face began to slide down, but they were immediately pushed back up, as they followed Maria to the stateroom with her leading them by the hand.

By this time, Maria had the stateroom door open and began to remove the dress she was wearing revealing the top of her well sized breasts. “Tension release. It’s what men and women do from time to time.”

“Oh,” Joe looked at the dress on the floor, as even Maria’s undergarments joined the dress on the floor, Joe’s hands went over their eyes, “and OH!”

“You’re not gay are you?”

“Actually I--.”

“You aren’t a little boy are you?”

“Hell no.”

“You’re not some kind of a man-child?”

“Definitely not that.”

“Finally, you… are… a man… right?” Maria gave Joe a look, until that point, she had assumed that Joe was a man. At least, that’s what the tweed suit, haircut, oversized glasses, and slight beard wanted her to believe. But all at once she noticed something off with the beard that Joe always seemed to support, but never seemed to grow.

“Well--.” Joe frowned, then smiled as they realized that they could finally let it all show.

Maria gave Joe a look.

“Care for a little… um… ah… truth?” Joe tossed the glasses aside and ripped off the paste-on beard, as they were no longer needed, revealing the true smoothness of their face. Then with a thrust ripped the shirt open revealing two small, but nice firm and inviting breasts.

“So,” Maria shrugged, “you’re a woman. A very beautiful young woman who has no need to hide herself behind a pair of fake glasses and a three-piece suit.”

“But I am a woman.”

“Guess what? so am I. Big deal!” Maria touched at Joe’s breasts and traced her fingers over them, “we can still have sex if you want, I play that way too. Hell, I play BETTER that way, you know?”

“But I don’t think we can get married…” Joe looked at the woman she fell madly in love with and wanted to run off to the States to start a new life with her, “…like we planned.”

“And why the HELL not!?”

Joe now felt kind of strange and silly, she looked at her now full-bodied nakedness in the mirror, her breasts, while not much larger than grapefruits were rather attractive and even inviting to the right person.

“You still want to get married?” Joe stood at the wash basin and rubbed soap all over her face and scrubbed it in with the washcloth, wiping away the spirit glue that held the beard in place, with her face buried in the washcloth, she let out a slight mumble. “Please…please?”

“Want me to make an official proposal?” Maria climbed off the bed and got on one knee, she had a ring, a simple piece of costume jewelry that she lay out on the palm of her hand.

Joe was so busy washing her face and mumbling, that she didn’t quite hear the question, so when she turned around to face Maria, she was caught a little bit off guard by the topless woman in front of her in the proposal pose.

“Will you--.” Maria began as Joe turned around then stopped, as she had noticed her fully pretty much for the first time as her true self, while she had shortcut black hair, it worked for her slender body that was the perfect shape for her. Her jawline came to a slight V shape, and her skin looked smooth and silky. “OH GOD! Will you please marry me?”

Joe looked at the girl with the shoulder length dirty blonde hair who was looking up at her wishfully. She reached down and ran her fingers through the hair. “I will marry you.”

“Good,” Maria got up and pulled Joe’s body into hers, their breasts came together, then their pantied pudendums came in together.

“Before we go any farther, why don’t we make this extra special?”

“How,” Maria kissed Joe on the lips.

“We can have the captain marry us, and then we can go all out,”

“Grr,” Maria groaned.

“Besides, I did kind of make some sort of a no sex before marriage pledge,” Joe said almost as an afterthought.

“So let me get this straight, you go through all of this stuff to get me turned on, big time, you’re standing there in perfect beauty like some god damned angel ready to give me the best sexual encounter of my life, and you turn around and tell me you that you made a pledge to have no sex before marriage?”

“Sorry,” Joe realized how silly it all sounded, even the very fact that she had made that pledge a few years ago to keep her father at bay about her being a lesbian was silly.

“It’s OK,” Maria touched at her soon to be wife’s face, “just busting your balls.”

“I know,” Joe bumped her head against Maria’s head. “Let me go and get the captain see if he can get us married ASAP.”

Maria watched as Joe made her way to the stateroom door. “You’re not going to go looking for the captain in nothing but your panties, are you?”

Joe looked down at herself. “It might turn a few heads at that.”

“At least put something on!”

All at once Joe could hear some sort of a noise at the door. “Maybe I don’t have to.” She pulled her panties down.

“What the--?” Maria managed to blurt out as Joe popped the door open with a thrust. The crewman who was trying to peek through the keyhole got an eyeful when Joe pulled the door open in her altogether. The guy got an eyeful of pure unadulterated full-frontal nudity at its finest. “Oh, Gawd!”

“What the HELL are you looking at?” Joe barked out like a dog at the poor crewman who found himself frozen in position.

The crewman let out a whine as he rolled forwards onto the floor and said nothing but let out an embarrassing wine.

“When you’re done there, I want you to do me a favor.”

The crewman got up, at least as far as a prayer pose, and looked at Joe’s bare chest. “Anything… anything.”

Joe decided it was time to at least wrap a sheet around herself, so she quickly ripped a sheet off the bed did so. “Go and fetch me the captain.”

“Oh, please don’t report me, I was just--.”

“Not for you, stupid. It’s for me and my fiancé.”

“Fiancé?” The crewman looked around for the lucky man. “Where is the lucky guy?”

Maria stood behind Joe and waved sensually. “The lucky girl is over here.”

“Oh,” the crewman’s head bobbed back and forth at the two most beautiful women he’s ever put his eyes upon, then cried as he watched Maria walk over and wrap her arms around Joe from behind and kiss her on the side of the neck. “And… OH!”

“Something wrong?” Joe leaned into the kiss.

“No…no…no. Nothing’s wrong.”

“Then go…go…go and fetch the captain.”

“Um…I don’t know…I don’t think…”

As luck would have it, the captain was taking a tour of the decks. In many cases, he liked to make random personal visits to random passengers in first class, and on a few rare occasions people in second class, even if only in passing, as E deck was shared by both first and second class. He noticed the interaction with one of the crewmen and two lovely ladies. “I’m not paying you to think. And how are you two lovely ladies?”

“Well, we’re good.” Joe said. “And we were actually trying to get him to come and fetch you.”

“Is there a problem with anything?” He looked at the two ladies who were both covered with a single thin sheet that didn’t take too much effort to see through.

“Not a problem,” Maria slipped her fingers into Joe hand, “but still something you can help us resolve.”

“We want to get married. And it is our understanding that sea captains can perform weddings out at sea, even to people like us.”

“That is partially true, sea captains have been known to perform weddings at sea. And I would love to do nothing better than to help you two ladies get married.”

“Sir--.” The crewman found he was speaking to the captain’s hand, so he shut up.

“However, in order for that to happen, the captain needs to have documentation that he can double over as either a minister or a justice of the peace.”

“You…” the crewman scoffed. “A minister?”

“Don’t mock your superior officer, otherwise I will have you put off the ship immediately. And for your information, it’s justice of the peace.”

“We’re out at sea,” the crewman pointed out.

“So?”

“So, you can’t put me off ship.”

“Yes I can,”

“Oh--.”

“Back to more pleasant talk,” Captain Smith said. “I can perform a wedding for you two. Give me an hour to finish a few things and get the proper paperwork together, and then we can perform a midnight wedding on the main deck.”

“Under the full moon,” Joe said romantically.

“Actually, it’s more of a weaning crescent moon,” the crewman said, “and it’s quite possible that we’ll be traveling one night without the benefit of any moonlight at all That will be on the night of the…14th.”

“Who asked you?” Joe realized the crewman, was beginning to get under her skin.

The captain let out a laugh. “He has a lot to learn about a lot of things. Anyway, meet me on the main deck around 10 minutes before midnight. Just remember; the wedding ceremony itself is NOT clothing optional.”

At precisely 11:50pm, the two ladies walked onto the main deck, both wearing one-piece dresses that were as close to white as they could muster up from their luggage, which Maria had been able to muster up during the time Joe was taking sanctuary in the church.

The captain met them as they made their approach, “I just need to know a few things before I officially marry you two.”

“Which are.”

“Your full names, and if one will be taking on the other person’s surname.”

“I’m OK with keeping my own name,” Joe said rather quickly.

“No. You will not be walking around with the name Joe Smith for the rest of your life.”

“And what pray tell is wrong with the name Smith,” Captain Smith pretended to be a little upset at Maria.

“Oh--,” Maria looked at the captain, “nothing… nothing at all.”

“I see,”

“And maybe you can go by your full first name--.” Maria said suggestively.

“Josephine Smith?”

“Actually,” now Maria was a little nervous, “it would become Josephine Cardellini.”

“Cardellini,” Joe’s mouth dropped almost to the deck, “as in the name of the crime boss of lower Southampton?”

“Yes.”

Now Joe was teary eyed, what mess had she gotten herself into now? “The guy who literally wants my head on a silver platter?”

“Yes.”

“And how the fuck are you related to him?”

“I’m his daughter,” Maria said tearfully, then quickly placed her hands on either side of Joe’s shoulders and squeezed hard so she couldn’t run off, “but it’s not what you think. Yes he wants it so that *Joe Smith* no longer exists, and we can do that. We can kill the NAME Joe Smith right here and right now, so say goodbye to that name.”

“If I may, I have a suggestion,” Captain Smith said.

“By all means,” Maria said.

The captain presented a piece of scrap paper, and a pen. “Write the name Joe Smith on this piece of paper.”

Joe looked at the captain. “Why?”

“Just do it,” the captain waited for the name to be quickly written out in large letters, then took the scrap of paper and crumpled it up in a ball and tossed it into the water. “Man overboard!”

“Sir--?” the crewman who was with him was confused.

“Make a note in the log that at 11:55, Joe Smith was thrown overboard by person or person’s unknown and was killed on impact with the water, making the recovery of the body unnecessary.”

“Also,” Maria said, “I would like you to send a telegram to my father.”

“What should it say?”

“Joe Smith dead. STOP Moving on to a new life. STOP Divorced from family. STOP Getting married to the girl of my dreams. STOP.” Maria said then noticed the crewman was still standing there flapping his lips but saying nothing. “GO!”

All at once the crewman took off.

“If I may make one more suggestion,” the captain said to Maria, “I am familiar with your father, well his like, and I can legally change your last name from Cardellini to whatever surname you so wish… just to make it that much harder for your father to come looking for you.”

“We don’t have to go that far,” Josephine turned to Maria, “only your father and his crew knew me as Joe Smith.”

“So,” Maria winced, “what is your ACTUAL name?”

“Parker. Josephine Parker.”

“Which when we get married and I take on your REAL last name, I will be then known as Maria Parker,” Maria mulled over the new name. I like it.

“And if I may make one final suggestion,” the captain said, “while I will marry you two, it may be in your best interest to call yourselves sisters when we reach New York harbor. It may take them a while to become THAT progressive, as progressive as they are.”

“Right,” Josephine slipped her hand into Maria’s, “so shall we officially become… “sisters”.”

“Let’s,” Maria leaned in for a kiss, “because I am dying to show you a bit of my sisterly affection.”

“And I can’t wait to be the recipient of that sisterly affection,” Josephine kissed Maria in full public in front of 100 witnesses.

“Ahem!” Captain Smith coughed suggestively. “Now that we properly know one another’s names, I think it’s best to make it official.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first of what I hope is many marriage ceremonies aboard the Titanic. Josephine and Maria have requested a short ceremony and as I’m not one to disappoint, so let’s cut to the chase.

“At this point it’s traditional for the officiant, that’s me by the way, to give a speech about love and commitment and all that fun stuff…most of you already know that bit, if not, read 1 Corinthians 13 when you get back to your stateroom. In the interest of time let me just say: Love, compassion, friendship, sisterhood, whatever you want to call it, try your best to do all those things the best way you can.

“Now there are some boring bits that we could do with candles and the drinking of wine that could drag this out, so do you just want to just skip to the “I DO” part.”

“Skip to the I do part!” Josephine said.

“Josephine, do you want Maria as your life partner? To love, honor cherish and all of that fun stuff?”

“I do. Especially the fun stuff.”

“Maria, do you want Josephine as your life partner… you know how it goes.”

“I do.”

“Present the rings you two have selected.

“Rings are a symbol of your love for one another… you get the picture. If you two have anything you want to say as you exchange rings you can do so now.”

“For me,” Josephine began as she placed the ring on Maria’s finger, “it was love at first site. Enough said.”

“I admit it,” Maria began, as she placed the ring on Josephine’s finger, “when you were pretending to be a boy I saw you as a means of escape from my family. But after seeing the real you, that’s when I knew it was love at first sight.”

Captain Smith looked at the two very attractive girls who were very attracted to one another. “I can understand why Josephine and Maria were in a rush to get married, I can feel the intensity of their love for one another even as I stand near them. In a few moments, you’ll be able to enjoy one another in both body and spirit in a way that you couldn’t even an hour ago.

“By the power vested in me as both Captain and Justice of the peace of the HMS Titanic, I am pleased to introduce newly bonded (they want to be identified as “sisters”) Josephine and Maria Parker!” The captain leaned into the two women and said: “Now you two can finally do that kissing you two wanted to do when I came across you in your stateroom.”

Josephine and Maria’s lips locked together, just long enough for a few guys with their Cameras to take a few shots of two girls kissing, then they were off to their stateroom where they spent the entire night kissing and exploring one another’s bodies until they finally fell asleep in one another’s arms at around 6:00 in the morning.

The next few days were nothing but pure pleasure for the two women. When they had gone out on deck. Most of the people they came across were a little taken back, and an order of religious fanatics tried to find them a couple of “nice young men” that were a little more than eager for intimate contact with them. But there were the more-kindly people, most of who were at their wedding respected them, even though some of even them seemed to be less than happy about their union.

Then came the night of April 14, and the initial crash into the iceberg came while they were busy playing with some pleasure toys. At first, Maria thought the rocking sensation was merely from when Josephine was riding her with a strap-on, for their intense actions were moving the bed across the room so much they actually broke the bed at the same exact time as the crash.

It would turn out that the broken bed was the least of their worries, and at 11:55pm they found the captain pounding on their stateroom door. He began talking even before the door was fully opened.

“No time for niceties, the ship is going down fast,” the captain said, “and may God forgive me, but I already know I can’t put everybody on the lifeboats.”

“But?” Maria quickly began to throw on the dress she and Josephine were married in, as did Josephine.

“I got involved with your lives, and God knows I’m not stop with officiating your marriage. I want to see you two have full rich lives together. I’ve already had two seats reserved for the two of you even before I call out the order for the boats to be loaded.”

As they listened to the captain speak, they made sure they were fully dressed and had their winter coats on. They grabbed whatever blankets they could grab and followed the captain to the deck where the boat he had selected (which was rowboat #7) for them to be on was waiting.

“OK, start loading the boats,” the captain cried out, “women and children first.”

Maria and Josephine were the first two onto the boat and they took the first seats.

“Hey, what’s so special about those two--.” One of the passengers, male at that barked out.

“I took a special interest in these two sisters practically from the time they stepped on board,” Captain Smith said, “so it is only stands to reason that I give them special treatment on getting them off!”

“But my wife--.”

“She will be put on the lifeboat, I will make certain of that,” the captain turned his attention back to Josephine and Maria, as the boat filled to just a little over half full, as the boats were made for short distances, not for the possibility of people being in it for the possibility of several hours or even days. He placed his right hand on Josephine’s cheek and the left on Maria’s. “Remember, you two are to be known as sisters, and even then it will be a hard life for the two of you. In a perfect world all people should be given the same level of respect no matter what they are, man/woman, black/white, gay/straight. But as you may have noticed, this is not a perfect world and never will be. Don’t let people tear you down or break your spirit. It is my belief that the two of you complete one another; always keep that in mind.”

“We will,” Maria pecked the captain on the cheek.

The clock on the bridge of the Carpathia just hit 12:20 and the distress signal came through. “Come at once. We have struck a berg. It’s a CQD, old man.”

The Cunard liner immediately changed course to aid the stricken ship some 58 nautical miles away. While it would take it a little over three hours to get there, it would be the first ship to be on the scene.

12:45 came quickly and the time had come for rowboat #7 to be the first of the boats to be lowered and placed in the water.

“Sir,” one of the crewmen came running up with a telegram flapping in his hand, “I have a telegram.”

“Who for?” Captain Smith asked, even as the boat was beginning to lower.

“It’s for one of the sisters you took a special interest in,”

“Well, hand it to them man, quickly!”

It was Maria’s hand that stretched out for the telegram, she quickly ripped the envelope it was in and unfolded it so she could read it. It contained four words.

“What does it say honey?” Josephine peered over Maria’s shoulder.

“It says “Have a nice life”.”

“To that, I say we will. We may have a hard road ahead,” Josephine said as the boat hit the water, “but we will have a nice life.”

The Carpathia had arrived at 3:30, and at 4:10, was able to start taking on passengers at which time the captain sent out a message to the Star Line offices that read: “Deeply regret advise you Titanic sank this morning fifteenth after collision iceberg, resulting serious loss life; further particulars later.”

Josephine leaned against the railing of the Carpathia with her back to the water, as she sipped on the lukewarm cup of coffee one of two crewmen who were carrying around on a tray.

“You know,” the first crewman said, “out of the 705 people we rescued, I don’t think even one of them was a married couple.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t know about that,” Maria responded.

“I know of at least one married couple,” Josephine added.

“Who’s that?” the crewman asked.

“US!” both Maria and Josephine said in unison.

“Well, you don’t count,” the first crewman spat out just before being whacked on the back of the head with the empty tray, to which he let out a sharp “OW!”

“Show them some respect,” the second crewman said.

“While we are married,” Maria waved the marriage certificate, one of the only documents recovered from the Titanic, “we don’t want to be identified as such.”

“Well,” the second crewman turned to Maria, “how do you wish for us to identify you as.”

Josephine sighed, “There may come a time when we can proudly tell the world that we are two lesbians who found love and marriage on the Titanic. But until that time, we will settle for simply being called… sisters.”