Mirror, Mirrors on the Wall

Mirror, Mirrors on the Walls

The room was as if it were modeled for asylum- seekers and seemingly like a place for a soul in need of protection. I entered this dome that was padded with white walls with hints of grays and reds to offset the immersive, ghostly white space. As I felt a motion- like gravitation to this domain, it commanded me to enhance it. I impressed my energy into the room bringing character. My own perspective to embellish this place in desperate need of a catharsis shift; a splash of life. My sleek, deep red colored lace dress would hang like a chandelier. My red locks seemed to touch each corner as I circled the room. I wanted to ascend with the intoxicating scent of Londan. The dark gray clothing he wore was deeply draped in intoxicating scents of devilish delight. Rarely, am I reluctant or shy of anyone or anything. But, I almost wanted to run from Londan’s mystic presence, it was deep and solidifying. Collecting all the esthesic of his space was like an intense mind fuck. I had to break the trance using words to speak my intentions and wishful fantasy. “ A pole and a swing would give the room a bit of whimsical excitement.” I voiced. He repeated, “ whimsical and that means, what poetic lady?” Londan’s chuckle echoed throughout the room like a light thundering that gave me tingling down into my womb. The power of words was tremendously stimulating. Breathing, smelling, listening, seeing, and feeling took on new and heightened meaning.

The large mirrors took the form to represent windows. I caught a glimpse of us in each mirror. I continued to navigate through the space to hone in on the vibrations of the room. I wanted to be first as my dominant nature wants to always take the lead. I wanted to give the prelude to what the show should and must look like from the beginning to the end. Consequently, this time around I had met my match for he is Alpha Male to the Alpha Femme.

“ I want to feel you…mmm…your wetness, creaming down my dick!” He whispered in my ear while lowering me down onto the large chair positioned in full view of the mirrors.

In return, I extended my tongue to lick his enormous biceps, I spurred sounds in between each touch, licked, and flickered my tongue; craving his pure brown skin. I oozed out; unintentionally; “ I want you so badly, I need to feel you!” In one quick motion, my dress was up and my womanness was exposed. He inserted his tongue deep into my liquefied with rigor and precision.

“ Mmm… ready to taste me...” he interjected.

“Not, yet!” I commanded.

Powering positions were quickly affirmed. Londan proceeded to walk me over to the bed and gently shoved me down; into position for his commands and pleasure. He gripped my hands and intertwined our fingers to ignite the power engine. Yes, a sense of connection on a tantric level, I thought. We'd opened and welcomed the entity to take over us; we surrendered and released hands to explore one another’s bodies.

Londan’s world would be mine; I desired and manifested.

Fingertips to tongue tips, we navigated to gain a sense of erogenous- filled delight. Lost between uttering sounds as we caressed one another's hotspots without a naive moment. He used his large brown hands to grip his plum tree; the multi-stimulation drove me deep into excitement, he then inserted his tongue into my dripping honey pot, again...“ glory!!!” My gaze went from mirroring us to reflections of images; there were imagined small intimate carvings of animals. Mating animals in the nooks of the window seals. I felt a sense of connection, freedom, and security as Londan allowed me to take on form as a piece of his environment. This place was set to create any wild fantasy you’d conjure up; dolefully these walls were full of Londan’s secrets or should I say other’s. secret.

Londan was one you’d say was a thinker, articulate with his words, and mysterious with his stoic presence. By way of the interior of this room, it seemed to be a reflection of his inner character. While I am fully aware of my empathic gifts, I was trying to determine if I was intrigued because Londan mirrored something within my own soul. I wanted to feel it again. I examined my feelings and asked myself, “ Was I now ready to let it all go and be vulnerable? Could I go plummeting past what had overshadowed me over the last three years? Nevertheless, I wanted to experience Londan. I want his pistol safely nestled in my walls. He was diving deeper and deeper and every inch of our bodies thrust with a high vibration.

I would fuck the memories away. The fantasy of love with my(TF) Twin Flame was becoming outrageously out of balance. I had to get rid of him. His scent, kisses, caresses, and toxicity; his essences of spiritual and sexual divinity must be ridden. My world was becoming wildly suffocating, I whimper, “......Londan/ Erik? Let me loose, it’s too tight around my neck, I can’t breathe…"Pineapples!” Oh, sit that was Erik and me, safe word. Did Londan hear me? My mind rambled.

“Ahh…I’m about to…. Hmmm…cumming!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah, yeah…me too, you ready!

Yes!

Killjoy, he stopped and my mind froze in time thinking of Erik.

“You, get it?” Londan gasped

I lied, “yes, and I want more, 10 -minute break?”

For months, I had searched for remedies during the separation from Erik. New toys and searching for free porn sites; I wanted my new fetishes to be experimented on by the next lover became exhausting. I longed for and needed a lover to match I and Erik’s sexual energy. I needed a lover that would be obedient and permissive and outright nasty. It took a while before I could find Londan. In hindsight, my moving to the West Coast would bring Erik and me closer. I made the move and it seemed to flow so easily after processing that I was actually going to do the big move. I felt like a Bluejay on a victorious flight across the blue skies. However, once I landed and six months into my move I faced several defeats.

My new job sucked and my living arrangements were all tainted lies to get me into a part of their selfish money scheme. I'd be the puzzle piece to fit their shortcomings, all BS like the idea of Erik and I. All the infidelities or what I call; bamboozled.

There were three visits from my Twin Flame; excitement to heartbreak, phenomenal love drench, love making to hard and cold revengeful fucking. The last fight was so draining and I cried and screamed until my tears dried up with no more words to follow. It all led back to another silent treatment and punishment for me due to triggering topics of loss, resentments and fear and passive aggressive patterns of our shared past experiences.

Consistently, in my dreams, and every corner of my mind, everywhere I go he is there. The physical existence of Erik is seemingly non-existent, while he holds memories of all my wrongs. We’d carried on our affair for the last three years with no commitment of monogamy, I have tried dating and out of many men or women; something seems hacked. I believe Erik’s Voodoo potion is working in his favor. Keeping me to himself but not making me a True Keeper, I can’t sleep peacefully. He is in my world all the time, in the 5d realm to 3d realm. I need an antidote for this….

“Londan, you ready for round two”

“Sure, Madame!”

Our pillow talk exposed the nature of how we got to be so easily attracted to one another. We talked and I reminisced on how we met. The city was old yet, unfamiliar to the new me. Londan was definitely new to me. We'd shared common acquaintances because the city is small, so many of us came from the same neighborhoods and being underclass, we shared the same strugglings. The 90’s kids were left to their own demise for lack of parenting and guidance. Grown adolescents doing grown up things too early in our lives. In a sense Londan and I were familiar and knew one another in the ideology of past souls that had met before. I had been on a few dates but none of the candidates seem to be a good match for my large sexual appetite. These dates were so overrated and outdated due to boring conversations about exes, children and divorces. Contented forty plus humans with no spark of spontaneity, no lure of charm which summed up to no chemistry and all were lackluster. Just boring! None compared to the indulging sexual content, Londan and I took about about one week and two days for our first date.

I was ready by 10:30 a.m; my new norms. Excited and thrilled to see what the day would bring.

Londan picked me up about 11 a.m to head over to a place I’d picked for choice of Brunch. I discovered the Breakfast Hut last year during a Spring Break visit. Initially, I envisioned Erik and I coming here but he had his mind made up and a line up of places he’d wanted us to visit. Our waiting time was ten to fifteen minutes before we’d be seated. I determined very quickly that my secrets would be kept safe here. I’d planned to submit to the challenge of letting this synergy flow. Recalling a previous conversation, I remember the tone in his voice when he told me how he liked receiving oral, “….wet, slow and sloppy…” I was wet all that night anticipating the time and how it would go down. Listening to his open fantasies and how he met women who were not willing to go so far. “....They liked to play with it and tease it, with no clue on how to give a good head…” I was definitely on the contrary to most women.

He was a beautiful giant over me and his eyes summoned with intensity, and enticed me into giving him his first wish. His Golden Brown eyes moved me into a graceful compliance. The parking lot was not so busy with people lingering around. I was thrilled and the timing was perfect. I leaned forward after his long kiss and unzipped and unleashed his penis and carefully applied slow kisses “Ahh….ahhh…ooh…I need to feel you.” I surprised myself not that I am unfamiliar with outdoor sex. This was just the most risky in the openness. Less than the ten minute estimated time, my phone vibrated; our table was ready. He wiped my chin and bottom lip and quickly kissed me on my shoulder, “ thank you, Love!”

Freud's interpretations on oral fixations, “......if a child is neglected during the oral stage, they develop addictions in the later years of life, which is a developed need for constant oral stimulation…” there may be some truth to this, I’d hate to ask my Mom about my infant stages, like she never even shared what her labor was like with me. She dotes on my outer appearance, “...Isn’t She Lovely…” the song she sings then she’ll say, “You were so beautiful and you’re still my beautiful baby.” Never about my gifts: earlier reader, Honor Student, Creativeness as an artist…” Not much mentioned of any of those inner attributes but I was at times quiet and sweet to bossy and demanding. I realized nothing has really changed. I am fully aware and even then; very wise and discerning. She lived in her own fairy tale demise and I remained quiet on these topics. If, in agreement to his theory; I had a dismissive childhood. I lived in the fairytale that was created. My fixations are what they are and serve as a tall tale of my variety of schemes of kinky tales; I enjoy creating and living out things for my pleasure and domain of lust/ love.

I love giving and receiving but ultimately my ego and desire to give pleasure and control seeps in. Deeply rooted in my inner fears of not controlling my experiences; which demonstrates in all areas of my world; I demand a position that gives me control and power. I fear being like them; distorted and unfulfilled due to ignorance. Controlled minds and bodies. In their worlds so fixed shattered and broken on the inside. Longing to be free yet lacking and outright melancholy from their table to the bedroom. I cry for them and not with them. I’ve been told I undermine them all alike; men and women. A true rebel and soldier of love and war.

Most BLK women were taught that the other women were just nasty and savage as their perverted and heathen men. “....For most of history, women’s sexual desire has been vilified and their pleasure dismissed, “...Women are pushed into impossible roles: don’t be frigid, don’t be a tease, don’t be a slut. We’re rushed to orgasm, and if we don’t, then ‘faking it’ is widely accepted and expected over speaking up….” while men’s sexuality and pleasure is seen as the center of it all.”....” The heathen in me craved for it, all kinky sex shit!!! Halfheartedly, I admit my love for being dominant as well as being submissive. “....In 1905, Freud actually argued that clitoral orgasms were an example of women’s sexual immaturity….” Lol, ludicrous statement but at forty plus, I will play the game for an easy thrill. However, Londan brings no child’s play to the table.

Looking at him across the table, my thoughts and body adjusted to his essences. We had been here before, tingled in my spirit. Again, here it amused me; exactly how when we first laid eyes on one another. “....Study validates that it takes approximately three seconds to know if the attraction is strong and if one desires to persuade the object of attraction…” Londan was polar opposite from my type in looks but there was some type of magnetism to him that appealed to my senses. Guessing, when the game of eros begins it does not matter on the physical attributes and time or place.

After moments of taking in all this energy, he spoke “the real delectables would be you served up.!” Londan managed to enunciate between bites. I wanted to lick his fingers as the juices dripped down to his fingertips.

“Yes, indeed!” I had remembered to pack all the essentials for a night of dominatrix play. Londan was feeling like the Yin to my Yang. Juxtaposed as we were Londan presence is like a quiet storm and I intuitively cascade as the settling of a wave’s chill.

All in my mind, I wanted to lose and shatter all pieces of Erik from my body and soul. Some have heard the quote, ``to get over one; you have to get under another.” Londan and I had a thing for water so, after brunch we headed down Ocean Blvd to take in the view of the Pacific. We have similar taste in music; instead of cruising to 90’s R& B love songs; we zoomed through traffic listening to Dababy, a lil bit of Megan the “Stallion.” I pulled my skirt up to reveal my freshly shaved snatch. I know he likes it ready and soft to the touch. He dipped his two fingers in and licked his fingers, and the second dip, I licked his fingers and sucked those juices.

“You like it, and I like it, nasty!” he said.

“Mmmmm….” we were and I thought.

Something Erik and I would not have done, we always have to be so reserved outdoors but this was my true comfy element. While, Erik appeases to a milder flow which is also a piece of me; the quiet reserved me. The Catholic school A student, girl and the Southern raised boy best describes us. Erik being more introverted, mild mannered with only spice for the bedroom. Londan was eclectic as I was after many moons of change. We were flexible to our environments and the outdoorsy types for whatever. Rebelling through not considering anyone outside of us. We’d take the fast and furious ride to hell or heaven!!!

Round 2:

Before I knew it I was cuffed by the wrist and ankles, chains adorn my body. I must have drifted off to sleep at some point. Londan was in no way afraid to dominate when need be. I quickly came to and I managed to maneuver my way around. The reflection of me riding him with all my fullness wrapped around each thrust was explosive. He was fucking me without any remorse and I rode him with fueled horse power. The chains shook and shook my Double D’s to pierce through each opened loop. I grabbed his hands to steer and settle me from my hips, to my breast and neck, as needed to hit my G-Spot.

The harder and deeper he went, I lost myself to the power of tantalizing pleasure; cumming too soon. Arousing, more to cum by way of the sounds of my thighs, my ass and my lips crushing onto London’s thickness; echoed through the room. “Fuck me hard, harder….ahhhh…Fuck me!!!” Shit, I was so far gone into the reflection displayed in the mirror. “ Er.. Uh…!!” Erik’s name almost seeped from my lips. Thinking, balance yourself, girl and don’t fuck it up with Londan. Back to the mirror for clear images as Londan grabbed my hips. He bridged his strong brown legs and body upward and benched and lifted me into mid- air. I looked Angelic for a moment in the mirrors.

He felt the power in his own pleasure and grabbed the leash so as to slow down to make his release hold tight. Before I knew it he shifted me beneath all of his solid 205 lbs, 5’ 11 statue, and 7 inches of hard chocolate. Dipping slowly in and out of my gushy mess; he called out to god. He grunted, “this pussy is so good, I’m cumming….” I was dripping in the energy of power.

The old hidden memories crackled my heart strings and I broke down silently. We all will find ourselves so deep into a zone. “It has been noted that “...... the logical part of the brain shuts down during sex….” So, how was I able to still feel the presence of Erik?

I wanted to simultaneously orgasm. My pussy dripped as my fingers slipped in and out as I rubbed my clit and we came together. I loved the feel of that throbbed inside me. We rocked it out and resumed to the state of being primal as we gnawed at one another's flesh; the animalistic behavior we were non-committal to human’s lust but more like proud hunters. Prized hunter’s as we licked the flesh like the devoured carcass. Good to the bone! I thought to myself, he was majestic with his tongue. As he took a sip of his sparkling water and offered me up a second shot of Vodka. A lone tear or two leaked but the darkness hid them well out of sight. The moisture of the secretions could have held all my tears that wanted to spill out. I felt sharp pains in my chest, I’d refused to mention.

“You ok, babe?” Londan inquired.

I went deep so quickly, “ I’m good, Lil Sexy.” I laughed to bring myself back and secure him. Lil Sexy for Londan was my pet name for him and a true opp of how to describe Londan in physical description. I was totally the lil Dom, 4’ll and 150 lbs and ready to take on big things with no hesitation. We both laughed.

Londan and I have an oral fixation. Words were not needed at this point, left to the utterance of oozing sultry sounds. The position sixty-nine takes on meaning for us. Phrases came across as mirages. I gripped tighter and held on to Londan’s head and he held me so tight I thought I’d crack. His hold was vicious. Positions came quickly and readily as we balanced and flexed all limbs.

If only he knew that it was Erik’s voice I heard. His panting into my earlobes; nearly muffled “Cum on this dick, grip it, and oooh fuck it slow…now play with that sweet, juicy wet pussy,” Erik’s voice crystal clear in my sacred womb and whole being, So intertwined, could I ever escape and really be free? The reality is no miles or time were, Erik and I separated. The soul connection knows or perceives worldly boundaries; thus communication never really ceases.

The tinkling of the glass seemed invisible to the eye, yet it was beginning to crack. I had to ask myself, "were these tears of ecstasy or tears of bottled up pain?"

"You are ready to go home, now? Like right, now?" Londan asked.

I could see all the confusion in his eyes. Without evening fully looking back at him.

I felt an instant shift in how I was seeing myself; transparently behind the actions and delusions. It was not so obvious at first. I wanted to get over Erik and the only method to the madness was to fuck it a way. Londan wanted to fix me and cure me; however his fixations could not fade the issues of my real world. I caught a glimpse of him in the mirror like my eyes were drawn to his’. Shattered dreams seen in the mirrors that seem so limiting; now. My heartache has had me for months chained to the memories of the last time. Erik, I know he's my “Twin Flame” we triggered each other me so fucking bad. But this last time, bruised us to the point of no return. Toxic patterns and behaviors need deep healing. No surface clearing will do. We are being forced to deal with our trauma whether we like it or not.

I was too afraid to say, or even speak my truth that night. The topic of closely related issues of my abandonment from my parents intervened and crept into our peaceful place. Our rendezvous weekend at our favorite spot was to be our sanctuary; our place to let off the world's pressures. To be ourselves, naked and free with no limiting conditions or examining why we had gotten to be so enthralled with our lust filled world. Erik and Londan shared a passion for me and I for them both; consequently Londan’s way of life and background was too secretive and I did trust his motives. Intuitively, I knew he was supposed to be a major piece on this journey but he was not the King to be kept on the throne. I wanted Erik more than anything at the moment of realization of where I was. Yes, long distance relationships are hard and situationship with Erik has been on and off for damn near three years.

“Have you ever gotten an instant headache after an orgasm?” I asked.

“WTF, hell no, I would never want to get one if that ever happened!” MiMi laughed out loud.

I screamed, “I’ve been knocked down and knocked out!!!!!!” I was cracking and the super-Ego was beginning to break.

Bree Z. Love @ 2022