Masturbation … a great hobby, but let's keep it in perspective

The website Kinkly.com has started to collect data on the masturbatory habits of Americans. Being a supporter of sound science and data, I did my part by filling out their masturbation habits survey last night. I've always been a fan, and keen partaker, of masturbation and I was curious to see how my habits compared with others.

Early on, there was a question asking how often you masturbate. You answered by moving a slider, with options ranging from 0 times per month all the way up to 200 times per month. 200 times per month?!?! I would never shame anyone's (consensual) sexual habits, but who has time to masturbate 200 times per month. That's almost seven times a day!

So… I guess I would judge someone's sexual habits. That seems like an awful lot of time spent masturbating. Maybe if you're a teenager, you've recently discovered the joys of self-exploration, and covid has you on a limited school schedule. Maybe then, and only for a month or two, could you achieve those numbers. But for the rest of us. We have jobs, responsibilities, and hopefully some other hobbies.

For me, this is what it comes down to. I think sex is fantastic, and I believe masturbation is terrific. But I also feel it needs to be kept in balance and perspective. Life is a beautiful mosaic of experiences, and there is more to it than sex and solo play. I would never want sex, let alone masturbation, to become a reason for me not pursuing other interests as well.

I've known people who have gone down the rabbit hole. They've found themselves spending virtually all of their free time watching internet porn or chatting on sites like Chaturbate or adult dating sites. Unfortunately, for these people, I've never found one for whom this choice to spend all of their leisure time this way has made them happy. In fact, for those who are spending all, or most, of their leisure time like this, I get the sense they are a little (or a lot) depressed or directionless. And the time spent masturbating is mainly a way for them not to face the tough choices surrounding finding other things to do with their time. I know this sounds harsh, but I also think some people benefit from a wake-up call... being helped to see the things in their life that may not be good for them.

In real life, I did have a friend who struggled with this. He was recently divorced and found himself alone a lot of the time. He fell into the habit of chatting, almost nonstop, on adult dating sites — flirting and jerking off with any woman he could find there who would speak with him. He told me about it. He felt her was wasting his life, but he liked the simplicity of the human connection and the immediate gratification of it. But he also knew that, ultimately, it made him feel unhappy. So I offered to see him a little more in the evening to help keep him busy. But I also encouraged him to start getting out in the real world more (this was pre-covid) and to find some other hobbies. It took him a while, but he eventually dialed back the online chatting and masturbating. But he said it was hard.. but he was very happy he did.

To end on a higher note, though. I'm really not saying masturbation or online sexual play is terrible. On the contrary, it can be wonderful… as one element of a full and varied life. So not 200 times a month.