Love's Absurdity: From Dream to Shatter

On a day filled with the cool air of autumn, I came to a comic exhibition in the library. In a corner for doodling, I met Gary for the first time. His slightly shy smile, bright eyes and the enthusiasm when he was doodling on the wall instantly touched my heart. "I'll draw a princess for you!" This was the first sentence he said to me. Falling in love with him might be because of his childlike enthusiasm. In this complex world, few men have his kind of candor.

After getting in touch for a few days, I found that he was indeed as pure and innocent as a child. In spring, I took him home and showed him to my parents like presenting a treasure.

Unexpectedly, my parents who had been stationed abroad for many years and were open-minded gave him the lowest score. "People who grow up in single-parent families more or less have some problems. Cowardice, selfishness and an Oedipus complex. He is like a small screw near a magnet. How can he escape from his mother's control? Also, he talks completely like an immature child. In his twenties, he still seems like a baby in a cradle and needs people to coax him." What I thought were his advantages were not the case at all in my parents' eyes.

When communication was hopeless, I became smart. From then on, I didn't mention Gary at home anymore. But outside, when it was time to hug and kiss, we did as we pleased. Our love affair proceeded steadily. The higher the opposition, the warmer our hearts became. Even if there were any small flaws, they had long melted in such high temperatures. Soon after, my parents were sent on another assignment abroad. The next day, Gary and I had our first intimate encounter naturally.

Afterwards, I secretly got up and called my best friend, Lucy. This was because of our previous pact among women: once we had a transformation, we must tell each other and share the sweetness. "Although he is a small clerk at the post office, he is good at drawing comics. His mother takes good care of him. He doesn't even know how to make egg noodles. But when I cook, he will automatically tune in to the local music station for me. I hate men who are clingy the most. But he isn't like that. He says and does what he wants freely and is very straightforward. I admire his childlike simplicity the most."

However, Lucy was suspicious. "Sissy, you can't be playing house with him! The way you talk is like a child who has done something good while avoiding adults. No wonder your mom is worried." I quickly denied it. "No way! He has decided to change jobs and go to a German company to work as a field staff. He said he wants to change my parents' opinion. He is also responsible!"

A month later, my parents returned. I brought up the issue of marriage. We didn't have to worry about a house as my parents had prepared one for my marriage long ago. Looking at their daughter who was head over heels in love, my mom's eyes were full of pain. "You haven't known each other for even a year. Sissy, you don't know what you are doing." Mom held onto the household registration booklet and made a last-ditch effort.

At that time, Gary and I had taken marriage leave. There were some days off within the leave, including a weekend. Altogether, it was only seven days. For the first three days, my mom just wouldn't give me the household registration booklet. Dad looked at me and sighed, saying that I didn't understand the hearts of adults. But at that time, I only had Gary in my heart. I think people who have been in love know that no matter what others say, I couldn't hear it.

On the fourth day, I did something bold. Instead of caring about the household registration booklet, I resolutely took out my clothes and shoes from home and moved into the new house with Gary.

Seeing my resolute attitude, my mom still gave in. She just proposed to meet Gary's mother so that we could arrange the wedding. Gary's answer was simple and clear. "Registration and wedding are two different things. Let's talk about it later." So the meeting was put off.

Thinking about it now, I was really like being hypnotized by a ghost. In fact, I could have waited and taken more time to get to know each other better. But I didn't. I was just indulging in that childlike joy. Little did I know that being willful also comes at a price.

Over there, my mother-in-law didn't seem to like me very much either. On the first weekend after marriage, we went to visit my mother-in-law together. She is a fair woman who works as a head nurse in a local sanatorium. I had seen her before and still called her aunt at that time. The impression was neither good nor bad.

However, when we were having a meal, I was a bit surprised. Gary ate a bit hastily and had some rice grains on the corner of his mouth. My mother-in-law naturally wiped the two grains of rice on Gary's right cheek with one hand and put a piece of fish into his bowl. "Gary, eat slowly. Look, the rice grains are stuck on your face." It was like feeding a child in kindergarten. I felt a bit uncomfortable and moved my chair.

When it was time to leave, my mother-in-law suddenly burst into tears and said she was reluctant to part with us. So Gary decided to stay at home for one night on his own accord. The mother and son chatted for a long time. Only in the evening did we sleep in Gary's small room. A single bed, although it had a double quilt, was a bit small. Squeezed inside, I couldn't sleep well. In the middle of the night, I dreamed that someone was staring at me. That gaze was like a knife. I woke up with a start and took a deep breath. In the darkness, my mother-in-law was standing in front of the bed, pulling the quilt hard towards her son, completely unaware that the quilt on my side had already exposed a bit. I didn't make a sound. Apart from being angry at my mother-in-law for entering the room without permission, I also felt a bit sour in my heart. I vaguely felt like an outsider.

The next day, Gary was lying in bed. I pulled his arm while scolding playfully, "You lazy pig. If you sleep any longer, I'll sell you on the scale." Unexpectedly, when my mother-in-law saw this, she was very unhappy. "Oh, his arm was dislocated when he was a child. Be gentle! Really, young people don't know how to be careful!" I was left feeling embarrassed.

When my mother-in-law walked into the kitchen, I stuck out my tongue and said to Gary, "Your mom really loves you!" Gary gave me a look. "Stronger than your mom." I was shocked. There was also resentment hidden in Gary's heart.

It was only after some time that I understood my mom's thoughts.

I am a lively and cheerful person who likes singing and laughing. But at home, even if I walked a bit loudly, Gary would get angry. "Look at how you make the whole house noisy by yourself." I have a good temper and can only accommodate him. Once Lucy saw me and was greatly surprised. "Sissy, why are you tiptoeing like a little girl?"

In fact, I used to do nothing at home either. But when I met a man who was even more reluctant to do things than me, I had to roll up my sleeves and take action. When I was sweating profusely and expecting Gary to praise me, I heard him mutter, "Look at what you've done. Why didn't you mop under the computer desk? There's so much dust! My mom will definitely scold you if she sees it."

Gary likes to play with the computer quietly by himself. I don't dare to disturb him, so I can only turn on the TV to watch. The volume of the TV is also turned down very low. When he gets hungry while playing, he will ask me for food. If I am also too lazy to cook, Gary will pull a long face. "My mom never lets me eat instant noodles!" It makes me feel like a cruel stepmother in a fairy tale. After that, my mother-in-law would call him over from time to time. He seemed to really enjoy having delicious meals with his dear mom and always went alone. Gradually, it became a habit. When I went back to my parents' house, I also went alone.

Sometimes I would cheer myself up. "Even if it's not a single-parent family, every man has some flaws, right? Marriage requires running-in, right?" In the first year of marriage, there was progress. Gary learned to fry eggs, make sesame paste noodles, and also learned to use Flash software to draw a handsome prince bowing to a fairy-like princess named Sissy, kneeling on one leg to propose, and then holding a grand wedding. Our wedding in Flash shocked an entire castle!

When Gary played that Flash, he said solemnly, "As long as you are happy!" I burst into tears at that moment. Even though he had some small flaws, he still loved me. Maybe after a few years of marriage running-in, we will both mature.

For newlyweds, although there are small frictions, time still passes slowly, as if it has been stolen by someone. Suddenly, it's gone. Gary was sent on a business trip to a faraway city for half a year.

"Alas, you think it's easy to work in a foreign company. And it's field work. It's so tiring!" When I was packing his luggage for him, he kept complaining. I could only comfort him. "I know you don't want to leave home, but there's no way. But it's not like we don't have a phone!" In fact, there was no need to remind him. We talked on the phone every night. The phone bill soared along with our endless love words. I knew what he was doing over there. It was said that girls in that city were very hot-tempered and open. But I trusted him.

The second business trip was after he returned from that city. After less than three months of rest, those three months were the best time for me and him. Of course, it was also the time when I served him the most attentively. But just like a test for us, in summer and autumn, Gary went on a business trip to another city again.

Not long after, my company was undergoing ISO9000 quality certification. I had to work overtime very late every day. In order to have ready-made meals, I went back to my parents' house to stay overnight. Unfortunately, I missed several of his calls. Once when I heard Gary complain on the phone, I could only patiently explain that I was too tired. "I'm like a donkey being ordered around. I'm dizzy." Who would have thought that Gary got angry and didn't call for a week. When I finally took a break from my busy schedule and realized something was wrong, I quickly called him back, but there was no answer. His cell phone was also turned off.

During that time, there were several consecutive reports in the newspaper about robbery and murder cases. It was rumored that a group of desperadoes from a certain place, known as the Axe Gang, specialized in committing crimes under the bridge openings of overpasses. They would slash people's necks with an axe and rob them of their money. I was terrified. The Axe Gang came from that place to our city. Who knows if they would cause trouble in their hometown as well. For a while, I was so worried that several pimples appeared on my face. When I touched them gently, it hurt terribly. Lucy comforted me. "Why report to the police? Your husband is like a child. Maybe he went somewhere to play and forgot to call back when he was having fun. That's normal. You, really become his little mom!"

So as soon as I got off work, I went back to my own home. Even when I cooked in the kitchen, I didn't dare to turn on the range hood for fear of missing the phone call. Fortunately, I finally got his call. I was also anxious. As soon as I opened my mouth, I got angry and yelled at him, asking what he had been doing these days and why he didn't call home at all. Gary hesitated for a moment before answering that he had gone to a ski resort. "With whom? Male or female?" It was just a casual question, but I didn't expect Gary to be so 反感. "Mind your own business!" Then, he hung up the phone with a "snap", leaving me stunned.

After that, the intervals between Gary's calls became longer and longer, and the call time was shortened to just a few minutes. It was like a long and vivid sentence being brutally cut into a bare subject-verb-object by a strict grammar teacher, awkwardly left there. When I called him, there was often no answer. No matter how stupid I was, I could still sense that something was wrong. Once when I got through to him, I said, "Gary, what's wrong with you? Come home or I'll take leave and go to you. Don't be angry on the phone." I, who am naturally straightforward, hate this aspect of him the most. He always makes people guess without saying anything. Gary didn't agree and muttered, "No wonder my mom said we weren't suitable." There was a tone of resentment in his words, just like a childish person who refuses to play anymore.

I was suddenly speechless. I didn't expect to hear this sentence.

After eight months of being sent on assignment, Gary came back home. Considering his performance, the company specially assigned him a car. When he was driving home, he had a smile on his face, but what he said was, "Your parents still look down on me!" I was already used to his childlike temperament. Even when he went to see his mom first after returning to our city and came back home the next day, I also adopted a tolerant attitude. But on that day, what I couldn't tolerate the most was the phone call at night.

Although Gary went to the balcony and lowered his voice, I could still hear the laughter of a girl on the other end clearly in such a quiet night. Looking at my watch, it was already eleven o'clock at night. In a flash, I understood. Gary was not lonely in that city.

"Gary, I am not your little mom!" When he came back to bed, I said softly. I thought I would be furious, but I wasn't.

"What do you mean?" Gary was a bit annoyed.

I smiled. Gary had a natural ability. No matter when, even if he was in the wrong, he could successfully pass the blame to others, making others feel guilty for being abrupt and feel remorse for unknowingly bullying an innocent and kind person. He himself never needed to explain anything. I touched his shoulder. Gary impatiently dodged. "Enough. You are really boring." I was silent for a moment. In the end, I still fulfilled his wish. I took the initiative to be the villain and proposed a divorce. After two years of marriage, I was also tired. Since my willfulness at the beginning was a mistake, I didn't want to be wrong for too long.

Sure enough, Gary immediately retorted angrily, "It was you who wanted to get married, and now it's you who wants a divorce. Whatever!" After saying that, he rolled up the quilt and went to sleep on the sofa. I suddenly thought of my mom's sad face on the day I handed over the household registration booklet. Tomorrow, I don't know how to explain to them. Unable to sleep, I simply went to the balcony barefoot. Through the glass window, I could still see one or two cars speeding by occasionally. Suddenly, I thought of the Flash that Gary made that year. At the wedding of Princess Sissy, a car full of roses came out of an archway, drove onto the street, and magically rose into the air. The roses scattered all over the castle one by one.

I felt a strange sense of unfamiliarity towards myself and the man who had been by my side for two years. It was like a farce. The cause was my own willfulness. Turning around and going back to the room, I unconsciously walked into the bedroom. Gary was lying with his limbs spread out, taking up the entire bed. I couldn't help but admire this man. No matter what happened, it wouldn't affect his snoring and dreaming.

The next morning, it was Friday. I still made breakfast. I woke Gary up and we ate together. I found the marriage certificate and was ready to go through the formalities. I had also asked for leave from work. I went downstairs first and took Gary's key to open the car door. Only then did I notice that the key was a bit different. There was a small pendant on the keychain. It was a pair of kissing rubber figurines. Looking closely, the words "Gary" and "Qin" were engraved on the soles of the figurines. Although it was no longer important, I still felt a chill in my heart and was stunned for a moment.

"When we get divorced, tell me the truth. Was it your mom who instigated this?" Gary came over from the front, snatched the key away, and started the car with a gloomy face.

My anger suddenly flared up. "Explain it to me clearly. What do you mean?" Gary ignored me and threatened me. "Get out of the way. If you don't, I'll drive. You go by yourself. I don't want to be in the same car with someone like you." I shook my head stubbornly. "You can't leave until you explain it clearly."

Unexpectedly, Gary's next move was to step on the accelerator hard. I was five meters in front of him on the left. I was still waiting stubbornly for his explanation. When the car ran over my foot, I only had time to give him a look of disbelief before falling to the ground. I didn't even feel the pain. I didn't know how Gary managed to stop the car in a hurry.

My mother-in-law came to the hospital to see me. Since her son had caused trouble, she came to apologize on his behalf. I smiled politely. That troublemaker probably really wanted to hide in his mother's womb. After being discharged from the hospital and returning home, I found that he had even taken away his toothbrush. The computer I bought for him was still there, but the Flash of Princess Sissy had been permanently deleted.

When we were going through the divorce formalities, I saw him again. He was accompanied by his mother. At that time, several toes on my right foot had suffered comminuted fractures and nerve adhesions. I could only walk with a little force. Relying on my left foot, I walked with a limp, truly becoming a pitiful little cripple.

He didn't ask about my foot, as if he had known me this way from the start. His gaze passed straight through me and landed on the divorce registration sign. On the other hand, his mother took a look at my foot and sighed. Since he didn't seem inclined to speak, I would never know whether his stepping on the accelerator that time was intentional or just a panicked reaction. From then on, we went our separate ways.

Occasionally, when friends I seldom see encounter me by chance, they would exclaim in surprise, "Sissy, what happened to your foot? How did you sprain it?" I would reply that it was an accident. Then they would utter an old adage, "For an injury affecting the tendons and bones, it takes a hundred days to heal. You still have to endure." I would say, indeed, I must endure. After uttering those words, I would offer them a smile, yet it was like the smile of a person in their seventies or eighties, brimming with desolation and a tinge of dejection. Having married a man who is still like a baby in a cradle, while the man remains un-grown-up, I have prematurely aged on his behalf.

Sometimes I think to myself that I truly wish all the past were just a Flash animation. Once it finishes playing, turn it off. Open the door and behold the sun hanging in the azure sky, and I am merely left with a story like a cloud. Then, would I not be sad? But reality is reality after all. This absurd drama of love has concluded, leaving only endless pain and reflection. In the days to come, I will learn to confront love more rationally, no longer being impulsive and blind. Because only after experiencing pain can one truly grow.

As time passes by, I attempt to pick up the fragments of my life. I start to focus on myself, on my own growth and development. I take up new hobbies and interests, and gradually rediscover my passion for life. I realize that I don't need to rely on someone else for my happiness. I can create my own joy and fulfillment.

I also begin to understand that love is not always perfect. It can be messy, complicated, and sometimes even painful. But it is through these experiences that we learn and grow. We become stronger and more resilient.

Looking back on my relationship with Gary, I no longer feel anger or resentment. Instead, I view it as a valuable lesson. A lesson that has taught me to be more cautious when choosing a partner, to listen to the advice of those who care about me, and to never let my emotions cloud my judgment.

I know that the road ahead may still be fraught with challenges, but I am ready to face them with courage and determination. I am no longer the naive girl who was blindly in love. I am a woman who has learned from her mistakes and is prepared to embrace a new chapter in life.

And perhaps, one day, I will find true love again. A love that is based on mutual respect, understanding, and support. A love that allows me to be myself and grow alongside my partner. Until then, I will continue to live my life to the fullest, knowing that every experience, whether good or bad, is a part of my journey.