Losing It.

I was Freshman when I lost my virginity. It was the perfect Friday afternoon in San Francisco. All the fog had cleared and the sky was left with streaks of white clouds against the blue sky. It was also super warm out, it felt like Indian summer had come early. My boyfriend a Senior at the time was so hot, standing about 5‘8, Japanese and White, wearing ripped up vintage tee’s with tight dark blue jeans and combat boots. His name was Max.

We get out of school and rushed down the 1 block to my family’s apartment. We were rushing only because we had a small window of time to get this done. We were let out of school at 3:18 pm as my Dad usually arrived home from work around 4:00 pm. We were prepared with condoms Max stole from his dads sock drawer and I had bought “KY Jelly” from Walgreens, which by the way at the age of 14 is a very embarrassing task. Actually today it still is, especially when it’s a sweet older Filipino lady ringing you up.

So we have the tools but no resources on how it’s all supposed to go down. They don’t teach gay sex, in sex ed! So in our case we removed the Vagina and replaced it with a Butt hole. Obviously.

At the time I converted my bunk bed into a loft bed which stood about 2 1/2 feet from the ceiling. We started out with foreplay on the bed. With our heads constantly bumping the ceiling it wasn’t ideal when trying to set a romantic care free time, especially when everything is a first. So we switch to the floor on my green rug and rushed into the intercourse part of it. Max laid down on his back and I was on top. I put the condom on with the KY Jelly and inserted myself into him. With the quickness Max yelled, “FUCK IT BURNS, OW, OW, OW! TAKE IT OUT.. TAKE IT OUT, KYLE!”

That was the general conversation for the next 10 or so minutes. You could say there was some pain and discomfort and a very peculiar smell, we just assumed this was all apart of the process, as we've both never had gay sex, and just sex in general. Then I hear the garage door open. “Fuck! My Dad is Home” I yell. I ran to the kitchen with my dick out to get paper towels before pops makes his way up the stairs. I take the poop covered condom off with the paper towel and wipe the remaining mess off max and I, and then we both sat there on my rug, deflated.

This is where the optimist that I adored about Max shined. Max said smiling, “Let’s go to my house, this is our day, I don’t think my dad is home, and if he is, we will just do it another day, OK?” I think about this suggestion, I place us in Max’s apartment in my mind. It’s a 1 bedroom apartment where Max’s room - the living room is separated by glass french doors to his dads bedroom. It was the setup in where you could hear a pencil scraping against a piece of paper even with the doors shut and the curtains drawn. But because he said it confidently I agreed. “OK, Let’s do it” I say.

I prop the window open to let the smell of him and I out of my room, we get dressed quickly and leave as my Dad is just walking in. “Where are you boys headed off to?!” He says.“Hi Mr. Shea” Max says, “Kyle is going to sleep over tonight, is that OK?” Max had never asked my Dad anything. This was different.“Is it OK Dad?” My Dad smiles and replied “Yeah, totally! Have fun! I’ll see you tomorrow”. I thought to myself - Did he know?

We caught the 5 Fulton Bus to the 47 Van Ness. The entire time holding hands, kissing and smiling at each other like any young couple does in public. A patron on the 47 hollers at us, “FAGGOT”. I lean to react but Max held me back, reminding me not to engage. I always appreciated that Max wasn’t scared of any homophobia, it conditioned me to be stronger and come up with remarks like “Need a light?!”.

We arrive at Max’s apartment building and head up the stairs opening the door to find no one home. It was the perfect scenario. Max’s room was high up and had a view facing west all of Pacific Heights, the Presidio, Golden Gate Bridge and the Bay bathed in a Golden Light as Sunset was approaching. We opened the windows and let the crisp cool air in, making the white linen curtains dance.

Have you ever seen a movie where the baby making scene is SO beautiful you actually cry and wish your life was that movie? Well bitch, I was in that movie.

We took off each others clothes on this bed, smiling, kissing. I grabbed the condom, and the nasty KY Jelly to try it all over again. This time Max just relaxed into it.

He came all over himself in about 5 minutes in, then he excitedly started to pee everywhere. I screamed and pulled out and noticed my cock was again covered in shit. (Thank god for the condom) We started laughing uncontrollably. I took off the condom threw it away and helped him take his sheets off his bed.

After we got done cleaning we laid down, put a cover over us and started touching each others lips and face. I felt so safe with him. This is where I told Max that I loved him for the first time, and he said it right back.

We hear footsteps and then a knock on the french doors that separate Max and his dads room. “Max… Kyle!? Are you guys home? It’s Max’s dad, he was home taking a “nap” the entire time…