I Started Drinking Coffee and Got a Vibrator To Alleviate My Menopause Symptoms

It had been over 13 years since I had owned or used a sex toy. I got into a new relationship around that time and put all of my old toys in a shoebox, wrapped it in duct tape, and threw it out in the trash. How else are you supposed to dispose of things like that? I don’t know if I thought someone would dig through my trash and find it or if they could track it back to me at the landfill through my DNA, but I wasn’t taking any chances.

Much time has passed and having a partner that was always willing to do the deed alleviated my need for a pleasure device. I think in my brain I thought I would be disrespecting my partner if I took things into my own hands (pun intended.)

We never had a discussion about it, but I wanted to be a good wife and by this time we’d had a child so time was minimal to get too kinky if you know what I mean.

Fast forward to now. I am a 45-year-old woman who I am pretty sure is going through the change. (This isn’t the sexy time article you thought.) My libido has tanked and I have been hormonal and bitchy. I truly haven’t wanted anyone near my lady bits and it’s been far too long. Sex and intimate companionship are as important to a marriage as a warm hug after a hard day or a love note hidden somewhere special. The problem is when we aren’t giving it up sometimes our partners take it personally and that’s what happened here.

I decided to try some supplements. One was called “In The Mood” and I felt nothing, but a little boost in caffeine. I have one coming called “Libido Booster” so I’ll have to update this article if it rocks my world in some way.

For now, I decided that maybe to wake things up down there I needed to purchase something that vibrated to make my kitty purr. And purr it did.

Just talking about it with my significant other made him a little excited and although I am still ambivalent about doing the deed, my pleasure centers are alive and well.

I do have a doctor’s appointment to get my hormone levels checked and see what my doctor recommends but in the meantime taking care of number Uno is going fabulously.

Another change I made is that I had given up coffee 4 years ago this month after a lifelong addiction. I found myself too anxious and while I was giving up anti-depressants and going vegan I thought coffee should go too.

Since my hormones are going crazy and I was feeling all kinds of sad and depressed as of late. I said Fuck it and had a cup of joe over the holidays. It was so good and fulfilling. I felt like I just met up with an old college roommate (I never had a college roommate) and am catching up on good times. I feel alive again and less dead inside (I was really struggling.)

I am about a week in and having a cup of coffee a day. I feel good so far and I think between that and the vibrator my moods have improved.

I seriously thought I would need to be locked up, but no. I needed to take care of some of my most basic innate needs. I needed some caffeine and I needed to feel connected to myself in a way that had been off the table for too many years.

Just opening up about this topic and sharing about it has made my relationship stronger. Just being real and realizing I don’t need to be perfect, I don’t have all the answers and self-care really is where it’s at.

I’m not perfect, but I hate feeling miserable and for now, I have found a couple of solutions that get my body into a positive space so that I can actually go out and enjoy my life.

I’ve been trying to find more info about menopause and women's libidos and coming up short, but I did watch something that said most women at this time in their life will be prescribed anti-depressants before having their hormone levels checked and being prescribed Hormone Replacement Therapy or something more relevant to our bodies signals.

I want to share about this in case anyone else is feeling similarly.

So, not all of my problems are solved, but I do feel more positive as I work through them.