I’m a Dominatrix — Here Are the Real Answers to What You’ve Been Curious About

Step inside the world of BDSM with real, unfiltered answers from a professional dominatrix. Too often, dominatrixes are misunderstood, painted with stereotypes of cruelty, greed, or secrecy. In this exclusive interview, Mistress Raya shares her authentic journey — from discovering BDSM at 18 to building a career built on trust, boundaries, and power exchange. She explains what a first session is really like, how she handles misconceptions, the art of restraints, and the deep psychology behind control and surrender. Whether you’re simply curious about BDSM or considering exploring it yourself, this candid conversation reveals what life as a dominatrix truly means. Her Locanto profile is at the end of this interview too!

1. How and when did you first become interested in BDSM and eventually become a dominatrix?

I was first introduced to BDSM at the age of 18, and it quickly became something I deeply enjoyed. At first, I explored it in my personal life, but over time I realized my needs weren’t being met by men. I wanted to change that I wanted to feel more respected, more in control, and to give pleasure to men in the way that I desired. I had always leaned into my dominant side with women, but once I started exploring that same dominance with men, it grew into a true passion and naturally evolved into becoming a professional dominatrix.

2. What’s a first session typically like with a brand-new client?

A first session always begins with a proper introduction and a clear discussion about boundaries, limitations, and any prior experiences. From there, the structure depends on whether they’re completely new to BDSM or more experienced. I always keep sessions structured and intentional, often incorporating teasing, edging, and denial. Beyond that, it can flow into what brings the client pleasure, humiliation, pegging, bondage, or other forms of power play. Every session is a balance of my control and their surrender.

3. Are there specific practices you refuse to engage in, and why?

Yes, there are certain practices I refuse to engage in, though not many. Some I choose to keep purely for my personal life, some I avoid for safety reasons, and others because they don’t align with my tastes. If a client asks for something I don’t offer, I never judge them, I simply decline politely and set the boundary.

4. Many people misunderstand BDSM. What are some common misconceptions you’d like to correct?

One of the biggest misconceptions is that BDSM is about torture or cruelty. That’s simply not the truth. BDSM is about desire, fetish, and a deep understanding of power dynamics. Another misconception is that dominatrixes are “gold diggers.” In reality, everything is reciprocal, what I give, and what a sub provides in return, creates balance. For me, BDSM is about power play, trust, and creating a safe space where fantasies can be explored.

5. What is your favorite part of being a dominatrix?

My favourite part is the power dynamic itself, controlling the flow, setting the pace, and guiding the outcome. I also deeply enjoy helping people explore who they really are in a safe, non-judgmental space. Watching someone surrender, watching their walls come down, is both powerful and intimate.

6. What challenges do you face as a dominatrix, either from society at large or within the industry itself?

Challenges come from multiple directions. Some prospective subs think they can message whenever they like, with no respect for boundaries or protocol. Society often stereotypes and judges BDSM and those who practice it, which can make navigating daily life difficult. On top of that, mainstream social media platforms aren’t designed for our community, it’s hard to create or share content without being censored, blocked, or shadow banned.

7. Can you share with us a story of a session or a client that you can’t forget?

A client I’ll never forget is a submissive I saw regularly for over two years. He enjoyed financial domination, BDSM, foot worship, and using large objects for pleasure. He always began his sessions kneeling with money laid neatly before him, dressed in latex and waiting patiently like a well-trained sub. One session stands out in particular, he brought an unusually large object, not a typical sex toy, and begged for my attention by bending over my knee as I inserted it. The pleasure and devotion on his face were unforgettable. Afterward, I guided him through aftercare, removing the object and bathing him before ending the session. It was memorable not just for the extremity of the act, but for the trust and surrender he gave me.

8. What advice would you give to someone interested in exploring BDSM, either personally or professionally?

For submissives: read carefully, listen closely, and never waste your domme’s time. If you’re reaching out, be respectful, professional, and genuine. Know your place from the very beginning.

For new dommes: hold your ground. Don’t let men walk over you or manipulate your time. Always require tributes before engaging to ensure subs are genuine. Set boundaries early and clearly, and never compromise your standards.

9. Shibari and leather restraints are often seen as symbols of both art and power in BDSM. How do you incorporate them into your sessions, and what do they bring to the overall experience?

I use both leather and latex restraints regularly, and I view them as both art and power exchange. They are visually stunning, especially my black and rose-gold collection, and they create an immediate sense of submission. When I place a collar, cuffs, or lead on a sub, it’s not just functional, it’s symbolic. It’s a physical representation of ownership, dominance, and beauty all at once.

10. Boudoir photo shooting has become increasingly popular in the BDSM community. How do you see it connecting with your work as a dominatrix, and what makes it empowering for your clients?

I’ve done boudoir photography myself, and I find it incredibly empowering, both as a mother and as a dominatrix. For dommes, it captures elegance, confidence, and sensuality in a raw form. For clients, it serves as a visual reminder of devotion, ownership, and submission. Seeing their Mistress in that light reinforces their worship, and it deepens the psychological connection between us. It’s more than just a photo; it’s an extension of the power dynamic.

This rare glimpse into the world of a professional dominatrix goes beyond the clichés. Mistress Raya reminds us that BDSM is not about cruelty but about trust, consent and the beauty of power dynamics. Her real answers cut through misconceptions, showing that domination is as much about respect, care, and empowerment as it is about control. For those curious about submission, domination, or simply the psychology of desire, her perspective offers both guidance and inspiration. In the end, the world of BDSM isn’t about darkness — it’s about discovering freedom within boundaries, and power within trust.

Are you interested in getting to know her better? Find her here on Locanto.