Haunted by Exes

Trying to figure out who I am so close to the age of thirty. My life expectations are so far behind than I thought I was. I thought I was heading in the right direction. Looks like I am starting over all over again. People say you should put the past behind you and forget it. I'm starting to think that maybe you should use your past to help better your future. The way things are going my future just might mirror my past.

Looking around I see no change. Stuck at another 9 to 5 where progress or success is slim to none. How did I get here? Where did my life take a turn for...? Well, I don't know if it's bad or worst. All I know is this is not what I expected.

All I look forward to in my day is to just get off work to get to a glass of wine and a hot bath. I know, so much excitement. My love life is starting to not exist. I'm not sure if I want to be with someone or even be involved with someone. I'm starting think being single is the best thing for me right now.

I can focus on me more. Work on myself and the issues that I'm going though. Start figuring what I'm trying to be in life. Where I'm trying to go in life. Work on progress. Work on my success in life.

But you know there are always obstacles that either distract me or delay me. Like the way I stare at my coworker. This human being here makes my mind jump from my body. I go numb just watching him.

"Dee!" I snap from my gaze.

"Girl it's time to go home. Stop daydreaming" my coworker said laughing. I just smirked and shook my head. "What you got plans for this weekend" they asked as if there was really any interest in my life. I shrugged and began to gather my things. I never did really like people I just tolerated them while I was at work. Before another word was said I jump up and ran towards the door. I had too much on my mind already. I wasn't really up to deal with her today.

I reached the parking lot walking as fast as my feet could go. I unlocked the door to my truck and hopped in. My phone started buzzing just as I start the engine. Lord I don't want to deal with him today. I scowled and press decline.

It took my less than ten minutes to reach my apartment complex. I hated the place. I am pretty much antisocial so I just rush pass the people standing outside. "Hey" I hear someone speak. "We didn't sleep with you last night." I pressed on without saying a word. Running up the stairs, I unlock my door and drop my things on the table.

I left out a sigh of relief, "UGH home at last!" I walked in the kitchen and grabbed a wine glass and walk to the bathroom. I could hear my phone buzzing in the living room. I just ignored it.

After I finished soaking and partly falling asleep in the tub, I finally managed to find my bed. I didn't want anything to just to go to sleep and try it again. I heard my phone buzzing again. I started to ignore it, but I rolled my eyes and got up to get it off the coffee table.

Six phone calls and eight messages from the same person. What does he want? Well, I know exactly what he wants I just don't feel up to seeing anybody tonight. My phone begins to buzz again. I hesitated but I answered anyway. "Hello!"

Twelve's deep voice ranged in my head, "Why you are ignoring my calls?" I rolled my eyes. "I'm not my phone is on silent" I lied. "Yeah bet, so you going to let me come through or what" he asked. "I'm pretty tired tonight. I just got out the tub and I just want to sleep." I can hear him growing impatient "I'm not going to be over there long I promise." I knew he was lying when he would say that. I rolled my eyes again. "Come on baby I miss you" he lied. "That's a lie" I mumbled. "Come on please, I'll put you to sleep and put a smile on that face" he insisted. Shaking my head, I declined again "Maybe tomorrow." "So, you going to do me like this?" I could hear the irritation in his voice. "Do you like what" I asked dumb founded. "Look I'm tired I'll talked to you tomorrow." Before he could say one more word I hung up. I rolled over and stared at the darkness on the ceiling until sleep found me.

That morning I woke up to banging on my door. Who the hell is this? Ugh! I am not a morning person. I stumbled out the bed and strip over some shoes that where in the floor. "Coming!" "Who the hell is it!" I finally got myself together and open the door. "What the hell you want? It's too early for this.!" Standing at the door was Gray, one of my flings every now and again. " So, you not going to let me in" he said flashing that gorgeous smile. He knew I wouldn’t say no to him, so I stepped to the side. He walked past me and stared at the table which had an open bottle of wine on it. "So, you drinking again" he asked. I shrugged and walked towards the kitchen. " Come on baby it's not like that is it?" " Like what" I asked annoyed. "You not talking to me. You know I don't like it when you don't talk to me" he said. Ugh! That damn smile. I hate his ass just has much has I loved him. Or what I thought my feeling was for him. "Don't you miss me?" I shook my head no. "Oh! So, you don't." He walked over to me just enough distance for me to move but he grabbed me and pulled me closer. "So, you don't miss me?" He said placing his lips on my neck. I grew weak as I felt his hot breath and wet tongue swirl across my skin. I can't do this not again. My heart began to rush as I felt his hand touch my thigh and down my stomach. Why do I always let him take me there? I moan when I felt his fingers touched my sweet spot. "Like that?" I managed to get a yes out, but it was faint. "You want daddy, don't you?" I said nothing but stared into a daze as I felt him enter me. I struggle not to moan louder as he pushes deeper. Now I can't control myself. My brain felt numb as I reach a high that it was all too familiar with. He pushed deeper and pound harder. "Please..." I begged. "Please what?" He smirked. "......more" I demanded. "Turn around" he said firmly. I turn around and grabbed the cabinet. He shoved what seemed like every inch into me. I gasped for air as he grabbed a hand full of my hair. "You like this don't you," he whispered into my ear. "YES!!" I moaned.

After what seem like thirty minutes in heaven I finally came to. Grey was already gone but I had this overwhelming sensation come over me. How could I have feeling for a person who I only have a physical relationship with now and then. I think I have feelings. I think. Thinking about it makes my head spin. “Shake it off girl!” I poured me a glass of the wine left on the table. UGH! It’s nasty and lukewarm. Finishing to bottle, I took a shower and got dress. I didn’t really feel like going anywhere. I just jump in my bed swirling in my thoughts.

Waking up to the buzzing of my phone, I rolled over. I looked at it and frown. “UGH, what in the world he wants now?” I watched it ring until it stops. I really didn’t want to deal with him right now. I stumbled out the bed in search for another drink.