Freaky Elon

FREAKY ELON

By: H.M. Ortiz

PART 1 – DOG FOOD

Is ten a.m. and my alarm keeps snoozing and all I can think of it’s her. I wonder if she made it, I really hope she did I thought to myself while I scratched another mark on the bottom of the bunk bed above me. So far is been three weeks. Still feels like it happened yesterday. The air is now starting to clear out; we can at least see some sunlight however we must still wear these stupid gas masks, so annoying…

“Did you sleep well?” asked Elon. My bunkmate who also happens to be one of Gates top leading research scientists on the SSRTF (Space Search and Rescue Task Force) while going through some cans on the bottom right cabinet on his work station. “I did” I responded.

“We have; canned beans, canned sweet corn, canned soup… chicken I believe or whatever this other-beef-looking-stuff on this red can is” said Elon while reading the back of one of the cans. “Oh, this one will wake you up, catch!” said Elon as he threw one of the cans at me. Upon catching it, I saw the beef-stew-looking picture that he mentioned, “seriously?” I asked Elon, “This is dog food!” I shouted while rolling my eyes and shaking my head.

He laughed but then suddenly his computer made an incoming call sound, “It’s him!” said Elon. “Oh crap, give me a second!” I said in a rush as I got up the bunk bed and started to put my shirt on. I rushed to my workstation and there he was; the man on the screen, the big boss, and the one who promised us that none of this crap would happen, B. Gates.

“Good morning gentleman” said Mr. Gates while looking right into the webcam on his end. “Good morning Sir” Elon and I responded. “We're you guys able to locate it?” asked Mr. Gates. “No sir, but we have a credible lead, and we will look into today, sir” Elon responded in a polite-yet affirmative way. “You asked me for 48 hours and it has been 36 so far, Aaron; remember what you asked me, do-not disappoint me” Said Mr. Gates in a calm yet threatening way. “Yes sir, and I thank you, I won’t disappoint you” I responded. “Okay gentleman, I will reach back at fifteen hundredth, good luck,” said Mr. Gates while looking at his hand watch. “Thank you sir” we responded. Then the screen went black.

“Fucking jerk!” said Elon in a loud and agitated tone. “Now his ass is going to call again in six hours, why can’t he just wait? He called six hours ago!” said Elon in a much more agitated tone and I don’t blame him, all the crap he had to put up with while in California under Gates direct supervision. “Elon, Relax, I’m sure this lead is the one, let’s just go out and check it out” calmly I said trying to calm Elon down. “Don’t tell me to relax! Part of this pressure is because of you and that broad that I told you just let go off, but no… you had to go out and make deals with the devil and now he has us by the balls! So no! Don’t tell me to relax” said Elon with an angry tone. “Elon” I said calmly. “What!” he responded in distress. “I just want to say thank you, for being here with me on this journey and I also want to say that I’m sorry that my burdens are taking the best of you but I promise that I am deeply grateful for you“. ”I really am, you’re a great friend,” I said with a smile. “Okay… you’re my friend, but you’re definitely not my type” Elon responded while shaking his head but with a smirk on his mouth. “See, cheer up little bitch, gear up and let’s go out and find this fucking necklace for this guy”

PART 2 - OUT AND ABOUT

“Do you see anything?” asked Elon through his microphone. “Nothing” I responded through mine. “Oh I think I see something” I responded as I kept digging through this pile of clothes. “Well well well… check-this-out, what do we have here?” said Elon in a perverted tone while pulling out a red thong from the pile of clothing. “That’s from a 90-year-old woman, you know…” I said, “ew that is gross!” Elon responded when suddenly I felt the red thong landing on my shoulder. “You ass hole!” I shouted at him as I threw the red thong across the room. While searching through the pile of clothes I felt this hard thing inside one of the pockets of a bluish looking blazer, my hearth started beating fast, like this rush of adrenaline flowing throughout my whole body, this sensation we feel right before having sex, this feeling of euphoria. When I pulled the item out of the pocket, there it was, Gates holly grail, the fucking heart-shaped locket Gates had won when he was 33 at this nerd ass “doomsday diary fiction story contest”, now it was in my hands and for some reason, it felt like I had 20,000 reasons to be happy. “I found it!” I shouted, “No fucking way, really?” said Elon as he walked towards me. “I’ll be damned, you did found it” said Elon.

“Now lets get back to the nest” as that is what we called our work center “and report this back to Gates, maybe now, he will focus on finding a solution to this solar radiation problem instead of looking for a stupid necklace” I said with great enthusiasm”, “I agree” said Elon while hiding something on his back pocket. “What is that?” I asked, “what is what?” Elon responded. “That in your back pocket” I asked again. “Oh just a small souvenir” he responded acting like I would ignore what he had just hid. However that wasn’t important at the moment, what mattered was getting back and contact Gates with the good news so we got in our rover and headed back to the nest.

FINAL PART – THE RED THONG

Back at the nest, “Tell me something good” said Mr. Gates on the big screen, “We found it Sir, it has been shipped to Modesto via Amadrone” said Elon in an authoritarian tone. “That is great gentleman, thank you for your hard work and dedication on this assignment, it means a lot to me” said Mr. Gates, “It’s our pleasure, sir” we responded. “Okay gentleman, you might now return to the lab in Moscow and continue with the testing on artificial ozone gases,” said Mr. Gates. “May I ask one last thing Sir” I interrupted Mr. Gates before he disconnected the video call. “Yes, Aaron” said Mr. Gates. “Did she make it to the safe-zone sir?” I asked with great curiosity. “Aaron, she arrived just three hours ago and I have ordered her transfer to Moscow as well, she’s driving everyone insane here, I don’t understand why didn’t you just let her go” said Mr. Gates while Elon gave me the ‘I-TOLD-YOU’ look, “Thank you Sir” I responded. “Well gentleman, a shuttle will pick you both up in three hours to transfer you to Moscow, have a safe trip, over and out” said Gates and then the screen went black.

“Fucking jerk” said Elon, “oh gosh, what is it this time” I asked. “He knows it will take two and half hours to shut down the nest and destroy all the data, he is only giving us 30 minutes to prepare for a 30-hour flight” said Elon with an angry tone. “What do you have to pack, your dog food?” I asked in a sarcastic tone while I noticed this bright red thing inside his workstation upper drawer, I went to take a quick pick at it and there it was, B Gates mama’s red thong. Then it hit me, “this is why he volunteered to this mission,” I told myself.

“Freaking Elon…” no, “freaky Elon” that’s more like it.

THE END.