FeetFinder

Day 3, Oh man, that’s a wild story! I mean, FeetFinder, huh? It’s like eBay for feet—like, who knew there was a market for that? I’ve got enough trouble trying to get my own socks on straight in the morning, and now I hear there are people out there trying to spread themselves all over the internet!

So, this guy messages you asking if you can “spread him all over the internet.” I’m thinking, “Wow, what kind of advertisement is that? ‘Get spread and stay spread!’” Honestly, I’d be worried if someone just wanted to be everywhere—next thing you know, they’ll be on billboards, in spam emails, and even on those pop-up ads for shady Viagra.

And then he shows you a picture—painted toenails, caged up, private parts exposed? I mean, if I wanted to see that kind of art, I’d just go to the Louvre, not FeetFinder! That’s some avant-garde stuff right there. And I love how you asked him what website he’s posting on—like, maybe he’s got a whole feet empire online. “Yeah, I’m on FeetFanatics, ToeTales, and NailArtNation.”

But of course, the moment you ask him, “What website?” he just blocks you. Like, “Nope, this conversation’s getting a little too toe much for me.”

Honestly, people are weird. I’ve had some bizarre encounters online too, but this one takes the cake. It’s like, “Hey, I just wanted to sell some feet pics, and now I’m being asked if I want to be spread across the internet like a human peanut butter.”

The moral of the story? Be careful what you ask for. Because sometimes, you might just get a foot fetishist with a cage and a paintbrush. And let’s be honest—if your feet are so hot they need to be painted red and caged up, maybe just stick to the sneaker ads, buddy.

Day 4, and I finally posted my $5 photo — just me in my gothic sandals. Because nothing says "fashion icon" like shoes that look like they belong in a vampire’s closet. I mean, I’m out here trying to be the next big thing in the foot fetish world, and all I’ve got is views on my profile. No followers yet — but hey, at least I’m getting attention! It’s like online dating: lots of views, no matches. I keep checking my profile stats like I’m waiting for a miracle, but honestly, I think my feet are just too mysterious for most people.

But I gotta say, it’s been an eye-opening experience — I never realized how much thought goes into a good foot shot. Should I angle my toes? Should I include a hint of my goth nail polish? Maybe I should just start adding little black capes to my feet, really lean into that gothic aesthetic. Who knew that the secret to social media fame was just a good sandal pic? Or maybe I’m just ahead of my time — the goth feet renaissance is coming, I can feel it! Thanks for listening, folks — I’ll keep you updated on whether my feet can break the internet or just break my bank with $5 posts.

Thanks, folks! Remember, keep your feet on the ground—and your internet browsing safe!