feeling

Listening to music at dusk is a special treat. At that moment, in the deep twilight, everything in the room was dim, and no concrete and clear figure came into view to disturb the mind; The mind can let the hearing lead, sleepwalking into the realm of music to go. Oh, do you feel the same way?

The feeling was so strong and wonderful that I suspected myself of being a little nervous. Remember that is absolutely dusk, probably listen to Schumann's "dream song"! Home only myself, the quiet space filled with the deep and intoxicating music. The corners of the room were dark, and the objects in front of the window were indistincted shadows, except for a faint orange glow on the panes.

My heart is as holy as if washed by this music. I do not know whether the heart is immersed in the music, or the music filled my heart, a subtle flow like roundabout. Then I was moved, and then this feeling of being moved gradually intensified, and the undercurrent of my heart formed a whirling whirlpool, and when the tide of being moved rolled up, I suddenly could not help myself. As if there is an invisible stirring stick, the bottom of the sediment of the messy all up. Can't say what unforgettable things or feelings, can't say what taste, sweet? Sad? Miss? Grievance? A lost hope? Can not keep the sweet...... Suddenly, big, big tears came from their eyes, rolled down their cheeks, and fell to the floor. I leaned against the door frame and looked up. My skirt was soon wet. I could not restrain myself at all, nor would I want to, for it was not a pain at all, but a strange, trembling feeling of happiness. In the ordinary days, the occasional trigger of something unexpected would produce such a feeling, but it always passed by, never consolidated, and struck me with such force.

But I don't understand. How did this feeling come from? Was it the music that induced it? Which melody, which harmony moved me? Why has this music never felt like this before? What is more strange is that many times since then, when I have managed to get away from my family at dusk, I have leaned on the door of the quiet, dark, shaded little room and listened to the music alone, but never again have I experienced the same feeling of laughter and bittersweet joy. The music of the instrument, like a faint wind, rarely blows waves in my heart again. What's going on?

Feeling is not found, only it comes to you.

Two years later, I had long forgotten the idea of looking for this feeling, but I stumbled upon it.

It was late autumn, and a light drizzle had just fallen. It was getting dark, and my cheeks and hands felt slightly cool when I was outside. I was returning home from an errand, and I was walking along a path along the river. The river on the left, winding and clear, gently sloping mud slope with some weeping willows; On the right was a high stone wall, the home of a noble family. The stone wall was very long and extended far ahead. Some old poplars in the yard protrude their great umbrella-shaped crowns over the walls. The leaves were falling off the trees, and there was a thick layer on the ground, not much hanging from the branches. Now and then, though there was no wind, a palm-sized brown leaf, detached itself from its branches, fell down from the air in various whirls and fell into the ground among the leaves, and at once mingled and could not be distinguished, and the tree looked at once more relaxed. I walked on the fallen leaves, suddenly found a leaf, unusually prominent, it is a little smaller than the ordinary leaves, shiny new, clearly a new leaf. Unfortunately, it was born at the wrong time, not long, full of every cell of its life, dissipate its sweat and fragrance, early with the old leaves falling together. However, nature has irreversibly fallen leaves to the season, who cares about it this insignificant leaf! I saw, this coated with a layer of waxy green leaf surface Wangwang a few bright drops of water, perhaps just a raindrop, but just like its indescribable sad tears. How he loved the life in the tree -- the noise in the wind, the noise in the rain, the brightness in the sun -- how he longed to stay on the tree for a moment longer. Life, in spite of all the torture, bitterness, trouble, deception and misfortune, who wants to abandon it? Even still willing to devote everything to it. Life, what do you take to repay all life to your dedication? Is it always hope?

I picked up the green leaf with pity, and when I looked up, I saw a snow-white cat lying on the high, rain-darkened wall, staring at me; Deep in the poplar, there are two glass Windows reflecting the blue sky after the rain, like a pair of beautiful eyes hiding in the dark... Suddenly, it was this sudden, I was inexplicably moved. The strange feeling produced by listening to the music once again flooded into my heart and stirred up in my heart. Once again, my sight was blocked by huge tears that could not be stopped. I stood on the ground among the brown and yellow mottled leaves, greedily enjoy this sweet and bitter emotion, and let this emotion to vent and prolong, leave it some time. Who knows it is only this brief moment, in the blink of an eye actually gradually dissipated fog. It is as if all of a sudden to converge and condense things, and all of a sudden dispersed, can not catch. Hey, what's going on here?

I stood idle with this shining, lagging leaf in my hands.