Dos Degenerates

Prologue

Sadly, everything I'm writing before you is true. I've experienced these shenanigans first hand collectively. The wide road can be appealing to those who aren't able to overcome primal tendencies and are enticed by chaos. When you’re stuck in a small town in the middle of spring, you tend to get creative, or die of boredom. The same can be said about two young degenerate teens. Though they’re not quite on the same page of creativity as the rest of civilization, that won’t stop their rise and fall with "fame". The aliases of these teens were Jun and Claeb Belly. What their names were truly, the world may possibly never want to know. What was known however, were their roles. Jun was in charge of “Geetar”, “big p0rn”, and “Pr0ducktion”, while Claeb was the lead vocalist. The day Oinker Doinkers was conceived, was also the same day their fate was sealed.

Many aren’t sure what happened exactly, but two people who have been associated with the band know more than others. These associated teens were DeeDonk and Taylor Bunt. DeeDonk was a natural at hype and promotion, being able to advertise to the public. He also took photographs and videos of the members. Taylor Bunt was a drummer and worked with music programs and plugins. He was also a pretty good bottle cap chewer. With all this set aside, the tale of the Doinkers is a one worthy of being told, time and time again.

Having spoken with the Doinkers myself before their untimely demise, I'm familiar with many events and back stories concerning their antics. Though entertaining, these are completely real and historic events of the teens that Oinked and Doinked till the end. Many question why they did it. A Political Statement? An African American Civil Rights movement? Feminism? No. The truth is, they did it simply because they wanted to.

Chapter I

It all started when they needed money desperately. Having spent all their allowance, how were they going to get much needed cough syrup? They could steal it, but they didn’t want to deal with any pigs.To counter this dilemma, they formed a plan, one that probably wouldn’t get far, but since they weren’t going to get far in life anyway, they put it into action. They would start a punk rock garage band that sounded like someone mentally disabled had directed it. So, they started the “Oinker Doinkers”. They planned on making many albums and only successfully selling them because they’d harass people until they bought their music.

Lucky for them, they had the perfect opportunity to promote their music. Their High School was having a Talent Show and they seized their chance for shameless self promotion. They signed up and started putting together their first album: Dos Doggies. Originally their album was going to be released after they performed it at the Talent Show. If they won, they would be awarded $100 which would go towards some much needed cough syrup.

Even after putting forth the most effort and concentration they had ever bothered to muster in their lives, it was all for naught, as the Talent Show was canceled. In the end, they settled on hyping the album for its release on April 20, 2017. They sold it for $2 and handed out code cards for online redemption to people who paid with cash. Because of its undeniable charm, they made a handsome profit and had a nice supply of cough syrup for a while.

However, these junkies drink cough syrup like alcoholics drink booze and were soon trying to find ways to get more not too long after. They’d do anything to get some, but of course they preferred more practical tactics. Not too long after Dos Doggies, they created another album, “Extreme Tummy Ache”. Jun and Claeb didn’t plan on making the album when they did. That warm June night, they met up with the local drug dealer and bought a shit ton of Klonopin to party. Legend has it that they were coming off of the K-pins and took Juns Wellbutrin nasally. From what I’ve heard, they woke up to the album and thought it was funny as shit. They decided to upload it online for the hell of it. The album was so awful that they couldn’t even handle the first 20 seconds of it and it was an hour long.

Many of you may discredit this writing as fiction, but if you were to search Oinker Doinkers online, you'll see this is factual. Having many questions for them myself and an obsession with experimental music, I'd often find myself in their inescapable presence at times.