Cashie + Ethan

Cashie slipped on her headphones. She closed her eyes and pressed her inky lips together. She wore Palomino by Bite, a bold fuschia lip stain, to help her stay in character. She clicked the Audio Porn app and a green light circled her avatar. Cashie scanned the online participants and selected one with a smile. Ethan Hawke. My mom used to crush on you.

“Please press 1 to accept the following recorded message: you, Cashie Don’t Even,” she giggled as it played back her avatar name, “hereby authorize Audio Porn and employees to listen, record, publicize, promote, for the sake of Audio Porn and any Client’s future career in the adult industry, any and all calls or messages to other callers. Callers are prohibited from sharing identifying details including legal names, aliases, phone numbers, message numbers, or addresses. Violation will result in a lifetime ban from the Audio Porn platform.” Cashie pressed 1. Sure, she paid the monthly subscription but it was a small price to pay for being overheard by Quality Assurance and getting discovered as the next famous orgasm. The best voices were chosen to go big league, maybe even video. She smoothed her fingers over her forehead to clear her mind.

Remember, it’s not about who you talk to but how you say it. Cashie picked dumb looking guys because they gave her the best reactions. Ethan Hawke, here we go.

“Hey 90s heart throb.”

Ethan chuckled soft and low. Cashie squinted a bit as she tried to guess his type. Sexy and confident, my kind of trouble. She couldn’t bury her smirk. “What are you looking for, soldier?”

Ethan started slowly, “I really don’t know…”

Oops shift that. He’s shy. “Maybe I can tell you what I’m wearing? If you’re interested?”

“Oh, very,” he breathed. She took a sip. “What’s that you’ve got?” he asked.

“It’s a merlot. Jetbird.” She laughed, ”Like, it’s a bird, it’s a plane.” Are you my superman, Ethan?

“It sounds good in your mouth.” Damn! Suddenly she was on defense, returning his volleys instead of being out in front hitting them.

She took another sip. “I’m taking things up a notch,” she whispered. “What have you still got on?”

“You’re a bold one,” he answered back. “Not much. Come and get me.”

Cashie squealed. Ethan was such an aggressive flirt it was difficult to get the upper hand. “What are you drinking? Take a sip and maybe I can guess.”

Ethan took a sip. Cashie imagined his gorgeous neck and strong jaw tipped up as though to receive a kiss. ‘I’m guessing whiskey, yo,” she replied playfully. It wasn’t a huge sip so she felt confident guessing liquor.

“Mmmm, close. Southern Comfort.”

Cashie laughed. “Isn’t that a girl’s drink, a panty remover?”

“I never told you what I was wearing,” Ethan replied. She could hear the smile in his voice. He’s good. “Let’s get right to it,” he continued. “How do you feel about pineapple on pizza?”

‘Mmmmm,” Cashie moaned, “I wouldn’t waste any on pizza, I’d slide a ring of canned pineapple right over your…”

“Why did the shark eat pineapple?” Ethan interrupted. “It makes the seaman taste better.” Cashie blushed. She was trying too hard and he shut her down. She waited for him to speak again. “Like, what do you like, Cashie?” Ethan finally asked her. “For real.”

“I like walks on the beach and big dicks,” she answered.

“No. For real.”

Cashie paused. “I like when, around ten in the morning, the sunlight hits the prism in my kitchen window and makes little rainbows. I like hugs from my nephew. I like how on the first nice day in a while it smells like cut grass and BBQ all down my street.” She sighed. “I like walking alone around the lake near my place. I like ocean fishing with my dad. I like these crazy things they just started baking at Mon Petit Four called cruffins.” She pulled a tendril of hair over her shoulder. “How about you? What makes Ethan happy?”

“I thought you’d never ask. I think you make me happy.”

Cashie blushed and looked away from her phone until she composed herself. “Always the playboy,” she mocked softly. “What makes you shine? Like for real."

“Hmmm. I like my dog. Mr. Kong. He’s great. You'll love him. I like helping. Yeah, I know that sounds dumb but it just feels good to help. I like pancakes. I like when they bring the little tiny hockey players out on the ice during intermission and they play the Charlie Brown song and all those little kids follow that puck like a beacon.” Ethan laughed a little. “I like this.”

“Is this like our first date?” Cashie asked.

“Yes, baby, this is definitely our first date. Getting to know you over a drink. Do you want to?”

Cashie knew he was asking to share numbers. They could get kicked off Audio Porn for this. Participants on chat boards shared an evolving code and rumour had it you could get away with it. However, there were just as many rumours about Audio Porn bounty hunting catfishers who would try to lure you into sharing your number and getting you banned forever. Ethan, are you my man? “If you think we can?” she asked.

“I’m octo head mano mano irish sapien sapien,” Ethan shared. Cashie gasped. She had the number.

“I’m sapien octo octo mano octo uno oreo,” Cashie replied.

There was a crackle on their line. Cashie froze and held her breath. “Cashie Don’t Even, you are in violation of Code 1 of Audio Porn. Your account has been disabled and your avatar will be cancelled. Please disconnect.”

Ethan is worth it. Unless I just got catfished.