Are You Autosexual? Kourtney Kardashian's Latest Revelation

NOTE: Full disclosure - In the 21 seasons Keeping Up With the Kardashians was on the air, I never watched one episode. Not one. Ever. However, as a testament to the self-marketing genius of the head of the clan, Kris Jenner, I probably know as much about the Kardashian/Jenner love lives, fashion, and drama as anyone who has watched it. I take no pride in that acknowledgment.

Perusing news headlines, I recently came across an article by Kourtney Kardashian, claiming to "come out" as "autosexual". I am sorry for having caved, but I was compelled to read further.

For the uninformed:

1. Autosexuality means "people are more attracted to themselves than to others and may prefer masturbation to sex with a partner. It doesn't mean that someone who is autosexual will never have sexual relationships with other people. It simply means people who are autosexual feel more sexually aroused by themselves rather than by others". 

2. Autosexuality may extend "beyond sexual behavior to include feeling a longing or desire for oneself". 

3. . It can also be the "ability to turn oneself on through looking at, visualizing, touching, or smelling oneself." 

With these as definitions of "autosexual", it can be no surprise that a member of the most narcissistic, self-indulgent, attention-seeking, exhibitionist family on earth would be the one to "come out" as autosexual. Yes, folks, Kourtney Kardashian, the eldest of this egotistical clan of self-lovers wants the world to know that she is "autosexual", i.e. in love with herself.

Before delving further into this latest psycho-babble "condition" for a desperate need for attention, let me clearly state my stand on social issues. I consider myself open-minded and tolerant. I am accepting of the LGBTQ community and believe that every individual has the right to live their lives as they feel is best for them, if it doesn't hurt someone else. I am the poster woman for Live and Let Live. That said, this autosexual nonsense has pushed me over the line of tolerance.

Although distasteful to me to afford any Kardashian/Jenner more publicity, I felt compelled to address this because of the deeper 21st-century societal problem it brings to light. The initial self-improvement movement of the late 20th century has turned into self-centered, self-indulgence to the point of destroying interpersonal relationships. How can one nurture the needs of another in a relationship if they are solely focused on themselves?

What is this teaching our children? Especially our young girls. That no one or nothing is more important than yourself? Is it any wonder that relationships among the young don't last?

A healthy, loving relationship between two people, gay or straight, is dependent upon each person caring for and emotionally supporting the other. Sometimes that means putting the needs of your partner above your own. It involves compromise and communication, neither of which you are interested in if you're more in love with yourself than your partner.

Sexually, a loving relationship involves meeting the needs of your partner, which can only be achieved with good communication. Ask for what turns you on. Ask your partner what turns them on. Ask, tell, give, take. Communicate with them, not with the mirror.

I was married for 45 years to the most caring, unselfish man I have ever known. He always put my needs before his. The result of his selflessness was that I, in turn, was happy to reciprocate by meeting his needs and desires.

Our relationship could not have thrived and survived for so many decades if either one of us was obsessed with only ourselves.

So okay, you autosexuals out there. Enjoy focusing on yourself, on your own needs. Get turned on by looking at and touching yourself. Feel a desire and longing for yourself.

However, the opinion of one with more experience in life and love than years any one of the Kardashian/Jenner sisters have been alive is that their self-obsession is robbing them of one of life's greatest pleasures - mutual love between two people who care more about meeting the emotional and sexual needs of each other than themselves. Assigning priority to your partner's needs does not mean subverting your own. It means that you will get as much as you give. Try it. You may find it more fulfilling than focusing only on yourself.

©Copyright 2022 Joan Gershman