5 Most Asked Questions I Get as a Dominatrix

Being a professional dominatrix is an unsual job. People often think only of dungeons, whips, and leather, but in reality, this world is much more complex and delicate than it seems. Over the years, I have received hundreds of questions from clients, curious individuals, and other BDSM enthusiasts. Some questions come up again and again, and today I want to share the five I hear the most, along with my personal answers and insights.

This article isn’t just about me. It’s about what it’s like to live in a world where power, trust, and desire intersect. I’ve worked in cities all over Australia, but for context, let’s focus on my experiences in Melbourne, a city with a vibrant BDSM community, historic dungeons, and a culture that embraces creative expression in every form.

1. Have you ever had a slave rebel, and what did you do?

This is one of the most common questions I get. People are fascinated by the idea of a submissive defying the rules. Yes, it happens, and when it does, it’s a learning moment for both of us.

I remember one instance. A submissive had been under my supervision for a few months, and during a session, he attempted to remove his collar without my permission. This is a serious breach of trust. I had to respond calmly but firmly. I let him express his frustration verbally, then ended the session and spoke with him about boundaries and consent afterward.

Rebellion is not always immediately evident. Sometimes it is just a small test or a way of showing that something is bothering them. It is important to read the situation well, ensure safety, and strengthen trust. BDSM is based on clear rules, but it also requires flexibility and emotional sensitivity. In a city like Melbourne, where dungeon culture is well established, community etiquette and safety are emphasized. Learning how to handle these situations responsibly is part of becoming a skilled dominatrix.

2. Do you enjoy working with male and female clients?

Another frequent question is about gender preference. My answer is simple: I enjoy all my clients, though the majority are male. In Melbourne, the kink scene attracts a wide variety of people. From corporate professionals in the CBD to artists in Fitzroy, clients come with different expectations, energy levels, and levels of experience.

I have several female clients and couples, but I work with women less often. However, gender does not determine whether a session will be successful. It is much more important to get along well, respect each other, and communicate with each other. The fact that the client really wants to participate, respect boundaries, and safely explore new things makes the scene successful and satisfying.

One interesting fact about Melbourne is that it has a surprisingly thriving underground fetish scene. The city hosts events, workshops, and themed parties, making it a vibrant hub for people who want to explore BDSM safely and creatively.

3. Has someone ever cried or felt emotional during the session?

People are often surprised to learn that BDSM can be deeply emotional. Many assume it’s purely physical, but it’s not. There have been sessions where tears appeared, not because of pain alone, but because of release. Submissives often carry tension, stress, or emotional baggage, and during a session, that can surface.

In one scene, a client reached a breaking point where the combination of trust, sensation, and guidance created a raw emotional release. He began to cry, and I simply allowed it, providing support and grounding. Emotional moments like these highlight why empathy is so important in this work. A dominatrix must understand the psychological layers of submission, not just the physical aspects.

4. How do you differentiate between a sub and a slave?

This distinction comes up more than you might think. People often assume all submissives are the same, but the roles can vary widely. A sub participates in scenes and gives temporary control, while a slave commits more deeply, often extending trust and obedience beyond the session.

I’ve had both. Some people are excellent subs, enjoying short-term play without a deep personal commitment. Others become my slaves, dedicating themselves to long-term dynamics that require emotional investment. This relationship can include rituals, long-term training, and integration into my personal life in a limited way.

The difference often surprises people, especially those new to BDSM. Melbourne’s kink community, like many urban communities, recognises these distinctions and has resources to help people navigate them. Workshops and mentorship programs teach how to negotiate dynamics and understand the responsibilities involved in more intense roles.

5. What advice would you give someone starting as a dominatrix?

This is my favourite question because it allows me to share what I’ve learned over more than a decade in this field. First, take your time. There is no one right way to dominate. Learn techniques, but also develop empathy, observation, and communication skills. Practice on yourself first and in a safe place before you start working with clients.

Set your boundaries. Know what you enjoy and what you don't want to do. Your safety and well-being are paramount. Choose your clients carefully and listen to your intuition. In Melbourne dungeons, novices learn to respect boundaries and consent, which protects both the dominatrix and the submissive.

Never stop learning. Attend workshops, read, and learn from other professionals. The world of kink is constantly changing, so there is always something new to explore. Finally, understand that being a dominatrix is about creating an experience that is meaningful, intense, and safe for everyone involved.

Working as a dominatrix is a profession that combines art, psychology, and performance. People often see only the surfaceL the leather, the whips, the theatrics, but the reality is far more intricate. Every session is a negotiation of trust, boundaries, and desire. Every client teaches you something about yourself. Melbourne, with its thriving kink culture and supportive community, has been a perfect place to explore and grow as a professional.

In the end, this work is about connection. Whether it’s a rebellious sub learning to trust, a client exploring their fantasies, or a new dominatrix finding her voice, the moments we create are lasting. The satisfaction comes not from the act of domination alone, but from the mutual respect, understanding, and discovery that each session brings. And that is why I continue this work with passion, care, and excitement for what every day might hold.