25 Sexual Fantasies That Are Totally Normal

Sexual fantasies are as old as time, much like sex itself. No matter a person's gender or sexual orientation, they exist and are used to induce orgasm during intercourse.

However, sexual desire has long been a source of confusion in our culture. Psychologists didn't understand "the true nature of women's erotic yearnings and sexuality" until 1996, according to The New York Times, who noted that "most of the last 50 years of research on the subject has been blind to the true nature of women's erotic yearnings and sexuality." Women do not have sexual fantasies, period, according to a 1973 magazine article, argues author Emily Dubberley in Garden of Desires: The Evolution of Women's Sexual Fantasies. Men do."

Obviously, this was incorrect. Did they really assume that Cleopatra was unconcerned when they heard the legend that she escaped with a hollowed-out gourd filled with buzzing bees? That she was just mindlessly gazing out over the Egyptian countryside? It's more likely that she was considering how Mark Antony's penis couldn't possible compare to her bees, which were said to be the first vibrators in the mythology.

The sexual fantasy is an age-old one, as we just mentioned. Who is fantasising about what and with whom, though, is a different matter.

A sexual fantasy is what, then?

Any mental picture, idea, or narrative that makes you feel seductive is a sexual fantasy. It can be something you want to act out or just like thinking about. But even though we all have our own personal things that make us happy (or two, five, or eight), some individuals tend to wonder if their kinky sex fantasies are "normal."

"I'm not sure who gets to decide what 'normal' is in terms of a fantasy," says Ericka Hart, MEd, a sex educator and black queer femme activist. "But I will argue that white supremacy has placed so many restrictions on our imaginations that it takes some unlearning for us to not feel terrible when we go beyond stereotypical heterosexual sex. As long as the fantasy is freely consenting.

No matter what kind of fantasies you enjoy, keep in mind that they do not define you and that it is acceptable to have sexual fantasies that are inconsistent with your real-life self. Until and unless you decide to convert it into more, your fantasy life remains just that—a fantasy life. Sexual imagination can be a rich source of happiness and thrill, regardless of the events you imagine being mild or wild, "standard" or taboo. (It may also lengthen sexual encounters!)

How do you tell your partner about your fantasies?

Being a human entails having sexual fantasies, but because we live in a society where talking about sex is still frowned upon, bringing them up may be both terrifying and frightening. Making a secure area and using your imagination are two ways to get around this.

Make it seem like a dream you had.

According to Elsa Viegas, CDO and cofounder of Bijoux Indiscrets, "one of the most creative ways to bring up a fantasy is by communicating it through the lens of a dream." For instance, if I want to let my partner know that I enjoy role playing but am unsure of how to approach the topic, I can say, "Last night I had this dream and we role-played this scenario. It was really warm. How do you feel? One can feel more comfortable sharing when they have the security of a dream as a direct form of communication.

To get things going, use games.

Play a sexual fantasy-related card game where you can each share a desire and talk about the components of it that appeal to you, suggests Natassia Miller, CEO and founder of Wonderlust. It can be less stressful to ask the question directly because the card does it instead of you. If you're unsure of where to begin, Wonderlust's Mindful Intimacy Deck was designed with this in mind. It features two levels of prompts that serve as a warm-up before the second level of sexual fantasies. Need more choices?

Let the media begin.

Use everything, from written erotica and seductive films to internet art and stories that might spark a discussion about sexual fantasies. Remember to take advantage of the media and technology that currently rule the world when it comes to your sexual life. Take advantage of the opportunity if you can use any of these as a conversation starter.

How can you safely explore your sexual fantasies?

While it's acceptable for not everyone to want to indulge in their sexual desires, there are some guidelines that should be followed. Particularly if you're engaged in behaviours like BDSM, a sexual fantasy that, according to Justin J. Lehmiller, PhD's 2019 research, 96% of women and 93% of men have experienced. It's crucial not to enter a situation haphazardly.

Do your research.

Just because you're into something doesn't imply you understand it or how to safely explore it, as we discovered from the reaction from the BDSM community to how BDSM was portrayed in Fifty Shades of Grey. Because of this, whether you're experimenting with BDSM, new sex positions or sex toys, or something else entirely, you should do your study.

According to Viegas, "taking a class on a specific technique, like shibari," is also a fantastic place to start your trip. "I recommend finding books and a community to help you research and learn the exact ways to navigate safety, pleasure, and kink," he adds.

Discuss limits and consent.

Consent and boundaries should always be discussed before anything else begins, regardless of the sort of sex you're having—from the most innocent to the most extreme. This cannot be negotiated. Additionally, you should select a safeword. When the safeword is used, everything stops immediately, regardless of what is going on. Another unchangeable.

Begin gradually.

It's not only a good idea, but really necessary, to gently into unfamiliar territory so that you both feel secure and at peace with what you're going to explore.

"Start slowly, as you gain experience and comfort," advises Miller. "If you're practising BDSM, start out with easier exercises. Shibari, sensory play, and blindfolding are excellent entrance points. Use any household item, such as a feather, silk scarf, ice, massage oil, or any other, to caress your partner's skin while they are bound and/or blinded. To increase sexiness, the purpose is to softly tease and concentrate on sensation.

What sexual fantasies are most prevalent?

The Wilson Sex Fantasy Questionnaire results were published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2014. The purpose of the questionnaire was to determine the proportion of respondents who reported having uncommon or rare sexual fantasies in comparison to those who reported more typical fantasies. Only 2.3% and 15.9% of the individuals, respectively, experienced odd or unusual fantasies, according to the results. However, the same sexual fantasy questionnaire also revealed that more than 84% of people had "typical" sexual fantasies, as opposed to more than 50% of people who have "common" sexual desires.

1. Multiple-partner sex

Threesomes, orgies, group sex and even gang bangs are popular with 95% of males and 87% of women.

a number of partners The unique twist that threesomes, foursomes, and "moresomes" bring to sex may be the reason that 57% of women have fantasised about having one of these ambitious trysts. However, they might work out better in fiction than in reality. No one ever has to feel excluded or unsure of what they should be doing in dreams, for instance, but if a group-sex fantasy piques your attention, it might be worthwhile to pursue it in real life as well.

2. BDSM

Being dominated: A survey indicated that 65% of persons who identify as women enjoy being dominated. Fifty Shades of Grey extensively normalised quirks and fetishes. There are a lot of fantastical situations to choose from here: From gentle kissing held down by a trustworthy partner to extreme BDSM involving pain, humiliation, or whatever else your kinky heart craves, the possibilities are endless.

Dominating someone: 47% of persons who identify as women admit to having had fantasies about dominating in the bedroom, which is another very prevalent fetish. Being the boss during sex may be immensely sexy, especially in a society that actively seeks to deprive minority groups of their power both inside and outside of the bedroom.

Bondage: The idea of being confined (or restraining someone else) is extremely alluring to many people. It can range from impromptu instruments, like neckties, to more complex bondage scenarios requiring rope, cuffs, or under-the-bed restrictions. You become vulnerable to a partner's advances while you are immobile, regardless of whether they are painful, pleasurable, or a combination of both. Do your homework on this one because there are many ways that bondage can go wrong and even be harmful. A safe word and open communication with a dependable companion are essential.

Sensory deprivation: Blindfolds are an easy way to experiment with sensory deprivation. When you're wearing one, you're blissfully oblivious of what your partner is about to do to you, and when you're putting one on someone else, you're helping to keep your cool and project power.

3. Variety, novelty, and adventure

97% of both men and women enjoy daydreaming about various places or individuals.

Infidelity: Even if you are completely content with your relationship, the thought of cheating on them may still excite you. "We are excited by the unknown, about losing control, and allowing a new and surprising experience to unfold," says Anne Louise Burdett, certified sex educator and CEO of Toca. You might engage in safe fantasy or you can ask your boyfriend or companion to act like a stranger. Occasionally, fantasy is more alluring than reality.

It's crucial to remember that just because you want to envision having this kind of sex doesn't mean you actually want to do it. But if you do, you might want to look into some kind of ethical non-monogamy.

Sex in public: The thrill of having sex in a public or semipublic setting has long been a prevalent fantasy; common locations include dark alleys, public restrooms, and movie theatres. However, there is a significant caveat: If uninvited adults or children chance to catch you, you're in serious legal trouble. It's ideal to complete this task on your own home or a private rooftop; you can merely imagine that you are in Central Park.

Sex in an unusual place: Even if your fantasies revolve on the same old sex activities you normally resort to, different settings like a hotel room, a sex club, or the kitchen counter can pique your interest. Try heating things up on the sofa the next time you and your lover are watching a movie, or join them in the shower, and see where things go if you want to tentatively dip a toe into this fantasy. Look into local ethical sex clubs for a more severe variation.

Sex with a celebrity: 52% of women said to have fantasised about having sex with a celebrity. It's frequently simpler and quicker to visualise your favourite celebrity—like Lizzo twerking or Pedro Pascal, well, being Pedro Pascal—than a complete stranger or a real-life acquaintance. The next time you're masturbating, feel free to use your favourite fantasy.

Sex with a stranger: "A common fantasy is sudden sex with strangers, on a bus, in a library, etc. by someone unexpected," claims Burdett. Because spontaneity and a small amount of the forbidden are involved in so many aspects of desire and sex, "this is extremely hot to a lot of people."

It is simple to understand why this is a frequent occurrence: It can be exciting to imagine that someone would be so attracted to you despite not knowing you at all. At moral, consenting sex parties, you can pursue this fantasy with confidence. You can then put your clothes back on and go when you're finished. Easy-peasy.

Playing a role: "Everyone wants to know what it feels like to be someone else," says Bessentially limitless.Role-playing: "Everyone wants to know what it feels like to be someone else," says Burdett. It's not necessarily a sign of life dissatisfaction to want to play about in the bedroom.

Imagine yourself in a certain position if you find it difficult to unleash your inner sex goddess. Do you find yourself daydreaming about a nurse and a patient? Suppose the boss and secretary? The options are practically limitless.