10 Tips For Better Sexting

Wondering how to woo with words? Struggling to string steamy sentences together? Trying to turn them on with text? Your Textual Boyfriend has some advanced tips to keep in mind next time you go to sext your sexy someone.

I wanted to dive deeper than I did in my last 10 tips for sexting. This 10 aims to be a little less "Dos and Don'ts" and more advice for writing to keep in mind. Sexting will play out a little differently between every partner, but here are some thoughts to keep in mind.

Estimated Read Time: 8 minutes

01. Don't stress the typo.

It happens to the best of us. "Duck me." "Suck my sock." "I except your submission." Being in a purely textual space, it can feel embarrassing to send a message with a typo. But keep it moving. Your partner will know what you meant if they even noticed at all. If someone is more focused on your grammar than picturing the sexy scene you're describing, there are bigger problems than a misspelled word.

Sending "*cock" only interrupts the flow. Apologizing only jars them from the story. Both parties could have silently ignored it and moved on. Typing one-handed is tricky enough. If anything, it should be viewed as a sign you're all worked up and eager to type out your desire for them.

02. Sometimes less is more.

Don't feel like you need to respond to each message with, "Mmmm," "yes," "I want that." You don't need to respond to every single text message if it's just to acknowledge that you got it. Don't be so focused on replying that you aren't fully enjoying their titillating words.

Teasy texts like, "and then what?" or "Mmmmm" should be spaced out. Pace your replies as you would a regular conversation. A simple text reply can let them know you're engaged and enjoying their words but let their mind fill in the rest until it's your turn to share.

03. Sometimes more is more.

Be sure you're giving them back something sexy to read as well. While it's okay to take a backseat or appreciate their storytelling for a span, you want to bring more than just, "And then what?" to the table. They enjoy hearing what you want. What you would do in response.

And don't just tell them you kiss them. Describe all the details of that action. The thoughts, the feelings, what happens at each step of the way. "I raise your chin with my fingers. Looking deep into those eyes of yours. Bringing my lips to yours for a quick kiss. Just to give you a taste of me. Then I'd bring dive into a longer and harder to show you how badly I want you tonight." Ramp up the details and leave no sexy thought left unsaid.

04. Change up your sentences.

There's got to be a sexier way to say that, but there's a rule of writing that sentences are more interesting when you vary the number of words in them. It makes things more fun to read. Playing with the pace. Rolling out our thoughts in different intervals. Stop. Think. How are you writing out your little adventure? Can you make someone hang off your words? Building their anticipation?

If you've used a phrase or word already in the last sentence, switch it out in the next. Variety is the spice of life and whoever controls the spice controls the universe! What other ways can you describe an action? How else can you structure the sentence? Keep your partner on their toes. Make them excited to read what you type out next.

05. Is this a marathon or a sprint?

It's fine to sext while out running errands for a fun distraction. It's fine to sext while laying in bed stroking yourself to climax. But it's worth being on the same page with your partner. It can be hurtful for someone to think they have your full attention and then see a notification that you're tweeting about a show you're watching. Be present and be clear about what you're doing at the moment.

The longer a sext session goes, the less likely you're going to both be at peak arousal the whole time. Keeping an erection going for longer than an hour just from texts takes effort. Know when it's time to end the scene. Whether you got off, you're falling asleep, the sexual urgency has mellowed, whatever! It's okay to check in with your partner and call the session finished.

06. Play off each other.

While you're setting up the scene you should be reading your partner's signals for where things progress. Do you have a specific scene in mind? You want all parties to be enjoying themselves. Are they resisting a direction? Don't push a story that they aren't into. It's a give and take.

Do you want to be treated a certain way? Give your partner directions to follow up on. Is there a term you want them to refer to you as? "I've been such a good slut lately" or "Is this how you thank your Mistress?" can clue them in. Some cues are subtler than others. Being more direct cuts down on misread signals and confused partners so don't be afraid to speak up about what you're in the mood for from the start.

07. Give them a command.

Go beyond just telling them what you'd do to them if you were where. Tell them what you want them to be doing right now. "Just lay back and stroke yourself while I text you" or "play with your tits like it was me touching you." Direct them to get themselves off while you take over telling the story. Request a certain kind of response from them.

Command. Direct. Tell. Ask. What you say and how you say it will depend on your dynamic and comfort levels. If someone says no, respect that and move on. Don't stress if someone is interested in you but not interested in doing a specific thing. Boundaries and comfort levels are important. It can be fun to fill a request from a partner, but if it grinds things to a halt that's no good.

08. Give them the details.

If someone is churning out a personal erotic novel for you, let them know their words are having an effect on you. Since they can't be there to see what you're doing, be sure to describe what's happening on your end. Are you feeling hotter? Are you good and hard for them? Did you make a mess when you got off to their words? Don't leave someone guessing if you're hot and bothered thinking about them.

Affirmations and validations for what worked also go a long way. Giving positive feedback on what you liked most, what got you hottest, gives direction for next time. Do you want to take the lead on the story? Was there something mentioned that would be hot to explore more of? Even well after the session, getting a message "I've been thinking of that all week" is sure to get them excited for another session soon.

09. It's okay to stop a scene you aren't into.

Consent matters. Safewords matter. In real space or text space, there are going to be kinks that you aren't comfortable with. That you aren't interested in playing out. That's okay. Your sexting partner should respect your boundaries and your limits. Sext partners who don't are garbage people and don't deserve your words or attention.

Speaking up to stop something you don't like is important. It's not easy and it's likely going to stop the scene. That is going to better than continuing a scenario that is uncomfortable for you. It's better than your partner thinking they are getting you hot and bothered when you're really not feeling it or worse. It can be as simple as, "please don't use that word for me," or, "I'm not really feeling Dominant tonight and would like something more tender between us."

10. Tailor your words to them.

What details do you know about your sext partner that you can work into your texts? Something that is unique to them and makes things more personal? A tattoo they have, a touch that drives them wild, a pet name that makes them blush.

References to their body, to past interactions, to their room, can all help paint the scene. Make things more real. Let them know you've paid great attention to their body and their life. These details can spark hot memories from previous sexy times. Describing their body and showing your appreciation for it with words can go a long way in making someone feel desired and sexy.

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Your Textual Boyfriend writes erotic vignettes and strokers for her in sext message stylings. You can find him on Twitter where he tweets sensual, sexy, and silly things.