Words We Left Unspoken

I was at the very edge of the old pier, the timber beneath me creaking, as the familiar echo of memories came rushing into my mind. The sun dipped lower on the horizon painting the heavens with a mix of orange and purple hues. This place was sacred to us, a portrait of our aspirations and secrets. But now, it felt like a tomb of all the utterances we had contained.

“Will you always remember when we first came to this place?” I spoke to the wind, wrapping the words and sending them to you. You were the first and the most precious puzzle for me. You were my dearest friend and the oldest enigma. Numerous hours were spent by us in this place discussing everything and nothing. But as the years went on, laughter turned to silence and that silence became deafening.

I can clearly envision your face, as if it were yesterday, those evil glistening eyes of yours, the devil turned inside of you, that laugh like wind chimes. The last occasion we saw each other, the conversation was pregnant with unvoiced thoughts. I had wanted to tell you how much you meant to me, how your friendship shielded me in the chaos of the world. Instead, I had swallowed that sentence instead, and it fell into a pit of despair.

I remember that moment very vividly. We were seated on this amazing dock, our legs hanging off the edge, the water shimmering below us. I was all set to spill it all, Rahula said. My heart sank, and I glanced at you, only to discover that the moment had washed away with the tide. You were focused on the skyline, lost in a world of your own. I hesitated, my resolve weakening. This is the wrong moment, I said to myself. Thus, I laughed and diverted the talk to the silly things that we used to engage in.

That was an eternity ago. As usual, life plunged us in different directions. You went off to the city, pursuing fantasy while I stayed back, planted in the small town we both abided in. We promised to keep contacting each other, promised to see each other again, yet the life occupied those spaces, which were meant to be filled by our dialogue. Every text message became a little less friendly, every phone call a little shorter.

Now, standing in this place, I regretted every word that was left unspoken, every chance that I missed. I always wondered how it would be if I managed to say something. Would you have gotten it? Would you have resisted? Or would it have held a different significance altogether, leaving us in a different kind of silence?

I closed my eyes and allowed the wind to engulf me, as if the air itself was trying to comfort the pain within me. I remember vividly the last voicemail I had received from you, your tone filled with excitement about a new place—the new job, a new city. Though there was a tinge of something else in your voice that echoed within me as well and was definitely sadness. Did you know, I wondered, that sometimes I felt empty without you?

As the sun went down and extended its rays on the water, I could tell that it was too late for us now. Perhaps you had already gotten over me, and I was just a fading chapter in your life story. Still, the heaviness of what I wanted to say lingered in the air, waiting to be expressed.

There and then, I resolved. I picked up the phone and started composing. I wrote a few lines from the heart. I poured my aggression on you, the appreciation I had for the moments, and the silence that came over me. I pressed the button to send that message, my heart racing as I watched the screen.

The waves on the water rolled under the blurring light. And with it, I felt a weight off my shoulders. It was neither important if one replied nor whether it, in fact, changed anything. What was important was that at last, I had said the words that had remained stuck for too long.

As I stepped away from the dock, I was aware that some words would still remain unuttered however I also appreciated that the fabric of recovery had already begun to weave itself. The sunset signified an end of one chapter but it also pointed to the beginning of another one. After all, oftentimes it is that which is left unvoiced that influences the most in us.

The things we take off implicitly can wait in our hearts, forming our connections and feelings. Finding the strength to specific our sentiments can lead to recuperating, association, and unused beginnings.