Within the Walls

I

“Are you coming?! Hurry!”

Lana grabs my arm causing us to stumble a bit.

“I don’t know if I wanna do this anymore,” I say, “You know what happens if we get caught.” “Ellie, it’s finnneee. We won’t get caught!”

I reluctantly walked with her into the woods. As we get further in, I start to feel uneasy. This is a time for celebration, but I feel like something is off. It could be the anxiety of getting caught.

I’m not afraid of the dark, but as we leave behind the dancing lights from the lampposts, I begin to feel as if I am walking into a nightmare. We go from seeing our shadows casted by warm light, to the moon’s low light casting shadows of overhanging limbs from the trees. The ground is barely visible, making it hard to avoid leaves and sticks. So much for walking quietly. “Gods, I’m so nervous!” she whispers.

Lana has been planning to see the annual Davanje ceremony for weeks now. It’s not open for our people to see because it’s a sacred ceremony. This year, everyone is feeling more excited because we have ten chosen Davalac. They are the ones who provide for our community. If you are marked at birth as a potential Davalac, it’s a great honor. Davalacs are given special treatment and teachings until it is their time to be called upon. The Elders will guide them into the temple where they will stay for the rest of their lives. The last few years, we’ve only had one or two that the Gods chose. It’s been tough because of it.

“I wonder what the Davalac do? How do they help?” Lana says to herself, not really asking me.

“You know already, we learned this forever ago,” I roll my eyes.

“No, no, what they really do. There’s no way that they only pray for us inside there.” I choose not to respond this time. It’ll only get her in trouble speaking that way. We live in a good territory. It’s nice here, but there are rules. Lana is my best friend, but I worry that someday she will get herself…or both of us in trouble.

We watch as the Davalac walk down the stone path towards the temple that is surrounded by guards. The path is covered in a mixture of emerald and jade that’s been finely ground into sand that resembles the sea. The Davalac are dressed in a traditional robe made from Organza. The robes are so thin we can see the outlines of their bodies. They walk barefoot in synchronized slow steps. There’s no music, but we can hear the whispers of the Elders chanting Domine Deus Meus. Then I noticed a little girl, maybe six or seven years old.

“Wow, she’s so young...”

“Most of them are,” Lana says and the mood starts to shift.

“I thought the youngest was supposed to be at least sixteen,” I say, unable to hide the worry in my voice.

“Maybe the Gods are desperate,” Lana’s attempt at lightening the mood with sarcasm. But is that even allowed? I wondered. What’s going on? I know it’s been rough the past few years, but to hold children accountable for such an important task is unheard of. We aren’t fully developed until we’re sixteen. That’s what the Elders teach us based on The Great Book.

“Wait...isn’t that Alex?!” Lana asks.

“Shhhh. Yeah, it looks like him,” I say trying to contain my disbelief.

“Okay, that’s weird. Did you know about this? He lives in your dormitory, right?”

Something’s wrong, this ceremony isn’t right. I hate having these feelings of doubt, it never leads to anything good.

“Ellie, did you know he was marked?”

Does this mean that a Davalac can be chosen later? Since when did that-?

“Ellie!”

“His parents said that he was going north,” I say trying to focus.

“To fight in the war? Why did they lie?” Lana asks furrowing her brows. She looks so intense, but not necessarily worried. It’s as if something just clicked for her.

“I don’t know, but we should leave. We shouldn’t have seen this anyway.”

I get up to go but Lana pulls me back down. “We can’t go yet…let’s try to get closer to see inside the temple.”

“No! I’m done!” I shout, instantly feeling my stupidity wash over me.Two guards look back in our direction.

“Gods! They heard us. Shit, way to go Ellie.” We race back towards the Central District.

“We’re never going to make it,” I say, running out of breath.Lana gives me a smile and takes my hand to run faster. “Just keep up, I prepared for this.”

She prepared? We ran just a few minutes deeper into the woods, away from the Central District. We reach an old building that looks to be an old hospital from the times before, The Old World. We go inside and I can see words that say Redwood General Hospital. There are three double doors, each leading to pitch black hallways.

“How did you know about this? It’s so dark and I-”

“That’s kind of the point. We don’t want to get caught,” she says.

I always hated how she ignored my questions. I frown at her, but I doubt she can see it. We make our way behind a reception desk and crouch down. We stayed quiet, listening out for footsteps for what felt like hours but was probably only 10 minutes. Lana breaks the silence. “I think we’re good. I wanna show you something,” Lana’s hand tightens around mine.

“What is it?” I ask, as she guides me down one of those creepy hallways.

“So, remember that dream I told you about? The one with the creepy barn owl?”

“Yeah.” I say, only half listening, as I begin focusing on what’s around me. The light from the night sky illuminates the rooms on the left side of the hospital in a veil of blue light. I see beds and tables that haven’t been touched in over a century and what appears to be what I think are called TVs, from the Old World. They got rid of them after the third war. Everything looks neat, as if it had only been shut down yesterday. We reach a room at the end of the hallway.

“Promise you won’t freak out on me.” I give her a side eye, forgetting that she can’t see me. “No promises.”

“Okay, fair. So, I went to the border and I met some people.”

“What?! What people? I can’t believe y-”

“I had to, I just couldn’t get it out of my head. It felt so real, and something told me to try and find an answer.”

Lana had a dream about her being at the border between the Northern District and the Death Lands, where people who don't follow the rules are sent. A barn owl flew from the Death Lands and screamed at her. Her eyes followed the owl as it flew behind her. When she looked back towards the district, it’s covered in a mixture of blood and ash.

“I can’t believe you went to the border,” I say this as I watch her rummage through a cabinet in the room. She pulls out a lantern and lights it. The room becomes enveloped in a soft yellow light. She then pulls out a map that shows a layout of our territory.

“I know, I know, but there was nothing to be afraid of. There were no signs of any enemies or signs of people who've been sent to the Death Lands. I think the owl in my dream was telling me that our territory isn’t going to last much longer. After tonight, I really do believe it was a sign that we need to leave.”

“You want to leave because of a weird dream? And where would you even go?” I didn’t mean to sound so condescending, but leaving means breaking the rules. I don’t understand why she’d want to risk her life like this. Why would she risk my life by telling me? Lana stayed silent for a few moments before interrupting my spiral of perplexity.

She looks at me with the same intensity she had at the Davanje. “You saw the Davalac tonight, something is off. You and I both know Alex should not have been there or that little girl. I really thought that if tonight’s ceremony was normal, I could forget about my dream.”

I don’t know what to say to her. Leaving is risky, and the only way out is by the sea or up north through the Death Lands. We would have to risk running into the northern armies through desolate lands or leave through the Southern District which is riddled with the sick. Even if we make it past the sea, what’s out there?

“Even so Lana, things in our districts aren’t bad. And it’s a great honor to be chosen, maybe Alex and that little girl are really special,” I say, trying to convince myself more than her.

“Ellie, there is so much more I want to tell you. I know that even having this conversation is dangerous, but I promise that I am telling you for a good reason. We need to leave this place.” There was a hint of desperation in her voice as she said this to me.The glow of the lantern reflecting in her brown eyes intensified her stare, and almost compelled me into compliance.

“I can’t do this, can we go back please?” Not really asking, as I look away from her eyes. She sighs and agrees, sounding defeated. It pains me to disappoint her.

II

It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve seen Lana. She would usually drop by every afternoon to bring me madeleines from her boarding school. She doesn’t live that far into the nearby district. Maybe I should go see her? What could I even say? I haven’t changed my mind, but I don’t want to not see her. I’m afraid that I will naturally try to convince her that she’s crazy and that she should stay. Or am I afraid that she will convince me to go? I toss the idea of going to visit back and forth. Before I know it, my feet are already moving.

As I’m walking through my district, the usual liveliness feels absent. Everyone seems off as if they are moving without purpose. I see Alex’s parents looking at flowers at Mrs. Hall’s boutique.

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Hayes,” I say.

“Oh, hello Ellie,” Mr. Hayes replied while Mrs. Hayes gave me a painted smile.

“How’s Alex?” I couldn’t stop the question from coming out. Mrs. Hayes grimaced as she turned to look at the flowers.

“He’s fine, we received a letter this morning. I’m sure he’ll write to you soon. We sent him some of those madeleines you guys love so much.” Although he tried to hide it, I could tell Mr. Hayes was feigning his airiness.

“I know-,” I cleared my throat stopping myself from saying something very stupid. “I know he loves the chocolate dipped ones. I can get some extra from Lana.”

“That’d be great. I hear the best madeleines are in the Western District. Are you headed there now? ” Mr. Hayes asks.

I nod, “Yeah, I should get going. I-I’ll see you later!” The Hayes’ give me a forced smile and I continue on my way to Lana’s boarding school.

I pass by a few more shops that are usually filled with people, but now empty. I reach the Central District where a bronze statue of the first Davalac stands. I never paid much attention to it, but today I feel its presence. The soulless eyes of the woman holding The Great Book watches over me filling me with uneasiness. The empty smile on the woman’s face reminds me of the emptiness behind the Hayes’ smiles. I stand and stare at it for a while before moving on.

I’ve made the journey to Lana’s district only a few times. She would usually come to me, or we would meet in the Central District, sometimes with Alex tagging along with me. To travel to other districts, you have to pass through the Central District. The Central District connects four others: Northern, Eastern, Western, and Southern. The outline of our territory is built like a compass protected by large stone walls. Here in the Central District, there is a hospital where all the babies are born and marked. The Great Church is here as well, along with trading shops. Each district has special crafts and equipment that can be traded. The tip of the Northern District is where the temples are, and beyond that is the border to the Death Lands. Everyone is allowed to pass through the north, east, and west freely minding the curfew. The Southern District is where we send the sick to get treated for diseases. However, it is rare for someone to come back because there aren’t cures for many of the diseases that plague our territory. My dad was sent there not long after my mom died. I never heard anything about him surviving his disease.

The Western District looks very similar to mine, but with newer looking buildings. The houses here are bigger too. I always pretend that I am visiting a different country or territory when I come here. I can see the entrance to Lana’s dormitory ahead of me, and before I take another step, I hear her voice.

“Ellie?” she calls out.

“Hey, I haven’t heard from you. Are you...” I trail off, too afraid to ask her if she’s still planning on leaving. She pulls me into a hug and whispers in my ear, “Come with me.”

She grabs my hand and I follow her to the old library behind her school. It’s a white building with a couple of columns that have been taken over by English ivy. It adds a fantastical element to it. I’ve always wanted to go inside, but Lana said that it was closed off because of the flooding that destroyed the structure.

“Are we going inside?” I ask a little too excitedly.

“Yeah, but we’re going inside the basement,” she replied, giving me a smirk.

I gave her an exaggerated frown and she laughed. It feels like nothing has changed between us, like that night never happened. Good.

We go down into the side basement of the building, and it’s dark and creepy reminding me of that hospital. It’s like the universe wanted to mock me and remind me that that night did in fact happen. An overwhelming sense of dread begins to take over me. Lana turns on the light and I see an old wobbly looking brown table littered with documents and pictures of people. In the corner it looks like there are sleeping bags and backpacks filled with supplies. Is she really leaving?

“Okay, so I know that I overwhelmed you the night of Davanje. But since you came to find me, I guess you’re willing to hear me out?” Lana gives me a half smile.

I hesitate but nod my head yes. Why am I like this?

“That night when I went to the border, I met a few people there. They were scouting out the Death Lands.”

“Scouting them for what?” I ask

“To see if it’s possible to get through the land safely.”

“Of course, it’s not, there’s a war.”

“Yeah, maybe there’s a war. Either way-”

I cut her off. “What do you mean maybe?”

“Look, there is a lot that I can’t explain without you questioning me every second. Just take these.” Lana hands me some of the documents on the table. I took them from her and started reading.

“BARTER AGREEMENT

This Agreement is made effective as of June 16, 2182, for good and valuable consideration by and between Territory One (the “Offeror”) and Territory Two (the “Offeree”) who jointly agree to be bound by the following terms and conditions when bartering goods and/or services as outlined below (the “Bartered Goods”).

Offeror offers the following goods for barter: 10 Davalac (included are 2 fertile women, 3 fertile males, and 1 child per request), 20 Fighters for the Northern Army

In exchange, Offeree offers the following goods for barter: 20 Gallons of oil, 2 Crates of prophylactic drugs, 6 Cows, 100 Apple seeds.

The delivery or exchange of the Bartered Goods is to be made on or before June 23, 2182.”

I felt myself losing balance, and knots in my stomach. I couldn’t bear to continue reading. I looked up at Lana, tears welling up and I went to speak, but I couldn't. She tried to comfort me, and in a soft voice said, “I know, I know,” as she hugged me. We sat there for a while as I stared at a decade’s worth of documents with similar titles. There are documents with detailed profiles on people from the districts. Even people from my district that weren’t officially marked as a Davalac. Looking at the pictures more closely, I see some with people who are being experimented on and pictures of the ceremonies. There is even one capturing a smiling chef next to a small human leg on a cutting board with tomatoes.

I don’t know how long we were sitting there in silence before Lana said, “I’m sorry to throw this at you, I didn’t believe it at first either. But I need you to know that I never planned on leaving here without you.” She grabs my face and continues, “We will make it out of here, I promise! Me and the others have a plan to leave by the sea beyond the Southern District.” It was getting close to curfew, so Lana sent me home to get prepared to leave two days from now. I feel like I’m spiraling but I need to keep it together as I walk home.

III

“Ahem. Ahem. HACK. Cough, cough. Don’t worry I’m not contagious,” a large but frail looking man says to me. I can’t help my expression though.

“It’s emph- cough, emph- cough, fuck, it’s uh emphysema” he says to reassure me. It made me feel bad though. It’s hard to feel comfortable being a healthy person among the sick.

Lana and I made it through the Southern gates with forged medical papers and fake ids that added a few years to our age. No one would question why two young women would want to go inside the Southern District and risk getting sick or risk not getting back out. The rest of the group left in intervals over the last few weeks and have set up a shelter close to the end of the district.

“How much further?” asks Lana.The man just points to an old church. As we walk through, we see steel workers, farmers, and women dressed provocatively. They all look worn and dirty, but not necessarily sick. I hold tightly onto Lana’s hand, and she gives me a ‘it’s going to be okay’ look. It almost looked convincing, but I could tell she was feeling nervous too. It’s comforting to know that even the fearless Lana is human sometimes.

We finally reach the church where the rest of the group we’re escaping with are. The windows of the church are boarded, and the entrance is just a tarp pinned down with rocks. We go inside and walk by six rows of blue pews and a giant cross with a man on it. There are also books with crosses on them that are titled The Holy Bible. At the back of the church, above a stage, there is giant stained glass with a woman on it. Her presence is different from that of the First Davalac statue, it feels warmer. The large frail man leaves without saying a word. I hear him coughing as he walks away, and I shout out “thank you” to him. He tosses me a quick wave, and another man comes out to greet us.

“Hello, I’m Adam,” he extends his hand towards me.

I shake it, and shyly say “Hi, I’m Ellie.” Adam is tall with a muscular build. He has almond toned skin and curly hair. I’ve never seen anyone like him before.

“Are we all set to leave tomorrow?” Lana asks him.

“Yeah, we’re on schedule for tomorrow night. We just need to blend in and not raise suspicion,” his voice is very cool and calm. Am I in love? I quickly shake the idea because it’s an insane thought to have about someone I’ve just met. Lana furrows her brows at me, and I realize that I physically shook the idea away. Feeling embarrassed, I hurriedly asked “Where is the rest of the group?”

Adam gestures toward a room on the left behind the stage, and begins leading us to it. Lana nudges me and mouths “Hi, I’m Ellie” exaggerating the doe eyed look that I gave Adam. Gods, was I that obvious?

We walked into the room where there were seven others of various ages. Most look to be close to our age, but there are a couple who are much older.

“This is Tonya, Mabel, William, Armand, Dex, Louis, and Ara,” Adam says.

He continues, “Guys this is Ellie, a friend of Lana’s.” They all greet me in unison.

“Hello, uh thank you for allowing me to come.” I say, feeling pressured to say more than just ‘hello.’ Dex scoffs and fiddles with his pocket knife.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just on edge about us getting over the wall. He doesn’t think us women have the strength to make it over, even though I’ve dominated him in just about every sport,” says Ara. She’s gorgeous with green eyes and long black hair. Her voice is throaty, and she’s dressed in baggy pants and a tight tank top. She’s more intimidating than Dex.

“Shut up, Ara. We’re all on edge about getting over the wall.” Dex looks at me “Look, I may seem like an asshole, but I’m not. I just don’t do well with strangers. I’m still getting used to Lana.” Lana nods at me concurring with Dex's comment.

Adam cuts through the awkwardness and begins going over the plan. "Tomorrow we will spend the day working on the farms taking care of weeds, then after the curfew call, we will wait an hour and start scaling the wall. There will be two men on the opposite side to help and guide us to the boat."

"Is it really true that they are sustainable on their own using technology from the Old World? I wonder why it's banned here?" asked Ara.

"Well everyone voted to use it. There, they have a central government instead of a religion ruling their territory. They call their island the Free Territory, and they don't have rules like they have here," Adam replies. You can hear the enthusiasm in his voice.

I can't imagine having a say in everything that happens to you. Our territory is simple. At birth, if you are not marked, you are sent to live with your family. We are required to go to church every Sunday evening, and you are assigned a job based on the skills you show in school. After you graduate, you are sent to a district where those skills are needed. There are exceptions depending on the job you are assigned, where you can choose your district. Then, you are provided with single housing and given a bigger house once you are married and have your first child. Obey the Three Great Rules and you won’t be punished:

1) You must not question The Great Book

2) Obey the 10:00pm curfew

3) Honor the Davalac.

The third rule is the most important. The more Davalac chosen by the Great Gods, the more our territory will prosper, and that has held true. I just wish it was true that their only sacrifice was praying. I still feel sick knowing that we celebrated people’s deaths or worse.

IV

“Fuck this, I don’t get why we couldn’t just stay inside the church,” Dex says.

“Don’t be such a baby,” laughs Ara. Dex smiles slightly but returns to a scowl as he pulls out more weeds. We’ve been working since around 5am this morning, and we are long overdue for a break. I don’t understand how they can make sick people work like this.

I pulled hard on some weeds and fell back into a woman behind me. “I’m so sorry!” I shout. The woman awkwardly smiles at me and says, “It’s okay,” and turns around to continue working. She doesn’t look weak, but she looks timorous. She’s pulling the weeds out very carefully and putting them in a neat pile. “What’s your name?” I ask. She looks at me shyly, “Melissa.”

“My name-” I begin to tell her, when I hear a man on a microphone in the distance tell us it’s time for a break. Everyone immediately drops what they are doing and starts walking towards the mess hall.

I'm given stale bread and cold tomato soup. I spot Melissa in a corner by herself, so I walk over to her. Lana mouths at me from across the room “What are you doing?” I hold up a finger mouthing, “Give me a minute.” I can feel that Dex is frowning at me without even looking.

“Hey Melissa, I’m Ellie.”

“Hi Ellie,” she says somewhat coldly, but smiling at me.

“So, how long have you been sick?”

She looks at me confused and says, “I’m not sick. Am I?”

“Oh, uh well what district did you come from?”

“District? I am from here. We are all from here. You are from here.”

“No, I am from the Eastern District.”

“You weren’t born here? What’s an Eastern District?” I can see her visibly getting upset.

“Oh, uhm never mind. Y-You’re right I am from here,” I say and quickly get up to go back to the others.

“What were you doing?” Lana asks. “Uh, just talking to the lady over there. I don’t think she came from the other districts,” I say, still processing the conversation. Adam clears his throat and whispers to me.

“Not everyone in this district is sick, and the further you get into the district the less people seem to know about the rest of the territory. They are born and raised here with limited information.”

“They’re like farm animals,” William chimes in with a husky voice. He’s the oldest one in the group. He hasn’t spoken much but I can tell he has plenty to say. I think he’s the one who got all the documents.

“We’re so close to leaving, we can’t raise any suspicions, so don’t talk to anyone else,” Adam says. I feel my face flush red, as I realize how stupid it was of me to ask questions and jeopardize the escape. I feel so guilty looking at these people. I know that it’s not my fault that things are this way, but no one deserves this. I’ve lived off the fruit of their labor and here I am leaving them behind. Escaping without any consequences. Why should I get to go on to live a better life when there are people who deserve it more than me?

We finish out the day and get prepared to leave. “I’ve got word on the radio from the Free Territory that they are here. I think we should leave a little early. Something in my gut is telling me we shouldn’t wait the full hour,” Adam tells us.

William agrees but a few others including Lana protest. I don’t say anything because I am feeling anxious about it either way. But I don’t know if this anxiety is stemming from not wanting to get caught or from guilt. After some debating Adam manages to convince everyone that we should leave early. We grab our things and meet with the same man that brought Lana and I to the church.

“Are you coming with us?” I ask him.

Fighting a cough, he replies “No.”

“Why not?” I feel like an annoying child.

He looks at me curiously and responds after a coughing fit. “Because I have work to do here, I’m with The Uprising.”

The Uprising? “Are you helping the people here?” He only nods, trying not to cough anymore. Lana shoots me a sharp look so that I stop asking him questions because he’s suffering with each word he speaks.

Once we make it to the wall, Adam and William start helping the others scale it starting with the smallest girl. I turn to Lana and say, “I’m not going.”

“What?! Why?!”

“I want to stay here and join The Uprising.”

“That’s crazy, Ellie. You can’t just-”

“I don’t feel right leaving, I want to stay and help these people. We can’t continue to allow more to be sacrificed. I can’t allow it. I’ve been so blind, no… I’ve been unwilling to see the flaws in our territory.” For the first time, Lana is speechless. Her brown eyes, usually filled with intensity and purpose, are now filled with tears and the look of defeat.

“Pl-Please don’t do this, I need you,” she pleads.

“I love you, and I need you to know that I never intended to leave you. I just can’t go with you, but I promise to make this place free. We will see each other again.”

“Hey! What’s going on over there?” Someone shouts in the distance.

“We’ve gotta hurry! C’mon!” Adams shouts at us.

The large man looks back at me, his eyes asking me if I’m coming. I push Lana into Adam’s arms and I run with the man to distract the person coming our way.

I hear Lana shout with a quavering voice, “Don’t break your promise!”