Wings and Things

Did you know that in a witch's spell eye of newt actually means mustard seed? The number of genuinely horrific-sounding things that go into potions that are just obscure references to plants is shocking. So, when the boss said she needed a chameleon’s tail, I was not expecting it would involve an actual chameleon. Spoiler alert. It did.

Let me welcome you to Wings and Things. I know it sounds like the name of a sports bar. Still, it is the premier gym specifically for anything and everything that isn’t human. A place for those with wings and other things to come and work out in a safe space where they can be themselves without fear of judgment or capture by scientists for experimentation. It has also been fitted with state-of-the-art equipment for all your workout needs. We are currently in the weight room, which, as you will notice, looks a bit like a construction site. Let me briefly explain why before we start the official tour.

First, let me introduce myself. My name is Shelly Wormwood, and I am the night manager here at Wings and Things. Because, of course, we are open 24/7 to accommodate those with a more nocturnal schedule. I also assist the owner in completing more magical tasks than making schedules and monitoring trainees. The one and only Darla Devereaux D’leau-Martinelli the Third, is the most powerful spell caster in the country, possibly the world. She is in exceedingly high demand. As such, she doesn't have time to run errands, but that's what I'm here for! Well, the day manager and me.

Yesterday she asked the day manager to fetch her a chameleon tail; he caught a chameleon and brought it back to the gym only to leave it on the front desk unattended! Of course, it escaped. It went skittering its way into the weight room like it knew a witch was after its tail.

Our weight room here at Wings and Things is one of the things that makes our gym so special beyond just our distinctive clientele. It has been uniquely customized to accommodate any possible needs of our guests. We have itty bitty weights for our faerie folk to gargantuan weights for our more draconically inclined. The weights also come in varied materials, so guests with an aversion to silver or a particular fondness for gold can choose the weight set that suits them best. We’re all about ensuring the best possible experience for our members.

Therefore, the first thing I did after checking in at the start of my shift was go into the weight room to track down the non-member currently hiding in our facility. However, as it so happens, chameleons are much faster than I expected. As a werewolf, I have a keen nose that helped me quickly sniff out its hiding spot amongst a collection of iridium barbells, one of our heaviest sets going up to 420lbs per barbell. As soon as I spotted it ever so slowly creeping along one of the bars, I reached out to snatch it. As soon as I felt the little scales under my fingertips, I felt it dash away in a flailing run over to the next set of equipment, the Power Tower. I cannot say enough good things about the Power Tower. It is versatile and can fit nicely into any workout. It also makes an excellent hiding spot for a small lizard.

It is also easy to use once you get the hang of it. If you have questions on how to use the equipment or improve your workout, I can direct you to one of our fabulous trainers. As it so happens, the Power Tower that I scaled in my efforts to capture the escapee was for our small-to-mid-level creatures: goblins, leprechauns, and the like. So, it was unsuitable for an adult werewolf to clamber over it in haste. Which caused the Tower to teeter and eventually fall back into the mirror, causing the glass to shatter into thousands of tiny, dull pieces. Which is another safety feature here at Wings and Things. A successful one at that as no one and nothing was injured in the scuffle or ensuing cleanup. The falling equipment did send the chameleon flying across the room. Still, if the wink it seemed to send me as I was falling in a less graceful arc to the ground was any indication, it was perfectly fine.

We are all about safety here. So, alongside all the equipment, you will find a diagram explaining its use and descriptions in various languages, including but not limited to French, Spanish, Orc, and Mandarin. You can also find the height and weight minimums and maximums alongside the species list. This list details which species should avoid the equipment for their safety unless they have had proper training. Should anything happen, we have an excellent safety and cleanup team to put everything right again.

This is why the weight room is currently closed for repairs. Continuing with the tour, I would like to proceed to our world-class indoor swimming pool, the deepest in the world. Please note that we require you to shower before entering; otherwise, our resident Kraken and official lifeguard will remove you.

Please follow me right down these stairs and remember there is no photography allowed on this tour. If you have questions at any time, I will be happy to answer them for you. And if you do happen to see the chameleon during your time here, please let us know.