Why

Lost in thoughts, Sage stared at the dark sky above her. Above the little barn that she leaned onto, using it as a shelter from the cold wind at night. Her hand was wrapped tightly around her water bottle, like holding onto it gave her some form of security. The only thing she had taken with her from her old life. The bottle had been empty since this afternoon, but Sage was too afraid to look for a stream in the darkness, where she could have filled it up. So she needed to make it through the night without any water, even though her moth was already dry and her throat was sticky. That feeling once used to freak her out, but now she didn't even care anymore.

A whole week had passed since it had happened. A whole week where every second had only been about once question: why? Sage's mom couldn't get rid of that question either, and Sage knew that she made it even harder for her by running away from home. But she just hadn't been able to bear it any longer. The crying, the screaming, the uncertainty. Sage had known that she had to leave, even though it was gonna break her heart another time. And she knew that she couldn't come back home before she would know the answer to the question: why?

The next morning, Sage woke up from the sun shining brightly in her face. Her mouth was tasting bitter, but that had been the case for so long now that Sage didn't even notice it any longer. Her gaze was wandering from the sky to her hand, that was still wrapped around the water bottle. Her throat was even stickier than last night now. She knew she had to get new water, so she straightened up, and her bones felt like she had aged twenty years over night. She was 22 years old, but in front of the old barn, she felt like over 40. A barn, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. In a small town near Atlanta called Senoia, so insignificant that Sage had never heard of it before even though she had spent her whole life it Atlanta. But since a week, since the day her dad hadn't come home again, that town suddenly played a huge role in Sage's life. Here was where it had happened, but no one knew why, or what “it” even was precisely. He had been found somewhere on a field, motionless, with a wound on his forehead that must have come from something sharp. There wasn't more information than that. No witnesses, no suspects. Nothing. Sage's father didn't have any enemies. Sage didn't even know why he had been here on that day after work, and she had no idea who had done this to her father. Why?

After a walk that felt like ages, Sage heard a quiet rustling in the distance. She stopped and listened. It came from her right. So she turned and kept walking, growing more and more certain that she rustling must come from a creek. With her last ounce of strength she dragged herself towards the source and held her old plastic bottle into the stream. The water wasn't completely clear, but that didn't matter now.

“Don't flinch!”, a voice suddenly called from behind her, and Sage flinched hard. Out of shock she almost fell inside the creek, but she managed to balance it out in the last second. Then she slowly turned around, looking streight into the grinning face of a boy about her age.

“What the hell?”, she called out angrily.

“I said 'don't flinch'”, he said, like it was her fault that she almost fell inside the river and not his. He still wasn't able to hide his grin from her. Sage snorted and then turned back around, refilling her bottle another time after almost all the water had been spilled as she had flinched. He said nothing as she did so, but Sage could feel that he was still behind her. So she turned around again, and he stood there exactly like before.

“I'm Tate”, he said, like he had been waiting all this time to introduce himself to her.

“Okay”, she just said, not interested in telling her name to this annoying stranger. He didn't ask. Instead he slowly sat down on the ground, so that now they were eye to eye. Without taking his eyes off her he reached inside his backpack and pulled out a metal lunch box. The smell of butter and salami reached Sage's nose. She hadn't known you could smell a sandwich from so far away. It was probably only due to how hungry she was. Her own food supplies had been exhausted since the last morning. For more than 24 hours, she had consumed nothing but water. And so she couldn't help but permanently stare at the sandwich Tate now started to eat in front of her.

“Want one?”, he asked as he noticed. Sage could only nod slightly, then lowered her head to the ground in shame. She wasn't used to being that dependent on other people, and she didn't like it at all. Especially not if those people were as gleeful as Tate.

“Oh, I... I don't have another one”, he said now. He did sound sheepish, but still Sage couldn't help but think that he did all this on purpose. That he was just trying to provoke her. So she just rolled her eyes at him and then turned back to her water bottle, turning the lid to close it like in slow motion so she seemed busy for as long as possible.

“On my way here I passed a Greek restaurant”, Tate told her. “Food's on me.” His voice was full of hope. Sage didn't want to come with him, but she didn't really have a choice. Apart from a few dollars, she had spent all her money on the fruit and dry bread that had been her complete diet had consisted of until the last morning. She had known it wouldn't last long, but she hadn't had more money when she left, and of course she couldn't have asked her mother for more money. That would have been way too suspicious.

“Okay”, she therefore agreed to his offer, and as a reaction, he turned around and determinedly started to walk across the wide field in front of them. Sage had to hurry to catch up with him, reluctantly following the mysterious boy. She could have caught up completely, but instead she kept a little distance, watching his pace that almost seemed like an escape. And yet he had approached her, not the other way around. What did that mean? Why was Tate here? There it was again, that 'why' that seemed to follow Sage everywhere she went. But somehow, it feet good to ask herself that question concerning someone other than her father for once. For a change, this was a why with a much less painful answer to it, which was oddly relieving.

“That's mine”, Tate announced as he stopped after about twenty minutes of walking. They were staring at an old, silver bike that looked like it was about to break into pieces every moment.

“This one?”, Sage asked doubtfully. “From where did you come here with that?”

“Jackson”, he said casually.

“Jackson?!”, she repeated. “Isn't that like 40 miles?”

This time it was Tate who didn't answer. He just got on his bike and waited. “You need an invitation for everything?”, he asked, and Sage flinched again, but only inwardly this time. She didn't like him that much, but still she already felt so dependent on him. Not only because he was promising her something warm to eat but also because he was her only chance for human interaction. So finally she climbed onto his carrier and held onto his body as he started driving the bike down the road.

It felt weird being so close to a stranger, but she wasn't scared of him at all. The pain inside of her made her feel indifferent to everything. She wouldn't care if he was gonna rape her, at least not for the moment. It would definetely be painful, but it would also distract her from the other pain she was feeling. A nice imagination. Maybe Sage even wanted him to rape her. Even if he killed her she wouldn't really care. If only because of her mother. She didn't really know what she wanted, but she didn't care about anything. She only had physical needs, and she strongest one of those was her hunger. And Tate was willing to buy her food. It was everything that counted at this moment.

It already started to dim while they drove along the road on the rickety bike, even though she had only gotten up about an hour ago. She would have thought it was still early in the morning. Sage hadn't brought her phone with her as she didn't want to receive any worried texts from her mom, that might have been able to convince her of coming home again.

At some point, Sage spotted some glowing letters in the distance. A few seconds later, she could read the word “ykonos.” The letter M was no longer glowing.

As they arrived at the restaurant, Tate put his bike in a bike rack. There wasn't any bike in it, too. They entered the restaurant. The owner was fat and had a huge white beard. He looked like the most stereotypical Greek Sage could imagine. Therefore she expected him to speak with a strong Greek accent, but instead his accent was southern. Tate needed to laugh due to this. Sage didn't laugh.

The man put a menu on the table and Sage opened it immediately. There were pictures of the food inside. All the dishes were with meat. Sage was normally a vegetarian, but right now, she wanted nothing more than to bite in a solid chunk of meat. She ordered a huge Gyro plate, while Tate ordered the most expensive dish on the menu. It was almost 30 dollars, in a restaurant that had no other guests than these two. Sage asked herself why Tate would go to this insignificant small town with his old bike just to buy some random strange girl food in a shabby restaurant, while he obviously had enough money to invite her and afford the most expensive dish on the menu. It just didn't add up. But she didn't ask him. She kinda liked that there were more and more whys popping up inside of her head, making her forget about her father at least for a few seconds. But she wouldn't forget why she was hear. Right after dinner she would keep searching.

The meat was pleasantly warm and tasted soft and juicy. Not even a week ago, Sage felt sick only from the imagination of eating a dead animal. But a dead father made a dead animal seem relatively insignificant. She cleared her whole plate, even licked the sauce from her spoon. She didn't care that Tate side-eyed her with a slight grin while she did so.

“You want something else?”, he asked her with that glee still quietly audible in his voice. She thought of saying yes for a few seconds but then decided against it.

“You already did enough, but thanks”, she said and stood up. She was just about to leave as he called after her in an outraged tone.

“Hey!”, he said, sounding almost angry. She stopped at turned to him again. “Since I'm buying, you could at least wait with me until I've payed”, he stated determinedly. Sage didn't want to wait with him, but she knew he was right. So she sat back down and kept staring at the wall behind him. They weren't talking a word. They weren't talking while he payed, weren't talking while they left the restaurant together, weren't talking as Sage watched how Tate unsuccessfully tried to free his bike from the bike rack. Only as he had finally managed and stood in front of her with his hands on the handlebars, Sage broke the silence again.

“I have to go”, she said, an obvious sign she wanted to get rid of him. But either he didn't get it, or he just didn't care.

“Where?”, he asked, and his provocative tone told Sage that it was probably the second.

“It's none of your business”, she said.

Tate just shrugged. “If you say so.” He pretended he wouldn't care what she was up to, but they both knew it wasn't true. And, once again, Sage asked herself why. She let it happen as he followed her back the same way they had come, but she didn't look at him. She only looked at the endless-seeming road in front of them.

“You have some kind of destination?”, Tate wanted to know. No, she didn't. But she didn't tell him that. He understood anyways.

“Me neither”, he said without her asking.

“Why are you here?”, Sage said. Her gaze was still directed at the road, but she could hear him grinning as he answered.

“So you're allowed to have a secret but I'm not?”, he asked. She didn't say anything. “I tell you if you tell me.” Tate sounded like a five year old child. Why should she tell him about her father? She just wanted to keep walking, long enough so that he would finally get sick of this stupid game and leave her alone. Then she could finally keep searching on her own. But he was right: she didn't know where to go. Everything she knew was that he had been fond on some field. There were a lot of fields around here. And they all looked the same. She knew this search could take ages, but she didn't care about that. In reality, it took only minutes.

“You heard about that man who died here recently?”, they heard a female voice in the distance. Sage stopped like frozen, and she heard how behind her, Tate did the same. He didn't say anything. They both listened to the talk that while they slowly approached the back yard the voices were coming from.

“Yeah, it's terrible!”, another female voice said. “I can't harvest some corn anymore without thinking about it.” Both women must have been around 40. As they came closer, Sage could see them sitting in their back yard at a cute stone table, a drink in their hands. They pretended to be so touched by what had happened, but a few seconds later they were laughing again as one woman talked about something funny her son had done in kindergarten the other day. Sage hated them. She hated everything about them, and yet she kept approaching them.

“Excuse me”, she said. “Did you just talk about a man who died?”

The women both seemed alarmed as they looked at Sage. “Did you eavesdrop on us?”, one of them asked in outrage. She was probably trying to scare Sage away with her rude tone, but of course that didn't work.

“Can you tell me more about that?”, Sage asked, totally unsettled by their obvious aversion. Now both the women snorted contemptuously, and Sage thought they were being ridiculous.

“Please!”, she called, and finally, even those ignorant gossips seemed to get how serious this was.

“But... we can't do that!”, one of them said, more to herself than to Sage though. Within only a few seconds, she had gone from arrogant, outraged lady to subordinate, unsettled woman not being able to deal with a situation like this one. It felt oddly satisfying to have such a strong impact on those woman, Sage thought.

“Well...”, the other woman hesitantly started. “No one knows exactly what had happened. But he was found not far from here.”

“Can you tell me where exactly?”, Sage kept asking.

“Why do you want to know?”, the woman asked back.

“I think you already know that”, Sage said with a serious tone. It didn't matter that it was completely dark meanwhile; it still wasn't hard to tell how much the woman was blushing. All her initial contempt was like blown away. With a soft voice, she told Sage and Tate the way to the field it had apparently happened, and Tate didn't even think for a second before he wordlessly followed Sage to the place that had forever taken her father away from her.

As they arrived at the field, Sage laid down on the ground at starred into the starry sky. Tate did the same. If she weren't so sad, this moment could have been quite romantic, Sage thought.

“Your dad...”, Tate asked. Once again, it wasn't necessary for her to answer him. He knew the answer already.

For quite a while the two just laid there. Suddenly, she wanted to kiss him. She didn't even think about it before the turned to the side, and the next moment, she was on top of him. Her lips touched his, and for a short moment it felt great. She hadn't kissed someone in a while. But way too soon, she felt his hands against her shoulders, and then she was next to him again. She didn't say a word.

“I have a girlfriend”, he explained after a few moments of silence.

“Then why are you here?” He still didn't tell her.

“You said you'd tell me if I told you. You now know about my father, so you have to tell me, too.”

“Yes”, he agreed. “I did say I'd tell you if you told me. But you didn't tell me.”

“You serious?!” Sage was angry, but then she remembered again that he wasn't worth it. She didn't care about him, and if she didn't care about him, that also meant she wasn't supposed to be angry at him. And so she kept quiet, until she fell asleep due to all the stress.

When Sage woke up again, Tate was no longer there. She didn't even try to convince herself she wasn't feeling some sense of disappointment. If only she wouldn't have kissed him! She didn't know what has come over her. She paused for a moment. Her stomach was rumbling. She barely had money left, and besides that, there also wasn't a shop for miles around. And also the Greek restaurant seemed so far without Tate's bike. She could only think of one option.

A few seconds later, she rang the doorbell. “Smith”, it said above it. How meaningless. Couldn't she at least be named 'Miller' or 'Fitzgerald' or something? That would have been at least a little more individual. But why did she even care?

The woman didn't look surprised as she opened the door and spotted Sage. “What are you doing here?”, she wanted to know.

“Do you happen to have some breakfast for me?”, Sage asked. For a whole while, the two just looked at each other. Sage wouldn't have been surprised if the woman had sent her away again, but instead she turned around and left the door open for Sage to follow her inside. Sage entered hesitantly. Also in the daylight, the woman didn't look much older than 40, and yet her interior rather indicated she was over 70. There were old cuckoo clocks and embalmed animals, looking at Sage almost in a judgy way. She had never understood why some people would put dead animals on their walls. The floor was completely covered with carpets, and only as Sage noticed that she realized she hadn't even asked whether she should put off her shoes. But the woman didn't seem to mind.

“Do you want some coffee?”, she asked.

“Yeah, thanks”, Sage said. She hated coffee. Her father had always drunk it. Now, Sage wanted to like it, too. The cup the woman handed her a few seconds later was warm in her hand. The coffee tasted bitter, but Sage didn't mind. The bread with jam tasted even sweeter like that.

“I'm sorry about your dad”, the woman said into the silence. Sage only nodded while she secretly thought 'no, it doesn't.' Not really, at least. But maybe she was wrong. After all, the woman let her have breakfast at her house. Not everyone would have done that.

“What's your name?”, Sage asked.

“Edith”, she said.

“I'm Sage.” Only as she introduced herself to Edith, Sage realized that she had never told Tate her name. She hadn't done so on purpose, but now she kinda regretted it.

Suddenly, the door bell rang once again. For a brief moment a smile flashed on Edith's face, like she was tempted to make a joke about how much guests she had on a single moment but then stopped herself as she remembered how inappropriate that was due to the circumstances. Instead she just got up without any words, and Sage couldn't help but look after her. She either expected Edith's husband or the same woman from last night. Instead, it was Tate.

“Where have you been?”, Sage asked with surprise as he entered. Tate on the other hand didn't seemed surprised to see her at all. Did he know she didn't have any money?

“At the police station”, he said. Silence. “I was asking whether they knew something about your father.” Sage took a deep breath.

“Why are you doing this?”, she asked with a weak voice.

“I thought we agreed on you no longer asking me why I'm here”, Tate said.

“I don't remember agreeing to that”, she said with a serious tone, but she smiled slightly with it. Tate wasn't unsettled even slightly, which told Sage he had detected her small grin even though he barely knew her.

“I will not tell you”, he said, but he didn't grin as well.

“We'll see about that.” Now Sage grinned more obviously. It was the first time she was raising her mouth again since she had found out about her dad. Tate didn't answer while he sat down at the table across from her.

“Coffee?”, Edith asked.

“Yes, please.” She also put a plate with a jam bread in front of him, but he waved her off.

“Thanks, but I still have a sandwich”, he said and pulled out that same silver lunch box that he had when the two had first met. It smelled just like back then.

“Why did you tell me you didn't have one?”, Sage wanted to know. Considering that he had been lying to her, she sounded surprisingly indifferent. She wasn't hurt, she just wanted to know. She had no idea why that was.

“You wouldn't have come to the restaurant with me”, he said. And there it was again, that gleeful smirk. It drove her crazy. It was like he was playing her, even like he was flirting a little. But he had a girlfriend, and he had refused her kiss. So why did he do all that? He really was a mystery. And that wasn't a good think. Sage already had a misery to solve, but little by little, she started to get invested in the big mystery that Tate was, too. Sage was a bit afraid that he was distracting her from her father too much, but on the other hand he also was a huge help, and so she didn't really have any other choice than to trust him.

“So you found anything out?”, she asked him finally, noticing how it hadn't been him but her who had directed the topic away from her father. What was wrong with her?

“Not really”, he sad with a sad tone, and a crushing disappointment settled inside of Sage's body.

“They said they weren't allowed to tell me anything about the case and sent me away again.”

“So you just left?!” Sage couldn't even hide her outrage. Why did he put up with all that effort just to leave again so easily?

“Well... I had no choice”, Tate said defensively, but he was grinning once again, almost like it was his natural default. Sage wasn't gonna put up with that any longer! She wasn't gonna play his stupid games just so he could triumphantly provide her with the information she so desperately needed and look like a hero. Instead she just starred at him expectantly, so long until the stupid grin finally ran away from his face again.

“I might have stolen something”, he told her.

“You stole something from the police?!”

“Well, if they're too dump to solve the case themselves...” Sage saw how he tried hard not to grin. She wasn't happy about him still being amused, but after everything that he had done for her, she guessed he was allowed to triumph at least a little.

“What did you steal?” And just like that he stopped grinning again, and instead his expression changed into nervous now.

“I... I'm not sure if you wanna see that...”, she said sheepishly.

“What is it?” Her voice was strict and determent. For the first time since she had met him, Tate seemed unsettled.

“It's a picture of his... body.” It was visibly hard for him to say to word out loud. Sage only nodded. She didn't know whether she wanted to see that either. And she was scared that she had to.

“What's the use for us?”, she wanted to know. For us. She had unintentionally included Tate in the process of finding out about her father. It scared her a lot, but she couldn't concentrate on that right now.

“Do they know anything about the murder weapon?” And slowly, Sage started to understand.

“They only told us that it was something sharp.” Tate looked at her like he was saying 'you know what that means, right?' Not a long time ago, Sage thought that solving the mystery of her father was everything that she wanted. Now she wasn't so sure about that any longer. She felt sick as she realized over and over again that not even twenty-four hours ago Tate had been a complete stranger to her, and now he was holding a photograph of her dead father in his hands.

“How are we supposed to find out about the weapon if not even the police managed that?”, Sage asked. Tate hesitated before he answered her.

“You know...”, he said finally. “When I've been there, if didn't exactly seem like they were so commited in solving this case.” Sage didn't understand. Millions of thoughts were running through her head at the same time, and not a single one of them was bearable. How could the police not care about what had happened to her father? That was their job! That's what they were there for!

As Tate watched how Sage got more and more furious, he controlled his voice even more than before. His tone was almost robot-like as he told her: “If there are no enemies, no motive, and no other clues, then looking for an answer isn't really promising. I've heart about a racist attack somewhere around here that happened recently. No one died, but it's still in the news more than your father probably is. People are a lot more interested in that than in a case where the motive is unclear. I heart the police only talk about that when I've been there. It seems to be their priority right now.” His voice was so apologetic, like he was in any form guilty of this. Sage was furious, but not at him. Why would she be? She still didn't like him that much, but he was the best that could have happened to her. Despite them not knowing each other at all he had apparently decided to help her, and by now Sage was almost certain that he wasn't gonna leave her again until she would have her answer. He even commited a criminal offense just to support her, and he wasn't even asking for anything in return other than her allowing him to play with her a little.

For a while, the three kept sitting at the table without talking at all, setting the heavy reality of the situation sink in. Then finally, Sage nodded and reached her hand out to Tate. He carefully handed her the picture. His gaze was a mixture of compassion, fear and curiosity. She felt his eyes on her as she looked at the picture, and for a while she tried to concentrate on them to distract herself from the incredible pain. But of course it didn't work. There was her father on the picture, the man who had taken care of her for her whole life. A thousand memories rushed into her head as she saw him laying there, this small dent in his forehead almost looking like a threat to her. She didn't know how much time was passing while she was just looking at the picture. She couldn't stop. Not looking at him any longer was like letting him go, and she wasn't ready to do that.

It could have been seconds or hours until Edith carefully asked whether she could take a look at the picture as well. Sage hesitated.

“I'm a trauma surgeon”, Edith explained. “I know quite a lot about wounds. Perhaps I could see something helpful.” That was enough. Without hesitating any longer Sage handed her the picture and watched how Edith looked at it thoughtfully. She didn't like the fact that a strange woman saw something so intimate to her, but it was the same thing like with Tate, too: Sage couldn't allow herself not to like them. They were all the hope she still had left.

Edith's voice sounded promising as she said: “It's not pliers or a rake. The puncture looks so targeted, I'd almost say it was a dagger, or an arrow or something like that.” Sage raised her eyebrows. That didn't make any sense! But then suddenly, she remembered something. Jackson, a good friend of her father whom he knew from his work. Sage was pretty sure that her dad has once told her Jackson was in an archery club.”

“Do you have a phone?”, she excitedly asked Edith. Edith immediately handed over her cell. Sage knew the number of her father's office by heart. She hoped she'd never forget it now that she didn't need it any longer.

„Turner Consulting Management, Weinstein, what can I do for you?”

„Marry?“ Sage knew her father's co-workers very well. She had been at his office a lot when she were a little younger.

“Sage?”

“Yeah, hi.”

“Hi.” Sage hadn't known a single 'hi' could sound that sad. For a whole while the two kept silent from the different ends of the line.

“I have an unusual question”, Sage said finally.

“Go ahead.” Marry had always been especially nice to Sage, even when she had just been a little girl, and obviously, that hadn't changed after her father's death. Of course that made sense, but still, realizing that in some way her father was still in her life filled Sage with relief.

“Is Jackson there?”, Sage wanted to know.

“Jackson? I didn't even know you know him.”

'I don't', sage thought, but she didn't say that out loud. “Is he there?”

“No, he took a leave of absence for 3 weeks due to your father's death.”

Sage's heart started to beat a lot faster. Of course that hadn't had to mean something. They had been close friends. It had sense that Jackson didn't want to work while a close friend of his had just died. But Sage's gut feeling said something else.

“Can you give me his address?”

On the other end of the line, Marry sighed. “I don't know if I can do that, Sage”, she said with a sad tone.

“Please”, Sage begged. “It's really important.”

For a while Merry kept quiet, then finally, she gave in. “All right”, she said complacently.

“Its almost two hours from here with a car...”, Tate carefully nodded as the three sat in front of Edith's laptop, where they had looked up Jackson's address. “We can't go there by bike before staving to death.”

Another while of silence. Of course Sage had wondered if Edith might have a car right away. But she could ask her for that. She had already asked way too much. Tate, however, could. And when he asked, Sage was embarrassed anyway. Edith wasn't outraged by the question at all, but she seemed disappointed.

“No, I don't”, she said, and it felt like she had just broken the last hope Sage still had left into a million pieces like a icicle. Meanwhile, Tate searched his pockets for money.

“That won't be enough for a cab either”, he deducted. Sage couldn't help but wonder whether it would have been enough if he hadn't chosen that expensive dish at the restaurant last night. Asking Edith for money seemed to be too rude even for him, so it seemed completely hopeless, until at some point, Edith told them that she didn't have a car but a tractor. And little by little, the pieces of the icicle in Sage's heart melted to a solid object again.

“Can you drive a tractor?”, she asked Tate. Of course she knew how ridiculous that question was, but what else was she supposed to do.

“I can try”, he answered with a surprisingly casual shrug, and Sage wondered why in the world he was willing to basically risk his life to help her drive to Jackson's house. She decided rather not to question it. At the same time, her and Tate turned their gazes over to Edith.

“It's and old one”, she said. “My husband, who usually uses it, is on a business trip, so he won't need it for the next couple of days. I'm trusting you to be careful, and in case something might happen anyway I guess you've got insurance.”

“We do”, Tate said.

“I don't know what to say other than thank you”, Sage added sheepishly.

It was almost four as Sage sat down on the surprisingly high-located passenger's seat of the tractor. They both starred into the sky in front of them together, like they were getting ready for the upcoming adventure. Tate didn't have a phone either, and of course the tractor didn't have navigation. They had checked out the way on Edith's laptop earlier, and later they would need to ask people for the way. It was probably gonna talk ages until they'd reach Jackson's house, but obviously it was worth it for Sage. However, she still didn't understand why it was worth it for Tate, too. It was almost like he didn't care about anything as long as he didn't need to go home. But he had a girlfriend! Sage wanted to ask him what this was all about so badly, but she was too scared it was gonna upset him. She couldn't risk that. She was too dependent on his help.

Tate started the tractor. It was loud, and it smelled bad even though they had closed the windows exactly for that reason. They kept driving and driving until it was almost dark again. Sage was pretty sure they had gotten lost. The general direction seemed to be right, but it didn't feel like they were getting any closer to Jackson. Sage thought she would probably feel it once they'd gonna be in his area, but so far, she didn't feel anything other than tiredness, devastation and hunger.

“Shall we take a quick break?”, Tate asked. Sage didn't want to, but he was the driver. She didn't dare to deprive him of his break with everything that he was doing for her. Tate kept going until they reached a rest stop, where he bought a hot dog and a coke for both of them. Sage didn't tell him that she was actually a vegetarian. It still didn't matter. The got dog was tasty, and the coke was pleasantly sweet and cold.

Before they kept driving, Tate wanted to walk around a bit. Sage wondered whether he was trying to postpone their arrival because he didn't wanna be on his own again. It was a good feeling to imagine that while she needed him so badly, he needed her as well.

Sage started to shiver while they kept walking down the street they had just driven on, but she still liked that the coke was so cold. She wanted to sink deep into that coldness. Tate seemed to feel the seriousness she emitted. It wasn't unusual for them not to talk, and yet it felt different now. Tate knew what could happen once they'd arrive at Jackson's house, and Sage knew that he knew. It seemed so unfair that he knew so many personal details about her, while she still knew exactly as much as she had known when they first met. The only thing that he still didn't know was her name, and while that had made her sad back when she had thought she wasn't gonna see him again, now it was what she desperately held onto. Her name, the name her father had given her. At least she still had that for herself.

As they kept waking together in the almost dark, Sage wanted to know more than ever why Tate was still with her, but she didn't dare to ask him. The mood was so tense, she wouldn't be surprised if her asking him that would result in a fight.

At some point they passed a pasture where black and white spotted cows were grazing peacefully. Sages stopped and looked at them thoughtfully. They all looked so carefree. Why couldn't she just be one of them? One cow raised its head and stared at Sage.

“What are you looking at?”, she called angrily at the cow. That scared not only Tate but herself, as well. But she was so angry at the cow! It was just there, grazing like everyday, and it never would need to bear such pain like Sage had to. All those years as a vegetarian and activist for animal rights, and suddenly it filled Sage with glee to image how all those cows were probably gonna be slaughtered soon. It was at least one single thing that was better about her life than about theirs.

She kept staring the cow in anger as she realized in what kind of monster her father's death had turned her into.

“I hate you”, she told the cow. She thought she just look so stupid, but Tate didn't even grin despite that coming so naturally to him, like he could feel that this was a moment of strong emotions.

“Did you know you can knock them over when they're asleep?”, he asked her.

“That's just a myth for clichée road movies”, Sage said derogatorily.

“So you don't trust me?”, he asked in challenging tone. Sage said nothing. “When we'll be back in a few minutes it's going to be dark”, Tate said determinedly. “Then they're asleep, and I'll show you.”

A bit later they sat on a dirty rock and watched the sky gradually turning darker and darker. Meanwhile, Sage was totally freaked out by still not knowing why Tate was here with her.

“Why don't you wanna tell me why you're not at home?”, she asked him.

His answer was vague and shocking at the same time. “Because you'd hate me.” Sage thought he'd only be ashamed, and she got that, but why would she hate him? Why would she even care about why he thought he needed to run away from home just like her.

“You did so much for me”, he told him softly. “I don't think I could hate you.”

“Oh really?”, he called. He got loud now, almost as if she would have insulted him. “Then take this: My girlfriend is pregnant, okay? He were being safe, but she got pregnant anyway. We both never wanted to have kids, but as soon as she knew, she didn't think about losing the child only for a second. I just once carefully mentioned the possibility of abortion, and she got so angry that she threw a plate at me. I got really scared, and so I ran away.”

Tate had been right. Sage really hated him now, and they both knew why. Her father was dead, but Tate was alive. Sage knew how hard it was when a father was missing, at yet he accepted that his own child wasn't even gonna know how it's like to have a father. Without saying a word, Sage got up and walked back the exact same way that they had come. Tate walked after her, but not like he was trying to hold her back. He knew she couldn't go anywhere without him anyways. It was so terrible to need him especially now, while she hated him so much. But then there was this picture of her father's dead body, which was still so painfully present in her mind that Sage just had to push it away. And as long as she managed to do that, she could push away her anger at Tate as well. The only feeling she allowed herself to feel was the strong determination to find Jackson, no matter the cost.

As they reached the cows again, Sage stopped. She didn't really do it to see whether he was really gonna try to knock them over. She was just exhausted, and the wooden fence was perfect to lean on. She didn't expect Tate to actually enter the cows' pasture now just to prove a point. Not because of the cows. They didn't seem scary at all now that they were asleep. But she just couldn't imagine he was disrespectful enough to assume that simply by revisiting a funny moment from earlier, he was able to get rid of the heaviness that had weighed on the two of them since his confession. That she would just forget what he had told her due to him making her laugh. But as he did it anyway, Sage couldn't deny that him doing something so stupid was just the distraction that she needed. So she attentively watched as he slowly approached one of the sleeping cows and put both his hands at her side, hesitantly starting to push. While he did so he turned and grinned at her again, but it was different now. More careful somehow. Then he pushed faster, and the cow stumbled a little, but then it woke up before it had fallen completely. Sage watched as she raised her head at him like in slow motion, and how due to that he quickly started to run back to the fence. The cow angrily ran after him, catching up with him more and more. It was so close, and Sage's heart was beating fast as after all, she still didn't want Tate to get hurt.

As Tate reached the fence again he stretched out his hand to her, looking for help. It would have been so easy to just leave him to the cow. Sage was almost surprised as she took his head and teared him over the fence with all her power. The cow mooed angrily after them as they two started running down the street. Tate was laughing, and Sage couldn't help but laugh, too. She still hated Tate, but still, now he wasn't only responsible for her first smile after her father's death but for her first laugh, was well. That didn't mean nothing, and it never would.

“I was right”, Sage determined as they reached the tractor again. “It's not possible.”

“Okay, okay, you won”, Tate told her with a smirk. It was almost impress what kind of ease he still transmitted, even though she was the complete opposite of that. “But to be fair, I was right as well”, he added.

“How come?”, Sage asked with confusion.

“You do hate me.” And once again, she didn't say anything back. He really had been right about that.

It was almost midnight when they finally arrived at Jackson's address. A gas station owner had drawn the right way on a piece of paper for them.

Sage didn't hesitate to possibly tear Jackson from his sleep with her insistent ringing. But when he opened the door, he rather looked like he hadn't slept in days. That confirmed her terrible fear more than she could admit to herself.

“I wanna know what happened”, she said without greeting him first. It wasn't necessary to introduce herself. From the sad look in her eyes, Jackson knew exactly who she was even though he had last seen her as toddler.

“Sage”, he more whispered than said. Sage tried to ignore that Tate new her name now, and how scared that made her feel. “You wanna come in?”

“No?” How could he possibly think that she would want to come in? Have a little chat with him first or whatever he thought was gonna happen. But it turned out he didn't think so.

“I don't think I'd be able to tell you without sitting down”, Jackson said, and then Sage was sure that he had killed her father. It didn't matter that it had probably been an accident. Jackson was her father's murderer, and she was entering his house! She couldn't even understand how that felt wrong on so many levels. She grabbed Tate's hand while they all walked into his living room. It didn't matter that she hated him, and it didn't matter that he had a girlfriend... if that was even still the case. They both knew this moment had absolutely nothing to do with romance. It was just about survival. And Sage wasn't sure whether she could have survived this moment without Tate's presence. For a short moment she stopped hating him, just because if he hadn't been such a coward to leave his girlfriend alone, he wouldn't be with her now.

“You sure you wanna know?”, Jackson asked as he nervously sat on his couch, his fingers rapidly tapping up and down. Sage was across from him in an arm chair, and Tate stood next to her, still holding her had. All the three of them knew Jackson was only asking that question because he didn't want to tell her. But he didn't have a choice.

“We had a party at the office that day”, he started. “Our co-worker Timothy was retiring, so we were celebrating that, and I drank way too much. Your father offered to drive me home, even though it was the complete opposite direction. He wasn't completely sober himself, but he could still drive. But at some point he had to piss, so he stopped at that field, and while he was gone taking a piss, I opened my trunk out of boredom and spotted my old archery set. I was just playing around with it, pretending to shoot a dear or something, and when your father came back he laughed and said I should shoot at him. Of course I refused first, but he provoked me, telling me that of course he would evade, and I was a pussy if I didn't do it. And so I did.”

Sage didn't say anything. This story was just too stupid to be true. So her father was dead because he had challenged his stupid co-worker to shoot an arrow at him? How was she supposed to accept that as the reason for why she was never going to see him again?

“Why did you just leave him there?”, she asked with tears in her eyes. “Why didn't you go to the police?”

“Only one reason”, Jackson said without even thinking about it first. “Because I didn't want you to know.” Now, he was crying too.

“That's pathetic”, Sage said.

“I know.” Then they stood up and left his house without any further words.

Once hour had passed in which Sage and Tate hadn't been talking to each other once again. Sage hadn't even cried, but not because of his presence. Just because it was too bad to cry. Crying seemed too harmless, almost inappropriate.

“When I was little”, she said, “I always played with the boys in school rather than with the girls. At first that was cool, but at some point they started to exclude me. We always used to play soccer, but I was so much worse at it than them. They would laugh at me and shoot the balls at me intentionally hard so I got scared and evaded them. One day, I told my parents. I was crying, and my mom was so overwhelmed with the whole situation that she didn't know what to do. My father didn't say anything, so I used to think that he just didn't care. But then on the next day, he gave me a box with a bow wrapped around it. I opened the box, and it was ball. He taught me how to play soccer, so that the boys would no longer laugh at me. It worked, and so I started loving soccer. I always watched the games with him. It was our thing.”

With that last sentence, Sage couldn't hold back her tears any longer. And when she turned to the side, she saw how Tate was crying now, too.

“What will you do now?”, Tate wanted to know as they returned the tractor to Edith's house at about three in the morning. By now he felt like a really close friend to her, and yet Sage knew that she was never going to see him again.

“I'm going back home and tell my mom what happened”, she said. Only as she heard the words out loud, she realized how scared she was of that. “What about you?”, she asked, mainly to distract herself from her own thoughts. His answer didn't surprise her.

“I'm going back home to help my girlfriend with the baby.”

“Why?”, Sage wanted to know.” Even after she had found the answer to the biggest of all whys, that question still seemed to linger with her.

“Because I've realized how important fathers are”, he told her as she looked at her with a sad smile.

As Sage was lying in her bed at night, she didn't think of her father. She thought of Tate's kid. She didn't even know whether it was a boy or a girl, but that didn't matter. When she was younger, Sage used to think that everything happened for a reason. When she heard about her father's death, she thought that this was the stupidest thing she had ever been convinced of. Now she wasn't so sure any more.