Why?

Lemongrass and ginger tea brews in the teapot. I dip the teaspoon into the honey , twirling till it stops dripping and place the spoon into my mug. The smell of the tea engulfs my nostrils as i pour. I stir ,put the bag in the compost bowl and sit down at the table. I take a deep breath and take a sip..mmm.. lovely.

BOOM! i hear an explosion...the house starts shaking.. Then a sound that is getting louder and louder.. like jet planes. getting closer and closer.

BANG! the windows blow in and I am king hit and sent across the room ....

I open my eyes, and feel something dripping on my hand .I reach up and touch my head ..ahh shit that hurts, its blood,and I realise that I am surrounded by , and covered in bricks .

I look upwards and see that the roof of my house is no longer there . I can see the sky..though it is not blue.. but red. What the hell happened?

There is a beam of wood across my chest. I slowly push it off and the bricks fall off me as I sit up.

I try and stand up, I am a little dizzy. I stumble when I take a step , and step onto a brick , then fall back on my hands and knees wincing in pain and then roll back over into a seated position onto a piece of board.

There is so much debris around me and its apparent that it is the remains of my house. My heart is pounding and my breathing gets heavier.

I turn my head and look out from where I am at the top of the mountain.

Kilometres in the distance , where the city is supposed to be , I can see small fires everywhere and then I gasp! A mushroom cloud fills the void.

"Oh FUCK ! "I explain.My family had taken the train there earlier that morning..

I let out a blood curdling scream.NOOO!

I am rocking back and forth , the pain is overwhelming my body and I cant stop the tears. I feel completely lost..What do i do now? Where do i go from here?

I lie down and instinctively reach for the chain around my neck and pull up the heart shaped locket fhat has fallen between my breasts.

My hands are shaking as i pry it open . My husband and childern are staring back at me and the tears start flowing from my eyes once again.

Who has done this to us ?Why?

I manage to stand up..staggering and tripping, I try and crawl and make my way out of the remains of my house . I look down at what was once my street..There is nothing left. No people, no houses , no trees ...Just silence.

I look down when i notice something glistening in the dirt..i bend down, its a knife. I pick it up and wipe the blade with whats left of the remaining fabric of my dress.Then I look up staring into the gates of hell once again.

In the air in front of my eyes falling on the debris all around me, are what look like ash or heavy dust.. shit...its the radioactive fallout .

I am starting to feel nauseous, and my head hurts.

"Fuck this shit".I say to myself ..That isnt the way i want to die.

I dont want to play chess with god anymore. I want to be with my family again.

"Please God, have mercy on me and my husband and children. Please forgive me for all my sins. In the name of jesus, amen".

Then i make the penultimate move ,and plunge the knife into my heart.