Whoot Whoot

Tamika: WHOOT WHOOT…WHOOT WHO Whohooehahehahhaaaa. Oh, oh! Whoa is me…

Narrator: The owl cries out loudly in the dark of night.

Tamika: Why? Why, oh why me?

Narrator: She asks, pondering and lamenting the universal question of owls across the land…but she only does this when things go wrong…when they go right, it’s…

WHHHHOOOOOOOOT! WHOOOOOOOT! WHHHHOOOOOOOOT WHOOOOOOOT! This is the Whoot of joy and celebration.

But that is not the Whoot of today. Today things are…

Tamika: WOOOOWHOOOOOOO EHhehhaaaheeehaa…

Narrator: The owl snorts and blows and wipes her beak on her fur then smoothes it out with her sturdy tongue as her Auntie Esther looks on nearby. Auntie Esther tries to comfort her niece’s inconsolable cries.

Aunt Esther: Now there, there. Take a breath…breathe in calm, breathe out sadness…breather in calm, breathe out sadness. Now let’s quiet down Tamika. Your snot is matting your feathers. Heheehehe…

Narrator: She laughs softly, kindly. Aunt Esther can always find the humor in any situation.

Aunt Esther: What’s wrong sweetheart?

Narrator: Aunt Esther is wise and strong, the matriarch of this parliament of owls, the Great Horned variety.

Tamika: Oh, Aunt Esther whoooohooohoohooo, that’s the problem…my brown fur is always matted, and I don’t want to look “just like the others”…I want to be like the Barn Owl girls…that beautiful snowy arctic white coat, those intense black eyes that see twice as far in the night, that strong beefy body and piercing mating screech that all the boys like…I don’t have any of that. I just blend into the tree branches…ugh. All the girls at school call me a branch flower. Ohhhh…why me? Why wasn’t I born in a barn…huh Auntie? Why?

Aunt Esther: Whoooohoohooo, sweetheart.

Narrator: She laughs gently, understanding this problem all too well.

Aunt Esther: We always want what we don’t have, until we realize that who we are, who we are, on the inside, is what makes us special, to others, and more importantly, to ourselves.

Tamika: Oh no, no Auntie….is this gonna be another Whoone of your speeches…

Aunt Esther: Whhhhatttt? Noooo…I DON'T GIVE SPEECHES TAMIKA. I give…WHOISDOM…hahaha…I’m a hoot aren’t I? I am. I really am a hoot. Look, I’m just trying to say that you’ve got to appreciate who you are… and not try to compare yourself to other Owls. Oh, stop trying to keep up with the Burrows, or in this case the Barnies…ahhahahaaaawhooowhoowhooo who who who who…I’m tellin' you, I’m on it today…I should’ve auditioned for Wise Ass Owls. Ah! Whoooohoooohooohoooooo Who.

Tamika: WhoooWHooooWHHHOOOOO Who WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? YOUR INNER SELF, THAT’S WHO. WHOOO WHOOO. Hahahahahhaaaaaa…GOTCHA AUNTIE, I WIN THAT ROUND.

Aunt Esther: Yes, Tamika, yes, Tamika. Whokiedokie. Who knows. I guess I don’t. I’ve only been living in this Redwood for the past twenty years or so… No. No. No. I mean, who am I to think I know anything. I will just be silent…like the wind in my feathers…I will just fade away. Yes.Yeeeewhhaaaaaahooooo.WHOOOHHOOOHHOOO. Yeeehhhaaaaa. Ahhh… whooowhooowhooowhoo.

Narrator: Aunt Esther begins to cry….softly because it is two a.m., and the squirrels are beginning to complain, and nobody wants to hear a squirrel complain.

Tamika: Oh, Aunt Esther… I…I’m just kidding…I…I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings…I TAKE IT BACK, I TAKE IT BACK, I TAKE IT ALL BACK!

Narrator: Auntie sniffs, and snorts, and wipes her considerable snot on her lovely brown coat, pecking it in perfectly with her beak, like it were Fabio's conditioner. Her coat, now a radiant black from the snot, shines in the dark of night.

Aunt Esther: Oh, good dear. Good. And oh, by the way. I win. Heeeeehheeeewwwwooowwwhhhhoooooowho! Whooowhoowhoowhoooowho. Whoot! Whoot!

WHOOT WHOOT…Learn to Give a Hoot

Written & Narrated by TRISHA SIMMONS