Who We Am vs Who Am We?

“We’d like to have a word with you.”

“Y-y-yes?”

“Another woman."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Just talking to myself. Shall we get started? Let’s see, I have your papers here. It all boils down to this, really. Are you one of us? And I mean, really...one of us?”

“Why am I here?”

“You don’t know?”

“No, not really. Do you?”

“Yes, but who’s asking the questions here?”

“Sorry, sir. You are.”

“Good. We have a lot of vetting to do here, so let me do my job. Now, I'll ask you yet again, are you one of us?”

“I believe I am, yes."

“Really?”

“Yes, yes! Definitely I am. Just look at me. You can tell I am. Can't you tell? I'm definitely...one of you."

“Definitely...or possibly?”

“Probably.”

“So, you’re probably definite, or are you probably one of us?”

“Both."

“We see."

“I’m glad you do."

“Not just me, but all of us--we.”

“Yes, that’s what I meant by ‘I’m glad you do.’ I meant I was glad all of you do. You do, right? I mean, all of you?”

“Do what?”

“See."

“Well, for us, young lady, seeing is believing.”

“So, do you--you all, I mean--believe?”

“Believe whom?”

“Believe me. Do you--and all of you, with you, of course--"

"With just me?"

"With us! With all of us, as I'm definitely one of you."

“And?”

“And...what? I don’t understand.”

“You said, ‘Believe me,’ which is a sort of introductory empty phrase implying a continuation of something substantial, usually a proper clause. Like, ‘Believe me, I’m not one of you,’ or ‘Believe me, I can’t believe you.”

“No, it wasn’t some introductory, empty thing or whatever, but the full substantial statement. It was the implied segue from your initial ‘Do you...”

“That’s not a substantial statement. It’s a terminal question segment, as in, ‘Do you believe me?’”

“Goodness! Can we just start over?”

“Wait. Not so fast. Did you mean ‘we’ as in the royal ‘we’? Can we just start over? I'm beginning to wonder about you. I mean...you say you're one of us, but...”

“No, I would never invoke anything royal. Royal! Never for me! Not this girl! What I meant was we as in ‘me and you.’ Us together.”

“All of me? Of us? The royal us?”

“Sure, I think. I mean--you're speaking of the collective pronoun, right? Not anything sovereign?”

"Are you questioning my authority?"

“No. I'm just afraid of how this is all going.”

"In what way exactly?"

“I'm one of you, am I not? Hey! I'm talking to you. I'm one of you, right?"

"Who's next?"

"Wait! Are we finished?"

"I said, who's next!"

"Why?”

“Because you’re not one of us. Not definitely, that is.”

“But probably?”

“'Probably' doesn’t count! Leave us now. You’re not one of us. Not definitely. And definitely not probably.”

“Possibly?”

“Christ Almight! Get out! Escorts! You know where to take her. Next!"

“Good morning, sir.”

"Thank God! Not another woman. And definitely not another one of them."

"Not me. I'm not another anything you don't approve of. Right?"

"We'll see."

"So why, exactly, am I here?"

"Let’s see, I have your papers here. It all boils down to this, really. Are you one of us? And I mean, really...one of us?”

“I believe I am, yes."

“Good. Welcome, then. Down the hall to the first door on the right, please.”