When the Last Beam Fell

I can still see the fire when I close my eyes. The unbridled, wanton destruction of an angel’s gift.

That particular memory burned into my brain as hot and fast as the flames that razed this house to the ground, leaving it but the pile of rubble we stand before now. This is a homecoming, in a way, and then you show up with threats of condemning the property if I don’t sell.

That was… ill-advised.

My late wife, Rachel, bought this place while I was gallivanting around the Mediterranean Sea doing hero shit for the Navy. This was to be our forever home, the place where our lives would become truly fulfilled. She had it all planned out: a special lunch in town with the promise of a surprise. I was a few minutes late, and for over a decade, I blamed myself for her death. For not being there to save her.

Navy gave me six months of leave to deal with it, and deal with it I did. Booze and brawls, rinse and repeat. And when it was over, I went back to work, and just like that, Lieutenant Commander John Baker had returned to flight status.

After I punched a few fellow officers - including my C.O. - word spread that the incident was off-limits to speak of, and as grace would have it, no charges were filed. I spent most of the next decade dedicated to the singular purpose of being the best at every aspect of military life. Combat overseas, NASA test flights, or any other high-risk opportunity. Anything to distract me from feeling that had I not been late, that had I been there, I could’ve saved Rachel.

Safety and caution were thrown downwind. I pushed everything to the edge, hoping there was something - anything - that could punish me for my crime.

Death waited, I knew, and a part of me was even counting on it. But he was gonna have to earn it. I’m too much of a stubborn son-of-a-bitch to make it easy. Between then and now, we have danced most gloriously - and when he finally claims me, I imagine it’ll be like a reunion of long-lost friends. Perhaps even family.

Don’t you dare look away from me while I’m talking to you.

That’s better.

When the war began, it was a blessing in disguise that I embraced even despite the alien tech that infected me. And yes, those rumors are true. It’ll be public knowledge soon enough.

But the point is that I went in full bore. I did things no human being had ever done or even should have had to face. I went looking for death, found it at every turn, and was denied each and every time. It took two long-ass years covered in blood for me to find what I wasn’t looking for. To find what I needed.

To make a long story short, even though it’s none of your fucking business, I got to see Rachel again. As I lay there on the floor in a fitful state of convulsions that tore at the core of my very being, it was her counsel that changed… everything.

I was finally able to come to terms with her death as being nothing more than the accident it was, and that had I been there, I most assuredly would have died as well.

For the past four years, I have fought and bled for humans and non-humans alike - and for the survival of Earth itself. Four years of war, strife, and death, loaded with sacrifice, false victories, and defeats, until order was restored.

Now I come home to this - to you - insisting I sell, to put my scarred past behind me as if it would eradicate the very reason I left this place in ruin.

How dare you?

What was meant to be a foundation built on the smell of pine and promises had been reduced to ash and dust - a monument of pain, and a shrine for my grief.

Had you made such a ridiculous and predatory offer before the war, I might have accepted. Or I might have killed you on the spot. Can’t say for sure.

You starting to feel me yet? ‘Cause I’m just getting started.

After Rachel died, Simi had to drag me away from the scene, and she knew damn well not to take me to my cabin, where there would be too much booze and plenty of guns. Not a good mix for someone who had just watched his wife get smashed into a brick wall by a truck.

Wouldn’t you agree?

Simi ended up bringing me here to this gorgeous property. I mean, look around. The mountain view to the north, the lake to the south, and the smell of the pine trees surrounding us. This was to be our forever home, and I hadn’t set foot here until that day.

And I hadn’t been back since.

Simi chose this place to give me the privacy to lose my shit once the shock wore off – a place to be alone with Rachel.

A place to say goodbye.

At the time, I had no idea that it was part of Rachel’s surprise - that I now owned this house. But when Simi opened the door, there was a big sign hanging across the entry hall that read—

Welcome Home, Daddy.

I didn’t get it at first. The shock was just too much. But then I saw some of Rachel’s decorative, Chumash knick-knacks on a table and one of those shell-looking things people toss their keys in. You know what I’m talking about? Good. Well…

There was a positive pregnancy test in it.

You get what I’m saying? I didn’t just lose my wife; I lost a child as well.

Needless to say, I went into a tailspin. Ain’t no digging out of a hole like that. Not anytime soon, at least. Simi cried with me a while, then left to secure all my weapons. By the time she got back, I was chugging an expensive bottle of celebratory whisky I found in the freezer and had already set the place on fire.

She called it in, but when our local fire crew showed up, I wouldn’t let them near it ‘til the last beam fell. Lots of black eyes and bloody noses arose from that mess. And if Simi hadn’t been there, it would have gone much, much worse for all parties involved.

Simi was the only one who knew that it was I who set the blaze, and for over a decade, was the only person who knew why.

Forgive me, I need a moment. It’s getting easier each time I share, but still, it’s… um…

Back in the twenties, I heard Andrew Garfield say that grief is the unexpressed love we never got to share. I didn’t get it then and forgot all about it, to be honest. But he was right. Once I began to share my love for Rachel with others, the healing began. The pain lifted and my soul was finally able to find forgiveness and redemption.

Even now, with your unwanted presence making my blood boil, I forgive you. It’s what she would want.

See that spaceship approaching from the east? That’s Simi. And she’s bringing what’s left of our crew. Mercenaries who are armed and ready for a new kind of war and have exchanged their tactical belts and weapons for tool belts and hammers.

Rachel’s memory will be preserved, and love will fill this place as it was destined to before her death. She will live on, and I will endure. More than that, I will thrive. And anyone who dares to stand in my way will discover a version of hell made of my own design.

I can see by the look on your face that you do, indeed, feel me now. So have a nice day.

You’re dismissed.