What If Your Ex Comes Back… and They’re Still Not Right for You?

There’s a new movie coming out called The Materialists where Dakota Johnson plays a high-powered New York matchmaker torn between the “perfect” match… and her less-than-perfect ex.

We’ve all seen this setup before, on screens and, let’s be honest, in our own lives. That text from someone you swore you were over. The “hey stranger” message at midnight. The unexpected run-in that leaves your heart in your throat.

But what if the ex does come back?

And what if, deep down, you know they’re still not right for you

As a luxury matchmaker who works with successful, smart, emotionally aware (and sometimes emotionally exhausted) people every day, I’ve seen this story unfold more times than I can count. It usually goes something like this:

“I met someone incredible through you… but now my ex just reached out. What does that mean?”

Here’s the truth no rom-com will tell you:

Just because someone returns doesn’t mean they’ve grown.

Sometimes they just got lonely.

Sometimes they’re used to the access.

Sometimes they’re testing the waters to see if the door is still open.

And sometimes, we’re the ones romanticizing what we had, conveniently forgetting the mismatched values, the emotional whiplash, or the quiet, aching loneliness that came with it.

I’m not here to shame anyone for those feelings. Attraction isn’t always logical. Closure is rarely clean. And exes? Well, they often resurface just when things are starting to feel good again. (It’s uncanny, isn’t it?)

But I am here to offer a few reminders, especially if you’re standing at that crossroads right now:

1. Love should bring peace, not confusion.

If you’re constantly questioning where you stand, what they want, or why you feel so unsure… that’s your nervous system talking. Listen to it.

2. Attraction isn’t proof of compatibility.

Yes, you might still have chemistry. That doesn’t mean you’re aligned. Connection is easy. Compatibility is rare.

3. Nostalgia is a poor decision-maker.

Missing the idea of someone is not the same as missing the reality of them. We often grieve the potential more than the person.

I’ve helped hundreds of people find healthy, aligned, deeply fulfilling relationships—many after heartbreak, betrayal, or long periods of singleness. I’ve watched them fight the urge to look back… and then thrive in love that actually fits their life.

And I’ve also watched people circle the same relationship patterns for years, hoping this time will be different.

Sometimes, it is.

But more often? The greatest love stories begin the moment you finally choose yourself.

So what if your ex comes back?

You pause. You breathe. You remember who you became after them.

And then, maybe, you finally close the chapter, not because it wasn’t meaningful, but because you’re ready to write a better one.

And if you're not sure what that chapter looks like yet?

That’s where I come in.

Because love doesn’t have to be complicated.

It just has to be right.