We Are Not Animals

It wasn’t the bright sun or the loud sounds of the diesel trucks zooming by that grasped my attention. It wasn’t the screaming, barefooted toddler, half naked with a stomach full of worms running away from his sibling that caught my attention. It was the loud sound of the owl sitting by the tree that made me realize my sister wasn’t near by anymore. Our grandmother lived half a block up the the street from my aunt’s house where we were at, and my sister was having fun running back and forth. I continued to color in my book not making it a big deal because I thought my mother was still at my grandmother’s house. The owl hooted again, and we stared at each other for a second. I heard a distant whimper coming from up the street and immediately got up and ran to my grandmother’s house. The whimper became a loud screaming cry for help as I got closer. As I arrived I saw my sister reaching out for me with a face full of fear and dirty tears. I asked my grandmother, in a very respectful tone, and without looking into her eyes, why my sister was tied to the post. With a stern and demanding tone she said she was tired of her running back and forth, and the only way to keep her still was to tie her up. I did not understand her logic, even at the age of 11. My sister was only 6 years old and she did not deserve this. I sat next to her and held her in my arms until my mother arrived because I did not dare let her loose. I did not dare find out what my grandmother would do to me. To help calm my sister down, I gave her the snack bowl my grandmother left for her on the floor. I started to tell her a story as I held her in my arms. It did not help that much, but luckily my mother arrived and started arguing with her mother.

“This is the first time I bring my daughters to meet their grandmother and visit the country where their mother was born and this is how you treat them? SHE’S NOT AN ANIMAL. YOU CAN NOT TREAT HER THAT WAY,” as she untied her. “THIS IS WHY I LEFT. YOU WILL NOT DAMAGE MY CHILDREN LIKE YOU DID TO ME!!!”

I quickly grabbed my sister as she was untied and told my mother we were going for a walk to avoid their fight. I said, “Hey, look at me…we are going on an adventure, everything is going to be okay. Okay?” She nodded her head with a smile as I helped her clean her face. We walked towards the woods across the way of my grandmother’s house. She held my hand tight and trusted I would not get her lost. She smiled and skipped happily, which made me cry a little as I saw my mother yell and argue in the peripheral of my eyes. Life was never normal in our life, but with me, I always painted a better image for my baby sister. Lilly was always such a blessing to me that I felt like her protector.

You may think wrong about my grandmother, but compared to her mother, this was civil. In other countries they handle issues differently, but in Central American countries, they have their own rules. Not all families are like this, some are more civil. They may not align to what we consider civil or right, but it works for them and it’s what they think is right. They don’t do it to harm but to help them. They don’t understand what can psychologically damage a person. They don’t know about psychology, therapy and mental issues. They just know about surviving. This is a different world, and it’s all about surviving. Families love and care, but to their level.

As we walked into the woods I said, “Let’s pretend we are inside some magical woods and we have to find the brightest rocks that are filled with energy for the river god”. She got excited and said, “Okay! But why does the river god need energy?” As she ran ahead of me to find the treasure. “That is how it flows down the stream, don’t run too far because I don’t know if there are holes in the ground that will take you to another forest”. She slowed down and walked carefully but with a gust to her walk, I am not even sure she heard the last thing I said.

Lilly was such a cute, light skin, bowl hair cut, kid with a button nose and light pink cheeks who had an infinite curious mind and soul. She was so curious she couldn’t sit still. She had to keep exploring and being active or it would drive her crazy. It would drive everyone crazy, but I loved that about her. She was my fuel and the energy that I needed to get me out of my shell. Before she came onto this earth, although I was only a toddler, I felt an emptiness. An emptiness that I could not describe or express because it would sound too surreal. However, the day she was born, it was as if I was born with her. It was as if I was dead until she was born and I was experiencing life for the first time.

I was standing in front of a glass window staring into a preparation room that was dark except the light that shone down on the small cushioned open bed, surgical table that had cleaning tools and behind that was a door that led to another room. I was told that my sister was in that back room and as soon as I heard my mother scream, my sister would come out right away. I patiently waited as I bounced up and down, barely reaching over the the window ledge to see inside the room. I had to stand on my tip toes to fully see the room. I would stand straight to take breaks but as soon as I heard a noise I would pop back up. My step father stood next to me with his arms crossed as he looked down the hall as if he was zoned out, but suddenly a loud barbaric scream was released by my mother as the doctor yelled “PUSH!” Then as if my ears clogged up there was a wave of silence and all I heard was my heartbeat…until at a distance I heard her first cry. It was a faint sound that grew powerful and it felt as if somebody hit fast forward because everything I am about to tell you happened so fast. Two nurses came out from the backroom holding Lilly in their hands. She was a combination of a pink, faintly blue and white. They were wiping her face but at one point they quickly inserted a stick in her mouth and nose which caused her to be irritated, it freaked me out. I pounded on the window “STOP HURTING MY SISTER!” And my step father quickly grabbed my arm and whispered what they were doing to her as I continued to watch. I cried, I didn’t know how to feel, all I knew was that I was so excited that I started to cry because I wanted to hold her in my arms and not have anyone hurt her.

“Sister, sister…” as Lilly yanked on my arm. “I think we have enough to help the river god” as she showed me all the rocks she collected inside her shirt she flipped over exposing her little belly. “You’re right, let’s go” I placed my hand on her back as we walked further into the forest realizing that we walked the wrong way. I did not want to scare Lilly so I pretended to know where we were and continued to walk straight forward with a panicked feeling in my heart. “Look!” Lilly yelled excitedly as she tried to hold her rocks with one hand and point up to the right with another hand. “It’s a beautiful colorful tree” I looked up at the tree and realized there was the same owl I saw back by my aunts house. “Yeah, that tree is pretty, but do you see that beautiful owl?” I said to Lilly and Lilly gave me a puzzled look. As we slowed down to stop and admire, she looked up with a big grin. I couldn’t help but look around to see if I could find signs towards the river. She yanked at me to look up and everything slowed down as I heard the wind blow by. Behind the sound of the wind was a distant sound of water flowing and I grabbed her cute little face as I snapped out of the panicked moment and said “YES!, YOU DID IT!” She looked at me with a momentarily not expecting that reaction and said, “What? What I do…?”

I grabbed her little hand and started running towards the water with a skip to my run. Lilly got excited and started running and skipping with me. As we arrived we saw the beautiful sun gleam down the water so perfect that it shined in our eyes. Lilly was amazed at the waters beauty. She said “why does it look like the water isn’t flowing as fast?”

“Because it is out of energy and it needs your energy filled bright rocks to charge it back up.” Lilly stood there in excitement and wanted to throw all the rocks at once, but before she did I stopped her and explained that we would let them go little by little as we walked back to the path that led us back up to Grandma’s house, so it would release the energy evenly. As we walked along the river bank Lilly would let one rock go at a time.

The sun was gleaming down at us as it was going down, but I could barely see the dirt path, as well as a large run down building that was emanating a strong stench like smell. I looked at Lilly and said “Do you smell that?” She didn’t, but then again I always had a strong sense of smell. At first I thought there was a dead animal near by but the closer we got the stronger the smell began to hit me. There was a huge section of trees near by these building so as we approached them they would block some of the sun from our faces. I was consumed by this building because I knew the smell was coming from there. Lilly began to count backwards from five as she was letting go of her last few rocks.

“Five” a child, around my age, came out of the large shed like building with a pig as he tied it up to a post. “Four” a man followed him with a metal device that looked like a weapon. “Three” the kid placed a huge bowl in front of the pig to distract it with food and keep it still. “Two!, look, we only have two left” as Lilly got excited to get rid of her last two rocks and unaware of what was happening as we walked closer to the path. “One! Yay the river is now…” A loud blast into the pigs head, it made a sudden squeal as Lilly looked up at me unaware but frightened by the loud noise. “Hey, it’s okay.” I quickly picked her up and hid her face against my shoulder. “We are now going to play a game, you will keep your eyes closed until I tell you to and when I tell you to open them you will tell me where we are at okay?” I said this to Lilly as I began running back up to grandma’s house. That building was a slaughterhouse and behind the building was a vast amount of animals tied to different posts, being prepped with their final meal.

This is the first time we experienced being in our mother’s country, it is a memory and experience we will never forget, especially that mysterious owls warning. Although we have different perspectives, I will always let Lilly tell hers.