Wanderer

“Why does it feel like the ground leans toward you when you speak, like it’s listening for your voice in a way it’s never listened for mine?”

“I don’t think the ground leans toward anyone, Cain. I think we lean into moments and then blame the earth for what we feel when it answers differently than we hoped.”

“I stood there longer than I meant to. I watched the fire rise for you like it recognized what you brought, like it knew your hands. When it came to mine, it hesitated, then fell back in on itself. That stays with a man.”

“I know it does. But fire doesn’t carry judgment the way we give it permission to.”

“That’s easy to say when you’re not the one standing in the quiet afterward, feeling like the silence itself has teeth.”

“I wasn’t watching you fail. I wasn’t watching myself succeed. I was trying to pray.”

“And you think I wasn’t praying? You think I didn’t pour everything I had into what I brought? I didn’t hold anything back, Abel. Not one thing.”

“I believe you.”

“Then don’t soften this for me. Don’t turn it into something it wasn’t. Something happened. You felt it too.”

“I felt fear when I saw your face, if I’m honest. Not triumph. Not favor. Fear.”

“Fear of what?”

“Fear of what disappointment can do to a man when it starts telling him stories about himself.”

“You say that like it hasn’t already done its work. Like it hasn’t been whispering for years, just waiting for the right moment to speak up.”

“Cain, look at me. You’re not what this moment is trying to tell you that you are.”

“Then tell me why it feels like I’m disappearing while you’re standing in the light.”

“I didn’t step into anything. I’m standing where I’ve always stood.”

“That’s what hurts. You’ve always stood there. I’ve always been the one trying to reach it.”

“You’re measuring yourself against me again.”

“There’s nothing else to measure against when God answers one offering and not the other.”

“He didn’t answer me either.”

“He didn’t have to. The fire spoke.”

“So did the silence.”

“Silence isn’t rejection.”

“Say that to the one standing in it, wondering what he did wrong.”

“You’re angry.”

“I’m humiliated. Anger came later, once I realized humiliation doesn’t leave on its own.”

“You don’t have to carry that by yourself.”

“You keep saying that like you haven’t always been the one walking ahead of me, even when you swear you’re standing still.”

“I’m here now.”

“Now that you’ve been met.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Nothing about this feels fair. That’s the only thing that feels true.”

“I don’t know why it happened.”

“That’s the first thing you’ve said that didn’t try to fix me.”

“I trust God, Cain.”

“I did too. And now I don’t trust myself enough to stand still.”

“Then let me stay with you.”

“I don’t want you here.”

“Why?”

“Because if you see what’s happening inside me, you won’t look at me the same way again.”

“I already see it. That’s why I’m still here.”

“That’s what scares me.”

“Whatever this is, it doesn’t have to decide who you are.”

“It already feels like it has. Like it’s been waiting for permission.”

“You’re breathing like you’re running.”

“I am. From the part of me that keeps asking why God chose you.”

“He didn’t choose me over you.”

“Then why does it feel like he did?”

“Because you’re looking at me instead of Him.”

“You’re standing where he answered.”

“Then come with me. Walk with me away from this place before it finishes saying what it wants to say.”

“Where are we going?”

“Out past the field. Somewhere the sound doesn’t carry so far.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“I need you to.”

“You’re shaking.”

“So are you. Don’t pretend you don’t feel it.”

“That’s fear.”

“No. That’s the ground remembering.”

“Cain.”

“Be quiet.”

“Cain, listen to me—”

“Stop speaking.”

“Cain—”

“—”

“Cain.”

“Where is your brother?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where is Abel?”

“Am I my brother’s keeper?”

“Yes, Cain. You are. What have you done?”

“I didn’t plan it. I didn’t wake up wanting this. It was there, waiting, breathing down my neck.”

“Sin was crouching at your door, Cain. You were warned.”

“I tried to master it.”

“And it mastered you.”

“I was alone.”

“You were not alone.”

“Then why didn’t you stop me when you saw where this was going?”

“You were given a choice.”

“And now?”

“Now the ground that opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood will no longer give to you what you ask of it.”

“Where will I go.”

“Anywhere. Everywhere. You will wander. You will remain restless.”

“Will you turn your face from me again?”

“I never turned my face, Cain. You did.”

“Will you hear me when I speak?”

“I hear you now.”

“Then answer me like you answered my brother.”

“Your brother’s blood cries out to Me from the ground.”

“Louder than I ever could?”

“Clearer.”

“Then let it say what I couldn’t.”

“It already has.”