Waiting Room

“Is this seat taken?”

“No, go ahead.”

“Thanks. It’s colder in here than I expected.”

“They keep it that way.”

“You come here often?”

“More than I plan to.”

“Same. I always say it’ll be quick.”

“And it never is.”

“Exactly.”

“Coffee?”

“No, I’m trying to cut back.”

“Good luck with that.”

“I already failed once today.”

“Then you’re doing better than me.”

“Do they always run late?”

“Usually.”

“Figures.”

“You seem nervous.”

“Do I?”

“A little. Foot tapping.”

“I didn’t notice.”

“People rarely do.”

“Guess I am nervous.”

“Big day?”

“Not really. Just… one of those things.”

“Those are usually the biggest.”

“I keep thinking I’ll walk out feeling lighter.”

“That’s the hope.”

“Has it worked for you?”

“Sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?”

“I don’t always say everything.”

“Why not?”

“Because some things are easier to carry than to name.”

“That sounds exhausting.”

“It is.”

“So why keep doing it?”

“Because not doing it feels worse.”

“I get that.”

“You look familiar.”

“I do?”

“Yeah. Like I’ve seen you before.”

“I live down the street.”

“Ah. That explains it.”

“You?”

“Few blocks over.”

“Small world.”

“Smaller than we think.”

“Do you ever rehearse?”

“Rehearse what?”

“What you’re going to say.”

“All the time. Then it never comes out the way I practice.”

“Same. I always forget the important parts.”

“Or avoid them.”

“Or both.”

“Silence does that.”

“Makes everything louder?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t like silence.”

“Most people don’t.”

“Feels like being seen.”

“That’s because it is.”

“You don’t mind it?”

“I used to. Now I trust it.”

“Trust silence?”

“Trust what meets you there.”

“That’s vague.”

“Sorry. Habit.”

“No, it’s fine. I think I know what you mean.”

“You grew up around this?”

“Yeah. Sundays, holidays, the whole thing.”

“And now?”

“And now I show up when I feel guilty.”

“You’re not alone.”

“That’s comforting and unsettling at the same time.”

“Faith tends to be both.”

“I don’t even know if I still believe.”

“You’re here.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means something.”

“What if I don’t say it right?”

“You’re not graded.”

“Feels like I am.”

“You’re not.”

“I wish I could be sure.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“How does it work then?”

“You show up. You speak honestly. You let go.”

“Let go of what?”

“The idea that you have to fix yourself first.”

“I always thought that was the point.”

“No. Healing comes after honesty, not before.”

“So I don’t need the right words?”

“Just real ones.”

“I’m not good at real.”

“You’re better than you think.”

“What if I cry?”

“Then you cry.”

“What if I’m angry?”

“Then you say that.”

“What if I don’t feel anything at all?”

“Then you sit with that.”

“You make it sound simple.”

“It’s not simple. It’s sacred.”

“That word makes me nervous.”

“Sacred?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because it means God is close.”

“And that scares you?”

“A little.”

“Why?”

“Because He already knows.”

“That’s the point.”

“So why say it out loud?”

“Because you need to hear yourself say it.”

“Do you really think He listens?”

“I know He does.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because He’s been listening since before we walked in.”

“Even to the small stuff?”

“Especially the small stuff.”

“I don’t feel worthy.”

“No one is.”

“Then why does this matter?”

“Because mercy isn’t earned.”

“Mercy…”

“Yes.”

“That’s a very Catholic answer.”

“It’s a very human one too.”

“I used to believe that.”

“You still do.”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re waiting outside a confessional.”

“I didn’t even realize that’s what this was called anymore.”

“It never stopped being one.”

“I thought confession was about rules.”

“It’s about reconciliation.”

“With who?”

“God. Yourself. The Church.”

“Myself feels like the hardest part.”

“It usually is.”

“What if I walk in and freeze?”

“Then grace meets you there.”

“You talk like you’ve been doing this forever.”

“I’ve been falling forever.”

“That doesn’t sound comforting.”

“It is when you know Someone always catches you.”

“You really believe Jesus does that?”

“I know He does.”

“Even now?”

“Especially now.”

“They’re opening the door.”

“Your turn.”

“Will you still be here?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For reminding me why I came.”

“You didn’t forget. You just needed a moment.”

“Pray for me?”

“I already am.”

“Alright.”

“Peace be with you.”

“And with your spirit.”