Visitor in the Green Light

Two hours had passed since she sipped her quota of morning coffee and nothing had been achieved. The grey day just sucked the energy right out of her body. Nothing screamed at her asking her to clean it, yet, if she put it off, then it would haunt her all week. With a shrug, Lori thought, “I am okay with that. Sometimes, nothing is what you need to do. Perhaps a nap would be in order instead of work.” With a nod, she went and laid back down and pulled a weighted blanket over her and fell asleep.

Birds had begun to chip loudly outside her window. At first, she could ignore them. The yelling match grew louder and fiercer and a lot of squawking and yelling amongst them could no longer allow her to sleep. The warm covers held her tightly and she didn’t want to move. Yet, the restroom was calling so she had to get up. Like a chick emerging from an egg, slowly she emerged head first into the world. The hew of the room flowed a light green for the sun was shining through the maple tree leaves outside. Lori’s eyes adjusted to the light of the sun she could see a black blob sitting outside her window sitting on a branch. Slowly she reached for her glasses. Uncertain of her safety, she thought, “Who or what is that thing?” With the help of her glasses, her eyes focused onto a red-tailed hawk. “No wonder why everyone was so upset.” She thought. “That beauty is looking for Breakfast. Not my feathered friends please she thought.” As she crawled out of bed, she watched the bird fly away on the wind.

Ambulating down the hallway, a drunken like stagger silhouetted her form as she moved along to the restroom. Mindlessly, she turned on the bathtub. The roar of the water filling the tub reminded her of the day when she finally broke. James, at first, was a gentleman and a kind hearted person. In the end, not so much. Her mind drifted in thought to that day only a week ago when she had finally had enough. He had finally laid the last nail in the coffin. She thought back to that Sunday morning where he verbally and physically assaulted her while she took her well earned soak in the tub. "Always", she thought, "he always waited for me to get into the tub to talk to her about important events or had a serious grumble or about something socking to expose. As she stood in front of the tub and she thought about his expression that day and how she always felt trapped in there like a caged animal. “Those days are done. He is gone and I now can take back my life.” She thought.

Steam had filled the room and the mirror began to fog over. Through the mist on the mirror, she could see the last bruise on her left rib. Still greenish and the healing process was evident. With a sigh, she gently ran her fingers over the yet sore rib. “That’s better. The healing process is well under way. Just have to get the headspace in the right place.”, she thought. “So much has happened this week that I just need the world to stop and let me breathe a while.” She stood there looking around the room at the misplaced items. She stopped a moment when she saw her handprint she left on the mirror during her struggle. She could see that drops of dew collected heavily on her hand print and began to join each other to run down the mirror like a tear. Yes, even the room cried with her as the memories of last week flashed back in her mind.

As she stood there numb and feeling as if life had been stolen from her. Safety had been stolen. Serenity and harmony slipped away from this space. She stared down into the tub at the crystal-clear water as if it were an enemy. Anger rose in her almost instantly. “Filth, filth, filth” was the only word that screamed in her mind. Obsession began to fill her, “Scrub, scrub, scrub that asshole out of this house.” She thought looking around at all the evidence of his existence. Frantically, she grabbed the trash can and side swiped his belongings into it. As she peered between the contents of the trash can and the counter top she realized that getting rid of his things were not enough. “Lipstick, I hated this color but he wanted me to wear this. Shoot my lips entered a room before I did.” Items flew into the trash can with the statement, “I’m no fucken Barbie, asshole.” She stood there shaking her head as she looked around, “Purge, clean, clear your mind, soul and house.” With a toss of the garbage can liner and contents flew across the room. Lori began scooping the water from the tub. Buckets and buckets of water were flung in all directions. “Thud” a sound landing on the tile rang through the room. She found herself sitting there on the floor panting breathlessly looking at the newly created mess she made.

Goosebumps covered her skin as she sat there panting from the overstrain of the emotional release. The water caught the light streaming through the window. With her knees clasped tightly in her arms she noticed the red-tailed hawks’ reflection in the standing water on the floor. She turned to look outside the window and there he was all aglow in the green of the leaves and sunlight. He just watched. Even when she moved, he did nothing but watch. A creepy feeling accented the goosebumps as they stared at each other. After a moment, a sense of clarity came to her that the bird was there for a reason. What that reason was? She wasn’t certain.

With her bath ruined, she began to clean up the mess she just created. In her mind she knew this too was a part of the healing process. Two hours later, she stood there admiring the clean space. He was gone. He would no longer ruin another bath in her life. Once again, she could feel safe in this space.

Humans are funny when it comes to their individuality. Sheldon, in the series the “Big Bang Theory” had his spot on the couch. Well, Laurie’s spot was the bath. Her self-care was focused around the bathroom. Sage and candles for burning, crystals for meditating, and various salts for her bath were part of her deco and self-care. This space was a place where she could always find her balance and clear mind. She smiled to herself for overcoming the nothingness of the day by creating a victory. She had successfully reclaimed her safe place.

Hunger ripped at her insides beckoning her to eat. It had been a whole week since she felt hunger. She ate, but it wasn’t because she wanted to but because she had to. So off to the kitchen she went to find a morsel or two to nibble on. She was not disappointed to find a selection of leftovers contained in white Styrofoam containers in her fridge. During the week, well meaning friends took her out to eat and to get “caught up”. Lori only picked at her food and took large portions home. Salmon, wild-rice, and veggies were placed on a plate to warm. The smell lofting from microwave and a familiar bell, alerted Lori it was time to eat.

Lori scuffed into the living room to watch T.V. and to eat her meal. [CLICK] The T. V. sounded with roaring engines and cheering fans yelling in the background. [MENU] “Oh no, I will not watch your racing every again.” [Scrolling] Channel 326: The Red-Tailed hawk. Lori stood there with half masticated food in her mouth looking at the title. “This is a sign.” she thought. [OK BUTTON ANXIOUSLY PRESSED] On the screen showed a red-tailed hawk flying through the air and unknowingly, Lori sat down on the couch to stabilize herself and to watch the documentary.

The documentary was about a famous red-tailed hawk. His hawk had nested on the side of a sky scrapper on the edge of New York City’s Central Park for many years. His name “Pale-male”. Lorie had listened to his story with a smile just imagining her red-tailed hawk would have a family like those chicks in the nest. She listened as the shaman came on to talk about how the red-tailed hawk is the messenger of the spirits. When they show up for the spirits, they are actually telling one that they are there to help with healing and clarity of mind. They also are very reliable warriors and help with healing wounds. When Lorie took her last bite and the credits rolled on the screen she sat there and thought about her hawk and the message he brought her. [Click] Lorie sat in silence as dusk settled in darkness began to fall.

“So,” she said, “He was here to aid me in healing.” Her eyes landed on James’ jacket that was thrown over a chair instead of hung up. “You’ve got this Lori; we have a warrior standing with us.” She flew into the kitchen and grabbed a box of garbage bags. One by one she filled bags with belongings that were not hers. “Purge, Purge, Purge his ill will from this place.” One by one the bags were lined up next to the street. People slowed their cars to view a possible plunder from another’s misfortunate then sped off into the darkness.

Exhausted and sore, Lori slunk back onto the couch. “For not wanting to do anything, I achieved much.” Her house was all in shambles from her ripping apart all corners of every room in search for anything that was his or attached directly to the memory of him. Her things were upset around the rooms but she did not care. What she cared about the most was his removal from her life. He was gone.

[PING] Lori’s phone lit up across the room. It’s green light from the screen shown brightly. [PING] A text? Who would be sending me a text? [SWIPE] a picture appeared on the screen of a post someone made on Facebook. On the screen was a meme, “Green symbolizes nature and the natural world. It can also symbolize safety, harmony, envy, health, luck, generous nature, balances emotions and a promise of Growth and prosperity.” With a nod, things that happened during the day began to make sense. Lori put her phone down knowing that today was supposed to happen.

Lori walked back to her bathroom, turned on the faucet to the tub, lit a candle, grabbed a green bath bomb and tossed it into the water and watched it bubble and break apart. She turned and lit some sage to clear the air and grabbed an Demantoid to meditate with for balance, self-confidence and stability. Lowering her toes into the water she thought, “Let the healing be complete.” Inch by inch the water engulfed her body erasing his touch, his energy, and his being from her body. She lingered, rewarmed the water many times, and just allowed herself to be safe and secure in the protection of the hawk in her safe place as she healed her wounds.

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this story, please visit my platform to enjoy my other writings. Just click on the "Vocal box" and begin to enjoy.